Lay woke up the next morning, his computer screen still lit up from the previous night, his reports unsent. Sighing, he rubbed his eyes before leaving the room to enter the living room which was unfortunately empty. Running his fingers through his hair in pique, he bit his lips at the recollection of the things that happened a night before. Reaching out for the phone on the table, he dialed for Kyungsoo’s number but his heart sank as he heard his familiar voicemail message.

“Hyung are you alright- I’m sorry. Come home soon alright? I can’t function properly without you, honestly.” Lay pressed the end call button with weary eyes as he threw the phone onto the soft surface of the sofa. It might take awhile this time; and as he walked back to the room with heavy footsteps, he casually ignored the list of missed calls from his superiors. It wasn’t important if placed beside Kyungsoo – they weren’t the ones who were there as a buoy for him when he was at his troughs of sentiments. A gaze out of the windows revealed that it was still drizzling, leaving him to wonder where Kyungsoo had went to spend the night, uneasiness filling his empty stomach quicker than anything. As he opened the fridge, he groaned at the sight of the beautifully packaged desserts the other boy had bought a night before as he closed the fridge door tightly and knocked his head against its smooth surface.

On the other hand, Kyungsoo found himself lying aimlessly on the soft mattress in a cold hotel room, his fists clenched slightly as they trembled. His eyes remained rather soulless as he stared up at the ceiling and wondered about things, thinking of his poetry, thinking of the things he’d written about Lay in his notebook. At times he wished to shove it in his face and proclaim the fact that his love for him was perhaps more than what he thought it was, but the other half of his befuddled head would tug on his arm and pull him back for these were afterall his personal thoughts – pieces of him. At that moment he visualized his younger self facing the familiar gold rimmed mirrored in a dark room, his small hands clasped together as he stared into his own soul as the dulcet tones rang out behind him; and he opened his mouth for the first time and spoke – if he let things out of the bag would he lose pieces of himself? Would he be able to keep the things that he’d wished to keep to himself safe from the reach of others? Yet then again Lay was the one he’d deemed as the only trustworthy soul living – would it hurt to place a little more trust in his hands? Reaching out to get his phone from the table beside him, he sighed as he held on its power button and waited for it to vibrate. Glancing at the list of missed calls, he sighed as he pulled himself back up.

“I’ll be back tonight. Concentrate on your work and don’t make me worry.” He typed before pressing the send button and leaving for the washroom. Meanwhile, the older boy clutched his phone tightly in the dark apartment as he leant back against the soft support of the couch in the living room.

-

Lay sighed as he slumped on the bed in his room quietly as the clock ticked silently on the wall opposite of him – apart from a scolding from his superiors he hadn’t gotten himself into much of a mess given that he was usually competent, and the fact that Kyungsoo was returning rekindled his working system and he finished his reports earlier than the time he usually started the arduous process and he was still an hours ahead of schedule as he waited for the younger boy’s return with bated breath. As he heard the usual twisting of the lock outside the door, the sound of a slight kick against the door as he’d take his shoes off, the sound of the gentle push of the door – he was back.

“Kyungsoo.” Lay sighed as he walked out to meet him with a weary hug, his arms wrapped around him as he felt himself limp against the younger boy’s frame. He felt his breath against his neck as Kyungsoo sighed and hesitantly returned the hug with trembling hands and pat his back tenderly.

“I’m sorry for leaving like that.” Lay shut his eyes at the rich texture of his voice, the way he pronounced each and every word something he had gotten used to, something he’d admired for quite awhile. Everything about this soul was empyrean; even his poetry, they were gorgeous and the skillful word play was simply flawless.

“I’m sorry for the poems.” Lay bit his lips as he swallowed hard, hoping that this wouldn’t make him upset once again.

“It’s fine. I thought it through and there’s something I need to tell you.” Kyungsoo’s voice was close to a whisper as he slowly let go of Lay and entangled himself from his embrace as he slipped his hand down to Lay’s hand and tugged him towards his room, spotting the book lying limp in front of the opened window. He let go of his hand momentarily to grab the book gently from its perch before leading him back out to the living room, their fingers intertwined loosely, “It took me quite awhile to reach this decision but I got to it anyway. These poems are things that I thought I’d want to hide from every other person but I think; since they’re like well.” He paused as he scratched his head, his soulless eyes squinting at the table before him as he pondered about the right words to use, “Since they were honestly written for you I thought maybe it wouldn’t be appropriate to keep it from you anyway.”

“You don’t have to-” Lay spoke as he stopped when he felt Kyungsoo’s gaze on him as though pleading at him to allow him to carry on. Kyungsoo smiled faintly as he flipped the book open, the dry pages making the crinkling sounds in the wind under the ceiling fan as the side of Kyungsoo’s dry lips twitched gently, his fingers running across the page. Placing it before Lay, he smiled and placed it on his lap before reaching over to rest his arm around his shoulder and pulled him backwards to lean against the sofa.

“Here’s the first poem I wrote for you.”

---

2^nd January – finesse.

(I met the boy I bumped into while going on an evening run the other day – its been a month but his features and his voice has been since imprinted in my head for some queer reason. It’s interesting how just thinking of him makes things feel a lot better. Its queer but I really do hope we’ll end up meeting again – its been awhile since I started poetry but it’s the first time I’m writing blatantly about someone; progress isn’t it?)

 

because of you, just the two of us.

 

10 seconds;

your sweet scent of fresh lavender

in contrast to the groggy aroma of

hazelnuts blended into heaven.

 

20 seconds,

your eyes quietly gazing

across the busy morning street

of emotional pandemonium.

 

30 seconds,

your fingers lying

in the right angles

on the cold wooden table.

 

40 seconds,

your hand running across

the patched quilts of

fibre.

 

50 seconds,

a darkening sky across the

 vast seas of pearl white –

finest shades.

 

60 seconds,

your voice against the muffled hums,

the sonorous yet gentle texture;

soulful yet detached.

 

70 seconds,

you stand, a paper bag in contrast with your

skin; an opal ring hanging off your neck,

a snowflake against cassiterite.

 

80 seconds,

you pace across the carnelian,

wood creaking under your coal-black

boots, a yellow umbrella against the darkness –

 

90 seconds,

placing a shivering hand over

your onyx beanie you smiled –

steady rhythmic steps into the rain.

---

"Poetry really is beautiful huh? No wonder you love it." Lay murmured as he turned back to Kyungsoo as he watched him nod. 

"Yeah it is." He paused, "It's an outlet too; it's something I can't live without - just like how I can't quite function without you." 

"I get that feeling too, at times." Lay grinned faintly and closed the book softly.