Emma let Chen in without a word.  He settled himself on her couch and she perched on the arm waiting patiently for her fuming friend to speak. 

“I hate Lay right now.  Why aren’t you mad at him?”  Chen asked sullenly.  Emma smiled softly.

“Life’s too short to spend it mad, Chen.  Don’t hate him.”  He looked at her quietly and uncrossed his arms, deflating.

“That jerk broke your heart.”  A statement.  Not a question.  She just shrugged and slid onto the couch cushion beside him, tired. 

“Chen…nothing ever happened between Lay and I.  You know that.” 

“Don’t lie to me, Emma.  I’ve been friends with the two of you since forever.  I saw how you looked at each other.”  Emma sighed and shook her head.

“Lay…there was a time when I was attracted to him...but we’re only friends, Chen.  I guess because our personalities are very similar-”

“Don’t give me that, Emma.”  Chen whispered.  “It was more than just a mental attraction.  I’m a man too.”  She chuckled.

“There was some physical attraction for me too.”  She whispered.  “I can’t say anything about him…”  Chen snorted. 

“That punk couldn’t tear his eyes away from you senior year in high school.” Her eyes got a distant look for a moment as she thought about how she had pretended not to notice when Lay looked at her that way…how she had managed to convince herself it was all in her head.

“That was a long time ago now, Chen.”  She sighed.  “I was attracted to him…but I never saw myself with him. Honestly…”  She wrapped her arms around her knees protectively before looking up to search his eyes.  “I always saw myself with someone like you, Chen.”  She confessed in a whisper.

Shock registered on his face as her words sunk in but before he could reach for her she turned away.  Silly…I don’t need someone who is like me, Chen.  I need someone who understands and completes me.

Chen had always been there.  Even before Lay.  While Lay had the capacity to be extremely sweet and caring and there was always a strange nervous tension when they were alone together, he also got caught up in his own thoughts.  Sometimes he was unreachable for days or weeks at a time when he was overtaken by one of his moods.  Chen, on the other hand, was always there with a smile or a joke or cute actions to cheer her up.  He had an uncanny awareness of her emotions.  He was open and honest and warm and comfortable.  He saw her for everything she was and everything she wasn’t.  Especially since graduating high school, she had been discovering just how dependable Chen was…and how he had somehow crept into her heart.

“Do you want something to eat?  I’ll cook for you.”  She offered, changing the tone of their conversation and bringing the topic back to safe grounds.  Chen smiled slightly…still cautiously searching for something in her expression and in her eyes.   

“Yeah.  I’d like that.”

…

Chen was handing Emma the last dish to dry when the doorbell rang.  They exchanged a look before Emma set the plate on the counter and went to open the door. 

“Lay.”  She said softly, surprised.  His forehead creased as he searched her face. 

“Can I come in?”

She stepped back to let him through the doorway.  Chen nodded slightly to acknowledge him.  Lay and Emma stood in awkward silence for several moments before they began to talk in low voices.

“Chen said you’re sick.”

“Yeah.”

“You…will you get better?”  Lay asked, his voice shaking slightly.  Emma looked up at him quietly.

“I have stage four cancer, Lay.”  She whispered finally.  She sensed Chen’s presence behind her.  She forced composure for his sake.  Even if Lay didn't fully understand, Chen now knew her prognosis in no uncertain terms.

“You aren’t going to get treatment?”  Lay asked finally. 

“No.” 

“You aren’t even going to try?”  Emma searched his eyes before shaking her head slowly.  He looked at Chen desperately.  “Chen, aren’t you going to say something?”  Chen leaned against the arm of the couch, dishtowel still in hand.  He looked at Emma.  Her insides shivered with the sudden realization that Chen had the ability to read her soul and she looked away to hide the tears in her eyes.

“I’ll support Emma’s decision.”  He answered softly.  Lay clenched his jaw, spun, and strode out of the room.  Emma bowed her head.  Chen stood, touched her hair gently then sighed and followed Lay outside.

…

“Lay-”  Lay spun and threw Chen’s hand away from him.

“How can you be okay with that?”  Lay asked vehemently.

“It’s her body, her choice.  I watched my Mom get those treatments, Lay.”  Chen said softly.  “So did Emma.”

“Technology has advanced since then, Chen.”  Chen shook his head.  “I mean…you’re studying to be a doctor!  If you love her-“

“I do, Lay.”  He sighed and shook his head.  “Emma…”  He swallowed and looked away.  He lowered his voice to keep it from breaking.  “Stage four means the cancer is everywhere. Emma’s a fighter…”  He swallowed hard and looked away.  “If she doesn’t want treatment it means that even a miracle wouldn’t get rid of it…okay?  So she should just be comfortable.”  Lay searched Chen’s face.

“So no matter what, Emma will die.”  Chen forced himself to face Lay again.

“Yes.”  Lay paced away, hands on his hips.

“So what are you going to do, Chen?”  Chen pressed his beanie farther over his head.

“I’m going to be there for her.”

“…Like I never was, right?”  Lay whispered.  Chen sighed again.

“Lay…”

“No…you were right.  I care about her...but I wasn’t there when she needed me.  I-I can’t be.”  He shook his head.  “I’m not strong enough, Chen.” 

“Then let me do it.”  Lay sat down on the bench.

“I was never preventing you, Chen.”  He murmured finally.  Chen sighed and sat down beside him. 

“What exactly is Emma to you, Lay?”

“Emma…”  He sighed, images of her throughout the years and his vague feelings playing over in his mind and heart.  “I…I don’t know.”  He played with a blade of grass.  “What is she to you, Chen?”  Chen was quiet for a moment.  “Chen?”

“My first love.”  He admitted finally.  He cursed softly and cleared his throat.  “She’s my first love.  And I’m scared to death because I’m pretty certain she’ll be my last.”

Lay stared at him.  “Were you seriously waiting for me to make a move all these years?”  He asked finally.  Chen shrugged.

“It was probably just an excuse.” 

“So we both screwed up.”

“…Yeah.”