It’s not love we’re talking about. Love supposed to be simple, light, and sweet, doesn’t it? Love isn’t supposed to crawl under your skin, burn down all your sense until he is the only one that you can feel, you can see. Is love supposed to make your soul yearn over something even though you know you will never have it? Is love mean to cry your heart out in despair at thousands sleepless nights just to be able to bear the agony in morning? Is love supposed to hate it but beg for it at the same time?

What I feel is not as simple as love that every mom tell their little kid at bed time stories. It’s not as happy as those in the fairytales. It’s not as easy as those films play. What I feel is a madness, a pure insanity, a sickness, desperation, and obsession.

I know I lost my mind the moment I pull you into my embrace. Smelling your very fragrance and engulfed into the warmth of your body are stronger than any drugs. It brings my desperate thirsty soul into the oasis of heaven. The moment my lips touch yours, the enormous feel inside me explode and finally brush its fingertip on you.

I must be scare you. I wonder how I could repress such a massive emotion inside me for a long time, but I know I'm insane. There's no word for us to picture this condition in me beside trespass. I still remember the fear flick in your eyes, disgust on your face. I've told myself I'm ready, that I know this feelings won't bring me anywhere. I've told myself the moment I ever show you this insanity I'll lose you, but still it doesn't make me stop. And it doesn't keep me for the total destruction I feel when your cold eyes pierced through me.

You know, in this selfish soul, I never want to hurt you. I don't want to see your eyes glistening in tears, I don't want to see your face contort in pain. All I want is to be a reason for you to smile, to be happy. All I want is feel you here with me as the night come. I want to show you how my world sparkling with you in there. Adore you, protect you, and love you.

It still crush me to know all my desire hurt you. This feeling, what I do, what I think, me, and all hurting you. Sure, at the corner of my bloody heart, I know. I know it all will turn wrong. I know but I ignore it. I want to believe there's ‘us’ someday. That slowly, I could show you all this feeling without scare you, without hurt you, and fate will finally smile at me.

You know now not only insane, I'm also silly.