It was all a little too much on his mind. They’d finally spotted another mer- Tao wasn’t sure of his name, but by the astonishment on his face, they surely knew him- and rather than saying anything at all, they darted off into the bobbly stone cave network just beyond them. They’d arrived at the caves where Tao had spent so much of his time curled up in. Even a shoal of small fish disappeared into the tiny holes of the strange bubbled shell that was the rock down there.

“Kris?” Tao asked, without looking back to the other on his back.

“Tao?” He replied calmly into his ear. He’d gotten rather comfortable there.

“What made you realise this wasn’t heaven- or even the way there?”

He’d been curious about it ever since it happened, but didn’t want to ask until the other had completely calmed down. The shock was still there- the question exhumed a deep sigh- but Kris was able to subdue the reaction with a certain speed. “All I’d seen so far were strange creatures floating around me. I could breathe, though hardly conventionally, so although I knew they were fish-like, I hardly knew I was underwater. It took the shipwreck to anchor me in reality… and of course, there is no place for the derelict in the perfect divine.”

Tao let a small ‘o’ of acknowledgement slip from his lips. He had little to add- Kris’ words had a way with him, it seemed. His words were as of yet not many, however they never failed to be spiritual for Tao and every time Kris spoke he made a small imprint on the mer.

“When you hit me and I felt a tingle of pain only the living can feel- well, I suppose you could call that the catalyst of it all.” He added. Tao stayed silent, feeling yet again a glow in his face and a feeling he was uncertain of in his chest.

“Tao, are you okay?” He asked again a little later, when he couldn’t worm any substantial responses from the other. Another couple of new faces had appeared and disappeared again as they went further into the valleys created through the mountainous rocks and sea bed. Tao wasn’t sure, so again, he couldn’t answer.

Finally, the face they’d seen in the first place appeared from the cave networks in a large alcove, with several others alongside him. “Tao?” He called out, a little hesitantly. He’d caught the attention of the two mers, the first one to attempt talking to them at all. They exchanged glances before swimming in under the shadow of the rock.

There were more than Tao had expected. Some of them he didn’t recognise at all. They were all looking at him, some with a worried tinge, others a little apprehensive. Kris tightened his grip around Tao’s neck, a bicep resting on his left shoulder with both hands on his right. He nuzzled his cheek into Tao’s hair nervously, hiding his chin and lips among the black locks. “Why are they staring at you?” He whispered so quietly that only Tao could hear.

“Tao… while you were gone…” The one who had spoken before began. He brushed his brown curls out of his eyes in delay. Something seemed to be eating all of them.

“Oh stop it already! You’re scaring him,” Another behind him with a bright red tail suddenly became annoyed. “Tao, we thought you were gone for good. There are some mers around here that would… that might…”

“Jump you for being a siren.” The first grumbled out reluctantly.

“So you have to be careful while we spread the word. Most of them haven’t seen a siren before and won’t be able to tell the difference, even though we told them…” He shared sad eyes with his companion.

Tao’s jaw dropped, aghast. “What the hell do you expect to achieve by attacking a siren? I thought mers were supposed so save, not destroy.”

“You don’t understand,” The red-scaled mer lamented, pained wrinkles creasing around his eyes. “Sirens aren’t the same as mers. They’re tormented by a venom released within them until… Well… It takes them. Nobody survives turning for very long. It’s better this way.”

“Tao,” Kris said louder this time, the whole encounter freaking him out. His nails were digging into Tao’s shoulder.

Tao immediately swirled around to give the other a reassuring hug.

“Who is this?” The one with brown curls spoke up, curiosity of all present perking. They’d all been wondering.

“He’s… new,” Tao responded, narrowing his eyes. Although he never distrusted the other mers around here before, he didn’t want to let Kris go from his side.

“Did you turn him?” Red-scales quickly asked, approaching alongside his friend.

“It’s obvious,” Curly answered for him, pointing out the way Kris’ arms wound around Tao’s waist for reassurance, just as Tao’s had done with Lay.

It was becoming clear to them that Kris had gotten off on the wrong foot with them by the way they behaved around Tao.

“Look, Tao, we’re sorry, Lay was right. You just needed some time like he told us. But you really scared us before you left, you know?” The louder of the two explained, adopting a no-nonsense policy.

“Who are you,” Kris curtly asked. Tao was surprised at the cold tone he hadn’t heard before.

“Baekhyun… and this is Kyungsoo,” The red-scaled one introduced. The others that once sheepishly slunk behind them had already left, supposedly to alert the community of Tao’s return and the appearance of a new mer with him.

“Baekhyun, Kyungsoo. If any harm befalls Tao, it will be me you will contend with.” His stony expression was dead serious.

Tao felt his pulse jump, and wondered if the other could feel it.

-----

The two rested in the alcove next to each other, finally relaxing their tails on the elevated stone in the corner. Kris marvelled about how less heavy he is underwater, although Tao didn’t mention it was no different when dragging him. He also decided not to mention how protective the other had suddenly become just a little while ago. It was getting late, and neither Kyungsoo nor Baekhyun had yet returned to them. They had started talking about broader things.

Tao learned that Kris was actually a scholar and kept a diary of poetry on his travels. At the time, he’d come hard of money and took a job as a navigator, although he was more literate in the theory rather than reality of sea voyaging. He’d only been on three seafaring journeys.

Kris learned that Tao’s whole life was spent at sea. Without a father in the household, he didn’t go to school and could barely read thanks to his mother at the age of twelve. It was her teaching him to read and write which gave him the last thing he needed to become a ship’s captain later on in life; all the rest of his expertise came purely from experience and apprenticeship.

Tao had all sorts of questions for Kris about the mainland. He hadn’t really spent much time there, come to think of it, the fondest thing about the place his mother, and a few friends who he knew looked after her while he was gone. They sold local produce on the coastline. She swam for oysters.

He was shocked to find that someone who spent so much time at home indoors didn’t have a solid relationship with their parents. Kris blamed it on spending most of his time studying, however he knew that it was a symptom of his parents never being around. They had two maids who ran the house in their absence, whom he were friendly with, but never really got hugely attached to. Lonely nights on the balcony to lonely nights on the deck were an easy transition, he said, the change of scene inspiring a revival in his original works.

Tao began to mellow out in their gentle conversation. He realised how casually he was talking about his past- and was talking about it as just that, things said and done. It was in the past now, no matter how he tried to hold on to it, finally turning the last pages in the chapter of his life he’d read over and over again while being too scared to continue the story.

In a natural silence which had occurred in their conversation Tao had a little time to realise this. Today had been a hard day, but there was one last thing for him to do for himself which required gathering scraps of leftover courage.

He slowly began to his shirt. It was time to shed the last of his ties, only to be left with his memories from now on. He felt a curious pair of eyes on his side as he fumbled with the buttons so old the holes had become staunch and refused to let go of them.

Finally the mer shrugged the fabric from his shoulders sheepishly, suddenly feeling extremely exposed and vulnerable. He scrunched the delicate material in his hands, cradling it to his stomach, his back hunched and shoulders curling in around him to protect him from whatever his shirt had done before (he knew not what). This tip of his tail began lightly tapping on the cold stone below, poking and prodding at the smooth surface as a small distraction from the nagging in his brain to put the shirt back on and forget he ever did anything.

A soft hand came and massaged the nape of his neck, rubbing its way across his right shoulder as Kris shuffled closer to the brooding Tao, making slow small circles around the knobbles of his bones through his pliable skin. “If you frown like that and the current blows, it’ll stick like that forever,” He joked, successfully distracting Tao from the fabric in his hands, lined expression replaced with one of mild surprise.

“How do you do that?”

“What?” Kris asked, his turn to look confused, hand pausing a moment in anticipation.

Tao couldn’t hold a small smile from escaping. Teasingly, he looked away rather than answering. He felt that Kris knew really, anyway.

A bright smile broke out, lighting Kris’ face with joy and creasing his eyes.

With one arm over Tao’s shoulders, they sat like that for a little while, before Kris took the shirt away from Tao- he’d begun to fiddle with it again, contemplating everything it resembled for him. For Kris, his shirt wasn’t much. It was just something which would rot with time, just as Tao’s had done. In a nod of solidarity, Kris decided to take off his too; after all, none of the others had theirs either.

Releasing Tao to start working on the cut bone buttons that were left- some of them having come off at the bottom where his binds were tied- halfway down he began to notice Tao was frowning curiously at his collarbone. Pausing, he glanced down and realised it was his necklace. He stopped what he was doing and hooked it out so the pendant was clearly visible.

Tao’s eyes practically bugged out of his head. He grasped at his chest as if suddenly choked, leaping up with a strong swipe of his tail, struggling to get any words out, “Wh-wh-” being all which he strangled from his neck as he pointed frantically at the small piece of silver.

Kris felt his heart kick in his chest, wondering what on earth had gotten into the other. He was gradually realising there was much more to Tao’s story so far than what he knew. “T-Tao?” He shakily squeaked out.

“Where did you get that?” The words tumbled out much louder than he thought they would. He rubbed the back of his neck, which stang and stang just as the day when that very necklace had been robbed from him.

Kris lightly placed his hand on his chest, fingers curling around the chain. “I-I-” He stuttered, too shocked by Tao’s visceral reaction.

“Where did you get my mother’s necklace!” He hissed, managing to hold it back from being the scream he so wanted to let out. His mind was nothing but flashbacks. He could barely keep himself from seeing Chen before him rather than the slowly panicking Kris. He needed Lay.

“What? I-”

It was too late. Tao was blind again, and there was Chen, blinking at him with Kris’ at-a-loss expression. “You stole it from me! Why did you take it?”

“Tao?”

“What murdering me not enough?”

“Tao!”

Tao descended into chaos, pressing both hands to cover his face as he shrieked.

Several pairs of hands descended upon him, voices around him falling on deaf ears. Get Lay.

-----

When Tao groggily squinted his eyes open, tender to the light of the outside, it took him a few moments of panic to realise Kris wasn’t anywhere to be seen, and he was in the company of another. “Ah, so you’re finally with us,” a kind, soft voice graced his ears. He looked up to find he was in the arms of Lay, the other worriedly fussing over him with a sympathetic expression. Unsure what to say, Tao let his gaze drop back down, head resting against the other’s chest heavily.

“I’m sorry.” Tao blinked back shock. What? He looked back up to see Lay’s bottom lip tremble. He’d never seen Lay upset before, and here he was, apologising for who knows what and on the verge of impossible tears.

“What? Lay, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you certainly not leave like that. Why are you apologising?” He asked. He felt guilty that wasn’t the first thing to come out of his mouth as soon as he saw the other. “You’ve never wronged me…” He added quietly as the other sniffled, wrapping his arms around Lay as he felt him tremble.

“Tao, I’m sorry but while you were gone…” His voice was a mess. Tao hugged tighter, but Lay only seemed to worsen for it. “I doubted you,” he finally choked out, wrapping Tao up in his embrace, crying noisily with his chin on Tao’s head. Tao’s expression softened against Lay’s chest, the grief of his friend leaking into his heart as he felt the other’s pain.

“I can’t blame you,” Tao said softly under the crying, not sure if the other could hear him or not. He’d lost faith in himself too at certain points.

“I’m so angry with myself,” Lay continued, letting it all out. “I always said to the others you’d be back… But in my heart… I can’t hide that from myself,” he was starting to rather strangle Tao by now, who awkwardly patted his back, not really used to being on the other end of the comfort with Lay.

It was a beautiful therapy to hold and be held. But Tao didn’t know how to make the other happy again. Not like what Kris had shown him, not too long ago.

Where was Kris?

Why did Tao always have to make things so complicated?

-----

Two calm mers sat side by side, chastely holding hands in the new morning light.

“Why did I catch you shouting at Chen again?”

Tao sighed heavily. Previously only Lay had seen that side of him. He partly hoped Lay had managed to say a few words of explanation to Kris, otherwise he had a lot of explaining to do once he saw the other again.

“Kris has my necklace.”

Lay frowned in confusion. Tao never wanted to talk about his nightmares or memories, so he never asked. The wound was always too fresh to be reopened, and Tao simply hadn’t been ready to talk about it.

Tao sighed again. It was time to explain.

“My mother gave me a necklace when I became captain. The pendant was a family symbol, and although I hadn’t seen that particular necklace before, I knew it must have been a heirloom, because it’s definitely one of a kind.” He spoke quietly. “Chen… took it from me, before I was thrown overboard.” Lay had to lean in to hear properly.

Lay ‘o’d in response, one or two puzzle pieces falling into place. “No wonder,” he concluded.

“I didn’t mean to shout at him,” Tao mumbled grumpily, lamenting at his sensitivity. “But why does he have my necklace?” He asked again in exasperation, pulse picking up again at the thought of it. The curiosity was killing him.

“First of all tell me something,” Lay raised his voice above Tao’s and lowered it, to loosen the tight strings a little. “Who is Kris? All I was told is that you were found having a go at him, no other details.” Tao made a small groan. It seems the others again know he’s just as dysfunctional as before.

“I… He was drowning so…” He didn’t have to explain further, Lay knew exactly what he meant and consequently a small portion of what Tao was feeling for the blond. The first transformation was always going to be the one whom they doted on like a precious pearl. All feelings of empathy, protectiveness and the need to carry courage enough for two- and the first time experiencing them like this- was enough to change mers for good, and for the good. Lay smiled softly. He knew those feelings very well.

“Go and ask him. I’ll be where you need me,” Lay prompted. Tao looked up at the mer, mirroring the gentle curve of his lips. What would I do without you? He thought to himself. Lay nodded knowingly, waving at Tao to get up and do something. And, he did. With a small smile for courage.

-----

“Kris?”

The blond was sitting, shirtless, with Kyungsoo at his side, in one of the larger caves with large skylight windows where the rock had eroded away. When he looked up, he looked at Tao a little differently than before. Kyungsoo didn’t need to look twice between them before he excused himself for their privacy.

Tao stretched himself calmingly again with a deep inhale, exhale. But before he could start, Kris spoke first. “Kyungsoo told me about the way Lay found you. I… had no idea.”

He was surprised Kyungsoo of all people had told Kris about his past. He wondered how much the other knew now- about the reclusiveness, the distrust, the fragility… the burden.

“I’m sorry to burst like that. But I’d recognise that necklace anywhere- where did you get it from?” He asked calmly this time, although he didn’t come close to the mer as before.

Kris shifted uncomfortably, worrying Tao endlessly as to the answer. He was bracing himself for something earth shattering, however he knew he’d never survive another rock of the boat. At least he had Lay on standby.

“On my second voyage, my ship was attacked. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I’d never seen much beyond tavern fights, and at the time even those were shocking.” Kris started. Tao didn’t like where this was going at all. “But these pirates picked the wrong ship- I was navigating for a battalion being sent out to give aid to the next peninsula. Peasant revolt or something. Anyway, although a lot of people boarded the ship, most of the soldiers had pistols, and the majority of them were shot dead.”

Tao was silent. Kris wouldn’t be telling him this story if not for the necklace, so those pirates must have been his crew. He’d spent a long time with them- although they were accessory to his demise, his heart couldn’t shake the heaviness to hear how far they’d gone astray, and where that path had lead them.

“I can remember it all so vividly. It left a deep impression on me, never having seen a death before, let alone having a body drop like a stone wide-eyed right in front of me. The thump made the floorboards vibrate. I jumped at every little thing and spent most of my time cowering- I hid behind some barrels until it was mostly over… but I remember peeking over the wood to see a man with a brown vest and bright chestnut hair kneeling on the ground in front of our captain and three soldiers. As soon as I realised what they were going to do, I dropped and hid behind the barrels again…” The story was replaying in his mind, rendering him unable to finish the awful ending. A shiver ran up his spine as the sounds recurred around him, unable to block it, as hard as he had tried not to bear witness to this pirate’s final moments. Not the begging, not the pleading, not the explaining-

Neither the haunting wail moments before being cut short in way of deafening silence. The clean whistle of metal swishing through the air rang in his ears. He’d spent the year trying to eradicate the rest he heard.

When Kris had crawled from his hiding space on his knees and elbows, unable to stand for shaking, his captain strode past him without a word. Kris’ eyes followed the crimson glint which drenched the dripping cutlass in his hand. His boots were covered and left footprints behind him. Kris was ready to pass out. Crew hurried past him silently, cleaning up after the incident. Not a word was uttered for the rest of the day.

“The pendant was around his-” Kris was too repulsed to say it, so briefly touched his adam’s apple with the tip of a finger. “-so I took it, as a reminder of those with cruel intentions.” He’d plucked it from a pool of blood on the ground.

Tao and Kris were suspended in thick silence.

“Chestnut hair?”

Kris nodded.

Tao finally approached Kris, sitting where Kyungsoo once had sat. So this was to be the fate of his friend and betrayer. He let himself slouch down into the cold rock. He lacked the words to respond. His energy had deflated from him long ago.