Chapter 9

It was really as bad as she feared. Chanyeol’s presence in the house, in addition to her impossible & hopeless feelings for Yunho, the gay, had made her so tense & distraught that she marveled how come she hadn’t snapped in two. It was hard to believe that it was only three weeks ago that she had been ready to throw caution to the wind when it had seemed like five years to her.

When she had stepped out from that closet, prodded & tired by Yoona’s persistent pursuit & the guilt that had been gnawing at her conscience all this time, she had decided to reveal the truth about herself. She had predicted what Yunho’s reaction to her confession would be so she wouldn’t even be remotely surprised if he started to sputter & yell at her in his anger & then banish her from his life for deceiving him but there’s also a chance that he would be kind, that he would understand her reason or sympathize with her predicament & let her stay for the remaining months. One thing was certain, whatever his reaction was going to be, her heart was bound to be broken either way. It was only the matter of how & when. She could practically feel the devastation & heartbreak starting to settle in just thinking about it but right at that moment, she had been too disheartened to try to come up with a better way to make the heartbreak easier to bear. A broken heart was still a broken heart after all. Just let it break & heal & then she could move on, she had thought dispiritedly. Even if she were to be thrown out, at least she could put an end to her own hopeless feelings earlier, she thought to comfort herself so she had marched into the living room, all the while, readying herself to pick up the pieces of her heart & life after Yunho’s done with her when suddenly heaven turned it all around. She didn’t know whether she should curse or thank it for giving her another moment of respite the minute she had entered the living room, for the sight of Chanyeol there had shattered her plan completely. Gone was her resolve & gone was her composure. His presence there had staggered her so much that she was lucky she had been able to voice out the words that she had uttered because all she could think about at that time was the first & last time she had seen him.

It was in the summer, eight years ago, when he had just finished high school. He had stayed in her house for a month before his freshman year at Chungang University started & she was only thirteen at that time, she reminisced. During her confinement after the kidnapping incident, she had become a shy, awkward & gangly girl. When her father had brought him home & introduced him as the boy he had been talking about, the boy he had picked up from the street & made his own, she had been totally awed by him. At seventeen, Chanyeol had seemed so mature in her eyes. His boyish & handsome features had mesmerized her & his eyes had seemed to be able to read into her mind whenever he looked at her but it was when he had crouched in front of her & gently lifted her hand up & kissed her knuckles that she had tasted that first feminine flutter in her stomach which, of course, had caused her to be more tongue-tied & flustered than ever when he had tried to talk to her but despite her gawkiness & single-word answered, he had continued to befriend her & coax her from her shell. Inevitably, gradually, under his patience & charm, she started to open up & become somewhat like her old self again, & he had been her first crush, she thought & smiled fondly at the memory.

She still remembered the night before he left for school. That night, after the subdued dinner was over, she had immediately ran to her room as she couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving the next day but before she could reach her room, he had grabbed her hand & asked her tenderly to go for a stroll in the garden with him & there, in the shadow, beneath the moonlight & twinkling stars, he had confessed his feelings for her & kissed her. Her first kiss had tasted so soft & sweet before the awkwardness settled in. They had ended up spending the night there, talking & laughing & right before he had left, they had promised each other that they would stay together, that they would stay in contact with each other & meet whenever time permitted but a promise was only that, a promise.

She didn’t know who & what had started it or when it had started but gradually, they grew apart. The phone calls started to become less & less often as they had become busier & busier with papers & exams & school breaks had been filled with part-time jobs & vacations instead of each other. By the time, summer had come again, her crush for him had died an early death & as years had gone by, her first crush had become a sweet, yet distant memory to her. Sure, sometimes she would imagine the time when she would see him again. They would be delighted to see each other again, of course, & when they started to talk about the past, they would laugh their youth silliness off & then, they would become the closest of friends & she would have the big brother & best friend she had never had but even in her most far-fetched imagination, she had never thought that they would meet again, under such circumstances & instead of feeling ecstatic, her first instinct had been to flee, to run as fast & far as she could but she had been too shocked by his presence that her body had seemed to be paralyzed & she could only stare at him like a fool. She only hoped that some kind of inner survival sense had somehow veiled most of her initial reaction.

By the time she had come out of her trance, she was leaning against the kitchen glass door & since she was in the kitchen already, plus to keep her hand & mind busy, she decided to indulge Yunho’s whim for once & make him some lemon cheesecake bar, the ones he had persuaded her to make for days. Baking could always relax her so when Chanyeol had come to find something to eat, she had some control within herself & could act more like herself.

How could the world be so small? How could Chanyeol be Yunho’s close friend? No, not only close friend. His best friend, his sworn brother. The one he shared every secret with, the one he would trust with his whole life. With a heavy sigh, she closed her eyes as the questions that had whirled in her head started to echo in her mind again. Was he coming here as Yunho’s friend or as her father’s right hand man? & did he have even a tiny bit of inkling that she was Tiffany Hwang, not Tim Hwang?

For her, there wasn’t even a speck of doubt that he was the Chanyeol she once knew. Although, she hadn’t seen him for so many years, there was enough of the boy she once knew in him now. The boy who gave her that first telling blush & there was no doubt either that whether he was here because of Yunho or her father, she would be dragged home as soon as he knew her circumstances because she knew just how loyal he was to her dad, ‘No, he must not have recognized me.’ Tiffany thought, & she knew she had changed quite a lot from that gangly & clumsy girl, not to mention, the fact that she was in her manly garb & it had better stay that way, she scowled at the ceiling fiercely because if he had even a hint about her real identity, she would have to sneak away in the middle of the night & disappear.

As for her grand confession, it would have to wait now & maybe it was better to wait until her time with Yunho was up anyway, she calculated. That way, she would have no other choice but to leave & she wouldn’t have to live here with the telling miserable look on her face. So what if Yoona kept bothering her? She could handle the nuisance of Yoona easily enough. So what if she would be leaving with her heart broken? She could handle a heartbreak. She hoped & so what if it ate a hole in her in the meantime for having to lie even more? She could handle everything. She would have to handle everything when the time comes.

Sighing, she burrowed her head in her hands as misery started to trickle through the protective denial & into her mind. Who was she kidding? How could she handle something like a heartbreak when she had never experienced the love in the scale she’s feeling for Yunho now? & how could she deal with the guilt that was eating her inside for lying to these people she had come to love? Unconsciously, she grabbed the phone beside her & started to dial her home number & hung up a second later as she realized what she was doing.

“Mom.” She whispered, as she clutched the phone in her hand tightly, “I wish you were here. I need to talk to you.”

Ever since she could remember, whenever she felt her chest about to burst with indescribable problems, her mom had always been there to comfort & console her, to share her burden & whenever she felt those gentle hands her hair & that soft voice caressing her ear, her problems seemed to evaporate, leaving her with a lighter heart & clearer head. Conviction & answer would soon come to her & she knew that whatever solution she came up with, her mom would always be behind her, trusting her to be able to make her own decision, catching her whenever she stumbled & encourage her to strive for more.

A knock at the door suddenly jolted her awake from her thought. Reluctantly, she got up & fixed a scowl on her face, prepared herself to shoo Yoona away. Who else would bother her at this time of the day other than Yoona? Snarling, she yanked the door open only to be brought short when she looked at the smiling Mrs. Jung, “Oh, come in, auntie.” She said hastily, as two red dots bloomed in her cheeks.

“I’m not disturbing you, am I?” Mrs. Jung asked, as she smiled gently, “I would hate to think that I’m disturbing your sleep or something. It’s just that I can’t sleep & I feel like chatting with you. Maybe I should come back later.”

“No, not at all.” Tiffany said, as she widened the door to let the older woman step in, “Do you feel unwell?” Mrs. Jung laughed pleasantly & patted Tiffany’s shoulder, “No, dear. Not at all. Are you?” Her emotions were too close to the surface at the moment & thus, unavoidably, she was caught unprepared by Mrs. Jung’s inquiry. Before she could mask her reaction, Mrs. Jung had already seen the truth reflecting through her eyes, “Ah, I see. I knew there was something on your mind when you tried to walk right through the wall the other day.” She said dryly. Seeing Tiffany’s flushed cheeks, she smiled sympathetically, “You know that you could always talk to me about whatever you want, whenever you are ready, right?” The older woman looked at her affectionately & then her smile bloomed as she remarked softly, “How I would love it if you could treat me like your own mom. I have always wanted more than one child myself. Will it be alright if I treat you as my own child?” Seeing the gentle & understanding look in Mrs. Jung’s eyes & sensing the sincerity & warmth radiating from the woman in front of her, Tiffany could only nod her head & bite her heart-shaped lips, trying not to howl as Mrs. Jung made her missed her mom even more now but then, Mrs. Jung opened her arms, “Then, come here, sweetie.” She said tenderly, “Let me hold you for a while.” The compassion & kindness in Mrs. Jung’s eyes touched her so deeply that she felt her control suddenly snapped & her emotion burst free. She ran into Mrs. Jung’s embrace & felt her world steadied again, as those arms held her tightly.

“There, there, sweetie. Don’t cry now. You don’t have to think of Yunho as your brother if it would make you this sad.” Mrs. Jung whispered softly, as she Tiffany’s blonde-orange hair lovingly, “I know what a big, mean bully my son is.” She teased.

A giggle slipped out from Tiffany’s lips even though tears were still flowing down her cheeks. She looked up only to see Mrs. Jung smiling down at her, “I love how you laugh.” Mrs. Jung said, as she wiped the tears on Tiffany’s cheek away, “So free & pure, just like a little kid.”

“Auntie.” Tiffany called hesitantly. She assessed Mrs. Jung with a look then as her mind was made up, she continued with a more certain tone, “I’m not exactly like what you think I am.”

Despite feeling falter at first, the words soon got past the obstruction in & flowed from her lips in a gush & she started to tell Mrs. Jung everything. Well, almost everything since she couldn’t make herself talked about her feelings for Yunho & her past with Chanyeol.

Both were too involved in Tiffany’s story that they didn’t notice the soft shocked gasps that drifted through the ajar door & the soft thud that followed it.