'See You Soon!'

See You Soon

SCENARIO 1:

Kyungsoo realized how the moon was so big, round and gloomy that night he huddled himself underneath the thick covers of his blankets with his figure curled into a ball. 

It was the night he spent hours, recollecting each piece of memory he used to share with one special individual, Kim Jongin. It was the night where the other side of the bed has oddly turned colder than usual, especially without someone's warmth that would usually send Kyungsoo's soul to sleep, without worrying about having any nightmares. Jongin's warmth soon replaced Kyungsoo's mother's soft pats on his back when he sleeps every single night. 

It was the night where his vision were blurred because of his uncontrollable tears; even so, darkness was all he could see. It was probably because he has lost the light in his life, or the darkness that appeared stubbornly, whenever he fluttered his eyelids shut.

"Why did you have to go... You promised me things at the alter, you promised that you'll be by my side forever. Liar, liar..." Kyungsoo muttered those words under his breath, when he spoke with a trembling voice as the image of Jongin's dorky smile began crawling back.

"How are you able to smile like that, when you know I'm suffering? Why'd you leave me, when you told me you would love me for an eternity?" His voice was muffled against his pillows as he buried his face in between them.
ーー

"Kyung-ah, both of our birthdays are nearing, shall we celebrate it together?" Jongin spoke with such a cheeky tone, that only Kyungsoo has ever heard or known of. 

"But... your health." Kyungsoo was clearly worried and over-concerned over his husband's health, as he knew that it was deteriorating each day, or whenever his heart passes a beat. 

"I'll be fine. Let's go somewhere far! Shall we re-visit the beach we went for a first date? That'll bring back memories." Jongin tried diverting the topic into a whole new road, but Kyungsoo knew that he was trying his best to not look or sound pathetic in front of his lover. He wanted his last days to be remembered by his lover, but Kyungsoo didn't know when he, Kim Jongin, would be gone. Jongin would go poof whenever God decides to be selfish and take him away from Kyungsoo any time he wants to. It felt like a game; it felt like Kyungsoo was gambling against time. As time moves on, Kyungsoo thought he was being suffocated by the fact that his ill husband might be gone anytime, and he would never be prepared to bid farewell. 

"The beach? If that's what my Jongin wants, let's go there. We can even camp there for a night, if my baby is okay with it." Kyungsoo formed a commonly-known heart-shaped with his lips, that Jongin would always press his lips onto afterwards. 

There was something odd, and he shouldn't have taken it lightly, but he did anyways. Jongin's lips felt cold. 
ーー 

Dinner was slightly different that night. There was a spark of romance added into it, but Kyungsoo could never deny that he actually likedー scratch that, loved it. 

Jongin would reward Kyungsoo a backhug, when Kyungsoo's a little occupied with making their dinner worth-while, making sure that their steaks were medium-cooked. Not entirely cooked, but neither was it entirely raw. 

With each backhug Jongin rewarded Kyungsoo with, Kyungsoo would always whine and complain about how Jongin was being a little too distracting. Then, Jongin would shrug it off with a laugh, and a soft kiss on the older's cheek. 

During the dinner, Jongin's mouth would feed Kyungsoo some sugar-coated words, instead of having it filled with Kyungsoo's cooked steak. Kyungsoo will then allow a small tint of pink to appear on his cheeks and roll his eyes afterwards, but Jongin found it more than just adorable.

"Soo-ah, I'll wash the dishes for us. And as for you, you shall go and wash yourself up. We're going to have a late night cuddle, before we head out tomorrow for our advanced birthday party. A party to celebrate the world's most beautiful pair's birthdays together." Jongin suggested as he dapped the edge of the napkin against the corner of his lips, wiping off the dirts on his lips.

Kyungsoo wanted to offer a hand because he thought Jongin would be experiencing overwhelming of exhaustion within five minutes, due to his irritating illness that became such a huge obstacle for the both of them. But, he didn't want Jongin to feel that he's useless and more of like a burden to them, so he just replied with an, "Okay, love."
ーー
As Kyungsoo scurried into the bathroom, Jongin brought their plates to the sink.

He extended his fingers out to turn on the tap, but they started to tremble vigorously. His vision became vague as it causes objects to duplicate themselves with a blurry effect. Jongin then shook his head, using his palm to gently yet a little harshly hit against the side of his head, which temporarily brought Jongin's vision back to usual. 

Even so, something told Jongin that that night would be the last night where he'll ever his arms encircled around his lover's arms. He presses his both palms against the counter with his both arms extended, attempting to support his weight a little. Unconsciously, a slight stream of tears began running down the soft skin of his cheeks. 

He didn't want to lose the privilege of having his arms around the older's warm figure, and he still wants to wake up to his sleepy expression every morning again and again, but why isn't God giving him the sufficient time to?

Soon, he uses the side of his sleeve to wipe off the tear marks on his cheeks before resumed on clearing the dirts off their plates with the water from the tap, flowing down unlimitedly. 
ーー

Kyungsoo crawled under the covers of their shared bed, leaving a huge space beside him for Jongin. 

He was starting to get a little comfortable with his position, that caused him to have his eyelids briefly shut as exhaustion was slowly taking control of his body.

Without a notice, his eyelids were completely shut and he dozed off in an ever so soundly manner. 
ーー

After finishing up his chore, Jongin tiptoed into the room quietly and sneakily, wanting to give his little Soo a surprise ー but, when he entered, he realized his lover was already fast asleep.

He stood by the door and allowed a genuine grin to creep upon his lips, realizing how angelic Kyungsoo seems to appear like whenever he falls asleep. Now, he's blaming himself for not taking his given chances to observe minor things about Kyungsoo. Maybe, about how long his eyelashes appear to look like when you look down at him. Or, perhaps, how faint wrinkles would begin to form near the corners of his eyes when he's smiling really widely. 

Suddenly, Jongin felt a string of coughs wanting to escape from his lips, which caused him to clasp his right hand against his lips; in attempt to impossibly swallow them back down. To no avail, some coughs forced their way out, but to his surprise, Kyungsoo even managed to let out a really faint snore.

Jongin didn't want to alert Kyungsoo that he might not be able to see the sunrise tomorrow. He slowly crept towards one of the drawers, searching for a sticky note (specifically a yellow one, since that was Kyungsoo's favorite color), and a recorder. 

His slender yet surprisingly weak fingers wrapped themselves around the recorder before he began recording his voice.

"Soo-ah, this is Jonginー silly me, you obviously know who I am, what am I even saying? Ah... I've a feeling that I might be gone tomorrow morning, so, this might be your advanced birthday present. I'm sorry that I'm not able to buy you the gift you've always wanted; a collection of Pororo soft toys, but I promise, we'll love each other again in our next life, then, I'll buy you an entire house of it." Jongin paused for a moment and sniffed silently as his voice begin to fight against the tears. Jongin turned his head around, and to his surprise, Kyungsoo switched his sleeping position and he was even mumbling a few inaudible statements, but he was still fast asleep. To his relief, he continued, "I'm sorry for not being able to stay by your side as promised, God has already decided to cut off the red string of fate we have. There are many others things that are left unfulfilled for me, I don't want to leave you yet. Soo-ah... Soo-ah, I can't believe I won't be able to call your name by tomorrow onwards. I love you. 我真的真的很爱您. (I really, really do love you). Happy birthday to the both of us, hyung." He spoke with a softer voice and he ended the recording with a faint cry, that he wished someone knew about. 

He decided not to waste anymore time, and begin scribbling stuff on the sticky note before placing both the recorder and the note onto the counter next to their bed. Without waiting for any single second to be wasted, he crawled into the bed beside Kyungsoo, tentatively having his both arms around his delicate frame.

"This might not be a goodbye, but a 'see you soon', hyung. I love you..." 
ーー

The sun slowly became to rise and the small streaks of sunlight woke Kyungsoo up. That was bizarre, he thought, it was usually Jongin that would wake him up with his silly actions; like kissing him on the crown of his head, (or anywhere on his face, depending on his mood), but this time, it was the Sun.

He nudged Jongin's chest with his elbow, wondering why wasn't he awake to give him a morning kiss. 

Jongin didn't move an inch. Kyungsoo propped his elbows onto the bed, slightly popping out from Jongin's arms that didn't even flinch by the slightest. 

Kyungsoo took his first glance at his lover's sleeping face that seemed more peaceful than usual, then moving his attention to the piece of postcard that was stuck onto the surface of the counter.

"Happy birthday to us, hyung! I'll see you soon, and if you ever miss my voice, press the button on top of the recorder!" Beside that statement, Jongin drew a 3-Dimension arrow which directed Kyungsoo to the recorder. 

Kyungsoo hesitantly used his thumb to press the 'play' button of the recorder, because a part of him told him not to. 

Jongin's voice started playing. 

"What the is this?! Jongi- Jongin! Wake up, tell me this is a ing nightmare!" Kyungsoo carelessly tossed the recorder to the end of his bed and immediately moved his attention to his deceased lover, shaking him violently, in attempt to wake him up.

"Your Chinese is so bad.. Get up and I'll beg of Luhan hyung to teach youー no, no, the both of us Chinese and the different ways of saying 'I love you' in those beautiful words with so many in them. Wake up..." Kyungsoo had his both palms clenched tightly onto the hem of Jongin's shirt as he nestled his face comfortably against the crook of Jongin's neck that no longer felt warm, as his blood was no longer running through the veins; and his heart, was no longer beating for him.

"Don't be such a sleepy head, you've already gotten more than just 8 hours of sleep ー I promise to make you pancakes if you wake up now! You know, the ones with strawberries as toppings? You know you love them!" Kyungsoo spoke real quickly, hoping that'll switch the situation to a positive one.

No, Jongin remained where he was.

"I'm counting down to five, Jongin. Stop ing around. It's our birthday!" The tears were beginning to overflow Kyungsoo's eyes as he looked up at Jongin's face with a bunch of hope.

"So, you're not coming back...?" Kyungsoo spoke with a bitter voice as he pressed himself against Jongin's stiff chest. He felt cold, but Kyungsoo didn't mind one bit. If he had a chance, he would hold him to sleep every night, but that would be insanity. Kyungsoo hated himself for not waking up during the middle of night, that was probably when Jongin needed him the most.

"I need you, Jongin. Don't go..." Kyungsoo said as his lips ghosted over Jongin's dry ones, murmuring those words against them. 

"Why.." That was the last question. The last question when the pillars that used to hold Kyungsoo's life extremely well, began crashing down. 
ーー
BACK TO SCENARIO 1:

"You left me..." Kyungsoo banged his fists against the bed frame angrily. Never had he thought that he would be crying pathetically over his lover's death, than celebrating their planned birthdays today. 

"I can't understand a world without you, Jongin." He traced his finger along the first Polaroid he took with Jongin, drawing heart shapes around them with his trembling index finger. 

"I don't want to live a world without you. That's pointless...." He muttered faintly as he leaned the back of his head against the bed frame, re-playing the recorder that Jongin used to record his voice. For the very last time.

"Happy birthday to the both of us, hyung." That was the ending of the recorder. Tears begin to stream down his cheeks once again, refusing to believe that that was practically his last statement to him before he left his world. 

Kyungsoo slowly yet tentatively moved to the edge of the bed, having his both legs to be dangling freely as his right palm reached out for a particular bottle of pills, that everyone would use it for when Insomnia occurs; Sleeping pills.

He twisted the cap open, and poured an uncountable amount of pills in his palm. Without any further second thoughts, he emptied the pills he had in his palm into his mouth and swallowed them dryly. The back of his throat was hurting, but it didn't hurt as much as what Jongin has inflicted upon him. He pressed his back against the bed, having his arms wrapped around the recorder securely and tightly. 

"Wait for me, Jongin..." He then fluttered his eyelids shut as a tear followed down to end the day.

"Let's love again. Kim Jongin and Do Kyungsoo. See you soon.."

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