After breakfast, while the other idols headed back to the civilian barracks, the fourteen new arrivals headed to the medical clinic for their scheduled psychological evaluations. Jong Kook and Ji Hyo led the group and were talking about what the idols had told them regarding the restricted area inside the medical clinic where ZORT was working to develop a cure.

“Do you think they’re really testing out cures on zombies?” Ji Hyo asked. While the thought of a cure hinted at some salvation, the thought of zombies held inside the base – inside the very building to which they were heading – was somewhat unnerving.

Jong Kook shrugged. “I guess they need a way to test it somehow,” he said.

“Test what?” Minzy asked. She and Daesung were walking directly behind Jong Kook and Ji Hyo and had overheard their conversation.

“They might be working on a cure somewhere inside there,” Jong Kook said, pointing ahead to the medical clinic. “That’s what we heard anyway.”

Daesung thought back to that conversation they’d all had on Sido, when Hyun Suk was first telling the others about the base. Hyun Suk had mentioned the cure then, and everyone had questions to which there were no answers at the time. “Is it like a vaccine?” Daesung asked, hoping to now have those questions answered. “They can’t bring back dead people, right? But maybe if someone’s bit… maybe they can stop it in time?”

“We don’t know,” Ji Hyo said.

They walked up the drive past the two ambulances and greeted the soldier standing guard at the door. He opened the door for the group and they made their way inside somewhat aimlessly until pointed in the right direction by another soldier.

Jong Kook was more watchful this time, looking all around for any mysterious passageways, and then he saw a hallway split off from the one they were traveling down. At the end of that hallway, there was a door with a sign that said Quarantine: Restricted Access.

Daesung peered down that hallway, too, seeing the door at the end. He looked over at Jong Kook, the two sharing an unspoken acknowledgement of what they had seen.

Thunder and Krystal, at the tail end of that group, hadn’t heard the conversation about the cure. They were following the others through the clinic while talking about what they had learned during breakfast regarding the country potentially being bombed.

Thunder held her hand, squeezing it tightly as he listened to her worries.

“But it’s not just our country, right?” Krystal asked. “This infection… it spread north, didn’t it?”

T.O.P., who was walking with Bom just ahead of Thunder and Krystal, glanced back and nodded. “When I ran into my dad at the stadium, he told me that there were zombie reports in North Korea, Russia, and China. But that was two months ago. I’m sure it’s spread even farther now.”

“But then bombing just our country wouldn’t do anything,” Krystal said. “Are they thinking about bombing all of Asia?”

T.O.P. shrugged and looked back ahead, not wanting to hypothesize on something so tragic.

Thunder wrapped his arm around Krystal. “Don’t worry about that now,” he said. “There’s nothing we can do.”

They convened in the counseling office, crammed inside the small waiting room. There was only one counselor stationed at that base, and she then began to call them in one by one, meeting with each person individually as the others waited.

“I’m going to ask you a series of questions,” the counselor said, looking down at her notes. “Please answer honestly.”

G-Dragon nodded. He was nervous, not knowing what to expect.

“Have you been witness to the infection directly, at any time seeing serious injury or death?”

G-Dragon could do nothing but stare at her. Whatever nervousness he had felt dissipated immediately. He almost felt like laughing at her. “Are you serious?” he asked.

The counselor didn’t seem to understand the absurdity of her question. She straightened the collar of her military uniform and cleared . “Yes, please answer the question.”

“You’re asking if I’ve seen anyone injured or anyone just die in front of me?” he asked. He waited with his mouth open in disbelief, but the counselor continued to sit unfazed by his reaction. A bit angry, he began a long, sarcastic rant. “Well, let’s see. I had to stab my friend, Teddy, in the head. Oh, and I watched my best friend, Youngbae, get stabbed, too, after he turned into a zombie. Hmm, and then I watched an entire stadium full of people get slaughtered…”

………………

“Upon witnessing such horrific events, did you feel intense fear or helplessness?”

“Of course,” Minzy said. She felt uncomfortable in that room alone with the counselor and did her best to avoid eye contact. “We all felt that… every day,” she said, as she stared at her lap.

“And how did you deal with those feelings?” the counselor asked.

Minzy breathed in deeply and shrugged. “I guess we would try to make the best of things, try to be happy when we could, but there was always that fear there… just knowing that something bad could happen at any time.”  

………………

“During periods of perceived safety, did you still feel afraid or startle easily?”

Ji Hyo reflected on the phrase periods of perceived safety. When had she felt safe? She remembered when they were first at the YG building, where she had felt relatively safe for a day or so. And at the stadium, where she had felt almost normal for a while. But the longest period of safety – of perceived safety, anyway – was on Sido. Did she still feel afraid there? Did she startle easily? She looked up at the counselor now. “Yes,” she said. “Deep down, I was always afraid.”

“Do you feel safe now?” the counselor asked.

Her mind flashed with the image of what she and the others had seen from the helicopter – the wire fence around the base being clawed at by hundreds of zombies on the other side. And then she thought about the conversation she’d had earlier of zombies possibly being inside this building. “No,” she said. “I don’t think anywhere in this country is safe.”

………………

“Do you often blame yourself for things not in your control?”

Taeyeon slowly nodded. “But it wasn't out of my control. I could’ve made a different choice. I could have saved Fany if I hadn’t been so determined to get those guns. It’s my fault she died. And then… my ommas, all of them. I should have been protecting them. I tried. I tried so hard. But I couldn’t keep my eye on all of them. Some died without me even realizing it. And then… and then Sica. I should’ve let go. If I let go, it would be her here, not me.”

“You don’t think you deserve to be here?”

Taeyeon started crying. “I don’t know,” she said, wiping her tears. “Last night, everyone picked out their beds and me and Gary-ssi were left standing in that hallway awkwardly. All the others in our group are couples. And I feel like… I’m this weird person in the group now. I’m in Jessica’s place. But I’m not Gary’s girlfriend and I’m not Krytal’s sister. They need Jessica. They don’t need me.”

………………

“Are you often reminded of the trauma and, if so, do you feel distress at the memories?”

“I guess,” Dara said. “It’s not like I can just shut off those memories.”

“What reminds you of the trauma, in particular?”

“You say trauma as if it was one experience. But these past two months have been nothing but traumatic experiences. It’s hard to say when I’m reminded of it because I’m still living it. I just hope that it’s finally over now that we’re here.”

………………

“Have you ever felt like you are reliving certain horrific experiences?”

“Sometimes,” Thunder said. “When we came back to Seoul and were on that boat, we passed underneath that bridge Joonie and I jumped from. That moment when I had jumped, I really thought I was going to die.  Just seeing that bridge again made me feel like… well, I guess you can say I felt like I relived the experience. It just reminded me how close to death I was back then.”

“How were you able to overcome that feeling when you saw that bridge again?”

“I didn’t have a chance to overcome it on my own. All these zombies started falling off that bridge then. I just remember Krystal crying out when she saw that and I kind of forgot about what happened to me on the bridge and just started thinking about her and how I could protect her.”

………………

“Do you find it difficult to fall asleep or to sleep through the night?”

“I guess?” Seungri said, unsure as to how he should answer. “I couldn’t sleep last night, but that’s because I kept hearing… erm… two people giggling and kissing in bed. I won’t say who, but… I don’t know. I’m happy for them. I just kind of wish Chaerinni and I had that kind of relationship.” He paused a moment and leaned forward. “You’re a woman. Can you explain why girls always act so weird? Like, I know she loves me. But she’s always so weird about showing her feelings when we’re around other people. And we’re always around other people. So, that doesn’t help. It’s like, I can’t get any action. I just want to… you know, kiss her and stuff. And maybe… you know, do more than that.” He bit his lip, feeling himself blush. “I’m not a or anything. I just love her and always want to touch her and hold her, but she just won’t open up to me anymore. Back on Sido, we lived like a real couple, always together. We had so much alone time back then. It was… it was really great. But now, I can only remember one time that she kissed me in front of the others and it was when… it was when I saved the day because I had the phone. Oh my god. That’s it! I just have to keep impressing her! I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before. Wow, you’re a good counselor. I feel so much better!”

………………

“Do you have any reoccurring nightmares or feel distressed when you wake up?”

Bom’s eyes widened. “Why?” she asked. “Is that normal?”

“Are you saying you have experienced reoccurring nightmares or distress?”

Bom lowered her head and sighed. “Yes,” she said.

“Can you specify the nature of these dreams? What do you remember about them?”

“I’m always in some dark place, alone, looking for my boyfriend. And then there’s this light and… and I feel like he’s gone, like he left me…”

………………

“Since these traumatic events, do you have find it difficult to express your emotions?”

CL breathed in deeply and thought about the question. “Maybe sometimes,” she said. “I think I act like my normal self most of the time, but I know that I’m a bit guarded around Seungri.”

“Can you explain what you mean by that?”

CL sighed. “I don’t know. It’s almost like, well… when you love someone, you’re vulnerable. And after everything that’s happened, I just can’t afford to be vulnerable. I need to know that I’d be okay if something happened to him. Does that sound mean? I don’t love him any less. I think I’m just trying to not love him any more than I already do… because I think the loss would be that much harder the more I love him. Does that make sense?”

………………

“Do you find it difficult to feel happiness or joy?

Daesung sat quietly for a moment and then nodded. “I used to be really happy,” he said. “You didn’t know me before all of this, but I was always the type of person who made everyone else laugh. I loved having fun and making others feel happy. But I’m not the same anymore. I haven’t been in a while, even before this whole thing started…”

“You’re talking about past events? Can you clarify?”

“I was in this… in this car accident a few years ago. It was so horrible and… I just wasn’t the same after that. I tried to be. I think I was just finally getting back to being me when all this happened. And now… after everything, I’m just more scared than anything else. I feel like I’m not made for this new world. I get sad a lot. I can’t even shoot well. I just miss the way things used to be.”

………………

“Would you say that you’re suffering from depression because of these events?”

“There are times when, yes, my heart feels so heavy that I can’t even breathe,” Gary said. “After the rescue center at the stadium went to hell, we were all separated and everyone I was with died. I was all alone. I was like this wandering poet who had lost all of his words and was just going around and around in circles. I was like that for a while, even after I found the others. But then I met an angel. Jessica… she was my saving grace. My heart, it felt lighter when I was around her. She meant everything to me. And now she’s gone.” He slumped in his chair a bit and tilted his head back as he closed his eyes. “And I’m alone again. And I always will be. I think I was just meant to be alone. Me and Gil… we used to always say that it would be just me and him in the end. I… I have no idea what happened to Gil. Probably dead. Everyone’s dead…”

………………

“Do you feel hypervigilant? By that I mean, are you constantly on guard and preparing for threats?”

Jong Kook nodded. “Yes, but that’s a good thing. That’s how we’ve survived.”

“Does the pressure of that hypervigilance ever feel overwhelming?”

Jong Kook looked away. “Only when people die,” he quietly said. “Then it feels like no matter how hard I tried, I failed.”

………………

“Do you feel any sense of guilt because you have survived while others have not?”

Krystal sat emotionless, staring at the counselor.

“Do you understand the question?”

“You’re asking if I feel like it should’ve been me instead of my sister?”

“That’s not what I asked, but…” The counselor scribbled in her notepad. “Let’s talk about your sister then…”

………………

“Do you feel like a normal future could be possible?”

“I’d like to think that,” T.O.P. said, his deep voice somewhat of a mumble. He sat up straight then and spoke more clearly. “I keep imagining a future with my friends where none of this is happening. We’re in the States or Australia or wherever and life is just… normal.” He sighed with somewhat of a smile as he thought about that potential future. “Maybe Bommie and I can get married and have kids. And maybe our kids can play with Jiyong and Dara’s future kids. And with Dream…” He remembered those back on Sido then and his smile disappeared. “I’d like to hold onto that hope,” he said. “I think I need to. If I didn’t have that hope, then what is all this for? Everyone needs something to live for. I live for Bommie.”