FADED

 

Minho entered his clinic and sank on his chair. This day is stressful. He had four patients this morning and each of them were special in a bad way. They up all his energy.

Minho heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.” he said.

A woman opened the door. She took a peek inside and smiled.

“Can I disturb you for a moment, Doctor?”

“Did you make an appointment for today?” asked Minho.

The girl pouted and shook her head.

“I forgot to.” Said the girl.

“I already told you, I can’t give you much of my time if you don’t make an appointment, there are patients who are waiting.” Said Minho.

“It will be very quick.” Said the girl. “Please. It won’t take more than five minutes.”

Minho sighed.

“Be sure it won’t take more than five minutes.” Said Minho.

The girl entered the room jumping with joy. She was wearing a lose white dress and sat in front of Minho.

“What is this about, Sulli?” asked Minho.

Sulli reached her hand towards Minho’s brows.

“You have that scary crease between your brows, Doctor.” Said Sulli. “ I told you it makes you less handsome isn’t it?”

Minho took Sulli’s hand and shoved it away.

“Tell me what you need.” Said Minho.

Sulli bit her lip as she hesitated.

“Time is running, Sulli.” Said Minho.

Sulli sighed. She looked down in embarrassment.

“I… wanted to buy something outside but… I forgot where I put my money.” Said Sulli.

Sulli looked up when she did not hear Minho answer.

“Can I borrow money? I promise to pay as soon as I remember where my money is.” Said Sulli.

“I can’t.” answer Minho.

“Why not? Don’t you trust that I have money?” asked Sulli.

“You don’t even remember where it is.” Said Minho.

Sulli pouted as tears started to pool on her eyes.

“It’s not my fault I’m a bit forgetful.” Said Sulli. “I don’t want to be forgetful. I hate it.”

Minho sighed.

“What do you want to buy?” asked Minho.

“It’ a secret.” Said Sulli.

“Secret?” asked Minho. “I don’t lend money for a secret. What if you’re planning to use my money for illegal things?”

Sulli’s eyes widened in shock.

“I was only planning to buy a cake!” said Sulli.

Caught! Sulli is so easy.

“Cake?” Minho smiled.

Sulli closed her eyes in irritation. She got caught again.

“Umm…yeah… I want to eat some cakes.” Said Sulli. “I can’t remember my favourite flavour so… I want to try each one of them. If I try each one of them, maybe I’ll remember which one I like best.”

Minho sighed and then he leaned forward.

“How about we do this?” asked Minho. “Wait for me until my last patient for the day, and then I’ll go with you to look for your favourite cake.”

Sulli smiled widely.

“Really? You’d do that for me? Awesome! You’re an awesome doctor!” Sulli stood up and went towards the door. “I will be out here. I will wait for you, Doctor!”

Sulli closed the door behind her. And then Minho stood up. He went towards the door, locked it and leaned on it as his knees lost strength and he glided down to the floor.

Minho felt that tightening in his chest as his eyes burned of hot tears. His body shook of emotion. His head throbbing with the pain in his chest.

 “How can I save us… How can I save you?”

And then Minho heard a knock. He tried to lift himself up and wiped his tears as he tried to control his emotions.

He pulled the door opened and he saw Sulli.

“Why… did you knock again? I thought you’re only going to wait outside?” asked Minho.

Sulli smiled.

“I…remembered something important.” Said Sulli.

“What is it?” asked Minho.

Sulli took something from her pocket and handed it to Minho. It was a mint candy.

“You said there are a lot of patients waiting. This candy will freshen your breath and also make you forget your hunger for a while.” Said Sulli.

Sulli put the candy on Minho’s hand.

“When… did you remember this?” asked Minho.

“Just now.” Said Sulli. “I saw some candies over there and I remember that you liked mint candies.”

“You… remember that I like mint candies?” asked Minho

Sulli nodded.

“Oh wait… but I can’t remember why I know you like mint candies though.” Said Sulli.

Minho placed his hand on Sulli’s shoulder.

“That’s…. good. It’s good that you remembered.” Said Minho. “Now go and sit over there, ok?”

Sulli nodded.

Minho closed the door and went to his seat. He stared at the mint candy. The truth is… he hated mint candies. But back then, Sulli would always tell him mint candy will freshen your breath and also make you forget your hunger for a while. He never once tried it back then. He kept telling her not to make him eat mint candies. But when Sulli had that accident…

He never stopped eating mint candies since.

Minho popped the candy into his mouth.

“I still hate it though.” Said Minho.

How can Sulli remember what she often tells him? She remembers remnants of her past but… it’s distorted.

 “I can’t be too hopeful then.” Said Minho.

------------------

Minho exited his clinic. He saw Sulli sitting on a chair, sleeping. Minho sighed as he sat next to her.

“You know Sulli…” said Minho.

Minho looked at Sulli’s sleeping face.

“I… miss you…so so much.” Said Minho. “You just don’t know how I long to be with you every day.”

Sulli’s face is serene while sleeping.

“But I failed you.” Said Minho. “I couldn’t save you.”

Sulli’s brows closed together. Minho massaged her brows.

“You haven’t forgiven me, huh?” asked Minho. “I… haven’t forgiven myself too. And until I see you well, I don’t think I ever will.”

Sulli slowly opened her eyes.

“Doctor, are we going to get cake now?” asked Sulli.

Minho nodded.

“Which one do you want to try first?” asked Minho.

“Chocolate, then vanilla.” Said Sulli.

And then Sulli’s phone rang. Sulli answered her phone.

“Mom? I’m with Doctor Choi. Huh? But we’re going to eat cakes…. Are you sure it’s only a while? All right.” Sulli ended the call.

“It’s your Mother?” asked Minho.

“Yes, she said she cooked some soup. She wants me to drink it. They said it’s good for the brain.” Said Sulli.

“She’s asking you to go home and drink the soup?” asked Minho.

Sulli nodded.

Sulli stood up.

“Maybe we can just have our cake date next time, Doctor.” Said Sulli.

“Cake date?” asked Minho.

Sulli nodded and walked on.

Minho followed Sulli and took her arm.

“I’m going to take you to your house. Let’s continue with the cake date after you drink the soup.” Said Minho.

“Huh?”

“You made me crave for cakes earlier. You need to take responsibility.” Said Minho.

-------------------

Sulli entered the house and went to the kitchen.

“I’m home. Doctor Choi is here with me.” Said Sulli.

Sulli’s mother handed her a bowl of soup.

“Drink this up.”

And then her mother went towards the door.

“Let’s talk.” Said Sulli’s mother. Minho nodded.

Minho and Sulli’s Mom went to the garden.

“She remembers a few things, but I don’t know how much she does. The other day, she mentioned something about wanting to give you some soup. She said she wants to learn how to make seaweed soup because you like it.” Said Sulli’s Mom.

“I used to like your recipe.” Said Minho. “In that case… Sulli might’ve remembered that.”

Minho sighed as he massaged his head.

Sulli continues to remember distorted things. He didn’t like seaweed soup. But they did celebrate a couple of events in the past where they had seaweed soup together.

Sulli’s Mom touched Minho’s arm.

“Stop punishing yourself.” Said Sulli’s Mom. “The truth is… I can’t understand why she would forget you of all people. After the accident, after she was in a coma for two years, when she woke up, she could not remember you. She remembers most things and forgot others but… she forgot about you completely.”

“It’s my punishment for what happened, for not being able to save her. For not being able to save her until now.” Said Minho. “It was all my fault.”

“You have to forgive yourself, Minho.” Said Sulli’s Mom.

“How can I?” asked Minho.

Sulli went out of the house and saw them.

“Doctor, let’s drink seaweed soup together!” said Sulli.

Minho felt something stuck in his throat. For a very long time, this is going to be the first time they would have soup together.

Sulli ran towards him but she fell off. Minho caught her.

“Ouch… recently my knees are so clumsy.” Said Sulli.

“When did you last check with the doctor?” asked Minho.

“Hmm….I can’t remember. You’re my doctor, I don’t need anyone else.” Said Sulli.

“I’m not an ortho specialist, Sulli. I am a psychiatrist.” Said Minho.

“I am forgetful. So I need you.” Said Sulli.

“But your knees….”

“I am ok, Doctor.” Sulli pulled Minho inside the house and served him some seaweed soup.

“It’s good.” Said Minho. “This… is really good.”

Sulli nodded.

“Hurry and finish it up, Doctor. We need to have our cake date.” Said Sulli.

Minho nodded as he drank the soup, he couldn’t help it as his tears fell. This moment is so familiar it pains him inside. How can ones brain just delete memories like that?

“Is the soup too hot?” asked Sulli. “You’re crying.”

“It’s because the soup is too delicious.” Said Minho. “It warms even my soul.”

Sulli smiled.

“You’re a very sentimental person, Doctor.” Said Sulli.

-------------------

Minho and Sulli arrived at a pastry shop.

“Woah… so many cakes!” said Sulli.

“We will try them all. You said you want to start with chocolate?” asked Minho.

Sulli nodded.

They ordered a lot of different cakes and then they went to try them one by one.

“I didn’t like the chocolate too much, the vanilla was just ok… this cheesecake is really good. But I like the mocha too.” Said Sulli. “I still can’t figure out which I like best.”

“It’s ok if you can’t remember your favourite cake yet.” Said Minho. “Take your time.”

“How about you, Doc? What’s your favourite?” asked Sulli.

Minho will never forget the cake Sulli once baked for him in highschool. It was a simple chiffon cake with some white icing on top. It was simple and the taste was ordinary, but it was Sulli’s first baked cake and she gave it to him on his birthday.

“A chiffon cake, with white icings on top and a few flower candies.” Said Minho. “I love home made cakes.”

Sulli took a while to answer.

“Isn’t that… too ordinary?” asked Sulli.

Minho shook his head.

“When I was younger, I thought it was too ordinary. Even when women give me home made cakes, they really didn’t matter. But I… will never forget the last chiffon cake I got in highschool. It was the best, it was from a very special friend. The thought of her earnestly learning how to bake for me mattered a lot. I heard she did not get sleep and wasted almost a sack of flour just to bake that cake for me.” Said Minho. “She gave it to me on my 19^th birthday. It was… the best gift.”

“That must be a very special moment in your life. I feel envious. That person must’ve been really close to you.” Said Sulli

“We were really closed. Until I screwed up.” Said Minho.

“You screwed up? You’re the best person I have ever met, Doctor. You’re such a proper person, how can you screw up?” asked Sulli. “Besides, I’m sure a lot of women fell on your feet. Until now, in the hospital, women talks about you a lot. Someone so admired by everyone is not supposed to screw up.”

Minho sighed.

“But I did. It was a mistake I regret until this day.” Said Minho. “I screwed up big time and the punishment was severe.”

Sulli pouted.

“I don’t get the story. It’s too vague.” Said Sulli.

Minho smiled.

“I met a beautiful woman in high school. But I never appreciated her beauty back then. I was so consumed in the world of being a teenager that I missed seeing the important things around me.” Said Minho.

Sulli’s brows came together.

“And when I almost lost that important thing… I couldn’t have it back completely anymore.” Said Minho.

“I still don’t get it but… it sounds sad.” Said Sulli. “Wait, let me get you a strawberry cake.”

Sulli stood up but fell on the floor. Minho immediately went beside her and looked at her knees. It looked swollen. Minho carried Sulli on his back.

“No more cakes today, Sulli. It’s time to go home.” Said Minho.

“But I haven’t figured out my favourite yet.” Said Sulli.

“Let’s go back here tomorrow.” Said Minho. “You really don’t care about getting fat, huh?”

Sulli snorted.

“I care about getting fat.” Said Sulli. “I’m also a woman, you know.”

Minho grinned.

“Yeah… I know.”

 Minho continued to carry Sulli as they walked back to Sulli’s house.

“You should see your Ortho Doctor soon. I’ll call him tomorrow for you.” Said Minho.

Sulli did not answer.

This was the road they always walked together on their way home back in high school. Does Sulli remember anything ten years ago?

“Do you… remember anything about the accident?” asked Minho.

Minho saw a bench and lowered Sulli to sit on the bench.

“It had been ten years since the accident. And eight years since you woke up from your deep sleep. Do you remember anything?” asked Minho.

Sulli did not answer and just looked at Minho.

“I’m sorry I’m not a good doctor. If I was a good doctor, I would have already brought back your memories. But I couldn’t. I tried to study psychiatry hard, I even had studies in neurology but I just couldn’t figure it out, Sulli.” Said Minho. “I am so sorry.”

Minho knelt in front of Sulli.

“It’s all my fault that you could not remember your favourite cake, where your money is, that you could not remember what happened to you ten years ago in that accident. I can’t blame you for forgetting. It was all my fault.” Said Minho. “You must’ve hated me so much that you wanted to forget me so eagerly.”

Minho’s tears trickled down his face.

Sulli touched Minho’s cheek and wiped his tears. Minho caught Sulli’s hand and held it.

“It was my 19^th birthday Sulli… you… gave me a homemade cake, you even asked your mom to cook seaweed soup for me. I told you I had a date, so I can’t eat the seaweed soup with you and I even just put the cake you baked for me in my locker.” Said Minho. “You learned about it… and then you followed me on my date. You confronted me there. And told me how stupid I was for being so blind to not know how you felt for me. I was angry at you for ruining my date. I told you to get lost. I saw how hurt you were but I ignored it. I was already planning how to apologize to you but I let you walk out of that place just like that. Because I wanted to look good to my date. And then… and then I heard a loud sound of a car screeching. I immediately felt cold sweat. Something inside me knew something bad happened to you. I went out to check if you were ok but… you were already lying on the ground, blood was everywhere, your head hit the ground and your knee stuck under the car.”

 Sulli’s tears flowed out.

“It was my fault. I hurt you… You got into an accident. And in return… you forgot about me.” Said Minho. “Do you know the worst part of all? It was not that I had to study how to treat you and end up failing, it was not that I hurt everyday knowing you had forgotten about everything we had in the past, it was not that I may never get your forgiveness… It was because I hurt you that day. It was because I have always hurt you back then. You were right… I was blind to see that the woman I have always wanted to be with was just around me all the while. And I only learned that, when you were already  on that hospital bed, deep in your sleep.”

Minho let Sulli’s hand go and bowed his head on Sulli’s leg as he continued to cry.

“You were right… I was stupid.” Said Minho. “I am so sorry Sulli… for being so stupid not to tell you how much I love you when you still loved me, when you could still remember everything about us. I’m so stupid to only let you know how I feel now, now that our memories had already faded from your mind.”

Sulli touched Minho’s head making him look up slowly.

“I forgive you.” Said Sulli. “I am forgiving you.”

“You can say that because you can’t remember.” Said Minho. “But once you remember, you’d hate me and curse me for what I have done to you.”

Sulli shook her head and took something out of her bag. It was a small box. She opened it and revealed a small home made cake.

“Happy Birthday, Minho.” Said Sulli.

Minho’s eyes were full of confusion.

“Today is your birthday. You are now 29 years old.” Said Sulli. “Remember the seaweed soup earlier?”

“How…”

“It’s because I can remember.” Said Sulli.

“But…how?” asked Minho.

“A month ago… I started remembering bits and pieces of my memory with you.” Said Sulli. “I… still can’t remember everything but… I think I remember a lot already.”

“Did you tell anyone?” asked Minho.

Sulli shook her head.

“I want you to know first.” Said Sulli.

“Why did you only tell me now?” asked Minho.

“Because you were stupid.” Said Sulli. “I gave you a lot of hints. This past month, I tried to tell you how much I remembered by small hints. But you were too slow to figure it out.”

“But your memories were distorted… the mint candy…”

“I intentionally did that. I wanted to punish you by giving you a mint candy. You hated that right?” said Sulli.

Minho’s tears flowed one after another. His chest is tightening in joy, pain and love.

“You… remember me now?” asked Minho.

Sulli nodded.

“And you… forgive me?” asked Minho.

Sulli nodded.

“But I… hurt you. You were in pain and that caused your accident.” Said Minho.

“You should not think of it that way.” Said Sulli. “I was hurt. I was broken hearted. I was in pain. But I never stopped loving you when I went out of that restaurant. Even when I got into that accident, I will never ever wish for you to blame yourself for it. Because everything happens for a reason.”

“A reason?” asked Minho. “I have always asked for a reason why this happened to us.”

Sulli nodded.

“I believe there’s a reason. And I see it clearly now.” Said Sulli.

“What do you see?” asked Minho.

 “Now… I think I see a glimpse of your heart.” Said Sulli. “Something you refused to let me see when we were younger. Maybe it takes ten years to see it. Maybe that was necessary. Maybe it had to be that long and that hard for us to see what’s really inside our hearts.”

Minho sighed.

“Sulli… do you understand what you are saying?” asked Minho

Sulli’s brows closed in.

“Now you know that I love you. Now you know that I am in love with you.” Said Minho. “Do you know what’s going to happen next?”

Sulli shook her head.

“I’m going to make you fall in love with me…again.” Said Minho. “I don’t care if you haven’t remembered everything. I don’t care if you only remember them tomorrow or never. But one thing is for sure, I will pursue you Sulli. I will make your heart beat for me again. And when it does, I won’t let it break a single crack ever again. I will never make the same mistake of losing you.”

Sulli bit her lip as her eyes become blurry with tears.

“You… are really a great doctor.” Said Sulli. “Because you just healed my heart.”

Minho stood up and pulled Sulli into a tight embrace.

“Let’s make new memories together Sulli. For whatever had faded, we will replace them with clear new ones. This is only the beginning.” Said Minho.

Sulli nodded.

The truth is… in her heart, her love for Minho has never ever faded. And it never will.

“About the cake.” Said Sulli.

“Yeah?”

“You were torturing me earlier.” Said Sulli.

Minho grinned.

“You know how I hate to eat cakes and yet you let me continue eating.” Said Sulli.

“That’s my simple revenge.” Said Minho. “For making me wait for you this long.”

Sulli pouted.

“I will never let you eat cakes again. But I will surely treasure the one you baked for me.” Said Minho. “From now on, anything about  you, I will treasure them, Sulli.”

Sulli smiled.

“Happy Birthday.”

 

----END-------