Flashback

As I have promised her months before I take the exam for my driver's license, after the exam I asked her out. When I saw her walking towards the car, I gave her a smile and when she was near I handed her a pink rose. She gave me a confused look, I shrugged, and she then gave me her sweetest smile... 

We went to Han River. After I parked near the river, we got out of the car and sat on the grass. The night, the view of city lights on the other side of the river, and the climate is beautiful. I guess this really is the perfect time and place.

"Fany-ah... uhhmmm, have someone ever tried confessing to you?" She looked at me, her eyes, smiling, making me fall harder.

"Are you really that clueless??? A lot of our fans have done that and I'm pretty sure you've received tons of confessions as well." She retorted.

"Eh~ well, I guess that's true, but what I'm trying to say is... Aish! Tsk! Forget it."

"Don't go roundabout on me Tae~"

"I like you." I cut her off by suddenly confessing, I couldn't stand it anymore and I just don't want this to go to waste because I'm starting to get nervous and I might suddenly back out so I just threw it off, just like that. Just like that!

The smile that was plastered on her face earlier was changed into shocked and confused expression. There was a moment of silence, until she turned her vision away from me. Now all I can see is her side profile and I don't have any idea what's running on her mind.

"What do you mean?" She broke the silence. 

Everything's starting to eat me up, I don't know how to tell. I know that she knows what I mean but I just don't understand why she's still asking.

"Friend, roommate, band mate, and label mate... more than those, I like you. I seriously do."

"Since when?" She asked again.

"I... I don't know when, it's just that I woke up one morning thinking and caring about you a lot... a lot more than I could care for the other members."

Still looking away from me she said... 

"I am sorry..." 

That's all she said. Never thought a three word sentence would hurt this much. Everything would've been a lot better if it was the other three or four word sentence - "I love you" or "I like you too".

Why does it hurt so much? I've never expected anything from her but why does it feel like I did. It hurts so much: it's suffocating. I feel like dying.

"It's getting late. I think we should get back now. Plus, I'm feeling cold." She said without linking eyes with me. No, you're not feeling cold. I AM feeling cold; you took the warmth that keeps me going. I feel lifeless.

I just smiled. I can't believe I still managed to force a smile even after getting rejected.

"Hmm~" I helped her get up from her sit and waited for her to get in. I stayed for a while there, outside, once again looking at her side profile. It was blank. Her expression's blank. Unconsciously, a tear slipped through my eye but I successfully wiped it before she notices. I bet she wouldn't care even if she sees though, would she?

- - -

The drive to our dorm was completely silent. It was as if I'm there, sitting with a stranger. She didn't even try to start a conversation. Well, how would she when she just rejected me.

Is it really like this? Years of friendship goes to total waste just because of a simple confession. Guess it's my fault. I ruined everything when I should've been just contented with what we have. to be me… STUPID TAEYEON.

♫♫♫ Why does the one you love become the one who makes you want to cry?~ ♫♫♫

What a cute song. this radio! I just wanna cry right now, if it weren't for this woman beside me.

After that deafening silence filled ride, we reached our dorm. She went in first leaving me behind. As soon as I got inside too my phone beeped, our group chat is (consisting me and the other seven members) now filled with messages.

Sunshiner: How did it go Taeng?

Yurisistable: How was it? Darn, can't sleep early 'coz of waiting for this news...

YoonAddict: Tell us unnie! Did it go well?

Hyohunie: Tell us! Ppali!

Sooyoungster: I second the motion...

Seomate: Unnies! Please let Tae-unnie take her time to type.

Gorjess: Everyone just shut it! I'm taking my precious sleep and my phone doesn't stop beeping...

...

...

...

Gorjess: How was it Taengoo?

Yes, the seven of them knew what I had in mind for today that's why they're asking for a report. I didn't go to our (mine and Tiffany's) room and stayed at the living room, on the couch. Since they asked what happened, I told them everything. They asked me if I'd want them to accompany me but I decided not to let them, so we talked through chatting and it'd be awkward if they make unnecessary sounds that would make Tiffany wake up.

Taeganger: Guys, please don't be harsh on her. It's my fault for even confessing.

Sunshiner: No! She should've considered what you feel.

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