That was not Yoongi wanted to hear from Jimin – not now, not in the past, and not ever. He’d thought Jimin would at least refer to him as a ‘lover’, considering how many times they’d made out, they’d shared so many secretive kisses in hallways, in Yoongi’s room, in the toilet when Jimin stayed the night over; the word ‘friend’ was like taboo, it was rude, offensive even.

But he couldn’t object, he didn’t like the idea of Jimin calling him a friend, but he would rather stay this way than to retort with his thoughts, why are we friends…? Aren’t we an item? and scare Jimin away. He didn’t want to lose Park Jimin from his sight, from his life at all. And so he nodded once, smiling numbly while looking at the ground, and repeated, ‘yeah, okay, let’s be friends.’

He thought he saw Jimin shed a tear or two after listening to his words, but he couldn’t make sure because his own tears were almost going to overflow; he needed the most inner strength he could have to control his raging emotions. He was determined to make Jimin happy by respecting his opinions, but he just couldn’t let go of the younger boy. He needed him, he wanted him so much; there wasn’t a single day he spent at the Home without thinking about Jimin and yet all Jimin wanted was for them to be friends. It didn’t make sense at all to Yoongi.

All he wanted now was to grip Jimin’s collar, pin him against the ing wall behind him and kiss the boy so fiercely he would understand that Yoongi DOES NOT only want to be friends. But he couldn’t – he didn’t want to scare Jimin away, and even though it was difficult for him to control that desire he still did.

Jimin spoke again, with little hesitation in his voice this time. ‘so… let’s go out, grab something to eat, and y’know, go to our usual place…?’ Yoongi’s eyes sparkled as he heard what Jimin said, their ‘usual place’ was the deserted playground located just beside Jimin’s current dorm. He was staying in a dorm because he felt it was easier to travel from there, rather than take a 2 hour long journey every morning from his house to his school. They’ve shared lots of conversations, secrets, tears, laughter, kisses and make-out sessions in that ‘usual place’; and hearing Jimin speak of that location was like lightening another spark within Yoongi. He thought the younger boy had already forgotten all of their memories, and he couldn’t help but to get his hopes up a little.

He just nodded without speaking this time; but eagerness flooded his body as he got up from the bed, changed into fresh clothes and went out for some ramen with Jimin. It was their first meal together in years, and Yoongi has no idea how this meal would turn out to be.

It turned out that they just kept making small talk to each other, with Yoongi contributing to most of the conversation because he didn’t want to stop having a reason to look at Jimin, and it makes him sad that Jimin turns away awkwardly sometimes after they had eye contact for a couple of seconds. He didn’t want to question Jimin on why he only wanted them to be ‘friends’, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask verbally. What if Jimin just didn’t want to continue their relationship? Wouldn’t it irritate Jimin further if he had the nerve to just ask him to be his boyfriend again, after such a long time of not meeting and talking at all?

Jimin, on the other hand, noticed how Yoongi has never stopped glancing at him since they came out of his house.

They got out of the ramen shop hurriedly, with Jimin trying to walk quickly – away, away from himself; why are you being so mean to Yoongi? He found no answers to his own question but still continued walking, distracted by his own thoughts crumpling into a massive ball of questions with no answers, distracted by Yoongi behind him, distracted by everything at that moment.

-beep-

‘PARK JI-‘

Everything went quiet in a sudden. Jimin could only feel a pair of slim, pale arms grabbing him from behind – no, stop, you’re going to suffocate me with that strength – and his head was hurting a lot. He couldn’t focus on his surroundings at all; everything was blurry and confusing to him.

He could see a human form hovering above him, and then he realized that the pair of hands holding him back, protecting him, was gone. He shook his head, confused about the sudden turn of events, and finally make out that it was Yoongi’s hands, Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi was the one who’s staring at him with huge, concerned eyes right now, Yoongi was shouting at him, Yoongi was shaking him, Yoongi’s voice is trembling so badly…

‘you –‘ me? ‘hit by a car –‘ …? ‘thank god’ what… ‘I cannot lose you, park jimin’ …. Yoongi…

‘YOU NEARLY GOT HIT BY A ING CAR DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARED I WAS – PARK JIMN YOU LOOK AT – NO, YOU LOOK AT ME! THANK GOD I HELD YOU BACK IN TIME OR, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO IF YOU ARE GONE, PARK JIMIN’ Jimin listened to Yoongi screaming right in front of him with mixed emotions – grateful, sorry, and guilty, even.

Thank you, Yoongi.

I hope you know I can’t lose you too.