Chapter One

23.55. Exactly 15 minutes I’ve been hiding in this restroom, holding onto the sink for my dear life. The concert was done an hour ago with everyone seemed so happy. Well not really everyone, let’s exclude me. This stupid pain in my chest just had to appear now. It had to appear now when I was actually enjoying myself celebrating the success of EXO’ concert with my brothers. “ this” I finally exclaimed. It’s not like I really want to curse but the situation just made me to. Finding no more strength on my feet, I decided to just sit on the marble floor while pressing my chest.

“Gege, come on! It’s been an hour already. I need to pee. I repeat, I need to pee!”, and the panda just need to join the discomfort of situation. And what? And hour, he said? Is that Gucci watch of him not working anymore? But well, that’s Tao. He always finds the need to exaggerate everything. “Gege!” I just groaned in response. “Are you alright? Did you fell or something? Open the door!”. I can clearly hear his panic voice behind the thick door. I don’t like the sound of a person panicking. It makes me feel like there’s no hope in that situation. The feeling that maybe I will hurt him emotionally if I didn’t open this door in a second. But I know, once I open the door, he will be even more panicked seeing my condition right now. So being the wise older brother I am, I choose to ignore the panda and to focus to control my breathing. It will be alright, Kris.

How wrong was that decision of mine for not opening the door. Once I open the door, I found four grown up males look as anxious as ever and one panda looking desperate at the corner. “What happen guys?”

“Gege, you are alive. I thought you might be dead by now. You weren’t answering me for hours. I was on the edge to call the police.” Tao literally attacked me by his undeniably tight hug.

“Well, that happened.”, said Chen while pointing at Tao. “He told us you were passed out in the bathroom and died”

“And you believe him?”

“Well he is almost crying,” Luhan answered me. That short conversation made me think of something. Will they be really panicked if something bad happen to me? Will Tao cry if I happened to be passed out or dead in real? Will I be ready to see them crying over me? Maybe you will think I’m an emo guy for thinking such stuffs. But let me tell you something. When you really have an illness that might take your life anytime, you can’t even stop yourselves from thinking about every possibilities that might happen in the next second. And that’s what happening here. I, Kris Wu, am not as strong or perfect as I seem in the television. My body is not functioning well ever since the doctor found a little hole in my heart. And saying that I feel uncomfortable about it would be a real understatement. Because honestly, physically and emotionally, I’m disturbed as .

“I’m just fine Tao,” trying my best to sound reassuring. Seconds passed until I feel Tao’s hug is just too much for me so I decided to let myself go. “Is the party over?”

“Not really, people are still partying downstairs. Do you want to join us again?,” Luhan asked me. From the side of my eyes I can see the concern in his eyes. Well I can’t blame him. He is my roommate and he’s been the witness of my ‘weak side’ lately. He tried couple of times to talk to me, but as a stubborn guy I am, of course I just avoid him. Realizing they are actually waiting for my answer, I just motion them to go with my fingers.

Tip-toeing around the apartment and trying so hard to not get notice at 3 AM has been my routine lately. Making sure I bought everything I need to do, I escaped successfully and headed to my destination. 10 minutes of walking is enough for me to get into them. Two knocks later on the door and I was welcomed by a shock expression and a sleeping boy in her arms. I think it is saved to say that for once in almost 7 years I live in Korea, I feel like I’m home.

“What are you doing, Kris?,” she whispered. If you are wondering, she is Jessica. She has been my psychologist since last week. Before you judged me as crazy, well I’m not. I just feel like I need someone to talk about certain things. Someone who can see things as neutral as possible. Something that my members or my mom can’t do. I believe my members will always say something about popularity, fans, and spotlight without thinking about me. And about my mother, I just don’t want to worry her. Back to the girl in front of me again. She is currently holding his younger brother while looking at me with those curious eyes.

“I just need to talk”

“Again?”. She looked frustrated and I am the only one to blame, of course. She let me inside and go inside her bedroom. Probably tuck in her brother. “I don’t mind to listen to your problem Kris. But that doesn’t mean you can come here at 3 in the morning everyday.”

“I’m sorry, it’s the last time I promise.” I said without taking my eyes off the carpeted floor. I can feel she was staring at me from her door way. She walked closer and I couldn’t maintain my feelings anymore. “Please help me, Jessica. I couldn’t go on like this. I couldn’t keep my mouth shout every time someone asks about my well-being. I just want to tell them that I’m not fine. I want to tell my members that I’m sick. So sick that I don’t want to go for another routine.” I didn’t realize that I was crying until I feel Jessica wipe my tears away with her back hand.

Flashback

“Hyung, can I talk to you?”, I ask my manager. We were the only one in the car. A good and rare opportunity, inded. “What?”, he said coldly. Arctic cold, I might add.

“About the thing that I told you before. The result of my medical check-up. I think..” “Kris, you know taking a leave is not an option.” His voice is harsh. For a second, I was about to stop the conversation, but I think it will be hard to find an opportunity like this.

“It’s not like I will leave EXO forever, hyung. Just give me some time for medication. Honestly, I feel like my body is going to shut down soon if I keep with the tight schedule. It is..” “Damn it, Kris!”, my manager slammed his fist to the wheel and look back. He was staring at me with so much… hatred? “Can you think? It is not only about you. It is also about your members we are talking about. It is also about my job. It is also about the EXO’s first concert. Can you please just be mature and deal with your stupid illness for the next couple of months until everything is settled down?” And that’s it. I find myself in complete silent while staring at the older guy in shock. “If you still want to do that, you are so selfish, Kris. But wait, you always are, though” that’s the last sentence he said before getting off from the van.

“Kris?” I heard Jessica calling me again. I stood up, looked at her straightly, and whispered something that's been in my mind for awhile “It is okay to be selfish once in a while, right?”

A/N: I know the story line is kinda blurr and boring right now. But I will try my best in my next chapters. Comments, Subcribes, and Upvotes are much appreciate. Much Love, Elena <3