-Silhouettes

It took Juvia 3 seconds to process what she'd heard. Brother's coming back, the words repeating and repeating in her mind. She tried to twist and bend every word, trying to find another meaning besides the one she feared most.

"Oh" she finally managed.

"Oh? That's it? That's all you have to say?" Jordan rose and placed her shoulders behind her to support her weight. Her blue eyes shocked at Juvia's lack of reaction. "Well that was underwhelming. I thought you'd be more freaked out about this than I am. I was expecting shouting and hysterical whining, but this, this is way more boring that what I've drawn in my head"

"When?" Juvia asked in a small voice. She couldn't focus her thoughts. Gray was coming back. He'll be here, I'll see him and, and then what? What do I say? What will he say? Gray! Will he even talk to me? Would he recognize me? She thought frantically. She was beginning to breathe rapidly and her lungs hurt out of exertion. Juvia buried her face in her pillows and trembled, as her hand went to her chest and gripped her shirt. Was she having a panic attack?

" Three days from now, Juvia?" Jordan replied, placing her hand on Juvia's shoulder."Hey, hey are you okay? You're breathing really hard. Do you have asthma or something? Hey Juvia, Violette? You never told me you had asthma, wait, wait here I'll get your inhaler or ..Oh! Maybe a paper bag or something, those work too right?..I'll be right back, you stay where you are..." Juvia felt the bed lift as Jordan rushed out of bed.

Juvia heard Jordan rummage through her stuff and Stranger barking. She tried to breath. Yes that's it, just breathe Violette, She thought to herself. Here head swam with vivid images of him. Gray, with his black messy hair, eyes that shifted from clear sapphire to a cold blue ice, his deep voice and his laughter, she remembered it all. Juvia felt like she was submerged in icy water. She tried to gather her thoughts and she willed herself to gain control, breathing more evenly she faced the ceiling. Your overreacting Juvia, she scolded herself. Jordan's rummaging became more frantic. She rose and sat at the edge of the bed.

"Inhaler, paper bag, inhaler, paper bag, mushrooms, inhaler, paper bag... I can't find anything, Oh , she's gonna die! Help! Help!" Jordan began screaming.

Juvia heard her run out the door and she followed quickly. She found her friend knocking on the door of a neighbouring room with a sock in her hand. A room she knew was empty, this was, after all, the 20th floor.

" Is anybody there, my friend needs hel-" Juvia clamped her hand tightly over her frantic friend's mouth, cutting her sentence. Jordan screamed into her hand even more, whipping the sock at her attacker.

"Jordan, Jordan, look I'm okay. You don't need to do that okay? Jeez, stop hitting me. I'm gonna take off my hand But. Do. Not. Scream. " Juvia whispered in her friend's ear. Jordan nodded, her eyes staring back at Juvia and her hair was a tangle of black and fuchsia, her body rigid and slightly bent backwards. Jordan tapped her hand and Juvia slowly let go.

"Pepperoni!"

Jordan screamed with a laugh in her voice, the shout ringing through the hallway. Juvia's ears hurt as she was standing directly by Jordan's mouth, immediately clamping her hands against her ears. Jordan sat cross legged on the floor and giggled. Juvia sighed and sat in front of her and cracked a smile. Jordan laughed till her shoulders trembled, her high-pitched voice like Christmas bells. Abruptly, she stopped and narrowed her blue eyes at Juvia, who remained silent.

"You scared the be-Jesus out of me" Jordan whispered and pouted.

"I know" Juvia looked down "I'm sorry, I overreacted".

Jordan grinned and they sat in silence. Juvia fidgeted with her hands. Cracking her knuckles and bending her wrist, the sounds slicing through the quiet. Juvia brought her thoughts back to Gray. Juvia heard from Jordan that he went to a photography school in a foreign country and worked with a famous photographer across the continent, that was years ago. Juvia had never seen him since she left him in that dark room. Gray had tried to contact her a few days after the incident, calling her, waiting outside her classroom, trying to make eye contact with her but Juvia remained distant and only looked and spoke to him when needed.

It took a lot out of her. She knew she was acting out of bitterness and she felt like a spoiled brat, just because Gray didn't feel the same way about her. But what he did hurt her greatly, every time she saw him, all she could think of was his last words. I don't, I don't, I don't, the two words stuck to her memory and she couldn't help but repeat it herself. There were a lot of times when she almost gave in, Juvia remembered him knocking at her door.

"Rae, Rae" Gray 's voice was desperate. His knocks had been going on for quite a time. Juvia was alone in the house. Her parents had gone out to take Reese to a studio downtown. Her sister had whined for days now and their parents finally gave in. Juvia just took a pass on it, saying that she was okay with staying home. Juvia sat on the couch, with her knees curled up to her chest and her head in between them, trying to drown out his voice. The lights were out and the drapes shut. Juvia wished she'd gone with her parents. Gray's knocks had turned into bangs.

" Juvia Violette Rae Carter, I know you're in there. I don't wanna have to destroy your door, open up! Please, I need to see you". He still persisted. Juvia heard him sigh heavily. Hearing his voice made her chest tighten. Tears started to burn in her eyes. Juvia still didn't move, she didn't want to see him, even to hear his name gave her little pangs of pain.

Her father had drove her home when he'd come looking for her the day Juvia ran out from Gray. They went straight home and her mother was so worried that she was waiting in the driveway. Juvia didn't explain anything. She didn't mention anything about why her clothes were dirty and wet, why her eyes were red and swollen and why she was sitting alone in a parking lot. She could barely speak, was so sore that her voice came out as croaks. Juvia's parents discussed in the kitchen, their backs to her, they whispered in hurried tones and worried gestures.

They must've decided not to ask for they just kept quiet and concentrated on their daughter. Juvia thought that they probably suspected that Gray was the cause of her distressed situation. Her father had been giving him odd looks these past few days. They've never heard Juvia tell them if they were ever together. As for her sister, she just did what she always does, roll her eyes and call Juvia a baby. But after their mother talked to her, Reese just let her be.

That day she slept till her head heart and her body began to feel sore. She'd wake up several times, feeling drained and more exhausted than ever. Juvia cried every time she woke up, the pain fresher with each waking moment. Don't be a baby Juvia. She'd scolded herself like Reese would. Her mother went to check on her every now and then, her hair and left some snacks and water. She never touched the food.

Juvia heard Gray sit in front of the door. Why isn't he leaving? She thought to herself. Juvia knew it was unfair for him, not having the chance to explain but she also decided that whatever would come out of his mouth would only make things even more complicated, but she didn't know that for sure.

"Please Rae, you don't have to say anything, just let me see you. I need to know your fine. This is killing me, Rae please." Gray's voice was pleading, full of pain, a tone she'd never heard from him. Her hand flinched but Juvia stopped herself from moving, from opening the door and looking him in the eye. This was better for all of them, their time had brought good memories and it was fun but it ended the way it did. Juvia didn't want to turn back.

"Damn it Juvia!" His fist banged at the door so hard it made Juvia jump. from his tone she could see that he was getting angry, his voice rose with every word he spoke. "Okay, if you don't want to see me, that's fine. I can deal with that, just give me a ing sign, for all I know you're dying in there, Violette just a sign". Juvia imagined Gray's face as he spoke. His eyes restless, jaw clenched, every muscle taut.

"If that's what it takes for you to leave" Juvia whispered to the darkness and got up. She went to the window closest to the door and parted the blinds just enough to take a peak and laid her hand to the window, the rest of her body hidden behind the blinds. If Gray were to see her it would only be her silhouette.

For Gray it was enough, he rushed to the window where her hand appeared. "Oh God" He sighed and rested his forehead on the glass were her hand was pressed. Juvia clenched her jaw and refused to look, a tear fell and it made her whimper, knowing that he was so close with just a sheet of glass separating them. Before she could do anything rash, Juvia stepped away, retrieving her hand and placing it to her heart, covering it with the other. Now the tears fell freely.

" Rae" Gray said sadly, almost as sad as when he said it in the rain when she comforted him. Juvia could see his shape outlined through the blinds. His shoulders slumped. She could see his hand go up and rest on the glass, slowly he let it fall and brought it up again to rake it through his hair. After a few moments he left. Juvia just stood still, listening as his footsteps slowly faded away. Her knees felt weak and they collapsed beneath her. Juvia backed up till her back hit the back of the coach, there she hugged her knees and cried once again, burning and her eyes shut tight. The rain followed not long after. That was how her parents found her.

"Jordan I-" She said after breaking out of the memory.

" No, don't explain. I know it's hard, I just wanted you to know, I guess I should've said it in a, a subtler way, sorry" Jordan said with a shrug. "I know you've tried to recover, tried very hard, and I believe that it's not just for your sake but for him as well. You do want to make things right, right? But those dreams of yours just won't go away, won't they? If-if they weren't there, would-would you talk to him?" She finished. Now she was the one fidgeting.

"You know I would. I could try, even with these dreams, I know I could try. If it weren't for the dreams, we would've all been much happier" Juvia said with sadness in her voice.

" He'd like that, I mean if you wanted to talk to him again, he'd be happy about it" . Jordan got up and brushed her jeans with her hands. "Definitely" she said with a smile and offered her open hand to Juvia.

"I hope so" Juvia muttered to herself as she took Jordan's hand.

Stranger then took that time to appear. Silently approaching them, he nudged Juvia's leg and barked up at Jordan.

"Hey there big guy" Jordan greeted.

"You know, I'm surprised you didn't startle him as much when you ransacked my apartment." Juvia said as she started walking back to her room, Stranger at her heels. Her hands fanned around her, brushing her jeans.

"He's your dog after all" Jordan said with a yawn, flipping her hair behind her with a shake of her head. They went back and it was a mess, everything was opened, scattered and misplaced. Juvia was too tired to complain.

Juvia sat heavily on her couch. Jordan went into the kitchen and brought her a glass of water. Sitting down beside her, she led Juvia's head toward her shoulder and slowly her hair. Juvia let her friend hold her and a minute later, Jordan began singing. Her voice vibrated through the room, she was singing a lullaby to calm Juvia down. Juvia just closed her eyes and listened, on the verge of sleep.

Stranger sat in front of them and laid his head on the edge of the couch, staring up at them, probably listening too. His ears were perked up and his tail was wagging, hitting the floor with soft thumps.

They sat like that for a while, Juvia was beginning to feel sleepy. She rose and met Jordan's worried gaze. She was worried that Juvia might not want to see her brother, that she'd totally shut him out of her life, never forgive him for what he did to her. Juvia spent years evaluating what she'd do for the moment they met again, she wasn't a teenager anymore and on way or another she'd have to face him. She would want to start over, but that was all she could think of to do. No words ever formed in her mind on how she'd tell him that she chose to give it another shot.

After years of thinking about it, Juvia finally decided that she was unfair to him, not giving him enough time to explain. Even though their relationship was way beyond friendship it didn't mean that he loved her too, maybe she just overestimated her value to him. This made Juvia guilty for running out that door. That was her resolve but it was slowly weakening against the barrage of dreams that reminded her of the pain, reigniting it in her heart.

Juvia smiled at Jordan, projecting with her eyes that everything would be alright. She knew it hurt Jordan what her brother did to Juvia, but she wanted her to forgive him and Juvia planned on doing just that, hoping that he too would forgive her. The only problem was that she just didn't know how.

Stranger barked up at them and went to the kitchen. The two laughed and followed him, Jordan told her that that was God's sign that they should stop mopping around and make dinner. Juvia and Jordan divided the work. She would marinate the steak and fry it after and Juvia would take care of the garnishing and the vegetables. The two cooked to Nirvana's Heart-Shaped Box, Jordan's favourite song. She'd given Juvia an album for Christmas and now Juvia loved them to. Jordan head-banged at the chorus and shook her hips, singing at some verses. Juvia just quietly watched her friend and listened to the music.

Their friendship was not affected by Juvia and Gray's tense situation, instead Jordan took a neutral side and never offered her opinion, and this was her way of keeping things to Juvia and Gray. She knew that siding with anyone would make things very complicated, it would either ruin their friendship if she helped Gray see her again or destroy her relationship with her brother if she tried to keep Juvia away from him. Or maybe she was just too scared to in.

They ate their steak with red wine. It was delicious and perfectly tender. Juvia complimented her and Jordan bowed exaggeratedly, acting rich and snobby while she ate, exaggerating her speech, raising her pinkie when she drank and held her spoon, even lifted her eyebrow every time she looked up from her plate. Juvia could barely eat from laughing too much, she knew this was Jordan trying to cheer her up. They also let Stranger join them, filling his bowl with dog food. Jordan even gave Stranger a bowtie, it loosely hung from his furry neck. Jordan began to chatter again about her life and sometimes nonsense, Juvia also talked a little about her job.

After they'd finished eating, Jordan went home, complaining about pizza prices and having no neighbours. She looked tired and her black-fuchsia hair was tussled all over her face. Juvia pinched her friend's cheek and sent her on her way with a smile.

"I'll see you soon okay?" Juvia said as she pulled her friend's skin.

"Mm-kay, make sure you buy lots of paper bags next time" Jordan answered and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Juvia locked the door behind her and sat in front of it.

Ever since they were introduced, they'd become instant friends, they shared secrets and experiences Juvia would never forget. They were each other's number one supporter and critic. They'd fought about the existence of mermaids and whether Elton John was gay or not, they even bought friendship rings and bracelets and all the other friendship crap. They had a rule that they'd always be honest with each other. Jordan said it was a girl thing to have a rule with your best friend. Juvia hoped it was still unbroken, after all she knew nothing that she'd keep from Jordan.

Juvia smiled at the thought but too quickly her mind shifted to something else.

Now she had to think.

One at a time Violette. Her thoughts told her.

Gray was coming back in three days.

She'd have to face him one way or another.

She'd have no idea what to say.

No idea where to start.

Okay, just go with whatever happens. She thought again. Her heart ached with the pains of the past. She tried hard to move on from the heartbreak, she hoped it worked. Juvia wanted to face him with a clear mind and a light heart. She wanted to start again. If only her dreams didn't come to her every night, If only they didn't remind her. Juvia sighed and ran her hand over her face. If only.

She got up and went to her room. Stranger was already comfortably sleeping, placed at one corner of her room. " Goodnight Stranger" she whispered. She picked out shorts and a cotton shirt from her closet and changed slowly. She got in her bed and pulled the sheets to her chin. Juvia stared at the ceiling.

"Gray"

The name felt so alien to her yet at the same time felt so familiar. She'd called it millions of times 6 years ago, and a couple of times these past few weeks, when she'd see his face in her dreams. The name of the man that skewered, obliterated, demolished her heart, the same man that filled that same heart with love and happiness.

Juvia slept with his face on her mind.

"Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake- its everything except what it is! "
―William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet (Act 1, scene 1)