The 6th Beginning

If I closed my eyes I could see her. Even if I close my eyes now, I can still see her.

I imagined her as she laid under her covers, blanketed in dim lamp light. I imagined that she stared up at her ceiling, clutching my poems to her chest as she spoke, talking low and gentle, glancing at her sister who slept less than a few meters away, careful not to wake her.

“Hi,” She said.

“Hey,”

“Did I wake you?” I imagined that she bit down on her lip at this point.

“Jessica, it’s nearly three o’clock in the morning.”

“Right. Of course I woke you.” She laughed gently. “I didn’t expect you to pick up.”

I wanted to tell her that ‘Of course I’d pick up the phone if it was you calling.’ But I didn’t – it died away before it reached my lips.

It fell silent then, and I just listened to the sound of her breathing, felt my heart beat in my chest.

“Jessica…” I said after what felt like an eternity.

“Would it be crazy if I came over right now?”

“Jessica-“

“No, you’re right. That was stupid of me to even suggest. I don’t know why I said that.”

“It’s okay.” My voice was thick with sleep, and I was awake, only due to her voice. “If you want to you can. I don’t mind.”

“No, no. You have school. You should sleep.”

“Why don’t you come over tomorrow?”

“I can’t,” She sighed a little. “I have work tomorrow and then I have to go meet up with my sister and go shopping for dresses and shoes, and decide on colour schemes and meet with the wedding planner to make sure everything to sorted and then Hyukjun will want to phone and-“

“Jessica.”

She stopped.

“Why did you call?”

She didn’t reply for a moment.

“I don’t mean to be rude or anything, it’s just…I don’t think you’d call me at three in the morning unless you really had something to say…” My body sunk deeper into my mattress as I my side, trying to picture what Jessica would look like laying there next to me – not in a ual way – but in more of a curious way, wondering what she’d look like with soft, low lights and a bare face, wondering what the colour of her eyes would be, whether she’d look at me any differently.

“I read your poems.”

“Oh…” was all I could say, especially since she was the first.

“I read them after I left your house that night, and I just can’t stop reading them. Every spare moment I get, I think about the words and what they mean, or I read it again and again.” She pauses. A strange feeling welled up within me then, and I still have no idea what that feeling was. “I thought that if I…I thought that I if I could figure them out then…” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m mumbling…” I heard her breathe deep and I closed my eyes. “What I’m trying to say is that you have talent, Kwon Yuri.”

But even to this day, I know for a fact that wasn’t what she was trying to say.

I thanked her. “Just…don’t tell anyone else about them…”

“Why?”

“Because…they’re personal…and I’m just…”

“Scared?”

I exhaled. “Yeah…I guess it’s something like that.”

“Right…” She said distantly, as if she was trying to figure something out. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone else without your consent.”  

“Thank you, Jessica.”

“It’s no problem.”

I remember wanting to jump up and tell her that I wasn’t just thanking her for praising me or for keeping my poems secret, but for all of the things that I couldn’t quite put into words about her.

“Are you all packed then?” She asked after a moment.

“No,” I said and I heard her chuckle, and then the shuffle of bed sheets followed. “School’s been keeping me busy, but I’ll get it done at some point.”

“I’m the same with work.” She sighed. “I wish I could’ve come with you guys, but this project is taking over my life at the moment.”

“I wish you could’ve come too.” I said. “It would’ve been fun…I bet Hyukjun would’ve been over the moon to see you.”

She laughed a little. “Yeah, I bet he would’ve been.” I heard her shift and yawn. “I’ll try and come and see you guys before you leave for London, okay?”

“Okay.” I said softly.

She bid me goodnight but I found that when I hung up the phone and pulled the covers back up to my chin, it had become very difficult to fall back sleep when the voice of Jung Jessica was gently picking apart my mind.

There was no communication between us until the day before my mother and I were due to go to London.

I was at school late – partly because I had to work to finish, and partly because I never liked walking home alone, but surrounded by people. I hated the feeling of someone walking behind me or in front of me, but I never minded if someone I cared about was walking beside me. In retrospect, I think that says a lot about my character.

When I finally emerged from the school building and began walking toward home, I saw Jessica waiting at the traffic lights for me. I smiled when I saw her – hair tousled by the inconsideration of the wind, one hand waving, an expression of happiness upon my arrival, looking radiant with the grey sky and dark clouds rolling on behind her.

“Hey,” She smiled, pushing a few stray hairs behind her ear.

“Hey,” I returned. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to come see you before you and your mum went off to London. I thought you were home, but when no one answered, I called your dad and he said that I’d find you here. So, I thought that maybe it’d be nice if we walked home together.”

“That was nice of you.” I smiled as we began to walk down the slope of the hill.

“You know me – I’m the nicest there is.” She said with a small laug