Oneshot #1:

 

The Girl Who Cried: MARRY ME, OH Y MAN

 

 

There is said to be a curse of openinity, a state of mentality when one’s mind is full of cotton candy and bourbons, with sweet, delicious thoughts of stupidity, where one cannot fathom the power to stand a halt to their thoughts that are delivered to their mouths, spread to their audiences. It’s a powerful, almost-unbreakable curse. Nope, not even petty love breaks this one. Only the true, soul-mate-type of love.

And we begin, looking upon the houses below us, searching for the one with the pink roof- ah, there it is, standing asides the other black roofs, standing proudly. Inside, oh, can you hear that? We can hear shouting and screaming- perhaps someone is upset again. Let’s take a look-see, shall we?

 

“But clearly your looks fat…”

“MY LOOKS FAT?”

“NO, IT DOESN’T, I SWEAR. I’M LYING.”

“YOU’RE LYING?”

“NO! Yes, I am, actually.”

“Ah! Jessica, what has gotten into you?” Krystal yelled at her older sister whose red face was beaming like a neon sign.

“Not a man’s .” Jessica stated awkwardly, looking away from Krystal whose face practically exploded with all sorts of colours- pink, green, grey…

“Why must you say such stupid, annoying things man?” Krystal groaned, sitting down.

“I like messing you around. I’m sorry. I’m not sorry, ha-ha.” Jessica answered honestly, feeling mortified as her words escaped her mind whilst she laughed whilst trying not to laugh. Krystal ran out the room in tears.

 

So, ladies and gentlemen, you can probably understand how this poor Jessica’s life has turned out. Shall we look at the times she was a miniature baby? Why not, aw, there, see her? Standing in a cute, pink rosy dress, aw, in the park across the road. She’s feeding the ducks with her lunch, bless her five-year-old soul.

 

“Sweetie, it’s time to stop now. Isn’t the bread nice?” Her fiftieth baby sitter asked, wondering why all the other baby-sitters quit. The child was gloriously innocent, sweet and cute, with her manners and etiquette.

“The bread smells like daddy’s fart. It’s really nice!” Jessica replied back, bowing down to the lady who gasped in shock.

“Oh, Jessica! That was rude of you to say!” The babysitter was completely taken-aback.+

“You were rude for giving me this bread. I’m sorry for being rude. I’m not really sorry, you can’t make food like my mommy, you should feed your food to birds but maybe they’ll be sick- oh my God I’ve poisoned these birds- Mommy’s going to be so sad! I’m going to jail because you can’t cook…” Jessica began sobbing like the child she, indeed, was.

The babysitter left her in that instant, crying at the pond until her mother arrived hours later, racing her home.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” Jessica’s mother sighed, brushing her daughter’s hair back.

“I wish I was never born, mommy. It’s okay, mommy… I want to die, mommy…” Jessica wailed into her mother’s arms. Her mother felt sick with terror. She couldn’t tell her daughter the truth. She couldn’t tell her daughter that she actually spoke her mind, because she never realised.

 

Sad, isn’t it? So, we need her soul-mate. Could it be him- the man in the trash eating garbage, throwing up bones? Probably not. Him, the round baker’s man, maybe not. Oh yes, him. Do you see him? Oh look at his y face. Lee. Dong. Hae. What a man. Is he the soul-mate? I wonder. Ah! He’s a delivery boy! He’s putting a paper through the doors on Jessica’s street. Oh dear lord, Jessica just left her house- and he’s going straight to her door!

 

“Hello y mother er.” Jessica smirked at him. Donghae blinked.

“H-hey…” He said back, taking out one of the papers.

“Oh my God he spoke to me yes. Um, hey. Um hey, is that all you could think of you stupid brain, bloody hell, oh god I’ve been staying silent too long , , , oh !” Jessica began slapping herself.

“H-hey, a-are you alright?” Donghae asked, startled by her words.

“ARE YOU ALRIGHT? Oh now he thinks I’m a ing lunatic, better reply, come on brain, AH. Yeah, I’m fine, how are you? ING THINK OF SOMETHING BRAIN. QUICK, QUICK QUICK! A-are you new around here? OH MY GOD of course he is, , you’ve never seen him before, brain, stupid- question he’s going to think I’m a moron, someone slap me. I’VE BLOWN MY CHANCES WITH THIS Y- MAN.”

“N-no, seriously, what the heck is wrong with you?” Donghae yelled at her, baffled at her words.

“HAHA IT’S WRONG WE’RE NOT MARRIED Y MAN, CAN WE GO TO BED TOGETHER? Oh my God wait, he thinks I’m mental… I’m not mental, am I? No, of course not, I’m pretty damn normal, am I not? Yes, Yes I am. Oh my God this long silence, oh my God he’s walking away think of something! THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME, THANK YOU! Oh man that was rude, oh bloody hell, oh man. He’s running away… am I ugly? I’m not ugly am I? Oh please, do I scare away y men? MARRY ME I’M SO did I just really think that- did I really- oh bloody hell.”

 

So, I guess it’s safe to say, Jessica Jung will never find her soul-mate. She probably died alone- I dunno, I’m a friggin’ narrator, I have my own life too, ers.