February 2015

Two weeks after the visit of Gayoon’s older sister, Yura, the group had begun their goodbye stages and were starting to end the promotions for ‘Dream’. Jimin had mixed feelings regarding everything - one one hand, she was desperate for their performances to come to an end so that she could finally rest and get out of the public eye for a bit, but on the other hand, she was enjoying the time that she was spending with the group singing their new songs for the fans and appearing on variety shows for pretty much the first time (they hadn’t been on many when they had first debuted, unfortunately). 

The whole time, however, there was a niggling doubt always in the back of her mind: was she doing the right thing? It wasn’t just to do with debuting and becoming an idol, although she had her fair share of worries about that, but also the situation with Hanni. Now that the public knew about their relationship, she knew that there could be no going back. In one way, nothing had changed because they would have to be insanely careful not to be spotted if and when they went out together.

The other members were worried, Jimin knew it from the way they had been looking at her recently, as though she was a bomb that was getting ready to detonate. She understood where Eunjung’s anger was coming from (hell, she was probably more angry at herself than the leader ever could be) even if she didn’t like being on the receiving end of it. 

“RIGHT, GET UP! COME ON GIRLS, YOU’RE USUALLY UP ON TIME!”

“Shut up,” Jimin groaned as the voice of their manager Daeseun echoed throughout the dorm. 

“What time is it?” Seohyeon slurred like she was drunk from the other side of the room, not really awake.

“Time for our amazing three hours of sleep to be over yet again,” Eunjung called from behind the closed door, a yawn in her voice. “Get up you lazy idiots, come on. We have a goodbye stage to go to in an hour and we still need to get breakfast-”

“We’ll get it on the way!” Subin yelled in the distance (judging from the direction the shouting came from, she was still in her own room). 

“I WON’T ASK AGAIN, GIRLS, GET THE HELL UP!” Daeseun screeched. Shortly after, the whole dorm shook as he slammed the door shut behind him. 

“I hate comebacks,” Seohyeon complained as she literally slid out of her bed like a snake and slithered across the floor towards her wardrobe. Jimin remained silent as she threw back the covers and clambered out of bed slowly, resigned to the fact that the day would be long, hard and tiring. 

Forty minutes later, all six of them had jumped into their van and Daeseun was driving them towards the studio where they would be filming their third to last goodbye stage. While they had been taking it in turns to rush through showering and getting changed, he had fetched them tea (coffee for Subin and Chaerin) and fruit - he had stubbornly insisted against buying them what Chaerin considered as ‘actual food’ as he didn’t want them to look bloated when they got on stage. There were hushed conversations surrounding her, yet Jimin scrolled through her instagram feed. Today, she just didn’t feel like joining in with what everyone else was saying. Today wasn’t just another performance for the group - something felt different, but the visual couldn’t put her finger on what it was exactly. 

“Jimin-ah,” Chaerin called from near the back of the van, not bothering with honorifics as usual. “Why are you so quiet? Something bothering you?”

Immediately, she cursed the American in her head; why did she have to draw attention to her? 

“Eonnie,” Eunjung’s voice came next, laced with concern. “Is it the media? You know we won’t let them anywhere near you when we get to MBC, you don’t have to worry about anything, okay?”

Jimin attempted a smile at the leader, who had been nothing but supportive and protective since the whole scandal with Hanni had exploded. “Thanks, Jungie, but I’m fine really. I’m just a little tired, that’s all,”

“Make sure you’re awake for the performance, yeah?” Subin teased gently from the seat behind her. 

“I’ll be fine.” Jimin assured them all firmly, not really believing herself. She thought that she had convinced everyone in the vehicle until she turned to talk to Seohyeon who was sat beside her. The maknae was staring at her with shrewd eyes, and straight away she knew that the dancer had seen through it all.

*

The stage itself went well enough; they did three runs of ‘Dream’ and another special performance of ‘Mine’ and were just taking a quick snack break before all the performers took to the stage for the winners of the week to be announced. Seohyeon collapsed into a chair in their dressing room for the day, exhausted, and Subin threw a bottle water at the youngest girl. 

The fanchants had been especially loud that day - it seemed to Jimin that all of the Novas had turned up especially to support them as after only a few more performances, they would be taking a break to prepare for the next album (or so they all assumed). It was the fact that their fans had turned up to cheer the group on despite the scandal that had bought the vocalist to the brink of tears at least three times while they were performing and even in the dressing room, she could feel the sadness pressing upon her like a tidal wave. 

“There were Acid Teochii fans joining in with our fanchants earlier,” Chaerin observed from the sofa, where she was lying flat on her back with a cold bottle of water balanced precariously on her forehead. “Did you guys notice that? I though that was really nice of them. It isn’t very often that fanclubs bunch together like that.”

Jimin froze in place, about to reach for an apple slice on the snack table, extended arm stuck in midair comically. Then the tidal wave crashed over her head. This was it, this was it. She spun on one foot and all but sprinted from the room, not knowing where she was going, just that she needed to be away from everything. 

“Where did Jimin just run off to?” Gayoon asked, clearly worried, turning to Eunjung and Subin for answers. 

“She’s breaking.” Seohyeon commented tonelessly, sitting up in her seat. “She was tossing and turning most of last night so she didn’t sleep well and now she’s quiet all day when she’s usually chatting with Chaerin eonnie or pretending to be an ice queen,”

“What are you trying to say, Seohyeon?” Subin asked seriously. “That she isn’t coping?”

“She wasn’t doing too well when we were preparing for the comeback,” Eunjung fretted, twining her fingers together. “I can only imagine how stressful this is for her,”

“I have a bad feeling about all of this.” Seohyeon told the group flatly, standing up and throwing her empty water bottle in the bin as she strode towards the door. “At this rate, there won’t be six members in Polaris anymore.”

I'M SO SORRY GUYS THIS CHAPTER IS HORRENDOUS AND NOT PROOFREAD AT ALL SO IT'S PROBABLY IN THE EXTREME GOD I've just been so busy with work that I literally haven't had the time to write more than a few lines a week. STUPID OVERTIME! *shakes fist*

Here, have a beautiful singing Jinki in the place of a proper apology :3