And when I hold you in my arms, this time we’ll chase all the rain away

Jessica was three seconds from bolting from the room. She couldn't take the look on Yoona's face a minute longer. She was heartbroken. Her world had just been turned upside down. Jessica knew the feeling. She knew all too well what it felt like to have your world come crashing down around you.

But before she could make a run for it, Dr. Choi stepped in. “How's it going in here?”

“Emm...” Jessica stammered. “I need to be going.”

“Yoona-shii, have you had a chance to talk to Jessica-shii” he asked, ignoring Jessica altogether.

Yoona didn't say anything. She stared at Jessica from across the room like she was still waiting for her to tell him what had happened to them.

“I think it's a good idea for the two of you to talk. Yoona-shii, I know this isn’t easy for you.”

“Jessica has told me enough.” Yoona said with her voice void of any emotion.

“I see,” Dr. Choi said in a disbelieving tone. “And you’re okay with all that she’s told you, Yoona-shii? You completely understand that the two of you are no longer together? That you no longer live in the same house? Did she tell you the events that led up to that point?”

“Stop it!” Jessica yelled. “Please, just stop!” She couldn’t stand to listen to the doctor talk like she wasn’t in the room. It was her who should open up the past to Yoona. Yes, it was a past they once shared, but if Yoona wanted to know what happened, it was going to take time.

Yoona regarded Jessica as her body was racked with sobs. She almost felt the way Yoona was giving her the once over. Yoona’s eyes took in her face, her body language, everything about her as she stood helpless five feet away from Yoona’s bedside.

“No,” Yoona finally said. “She hasn’t told me anything.”

“Because it’s not easy for me, Yoong!” Jessica exclaimed, her voice rising.

“And you think losing four years of my life – apparently four very important years – is easy for me?” Yoona yelled back. “You think it’s a walk in the park for me to hear that you don't love me? That you don't want to be with me? Pardon the hell out of me, Sooyeon, for wanting to know what happened.”

“Don’t you dare,” Jessica said in an eerily calm voice. Damn Yoona for using her Korean name. No one, but only Yoona and her parents had ever called her that. She pointed her finger at her and moved with the stealth of a predatory cat toward her. “Don’t you even.”

“What?” Yoona asked. “Don’t ask questions? I have a right to know.”

“I know that, Yoona. You have every right to know, but please, for me,” she pleaded with her. “Please don’t ask me this now. I have to live through it twice and it was hard enough the first time. I need some time to prepare for a trip down memory lane.”

“Well,” Yoona said, her voice returning to normal. “At least you have your memories. Me? I have a big void.”

The selfish part of Jessica wanted to tell Yoona that she needed to hold on to those memories she had of her. They were happy memories. They were what she tried desperately to cling to when Yoona walked out. She didn’t want the memories of what pushed them apart. She didn’t want the memories of sleepless nights alone, crying until her body could no longer fight to stay awake.

Dr. Choi cleared his throat. Jessica had forgotten the man was still in the room. “Yoona-shii and Jessica-shii, I know that this is tough for the both of you but the more function Yoona-shii’s brain has at remembering the past, the better the chance that she will regain those memories.”

Dr. Choi gave Jessica a sympathetic look as he excused himself from the room. When he walked past, he lightly patted her back and whispered in her ear. “Take it slow.”

The door clicked shut and she looked at Yoona to see if she was going to speak first or if it was all up to her. Yoona’s head was down and it looked as if she was counting the thread count of the sheets on the bed.

“Listen, Yoona. I'm really sorry about everything. I wish there was something I could to do to help but there's not.”

Yoona opened to speak but Jessica kept talking. “There is nothing I can say that will bring back your memories. There's nothing I can do to make you well. The best I can do is leave you right now. Just like this. If this is all you remember of me, then it's bound to be better than how you remembered me last.” The tears fell freely down Jessica's face the more she spoke.

 “I know I can't compare my pain to the kind of confusion you're going through right now. It's selfish of me but this is the first time we've been in the same room together, much less spoken to one another, in four years. I’m a shell of the person you think you know. Broken. That’s what I am, that’s how I’ve been for a while. I can’t help you get better.”

Jessica started to back away from Yoona and to the door. “I'm going to go and I wish you the best. I do. You'll bounce back from this. You may not believe that now, but you will. Who knows?" she said with a tiny shrug. "Maybe this talk and seeing me have already helped. Maybe you’ll wake up in the morning and remember all that you’ve lost.”

Jessica stopped with her back against the door. She looked at Yoona through the wetness of her tears clouding her vision.  “Take care, Yoona.”

With those parting words, she turned her back on Yoona, afraid to give her one last glance but knowing that the pained and confused look on Yoona’s face would haunt her dreams later that night. She had to leave and get out of there. She was telling her the truth. There was nothing she could do for her.

When she opened the door, she didn't pay attention to the chorus of voices that called her name. All the Ims were calling after her but all Jessica could hear was the sound of her sobs echoing off the white sterile walls.

+++

Yoona called out to Jessica, her voice hoarse as she strained to get Jessica to hear her. It was no use. Once Jessica had her mind set to something there was no getting her to see reason.

How had life come to this? A world where they weren't together? It didn't seem possible. They were so in love. Since that first day in college when they had both arrived at the dorms with their parents, they were inseparable. They had been through the deaths of family members; both of Jessica’s parents and Yoona’s. Jessica was family in every sense of the word.

Where her mind was at the present moment, she was planning to ask Jessica to marry her. She didn’t have an exact date set on when she wanted to pop the big question, only that she knew she couldn’t go through life without Jessica beside her. Yoona had to wonder what could have happened for them to lose that. To not speak or even be in the same room together in the past four years.

Dashing into the room, her dad asked, “What happened, honey?”  Her brother was right behind him, his gaze penetrating Yoona.

Yoona rubbed her eyes. It would have helped if the action could erase the last fifteen minutes. Maybe then she and Jessica could start over.

“I don't know, Dad. Jessica’s upset because I asked what happened between us. I yelled, she yelled.” She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “She ran out of here saying she can’t help me.”

Yoona leaned back against the flat pillows the hospital had provided. She couldn't get comfortable. It seemed that nowhere was going to be comfortable in this new life. “Dad,” Yoona began. “What happened with Jessica and me? Did I cheat on her?”

“No, you didn't cheat.” While Seulong was eager to answer her question, Yoona could hear the reservation in his voice.

“I had to have done something pretty bad. Just tell me. I need to know. I have to make things right.”

“Yoona-ah,” Seulong took a deep breath. “It's not my place. I'm sorry. It really needs to be something you and Jessica discuss.”

“But she won't even look at me!” Yoona shouted. “How can I get her to talk to me if she can't even be in the same room with me?”

Yoona watched her father’s reaction to her outburst. The man looked like he was battling something. The tight lines around his mouth and his eyes drawn in together. Something was on his mind, something he was afraid to tell her.

“Listen, the doctor was just telling us he's going to send you home in a couple of days. He wants to monitor you a little more. Keep a close watch on you now that Jessica has been by. He thinks maybe seeing her will prompt the memories to return.”

“And if they don't?” Yoona looked to her father for guidance. It was apparent that from the look in her eyes that she had none to give.

“We'll figure that out.”

“I just want to go home. Go back to before I hit my head.”

Jongin snorted. It was the first sound he had made since entering the room.

“What?” Yoona asked. “What was that for?”

“Nothing.” Jongin said as he turned his back on his sister. More pieces of the puzzle kept falling to the floor. First, her dad and the information he was keeping from her, and now her brother who had this less than cavalier attitude toward her.

“A couple of days and we'll take you home,” Seulong said to his daughter. “I promise you. We'll set your room back up just like it used to be, honey.”

“You don't understand, Dad. I don't want to go to your home. I want to go to my home.”

“Well, that ought to make Tiffany happy. You've got that big fancy condo in Apgujeong.”

“Apgujeong?”

“Dad,” Jongin cut in. “She doesn't know. She doesn't know that she's a preppy do good'er living the high life.” Jongin laughed while shaking his head. The reaction from her brother only fueled the anger welling up inside Yoona.

“You're right! I don't know! I don't know anything. Why are you being such an ? What have I done to you?” Yoona demanded.

“Nothing, Noona. That's what you've done to me. Nothing. It's all you've done to any of us.”

“Stop it, both of you!” Seulong shouted. “Jongin, lay off your sister. She has enough going on that she doesn’t need you telling her how she’s changed.” Yoona watched as her brother stormed out of the room.

Yoona looked at her dad, her voice dropping to that of a whisper.

“What have I become? My girlfriend can't look at me. My own brother can't be in the same room with me. Dad, have I hurt everybody?”

After several beats of silence Seulong finally said, “You've changed Yoong. Let's just leave it at that.”

Yoona could tell she wasn't going to get anything else from her dad so she decided to drop the subject, for now. “So the doctor says in a couple of days I can leave. Where am I going to go? Does Jessica even still own the cottage?”

Seulong took a seat on the edge of the twin hospital bed. “The last I heard, yeah, she still owns it. As for where you're going to go, you have options. You can go to your condo or you can come home with me. You'll always have a home there.”

Yoona closed her eyes and prayed for sleep to take her. She wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Preferably the part where she lived in a high-rise Apgujeong and she was engaged to her boss' daughter.

+++

Jessica could barely see through the tears in her eyes as she drove away from the hospital. She tried to regain some sort of composure because there was no way she could go to work with a tear-stained face. Pulling off to the side of the road, she took a few moments to dry her eyes and calm down.

Seeing Yoona had done a real number on her. She truly believed that they were together. That nothing had ever happened to tear them apart. It was all too much. Jessica felt like the air was being out of the hospital room. She was losing focus. Her breathing became labored. She had to leave. It was a chicken move, but had she not acted fast, she would have ended up alongside Yoona in a bed of her own. Panic attacks were something she had learned to work through. There was no working through a panic attack of that magnitude.

Jessica picked up her cell phone and dialed the office. She had to catch Sunny before she left for lunch. When the familiar sound of her best friend’s voice filtered through the channels, Jessica breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hey.” Jessica was afraid to say too much more knowing that her voice still sounded gravelly.

“Hey you. So...how did it go?!” Jessica could picture Sunny clapping her hands and stomping her feet from excitement.

“Sunny, I need you to cancel my appointments for today.”

“What happened? Jessica Jung, you tell me right now what's going on.”

“I can't. Not yet anyway. Listen, just call and reschedule my appointments. I have something I need to take care of. I won't be in for the rest of the day. I'm sorry. I gotta go. Just do this for me and I'll talk to you soon.”

Jessica ended the call before Sunny could say another word. She loved her best friend dearly, but she knew Sunny well enough to know that she would have beat the information out of her with a steel bat, then taken her to the bar at noon to get her wasted. The offer sounded tempting, but Jessica had someone else she needed to talk to first. Someone who she had confided everything in. Someone she hadn't had to speak to in over a year.

Jessica dialed the number she still had programmed on her speed dial and waited. When the receptionist answered the call, Jessica said the familiar words she thought she'd never have to say again.

“This is Jessica Jung. Please tell Dr. Kim that I'm on my way. We need to have an emergency session.”

+++

Jessica sat in the office of Dr. Kim Soojin, her therapist who helped her through the break up with Yoona. It wasn’t just the break up that left Jessica needing guidance; it was what had led up to the separation. Dr. Kim had helped Jessica see that she wasn’t responsible for what happened. After blaming herself for a year, Jessica finally understood that it wasn’t entirely her fault. Yoona held just as much responsibility as Jessica did.

Nothing had changed in Dr. Kim’s office. The walls we