December 4th, 2011

Today was Jin's birthday, we had a small in-dorm party for him with me, Jimin, Jungkook, Yoongi, and Hoseok. I spent most of it watching out for anything that would spoil the fun. I could tell Yoongi and Hoseok were sckeptical of me, and if I were in there position I would be too. The company probably told them all about how mature I was since I was in the original line-up but I wans't showing them anything that matched up so far. I was jumpy and jittery. Always looking behind my back. I could tell I freaked them out.

I tried to show them my more fun and upbeat side at the party, but I just couldn't show all of it. As much as I wanted to make them see my brighter side, my number one priority was to protect them. I couldn't do that if I was laughing and having fun, because when I turned my back that creature would probably try and make a move. A move I would regret. To be honest, since the arival of Yoongi and Hoseok I haven't been seeing it at all, I even asked Jungkook and Jimin if it had been disturbing them and they said no however I could tell they were still scared. I guess it's shy infront of the newbies. Ha. However I wont fall victim to its games. It could just be making me want to think that.

Seokjin saw how I was acting, and we all know how he thinks I'm just being stupid/playing a prank and threw me sharp glares all throughout the party.

After all the boys were comfortable in their beds and Jin was out of the shower is when Seokjin confronted me.

"Namjoon," he said releasing his hair from the towel and patting it. "You have got to stop this. It's one thing on regular days, but you looked like a crazy bafoon at the party today. You're not making good with our new members either. You will really end up hurting yourself career-wise if you don't stop this game."

I sighed very deeply. I had to be kind with Seokjin. He didn't yell his words, he was very gentle and soft with them, and above all, he was my hyung. 

"I wish it was a game hyung, but I really feel a bad presence following me. It's so distracting and I can't shake it!" I blurred the lines a bit so Seokjin would bare some sympathy for me.

He tilted his head a bit while applying a face mask. He rolled his eys. "Okay Namjoon," he breathed. "You claim there is an evil presence, are you claiming to be possesed?"

"No, not at all. It's just something is stalking me. I feel it watching me. At work. In the dorm. During my sleep. I just can't shake it."

Seokjin paused. "I don't know what to say. Maybe you should try to find something that would really destract yourself. If you destract yourself enough, then eventually that feeling will become mutual and you won't notice any other evil presence."

I could tell he was trying so hard to give me adivce and I appreciated it. Even if he would never understand what was actually happening to me I really did, it just settled well with me that he would at least attempt to. So I replied "Thanks hyung. That means a lot. I think I'll go try and watch something really funny and see if that will make me forget about things."

Seokjin smiled while applying his nighttime lip balm."That's the spirit. Don't stay up too late, we have a lot of training tomorrow." I nod before going out. Making sure Seokjin's in the bed comfortable before turning the light off and closing the door.

This is the part where you call me a .

In the living room, on the couch with got my bottle of water and left-over take-out from the party I'm having my own marothon of SNL episodes on Seokjin's DVR. They're funny and keep my mind off of things a little bit. It's nice to be honest because it's been so long since I've kicked back and relax. If you could call it that because I knew I would get no sleep again tonight. I haven't fallen asleep properly since November 29th.

As the marathon went on and the late night hours became the early morning hours of two and three 'o clock a.m, all the of the episodes kind of started to blur into each other. I wasn't paying attention to what was happening, I was paying attention to the images on the TV. The sound from the box became white noise and all that mattered was the screen. I just let my brain become