-Drowning in Fire

Juvia walked out of Dr. Jellal's office feeling tired.

They talked about the possibility that deep inside Juvia didn't want to forget about the past, that the dreams was her mind's way of saying that she still wanted to remember. This confused her so much, her head started to throb. It sounded so absurd to her ears that she was almost offended by the idea yet Juvia didn't deny that there was a chance, even a miniscule chance that all this was because she still had lingering feelings about her time with Gray.

Dr. Jellal assured her that this was just one of the many explanations to her dreams, he said it was too early to tell and they'd have to observe more accurately to rule out other options. He just wanted to explain to her that this was also one of their options out of many that he hoped they'd crossed out as time progressed and they knew more about this condition of hers. He understood that the idea was alien to her because he'd witnessed the effects they had on Juvia, yet he wasn't so sure about her sub conscience. Juvia thanked him and stepped out. She started her appointments a month ago, when she'd have sleepless nights that she thought was only insomnia, treated with a few meds and counselling, a week later, she could sleep again.

Then the dreams came.

It felt like nightmares to her, not in the scary horror movie kind of way but in the sense that she didn't want to see these memories, to see his face. She tried so hard to put them behind her, yet they threaten her every time she closed her eyes. They came uninvited and aggressive and ended abruptly leaving her in the misery of another night of remembering. It felt like she was drowning, drowning in the endless barrage of images of black hair and blue eyes. It was like drowning in fire.

Today, she asked herself if she was the one bringing these dreams, subconsciously longing to remember them again. If that was the case then Juvia didn't understand herself, as crazy as that sounded. For years she told herself that although the past was full of good times it was still painful because of their separation, every memory hurt ever since she'd ran out of that dark room on that stormy day.

Her phone rang in her jean pocket. The name Jordan Ultear displayed on the screen.

Jordan was Juvia's best friend. She was a chemistry student at the University of Magnolia and surprisingly the lead singer of the rock band Sedation. A band she started earlier this year with other classmates after she claimed that rock music made her high, and that was where their band name originated. Jordan was a year younger than Juvia with fuchsia highlights in her black hair and a voice that could sing anything from Celine Dion to Aerosmith. Pale, with periwinkle blue eyes that always held laughter, and tangerine lipstick she was the most uniquely creative person Juvia knew. And her last name was Breck.

Juvia remembered the first time she'd met Jordan Ultear Breck, or at least been formally introduced.

Gray took her to his house after another rain shower caught them unprepared, rain seemed to come every afternoon these past few weeks. It had been 2 days since Gray revealed to her the terrible news of his father's death. Now she wanted to visit his mom to offer her condolences. They ran fast. Gray's arm was over her shoulder as he held up his jacket over them. They ran along the sidewalk, crossed the street and turned into an alley, just a little further till they were in his neighbourhood. Finally his house was in sight. It was two-stories high, painted blue and white, simple and easy on the eyes, without any fancy decorations except for their exceptional yard that Mrs. Ul Fullbuster Breck tended to passionately. The grass was perfectly mowed, the bushes and hedges were trimmed and flowers were blooming.

He led her to the door and knocked, running his other hand through his wet hair and looking over to Juvia, his eyes asking if she was okay. Juvia smiled to reassure him and took off her wet cardigan. She shivered. Noticing, Gray moved in front of her and took both her hands in his, bringing them to his mouth. He breathed on her cold fingers, rubbing his palms against her hands to create friction. Gray stared at her as he did this and Juvia's hands warmed up but her face was probably hotter, she could feel herself blushing from the contact.

Ul opened the door for them, smiling as she invited them in. Gray kissed his mother's cheek as he entered and went straight for the bathroom. Juvia hugged her, careful not to wet her but the lady didn't seem to mind. Juvia sat on the couch and was offered a glass of orange juice. While she took it, she noticed that the lady's eyes were red, a sign that she'd been crying for a long time. Her hair was a bit unruly, probably from lack of attention this past few days. Gray's mother was kind and quiet. Ul had a comely face with dark-brown hair, blue eyes like her children and a sweet smile, her features were also distinct, not the face of a plain woman. Juvia had known her as long as she could remember, she was always kind to her. Ul was a very quiet woman, she barely spoke, and when she did it would be in a soft voice that you needed to strain your ears to listen. Her eyes seemed sadder compared to her son's, even without the tears, Juvia could see clearly the deep emotions that passed through the lady's eyes.

Juvia thanked her and UL took her wet cardigan and went to fetch a towel, disappearing into a corner. Juvia circled her eyes around the living room. A big family picture hung over the velvet-covered walls. Gray and his sister were still young when it was taken, Macarov and Ul were staring wonderfully at each other as their two kids grinned with smiles missing a few teeth. They were all in formal clothes and little Gray had a bow-tie around his neck, his eyes blue and full of joy. Juvia smiled as she saw how happy they looked in the photo, but felt sad as she remembered Macarov. An L-shaped couch centred the room, under it was a thick, rectangular rug, they had a complete TV set and it was neatly placed and arranged on the shelf. The windows were draped by gold curtains with tassels, a few plants here and there and a wooden staircase that led to the second floor.

Just then Gray came out of a corridor without his T-shirt on and his jeans hung loosely. His bare torso was exposed to her and Juvia's eyes bulged. His head was down under a towel that he rubbed to dry his hair, not seeming to notice her. Juvia didn't want him to, they'd both be embarrassed by the situation. Juvia sat very still, her glass still cold in her hands, but her eyes never left him. He held a sweater in his other hand.

From the boy in the picture, Gray had grown into a young man. Juvia never actually observed his physique till now. His skin was still pale under the warm light, a few drops of water were on his broad shoulders, falling from his wet hair. His muscles were firm but weren't too huge, it wouldn't suit him if they were so. His arms were toned but not too bulky. Juvia trailed her eyes downward, she felt her face warm up. He had abs that were prominent on his stomach, again not to muscular but still noticeable. She knew he was athletic but his body now proved it to her. Juvia quickly turned her head away when Gray looked up.

"Hey" He said when he finally saw her.

"Hi" Juvia answered back, pretending to look at the red-bricked fireplace in front of the centre table instead, hoping that her face wasn't red. When Gray made no move to cover himself up, Juvia though he must've been real confident about his display.

"Ughh, you might wanna put a shirt on".

Only then did Gray notice his appearance. With a nervous laugh and a curse he quickly tugged the sweater over him and combed his hands through his black hair, still dripping from the rain. He was blushing and couldn't seem to take away the smile from his face. "Sorry 'bout that". His blue eyes assessed her face for any reaction. Juvia bit her lip to keep from herself from smiling.

He slowly walked over and sat beside her, still grinning. Not too close, not too far. Ul came in and handed her a towel and a white shirt in exchange for Juvia's empty glass. She stood and went into the bathroom where Gray had come out minutes ago, half . Juvia blushed again at the thought but quickly scolded herself. Closing the door behind her, she took off her wet shirt. Juvia was thankful her undergarments weren't touched by the rain, so she just ran the towel over her hair, neck and arms and finally dressed into the cotton shirt. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair fell in tangles and she straightened them out with her fingers, slowly loosening the knots. Her face looked paler but overall she looked fine.

Juvia joined Gray and Ul back on the couch. There was another girl beside Gray and Juvia guessed she was his sister. The girl had the same blue eyes and black hair. Juvia had only seen her a few times when she was still younger. The only difference among them was that the girl didn't look like she cried much tears.

Juvia smiled at her and reached out her hand. "Hi I'm Violette, But you can call me Juvia or Io, or whatever you probably don't remember me"

"I'm Jordan, I do remember 'cause Gray always talks 'bout you" Jordan said with a smile, accepting her offered hand. Beside Jordan, Gray's face went red and he nudged his sister with his knee. Juvia just smiled at the idea.

Juvia discovered that Jordan had cried so hard the day before that she had no tears to shed anymore. Juvia wondered if that could actually be possible but she didn't dwell too much on it. She offered her condolences to Ul and Jordan, talking about how she remembered Macarov, as a good man. Ul's eyes grew sadder still further and Juvia though that she must've loved her husband so much. A moment later another emotion crossed her eyes, it was much deeper than sadness, it was almost guilt or anger. Juvia broke the eye contact not wanting to be rude. Gray just kept quiet throughout and Jordan smiled occasionally, Juvia guessed that she was the joy of the family.

"Thanks for comforting my brother, he thought that it was real sweet of you." Jordan said after their conversation went into a lighter topic. She grinned so wide, all her teeth showed. Juvia softly laughed and looked at Gray, raising her eyebrow to ask if it was true.

"You're killing me Jordan" Gray moaned, nudging harder at his sister beside him. Ul just smiled and excused herself. Gray waited for his mother to leave the room before saying anything else. "Yeah, I never got to thank you, for staying with me even though it was raining, aand yes I thought that it was real sweet of you" Gray stuttered and ran his hand down his neck and looked at her shyly.

"You're welcome" Juvia said gently, a bit flattered, and her skin was all tingly. She stopped herself from smiling too much, but Jordan's smiled further, giggling as she kept on shaking Gray's arm. They conversed for a little while more before Jordan took her by the arm and led her up to her room. It was a bit messy and unorganized. Clothes were everywhere and science books were stacked on her desk, little pieces of paper sticking out through the pages. Her room smelled of vanilla that filled Juvia's nose, it was nostalgic. Nirvana albums were scattered on her bed and Jordan piled them in her hands and dropped them gently on a box and pushed it under her bed with her foot. The ceiling was splattered with different colors, and little wind-mobiles hung from them. Jordan turned out to be what Juvia didn't expect.

Juvia took one of the books, curious as to why a girl like Jordan, who obviously loved rock and unique things have science reading materials on her desk. Was she also into reading? Juvia sat down on the floor and flipped through the pages of a chemistry book. Jordan's handwriting was everywhere, it was sloppy but elegant at the same time, scribbled notes and formulas filled the white spaces of the book, she'd circled several pages and dog-eared some more, and Jordan also drew different types of atoms and chemical bonds. It was obvious that she took science seriously. Jordan just let her scan through her books and picked up one book herself, opening it on a marked page.

"You might think its weird, finding these books in my room, Nirvana and science don't really come together do they? 'What the hell are these doing in Jordan's room?'. But I love science, it's my "thing" you know. I don't know how I got into it, I've always thought it was boring and dull till recently when I've paid much more attention and it hit me. It's fascinating and so full of, full of knowledge about everything. I guess I just found it and suddenly it became what I love to do" Jordan's eyes sparkled as she talked about science, her hands rising above her head, exaggerating her words. Juvia smiled at that and stood up to sit beside Jordan.

"That's real nice Jordan. I guess mine is literature. Growing up we were told stories and fairytales, I always enjoyed those, fantasies with princesses and kings and knights, BUT I am not one of those happy-ending types okay? I like a good cliff-hanger, not the prince-kisses- princess and she wakes up kind of thing. Then when I got older I was exposed to Shakespeare and Jane Austin, Victor Hugo, Dante Alighieri and a lot more authors. Not many people enjoy literature but I guess I'm one of those few, it's even a miracle a teen ager can like literature these days but I guess I do. I have the same look in your eyes when I talk about it". Juvia said while she continued flipping through the pages, seeing more of Jordan's scribbles.

"Gray has photography too. He always has his camera, but since dad- since dad died, he's never brought it out. It must've been real hard on him, to lose dad. It's hard on me too but I guess I can deal with it easier. Mom's been more silent and distant than ever. She keeps on weeding and tilling the soil, always watering her plants, does whatever she can in the garden. Before dad died, they were always talking privately, in the kitchen early in the morning I'd hear them. She's hurting the most, I guess everyone has something their real passionate about, it's also sort of a distraction, to keep our minds of-of things" Jordan said, shrugging her shoulders, choking on some words. Juvia knew about Gray's photography. His pictures where amazing and they weren't ordinary, Gray took pride in them. Juvia often saw him clicking away at anything he saw, his blue eyes sparkling with passion and wonder but Jordan was right, Gray didn't take pictures anymore.

Jordan and Juvia talked about many things while they sat on her bed, she described the days after her father's death and her last memories of him. Sadness also appeared in her eyes. It was nightfall when Gray finally knocked on the door and announced dinner. The two girls closed their books and followed him down to the kitchen. Before dinner, Juvia called her dad and told him she was at the Breck's, her father wanted to talk to Gray and Juvia passed the phone to him standing beside her.

Gray raised his eyebrows as he took the phone from her but Juvia just shrugged her shoulders and stood in front of him to listen. Gray looked at her while he talked, one of his hands in his jean pocket, with his head bowed into the phone, black hair fell over his face.

"Good evening Mr. Carter" Juvia shifted her weight and strained to listen, moving closer to him. She heard something about safety and it being too late. Gray just nodded and smiled at her. Juvia processed this and tried to piece together the little things she heard for a minute and her eyes bulged at the idea. Her father was asking Gray to take her home.

Oh crap. Juvia was so embarrassed she turned away from Gray and looked at the ceiling, pleading that she'd misinterpreted their conversation. Finally Gray dropped the phone to the receiver and laughed when he saw her. He came in front of her and shook off the few strands of hair that covered his eyes.

"You don't have to" Juvia whispered, cracking her knuckles. Her eyes stared at her shoes and peaked at him under her lashes. Gray's hands were now both shoved in his pockets.

"S'kay, your father's right, it's already dark, besides it's nice to be a gentleman sometimes. I'd like to take you home Rae, If that's fine with you" Gray said shrugging his shoulders. Juvia though and decided it was for the better. She nodded up at hi, deep inside she felt kind of excited at the thought that Gray was gonna her home, and Jordan called out to them.

Jordan said grace and they feasted on fish fillets and chicken stew. Gray sat beside her and Jordan across the table. They all ate in silence till Jordan burped loudly and excused herself with a smile they all broke into laughter even Ul managed a smile.

When Juvia finally had to leave she said goodbye to Ul and embraced her. Turning to Jordan they both laughed at her because she refused to let go of Juvia's hand and so Juvia promised that she'd be back. Gray walked her home and they talked about his sister. He was also confused when Jordan started reading a lot of science books, he thought it was real weird for Jordan to like it but he'd just let her be and Jordan was a lot nicer to him after that.

Juvia broke out of her reverie and answered the call.

"Hey Io, God I missed you! Could you come to the university? Some bastard trashed my bicycle and you know how I feel about cabs." Her voice said hurriedly over the phone.

"There just cabs Jordan, yellow and harmless" Juvia replied, her direction heading for the parking lot, digging into her satchel with her other hand, feeling for her keys.

"Those ty yellow death traps of hell? NEVER again !Pleeeaasee..I'll owe you pizza, extra cheese, no pepperoni just like you want"

"When will you get over that little accident? Oh and Jordan, that was my bicycle remember? Damn alright. Two pizzas and it's a deal, I just came from Dr. Jellal's and I'm starving" .

"Mmm" Juvia could just imagine her friend fidgeting and biting her lip. Contemplating.

"How expensive can two boxes of pizza be?" She said while opening her car door.

" Okay, okay, two pizzas..WITH pepperoni! You know I like pepperoni" Jordan pleaded.

"Okay deal, I'll be there in 5" She said with a smile and drove.

She saw her friend waiting at the driveway, it was starting to drizzle and students ran across the road. Wearing a white lab coat over a brown turtleneck, jeans and 4 inch pink platforms, Jordan waved excitedly, fuchsia highlights bouncing, and a big smile on her pretty face. Stopping beside her, Juvia opened the passenger door.

"Hiya" Jordan said as she got in.

"Hi, how's school?" Juvia shifted in her seat to look at her.

"Same old , nothing new, well there's this new French teacher. He's rat faced, kinda doughy in the middle, you know those 'I know everything and you don't' types" Jordan rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue. "You see he said he was on a diet, his wife made him do it and at lunch break, I had this donut and he was staring at it, salivating and his lips, it was soo disgusting"

"Did you give it to him?"

"'Course not, I ate it in front of him very slowly like I'm saying 'Mmm..delicious donut, too bad for your ing diet' "

"I never thought you were a bully" Juvia started the car.

"Well it's for his own good"

"Hey, here use my phone" Juvia said as she handed her friend her phone and started down the road.

"Use it for what?" Jordan asked with her left eyebrow raised.

"To order pizza, extra cheese"

"Bu-"

"And pepperoni" Juvia interrupted.

"Hallelujah!" Jordan beamed. "Thank God for pepperoni and friendship"

Juvia drove towards The Glasshouse as Jordan ordered their pizza. Jordan didn't have a problem with using the stairs. She thought it was Juvia's "thing", regretting it halfway through when she sat on a stair and panted like dog. Juvia finally got her to stand and they continued climbing the stairs. Juvia endured Jordan's endless whining, dragging her along the arm. Finally reaching her apartment, Jordan crashed on the couch, Stranger went straight to Juvia and she rubbed his head tenderly.

After they'd eaten the pizza and cleaned up. The two friends sat on Juvia's bed with hot mugs of coffee, with little marshmallows on Jordan's. Juvia was across her friend sitting crossed-legged and sipped slowly from her steaming mug. Jordan talked about the other students and midterms and her rock band, enthusiastically talking about how she thought their new drummer was incredibly cute. Jordan filled the silence with her enthusiastic chatter. Juvia listened quietly, smiling at her friend whom she'd missed. Juvia hadn't seen her for a whole week, they both had busy schedules. It was nice for them just to sit and talk after a while apart.

"Pepperoni will end me one day" Juvia said with a laugh.

"Cabs will end me one day" Jordan countered. She took a sip from her coffee and set it down on the side table. With a grunt she collapsed on the bed with her hands behind her back. Exhaustion took over then a weird expression played her face.

"What is it?" Juvia asked. She also placed her mug down and lay beside her friend.

Jordan turned her head and stared her. Juvia could see her little reflection in her friend's blue eyes, she waited and said nothing. After eons later Jordan said in a whisper.

"Brother's coming back"

"Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on." - Mary Oliver