CHAPTER 4

Jiyong’s heart wrenched when he felt what she was experiencing at that particular moment. Jiyong could feel her pain, her suffering and her ceaseless love towards him and it was his entire mistake, his biggest mistake in allowing himself to desert her before.

His heart was frozen when her sobbing shuddered and penetrated into his zero and empty mind. He tried to gather himself and take control of the whole emotional and complicated action that’s going on between both of them.

He wonders on whether he should pull away from her at that moment. He wanted to give both of them some room to breathe and look at each other softly before wording out what’s kept within themselves but he can’t take any chances to allow her to slip away from his grasps again.

He wants her to be with him, in his embrace, 60 seconds per minute, 60 minutes per hour, 24 hours per day and 365 days per year and so on as the earth rotates on its orbit and revolves around the sun. If he was offered to be the master of the universe with the galaxies that take swivels around in the outer space as his subject, he’ll decline it just for her.

Nothing can be compared to his love towards her. Only now does he realize how important she is to him and how powerless and lifeless he’d be without her as his life supporter, his soul.

He wants both of them to lead a life that only has only both of them. He wants both of them to be in a world where they only have each other, where he’ll depend on her as the way she’ll depend on him. It might sound dreamy and unrealistic but he really wants it now. He’s through with the materialistic life that he used to live and all he wants now is to live for her and to give her his everything.

“Get away from me.” She finally murmured, her face flushed and his cheeks were turned pale. He looks so dead as he heard what she has just told him.

“Taeng.” He finally said, after a few moments, still holding him close to her, without attempting any movement that may disentangle her from him. He held her tighter, unwilling to release her. His tears have already wetted her head as she cried along with him.

“Please, get away from me.” She blushed but of course, Jiyong being so insecure as ever refused to break the union of their arms. Instead of loosening her from him, he cuddled her up, signaling her not to request such thing at the moment.

“Stop squeezing me, Oppa, I can’t breathe.” She muttered, while pouting softly, wanting him to release her from his awful grasps with lousy appliance of strength.

She feels like dough that has been too overworked by him. He trembled yet again, at her request and of course, the frequency of his fast heartbeat blasted against her chest. She could feel that he feel timid ane truly weak. Her tears dropped again, and in each droplet, there are exculpation and mercy, compact with love and parceled with forgiveness. At that particular moment, she knew that she’s actually being divine for forgiving him for what he has done.

“I never knew that embracing a wife such as yourself bestowed the sense of belonging upon me.” He sighed, his voice as hoarse as before with silent grief.

“Let me go.” She said softly, but certainly, the words that she has chosen to utter is inaccurate as it made his heart break once again.

“Am I that unforgivable? Have you no mercy anymore, I know that I was wrong, I was wrong for not concentrating my love towards you, forgive me, Taeng.”

“No mercy.” She said, playing hard to get, making him as devastated as ever andJiyong felt the torture is like having a lake in front of him when he’s thirsty but unable to drink the water from the ‘Mirage’ to quench his thirst for love as the water keep cascading away from him. It was indeed a painful and hurtful thought as he felt like having a nightmare in a restless and sleepless night.

“I deserve no mercy, I know, just…just let me embrace you for a while before losing you, please? Just a moment, allow me, Taeng, just for a moment.” He begged, causing Taeyeon’s tears to drop onto his shoulder again, while he buried his head in her hair and much to her despair of teasing him, his weakness was shown clearly to her. She felt slightly wet on the top of her head. Her hands went limp, unable to return his embrace anymore. She felt weak for making him as weak as that and when Jiyong felt that she’s no longer retuning his embrace and has stopped participating in what they were doing, he sighed regretfully and slowly pulled away from her softly as he knew that it’s time to free her from her sorrow.

“My personal crusade has come to its end and I have stumbled in it, Taeng…I mean, Miss Kim, here’s the pen, I shall question you no more, you’ll be free from sorrow.” He said, placing the fountain pen from his shirt pocket onto her hand. He held her warm hand for a moment before letting it go painfully.

He feels like dying when she looked up at him deeply. How he wish that she’ll change her mind about getting a divorce and silently, he prayed for a miracle for her to come back into his arms.

“Goodbye.” He whispered, and closed his eyes before moving away from her and faced his back to her, not wanting to let her see his grief. He closed his eyes shut in a miserable attempt to pray that the whole thing is just an awful nightmare and even if it’s reality, he hopes to start all over again.