CHAPTER.I -  I Miss You

It had been four years… FOUR YEARS!! It had been four years that Choi Siwon left you. Siwon got involved in stupid car crash, your world became upside-down. God took him so early. Why? All of your dreams and your happiness were gone with his car crash. Four years sound makes people to think it’s an enough time to forget someone... But you still feel like all had happened yesterday. Everything is just happened too fast and it didn’t give enough time for your brain to accept the data and your heart to absorb the fact.

You can still feel his scent, his breath, his touches, his embracement, his kisses, his voice, and his smiles which create dimples on his cheeks, his scent and his nagging are still fresh to you. You can feel he is near beside you somewhere. You didn’t throw away his stuffs, still keep it in you apartment. His clothes, his books and almost his belongings are still at your place. These are the only things that you have left of him. In the other way, it’s the only connection left between you and him. Living without him is impossible and losing him is a nightmare, but now you are having that impossible nightmare.

Siwon and you known each other since childhood, both of yours parents are best friends so what more can I say. He confessed his feelings on graduation day. And you of course accepted his confessions as you also had a crush on him long time ago. You two planned to get married as soon as you finished collage but the fate didn’t let it happen like you both planned. It’s a cruel world.
 

Last few minutes ago, you were sleeping soundly until you felt someone touch your hair and you hair back and forth. Just like he did to you before, Wait! He? The thought of him made you to full awake. You opened your eyes immediately, turned around and checked who is sitting behind you on the bed. The scene made you shock, totally shock, really shock!

Siwon was sitting on the bed only few inches from you. He was sitting on the bed alive and flesh. He was wearing all in white; he was smiling at you sweetly as always, the one which filled with warmth and made you feel safe. The dimples on his cheeks were perfectly appeared when he smiled. You mouth hanged in a ‘O’ shape and your jaws dropped. You rubbed your eyes with your bare hands to make sure this is not a dream. If this was a dream, this is the one which make you want to sleep forever and never waking up again if only he’ll exist in the dream.

“Siwon Oppa? Is that real? Are you really here?” your voice was shaking obviously. Of course, no one can stay clam if they have a chance to talk to someone who had already dead ‘Four Years’ ago. Siwon nodded to your question, “Yes, I’m here. [Y/N]. I just want to let you know that I never go far away from you since that day, I always have been staying beside you” he said with a tone full of love and care.

Some kind of salty liquid started to fill in your eyes, “Then, don’t leave! Don’t disappear from my sight. Could you please stay right here, forever?” you pleaded him. He simply smiled on your words; he creased your face and pulled you closer to him. Then, he wiped your tears streams with his thumbs.

“I can’t do like that, darling. Believe me! I would like to do that if I could…. “He continued, “Do you know how my heart ached seeing you broken after my funeral? You have been mentally broken down during this four years sweetheart. I can’t stand like this anymore. Please be bare with the truth, sweetheart. Please understand that I’m gone. Do you remember how you lived before you met me?” he asked.

You shook you head hardly, “No, I don’t! I don’t remember how I lived before I met you, Siwon Oppa! Because you perfectly filled the every empty spaces that in my heart and in my head. I can’t live without you anymore. Sometimes, I even think to follow you. I stupidly think like that. I even once had tried to cut my wrist. Do you know that? Do you see that?” you shouted him.

“I know and I saw everything. But I can’t stop you or protect you. That makes my heart ripped into pieces. Listen carefully, [Y/N]. I’m coming back to you. I promise. So don’t give up and live your live and search who will I be, OK?” then he vanished like he never has been appeared in front of you…

“Siwon Oppa! Siwon Oppa!!” you yelling his name but he didn’t show up again and you just woke up from your dream.
 

You woke up from a bad dream and your whole body is sinking in sweat. Your heart was beating fast, breathing was irregular and exhausting. You immediately get out from the bed, go outside and searched him. Hoping he’s still there but you see no sign of him. You feel like you chest ripped into pieces again. Since he was gone, of course you always dream like this but this time is different from the others.

This is so freaking real for you. You need to calm down from this excitement, slowly walking towards the kitchen for glass of water, looked up to the clock to check the time. ! It’s still two in the middle of the night. You re-thinking again your dream; what does it mean that he’ll comeback to you? How? His body was buried in the ground; you saw that with your own eyes. How can he comeback to you? Which way?

Is Siwon making a quiz again like he always does when he was still alive? However, tonight will be long than ever……………….

 

“No, ajusshi! Please careful to this table. It’s the only thing that my mom left for me” Suho yelled to one of the men who were placing his stuffs to his new apartment. “Mianhaeyeo!” ajusshi shouted back. It’s seven in the morning. Suho bought this apartment two years ago but haven’t got a chance to move in since his work didn’t let him. Now, his transfer is confirmed by the company so he moved back to Korea. He decided to settle down back in Korea. Working in foreign country sounds impress but nobody knows how lonely it was at least you haven’t faced for real.

Suho decided to move to US since his parents passed away by air crash when he was fourteen years old. His mother’s sister, his aunt adopted him and she took along him with her to US. That’s when he lost connection with his mother land, Korea.

“Where do you want me to place this wardrobe, young man?” Suho become alive again by someone asking him a question.”Follow me, please. This way” he led the man to the place where he wants to put it. Suho haven’t checked his neighborhood yet as he was busy placing all his stuffs and commanded the workers properly. As he finished, it’s already dark outside. But he walked out from his room and headed to the park near his apartment. Sitting down on a bench and observing his new neighborhood.

He saw a girl swinging a swing. Her hair was perfectly falling down on her shoulder, she closed her eyes, threw her back in the air and she probably felt like flying, Suho thought. Although he saw her from far side, he’s pretty sure that she is beautiful. And there was a man standing beside her and smiling to her but she act like she didn’t see him at all.

 

You got up from the swing, enough for today and now it’s time to go home. You always go to the park near your apartment, it’s the place where you usually hangout with Siwon when he was still alive. Technically you still hanging out in this park everyday don’t know why but today you could feel Siwon was beside you today… He was beside you, only you can’t see him…………

-Kryshun

To be continued,

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