warning : OMG what did i wrote!

Baekhyun didn’t know from where did it go off beam, when did everything go wrong.

Chanyeol was always there. Always.

On his first day in the company, meeting the members who had trained for years supposed to be intimidating, because the amount of time they had spent with each other meant strong bond had from and Baekhyun was afraid he might not be able to get in. But Chanyeol was there. Chanyeol and his stupid toothy grin with welcoming hand and deep voice sending weird tingles down Baekhyun’s belly. Chanyeol offered him a hand, introducing himself enthusiastically, encouraging the other members to open up as well and Baekhyun was happy.

Chanyeol told him later that night that their house were in the same direction, Chanyeol and him, so they took the subway together after practice. They talked and they laughed and Chanyeol was funny. Baekhyun glad he found a friend so quick.

He soon learned that Chanyeol’s laugh was contagious, very much playful, a cluster of expendable energy, just like Baekhyun himself. They hit it off well, creating jokes and causing laughter within the group, Chanyeol with his playful activities and Baekhyun with words. Their energy level matched and soon they were inseparable.

“You know how we do this business. We need to give fanservices,” their manager told them one day, few days before debut, before the showcase. They were sitting on the floor in the practice room, all twelve of them. Everyone looked tired from drilled practices because some moves needed to be sharpened and facial expressions needed to be fixed. “What do you mean, hyung?” Jongdae had asked.

“We need some couples within the group, you know, for the fans to ship. All your seniors have. Jongkey, Eunhae, all those bull.”

Junmyeon, the leader nodded his head, although his eyes was mindlessly on his worn out shoe. Nothing much could be said anyway. A guy and another guy, being ‘shipped’ in a group, fantasized to be gay, nothing new. Fans (or their future fans, because they were yet to debut) loved it, faked or not. “What do we need to do?”

“Just act like you always do around each other, play around and stuff, but focusing on your pairing.”

Everyone understood without much words. “Who gets to pair with who?” Chanyeol tried to fasten the process.

“Well, for now Sehun with Luhan. You two look alike so why not. Plus, we can add the bond between K and M.” Sehun and Luhan caught a glance at each other and smiled a little. They had talked before, of course. But they didn’t really match. Baekhyun wondered what made the company think they could be paired. Sehun was a Korean and Luhan was from China. Not that he was racist but what about the language barrier, although Luhan’s korean was good but... And there was a few too. “You’ll be given a script, don’t worry, we’ll discuss about this in further details later.” They’d be okay, Baekhyun concluded. They were roommate anyway.

“Baekhyun and Chanyeol, you two are paired too.”

“Well that’s easy,” Chanyeol had replied but Baekhyun didn’t disagree. They always played with each other, nothing much should be done. They can pull this off, he believed.

Script was given but it was not easy, Baekhyun figured soon.

They made their debut, finally. The talk during the showcase was weird and awkward, they agreed but the performance that they prepared went well and great, everyone was happy. With promises to work harder and improve to be better, to be the best, they slept carrying with them a dream to be fulfilled.

They had few shows after that, needing them to talk and so they practiced. Kyungsoo was bad when it comes to talking, especially in front of a camera, breaking into cold sweats as he stuttered, unless he had practiced really hard for the speeches. He was a man with few words, but once he speaks, they were words of intelligence. Suho and Kris attended to the normal and formal talk but Baekhyun was given a gift to come with the best sentences and remarks.

“We still need to practice Baek,” Chanyeol suggested one night after practice. The giant laid on the floor, exhausted, and Baekhyun sat next to him, staring at the mirror while catching lost breath. “Practice what?”

“Our interaction. We need to look neutral.”

“We do look neutral~ What do you want to do?”

“Emm… How about we hold hands for a start?”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “It’s not like we have never hold hands.”

“Yes,” Chanyeol raised his body, floor damp from shed sweat. “—but this is different Baek. We need to hold hands for a long time, like this,” Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s right hand and intertwined them with his own, lacing fingers amongst fingers. He looked at Baekhyun’s hand and amazement registered in his eyes. “Woah, Baek! I never notice you have a hella pretty hands!”

Baekhyun chuckled and he pretended to whip his short hair like a diva he was, “Thank you,” he grinned, smug, and then he pfft and they laughed, hiding the tint of pink as they crept up.

Yes, it was not easy. When Chanyeol smiled at him it got hard to pretend and when Chanyeol laughed it got worse. They rarely hold hands in public for fanservices but Chanyeol was always there, always holding Baekhyun, hands on his shoulder or arms around his back, protecting, and it got hard to breathe.

“Baekhyun got lost easily so I need to guide him around so that he won’t be wandering alone on his own.”

Baekhyun could not deny that.

Despite being rookie in the industry, they were busy. A lot of schedules and shootings, music programs and commercial films. EXO M flied to China to promote, EXO K stayed back in Korea. But Chanyeol and Baekhyun was not Sehun and Luhan.

In between lost sleep and chasing after hours, lost in lingering fingertips drown in blinding dazzling white, Baekhyun fell hard before he knew it.

“Give me that,” Chanyeol pointed to the duffel bag in Baekhyun’s hand.

“I can carry them myself.”

Chanyeol didn’t say anything before he took the duffel bag and walked away, leaving Baekhyun smiling like a fool behind him.

They were at the airport, waiting for the flight to China. “It’s going to be fun,” Chanyeol beamed and Baekhyun gave him a bright smile back. “Do you think there will be fans waiting for us at the airport there?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. Are we that famous?”

Baekhyun shrugged, but then he took a step closer and his hand moved to fix the taller’s hair.

Chanyeol blushed and said “Thanks.”

“Baek, walk slowly, it’s raining,” Chanyeol had ushered him from behind with an umbrella. They were at the airport and the fans were taking pictures of them and surely they’d come out nicely, the pictures, he meant. Having the taller to protect him because he was small and sweet, but Baekhyun was a man. He knew how to take care of himself.

Baekhyun walked, ignoring the giant behind him.

He needed a break. He needed a break from Chanyeol.

At some point, Baekhyun no longer knew, too deep, too lost. It was all acts, he told himself, imprinting the words in his brain. They were both men and they were friend. And sure, friends can hold hands and wrap supportive arms around each other, nothing wrong about them in that particular part of the world. Friends can smile and laugh and ruffle with each other’s hair. Friends can sleep together on one single bed when it gets cold, they were roommate anyway.

But then Baekhyun wondered if friends kiss each other, lips against lips causing sparkles to erupt. Chanyeol could not sleep if it’s too warm opposite to Baekhyun who could not sleep if it’s too cold. Usually, Chanyeol gave in and let the temperature be slightly high as Baekhyun wanted, he’d sleep on the floor or in the living room instead, But sometimes, Baekhyun gave in and crawled onto Chanyeol’s bed, dropping himself beside the giant. Then Chanyeol would pulled him closer scooping the smaller into securing arms and lullaby him with warmth.

It started with innocent kisses, one on the crown of his head before he drifted off to sleep, then the next on his temple, then the next on his left eye, after that on his cheek. Baekhyun didn’t mind. He found comfort back in the closed door of their shared room after long scheduled day.

But Baekhyun would be lying if he didn’t feel anything as they continue. It was hard not to notice the heart beating erratically against his ribcage, the sudden intake of deep breath and the fidgeting of his hands. He got scared, there was a demon at the back of his head whispering impossible dreams of blue and black. He felt guilty, disgusted of his own being for having nauseating thoughts, for getting greedy.

It was wrong. He felt terribly wrong.

He began to flinch at the touches and stayed away from the other’s presence. He put up a shell and tried to block the giant. Fanservices were for the fans, but he needed to save himself. He ran away, sneakily with no intention of hurting the giant. But he saw the look on Chanyeol’s face and he felt remorse.

“Baekhyun, are you okay?” a head peeked at the slightly opened door of the practice room. Baekhyun gasped and quickly wiped away his tears and forced to shut the sobs from escaping his lips. “Oh, Taeyeon noona. Yeah, I’m okay.”

She walked into the practice room. “Your red eyes tell otherwise.”

“Ah. No. Really I’m okay…”

The woman didn’t seem convinced but she let it slipped. “Alone?”

“Yup. It’s already late at night.”

“Then why are you here?”

… To escape from a certain roommate. “I made a mistake during Wolf performance yesterday. I need to work on fixing it.”

Silence ensued for a few seconds. “Is it hard?”

Baekhyun gave her a questioning look. She smiled warmly mirroring the look of a mother when she look into his son’s eyes. Taeyeon was a senior. She knew better, or at least, that was what she thought. Taeyeon took the spot beside Baekhyun and stared at their reflection on the mirror. “Is it hard, being an idol?”

Baekhyun’s face softened as it downed on him. He smiled back bitterly. “Yeah…” Going back and forth the airport, attending shows and the flashes of the camera, the crazy fans and the need to watch your every words, every steps. Not to mention how confusing the schedule went when they need to attend the show in China even with the translators around. They barely had any sleep but they need to function well and smile and bow and say nice words or else others might call them rude.

“But I like it.” Baekhyun liked it when they perform on stage, the spotlight fell on them and when they sang live Baekhyun could release all the trapped frustration and exhaustion away. Baekhyun liked it when they laugh together at each other during shows and had fun teasing and talking and playing with the other members. Baekhyun liked it when they celebrate birthdays and when they got gifts from the fans. He felt loved. He felt blissed.

Baekhyun saw Jongin and Kyungsoo fell asleep on the couch when he reached home.  The TV was on, though the volume was zero. It was dawn and everyone was still asleep, he supposed. He turned off the TV and glanced at the couple who leaned their body against each other, Kyungsoo had his head on Jongin’s shoulder and Jongin had his head close to Kyungsoo’s. They looked at peace, calm breathing and almost happy.

It was not hard to see that they liked each other. Baekhyun saw the way they looked at each other, and there was always this unexplainable sparks burst forth from their eyes exploding unspoken words of love. But there existed the society. And there was law. So the loves remained buried. Because they were idols; mistakes and defections were intolerable.

“Hey, Jongin. Wake up,” he rubbed the younger’s arm and Jongin stirred from his sleep. “Hyung…”

“Wake Kyungsoo up and go to bed, okay. Your body will ache in the morning if you keep on sleeping like this.”

The younger nodded sleepily and proceed to carefully wake the other hyung sleeping on his shoulder.

Baekhyun went to his room and shut the world down.

Morning greeted him with a pair of arms around him pulling him into a hard chest, then he heard the deep tone of ‘good morning’ and although he very much wanted to snuggle closer into the embrace, he knew he couldn’t because the room was shared by four, not two. With a grunt (and regret), he pushed the taller away from him. “Where are the others?”

“They are all out, Junmyeon hyung decided to be very generous today and treat them for brunch.”

“Ughh why didn’t you wake me up earlier? We missed free food omg!”

“I missed you.”

.

.

.

“Hah, funny Yeol…”

The taller smiled lightly, his gaze was tender and it made Baekhyun’s stomach churned. “It’s true though.” Baekhyun closed his eyes, leaned against the touch of Chanyeol’s callused hand on his cheek because it had been days since they had moment like this. “You’ve been distancing yourself away from me,” the taller added, face not the slightest amused.

Baekhyun didn’t know what to say, no words to defend.

Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was the frantic beating against his chest, maybe it was the loving way Chanyeol held his face, maybe it was Chanyeol’s soft yet burning gaze on him, maybe it was curiosity, maybe it was the guilt that triggered everything anyway, but Baekhyun clutched at Chanyeol’s collar and pulled him closer and closer until they were so close by few millimetres apart, eyes not leaving each other’s, lost in the moment and Chanyeol was the first to close the gap with his lips on Baekhyun’s soft one. Everything else blurred and there was only Chanyeol and wants.

It was a peck but Baekhyun decided he didn’t get enough when he pulled Chanyeol again for a closed mouth kiss against his lips and he wanted more and he got greedy when he started to move his lips gliding against Chanyeol’s and he didn’t know what he was doing he was lost until Chanyeol kissed him back, eyes closed, hands roaming on Baekhyun’s side and back and he whimpered at the touch.

They were so so lost. ing hormones.

This is wrong, Baekhyun heard the alarms went off in his head. This is so ing wrong.

Chanyeol was pushed again suddenly and he whined at the loss of heat and lips against his. He looked as confused as Baekhyun was and he felt hurt just a little. “Baek?”

“OMG what are we doing, we are both men for god’s sake this is bad we can’t do this, Yeol!” The look of wounded and confused was evident on their face as they looked at each other’s eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun get off from his bed and walked out of the room to the toilet. He brushed his teeth and washed his lips again and again while crying silently. He looked miserable in the mirror, hairs sticking out on all places, lips swollen and his heart burnt. Damn did it hurt so bad he clutched at his shirt, pressed against his chest to supress whatever feelings he had.

He settled the tent in his pants thinking about how good it would feel with Chanyeol’s mouth around his shaft.

exofan commented :

can you see how they looked at each other omg they are so gay!

Gay.

Gay.

Baekhyun saw those comments before but he ignored it, going with the excuse of maybe their acting were very good, those fanservices worked so it was okay.

But after the kiss, he didn’t know if it was a good thing or bad.

Nothing was the same anymore after that.

Maybe that was when things started to go off beam, where everything started to go wrong.

They were good when there was a camera around but in their room back at the dorm was awfully quite that the other members started to question. Decided that it was best to pretend again, they made louder sounds around the other members. Nothing happened. Nothing wrong.

They never talk about the kisses. They no longer touch. They avoided each other’s eyes. Only sometimes when the other was not looking, they stole glances at each other because it was so normal for their eyes to search for each other. When the camera was on, Baekyeol came naturally and they were free to do anything except that, the interactions became less and less and less.

They needed to tone down anyway. Fans were very meticulous and things got serious when even the media caught their ship. Some said they were cute but Baekhyun failed to get rid of the bad comments telling them to stop being so gay, that they were disgusting.

Still, Chanyeol has always been there.

It was at the end of Miracle in December promotion.

They had changed the room arrangement and the two no longer share the same room and it gave them spaces. Spaces to think, spaces to calm down, spaces to reflect on what they had become.

“Hey Chanyeol…” and the taller glanced at him from across the living room. Chanyeol was folding his clothes and Baekhyun had his eyes on his phone, playing stupid game on the couch just to not look awkward but failed at the attempt. Well, as long as he didn’t have to look at Chanyeol’s eyes or anything Chanyeol.

“I’m dating someone.”

He almost waited for the crush, for the break, for the thump, but there was nothing but a calming silence. The evening was damp, and it was orange. They only had their short pants on, and black wife beaters. The fan on the ceiling was spinning at full speed, the wheesh and whoosh sound was the only sound accompanying them like a clock ticking except there was no clock until an “Oh” was heard from the taller, as sort of acknowledgement telling he heard what Baekhyun had said. The folding continued and the taps on the phone turned furious.

“Does the company knows?”

“No. Not yet.”

“You will tell them?”

“I’m dating Taeyeon noona.”

Another oh echoed and an awkward laugh followed after with a half-hearted congratulation. “She’s your bias right? You always said you love her, wow man, you’ve got some !”

Baekhyun finally managed to grin and looked at Chanyeol smugly, “I’m fearless,” he said, almost deceiving. And they laughed and they smiled and they finally could see each other’s eyes like the kisses didn’t happened, like the silence in between those confusion period didn’t hurt.

And people say eyes cannot lie.

They knew they failed miserably bad this time.

“Kyungsoo ya.”

“Kyungsoo yaaa.”

“Kyungsoo yahhhhhh.”

Jongin looked up from his bed. Chanyeol was leaning against the doorframe of their shared room, hands cupping his waist, frowning at Kyungsoo who was watching movie using his I-Pad. Jongin grinned at the taller hyung, “There’s no use, hyung. He won’t answer you.”

Then Chanyeol made way to the man smiling at his I-Pad and sat on his bed. He placed his hand on the younger’s knee and gained the attention he seek. “Do Kyungsoo, I’m hungry.” Kyungsoo swatted his hand away. “You can cook too, go make your own food.”

Jongin chuckled at the whiny sound Chanyeol made and eventually Kyungsoo paused the movie and walked to the kitchen followed by a giddy Chanyeol ready to help the master chef.

Baekhyun didn’t know from where did it go off beam, when did everything go wrong.

But one thing he knew was, he was happy. He was happy when Taeyeon smiled at him in discreet. He was happy by the fleeting touches and stolen kisses, occasional glances and secret messages. He had liked the woman for a long time now and to have her, he could die the happiest. He gained strength and he worked harder to show the best and to cover the guilt he had for the other members. They were still rookie and concentration shouldn’t be disturbed by the existence of a woman.

“It’s okay. As long as you keep it low. Don’t let the media catch you. Be careful,” Suho concluded the family meeting. He confessed, yes, he told the other members because the dreams that they had didn’t belonged to him alone, there were eleven other members with him carrying the same ambitions. He heard protests from other members, especially from Jongdae and Sehun.

“But hyung, what if he get caught? It’s too risky!”

Suho didn’t say anything only heaved a heavy sigh and patted Baekhyun’s shoulder, silently telling him that he was grown up and he knew what’s best for him and s.

But Baekhyun decided to be selfish.

He was finally normal, free of Chanyeol and the sinful thoughts he had for the other man. Taeyeon distracted him away from the tall man with her beautiful smile and he was more than grateful.

What would the society says if they ever found out? What would his mom says? What would the other members say?

He needed to fix himself and he needed this, whatever this had to offer.

Things went smooth again between Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

SM Town Week, he didn’t know what had possessed him but the light was beautiful and the air was excited, everyone was laughing as they waved at their fans from the stage when his eyes locked with Chanyeol’s and the taller approached him.

Just like those times when he locked eyes with the handsome man, everything else blurred out and there was only Chanyeol and his hot breath fanning his face. There was only Chanyeol and his blinding smile and his tall presence.

He dropped his head quickly, breaking the contact but as they got closer Baekhyun’s hand found itself grabbing the taller’s hair, pulling him closer but then Chanyeol put his hands on the shorter’s shoulder, as if to remind him of what he was doing, to bring him back to his senses. They looked at each other and they laughed.

They laughed and it was okay again.

He was caught off guard but the fans might pass it as another fanservices anyway.

Being with Taeyeon was never hard. She was pretty, she was charming and definitely adorable. She made him laugh when she came to visit, she held his hands when things got hard and she kissed his pain away. Maybe because she was older and more mature while Baekhyun still acted like a kid but Taeyeon liked that in him. Days turned brighter and there were rainbows and butterflies and love.

She didn’t have to know that once in a while Baekhyun’s stomach still churned uncomfortably when there was a certain giant around him, smiling and laughing with him. Taeyeon didn’t have to now that he liked the weight of a certain giant’s arm put down on his shoulder. The woman didn’t have to know his heart still beat distinctively louder when he heard the taller called out his name with his deep voice drowning.

And no one should know how his heart dropped every time that certain giant went to look for Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo.

“Baek, how’s this?” Chanyeol showed him a pair of rings that he had ordered beforehand, hearing from the conversation with one of the employee. They were on their way back from lunch, Chanyeol wanted to stop by a jewellery store so Baekhyun followed him.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m buying this.”

“It’s a couple ring…”

“No it’s not. It’s just a pair of matching rings. Simple but beautiful, aren’t they?”

Baekhyun looked at the ring on Chanyeol’s hand. “Yeah…” escaped from his lips. He felt uncomfortable. He felt funny. He could not accept this. Rumours about them together had been going around, the fans were fooled by their fanservices, shipping them. No, he wouldn’t accept that fact. He was not gay.

“Do you think Kyungsoo will like it?”

“Huh?”

There was no answer, but Chanyeol bought the ring anyway.

Baekhyun heard the sound of precious glasses breaking.

EXO members gathered around the living room. Overdose showcase was a success. They enjoyed chicken and beer instead of dropping onto beds to sleep. Sehun and Jongin were now off age so they could drink with them. But they didn’t seem like they adore the idea of drinking.

“What is that?” Jongin was the first to question.

Everyone’s attention now was on Kyungsoo’s right hand where a ring found its place in between his fingers. Kyungsoo’s eyes widened just because they normally widened. Baekhyun remained silence but he caught a certain giant blushing and all he wanted was to punch that handsome face and get rid of the pink. “Chanyeol gave this to me.”

Chanyeol grinned and everyone was almost fooled by the excuse he gave. “Because Kyungsoo is a good friend,” in which later the giant earned a choking arms around his neck from Junmyeon asking if he was not a good friend enough. Kyungsoo laughed it off and offered Jongin more chicken which was unnecessary because Jongin had hands and he could grab his own chicken just fine.

Baekhyun ignored Jongin’s frown upon seeing the ring on Kyungsoo’s finger, and the younger kept his mouth shut in dissatisfaction when he saw a matching ring on Chanyeol’s.

Spring was lovely but Baekhyun’s heart felt lonely.

He watched Chanyeol happily hugging Kyungsoo’s small frame from behind when he was asked to choose the member he was closest to, ignoring the hollow he felt and the wrench of his heart silently asking why it was not him.

Baekhyun watched Chanyeol talking and laughing with Kyungsoo, ignoring the tug of pain in his heart feeling like he was being abandoned.

But it was okay. It was bearable. Because sometimes, Chanyeol came to him too. They talked and they laughed just like how they were before the awkwardness happened. It was nice to finally be able to joke around Chanyeol like normal again.

Allkpop : EXO's Baekhyun & Girls' Generation's Taeyeon reported to be dating.

Dubstep Intro was playing and filling the empty spaces eliminating bad thoughts in the practice room when Chanyeol entered with two Cola tins in his hands. Baekhyun stared at Chanyeol’s reflection in the mirror. He was sitting on the floor huffing and panting after twelve round of dancing alone to block the guilt and bad words that were eating him.

“Hey Byun.”

Baekhyun turned around and was caught off guard when one of the Cola tin was thrown to him, but his reflex was quick, earning a grin from the giant. “Thanks.”

Chanyeol walked silently across the room and sat beside Baekhyun, face facing the mirror so that they can see each other’s reflection. Baekhyun thought staring at the reflection should be fine but he was wrong for the intensity of Chanyeol’s gaze on him stayed the same, but it was better than to face the real mesmerizing eyes.

“How’s everyone?”

“No one blames you, if that’s what you want to know.”

“I mean, how’s everyone?”

“Suho is mad. Sehun acts indifferent. No one said anything, though Jongdae tried not to sound so hurt, but no one blames you.”

“I ed up, didn’t I?”

“You ed up real bad…”

“Kris just left, and now this. I’m so sorry I was careless.”

Chanyeol exhaled a deep breath, before he open the can in his hand and took a sip. He too, had lost for words. Baekhyun wrapped his face in his hands, pressing force on the contours. He ed up so bad….

 “We’re going to have a big family meeting again, that’s for sure.”

“Dear Lord, they’ll curse me to hell,” Baekhyun sounded exasperated and Chanyeol laughed. Baekhyun wished he could kill Chanyeol with his glare. “What’s so funny?”

Few pats on his back and Chanyeol eventually stopped laughing, and then he looked sad. “At least this time I think we won’t have anyone crying.”

Baekhyun smiled bitterly. He almost shed a tear in front of everyone in the family meeting right after Kris happened. Tao cried a lot but he doubt Tao will cry this time. They had become so much stronger, that the dating issue did not affect them much. They understood, although with much distaste.

“The fans are cursing you to hell though.”

“They got hurt the most,” he paused. “Oh I seriously ed up real ing bad.”

Chanyeol took another long sip and winced at the sharp taste of gas. “She got hurt too, don’t forget about that.”

Baekhyun looked hopeless, staring mindlessly at his shoes. “I haven’t called her.”

It was not his relationship, Chanyeol stayed away. He knew his territory.

exofans commented :

We stayed by your side since day 1 and this is how you repay us you !

Go die, Baekhyun!

Get out of EXO how you can be so selfish.

I can’t believe he deceived us.

I’ll always love you and stay by your side oppa! Be happy with her!

OMG Baekhyun is so lucky to date his bias OMG we can do this girls!

“Stop looking at those comments, Baek…” Kyungsoo entered the room with a plate of watermelon. Sehun and Suho were out of sight, maybe in the living room.

“Thanks, Kyungsoo,” he cheered, trying to sound happy but failed miserably.

Kyungsoo sat on the floor, looking up at Baekhyun on the bed. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah…”

“Don’t pay attention to what they say. They are just mad.”

Baekhyun stayed silent, still scrolling his phone, purposely ignoring Kyungsoo’s eyes on him. He was not in the mood to talk. “Anyway, have you past across comments where fans telling you to eat?” Baekhyun glanced at the member on the floor, raising a brow. “Was that you?” Kyungsoo smiled, because he was never a person with obvious obnoxious laugh. “I’m not Chanyeol.”

After a moment of silence, Kyungsoo stood up and head to the door. “Eat, Baekhyun. You’re losing weight. Don’t hurt those who still loves you.”

Maybe Kyungsoo was right. Maybe all the other members were right. He should stop looking at those comments telling him to die because he got more depressed every time. EXO had concerts to focus on, and the other schedules. Overdose promotion was yet to end.

“You still reading that?” the person beside him started to speak. They were waiting for the flight at the airport. Everyone was scattered around nearby and there he was, seating with the person who owned the iest voice of all world. He peeked at Chanyeol from the corner of his eyes.

“How about we do something productive,” the deep voice suggested. “Look at me,” and Baekhyun did. He turned his face to the smiling giant beside him and tried his best not to melt. “Good comments stay good, bad comments, we turn it to good. Okay?”

Baekhyun searched for his eyes and the twinkle and the glimmer were there. “How?”

“Like for example, this comment.” Baekhyun leaned closer to the taller and followed Chanyeol’s eyes to his phone. Chanyeol read those comments? From the direction of Chanyeol’s thumb, the comment read : Just die, Baekhyun!

He looked back at Chanyeol, waiting, for the lack of knowledge of what to do. That is pretty embarrassing. “When you see comment like this Baek, instead of thinking about why you should die, think about why you should live and prove them wrong.” Baekhyun found a smile started to creep up his face. Oh, this is interesting.

“You see, you have so many reasons to stay alive. Well first of all, you are one of the main vocal of EXO. If you die, the songs you are supposed to be singing in the future will be sad.” Chanyeol made a puppy face, creasing his brow and pouting. Baekhyun laughed. “Oh, so the songs will be sad… I see…” Baekhyun made a knowing face, grinning. Chanyeol gave a grin back.

“Well, if you want me to be sad, I’ll be sad too.”

“I don’t want you to be sad.”

The moment paused for three seconds, before Baekhyun cleared his throat and asked for the next. “You know what I think?” he asked the taller.

“What?”

“I think this is bull.”

Chanyeol faked a hurt face but two second after that he was grinning again. “I know you value your life so much you won’t think about dying.” But it was honestly because the members were there for him that he didn’t think about dying. He didn’t know if he could survive the hate comments alone because even with all the supports and hugs, it was hard.

“Just, after this, value your life even more and don’t forget to be thankful every day for the smallest things that make you smile,” Chanyeol added and Baekhyun smiled. “There are still people who loves you. Your parents, your hyung, your friends, our members, fans, me.” The me at the end was slow, almost uncertain and sounded hesitated, but Baekhyun heard him just fine.

Thank you, Chanyeol.

“And Baek, to those who wants you out of EXO, telling you don’t deserve and stuff, take those comments, eat them and let your body process it into energy for you to work even harder, to give your very best and prove how wrong they are.”

Baekhyun nodded. “Dance harder, sing prettier and smile even more. I missed your kkaebsong~” and they laugh again hearing Chanyeol cooing kkaebsong all of a sudden.

Yes. Chanyeol was always there. Taking care of him quietly, looking at him from far sneakily. He was there during ups and downs, being patient and made them smile again.

Until this day still, Baekhyun didn’t know from where did it go off beam, when did everything go wrong.

There you go OMG i'm so sorry for this crap.

I wrote and i wrote until i don't even know what i wrote.

Word vomit, that is.

I hope i didn't trigger anything.

This is pure imagination, hallucination, distraction, whatever you want to call it.

Have you heard Time Boils The Rain?

Yifan's voice so beautiful~

I cried. Again. It's so ironic i want to give those words back to him.

But I love him still. And I love Baekhyun still.

I love them still.

When will i be able to throw my love away, waiting for that day.

Until then, sighs~

kekeke. Leave me some comment before you leave!

And pleaseeeeeeeeee forgive me if i triggered anything

or for the false info

or for my own humble undeserving thoughts.

This is pure fiction. No harm intended.

Forgive me for my shortcomings, grammar mistakes, and language.

I hope it could be more beautiful that this but (what I've done!!!).

Owkaytengsbai.