luhan gives sehun a lot of almost-kisses. sometimes they're by the corner of his mouth, sometimes his forehead, sometimes his cheek, but luhan's lips never really land.
almost-kiss number one happens a year after they meet.

sehun is face-down on his bunk, an ice pack pressed against his bruised forehead. he hears the bunk's ladder creak a little, and then luhan's soft but firm voice. "what happened to you, sehun-ah?"

sehun moves himself over a little so luhan can have space to sit. "i was dancing and there was a lot of spinning involved. and then i went to get a drink of water, and i meant to put it to my mouth, but i hit myself on the forehead. and it was a metal water bottle too. sobs."

gentle laughter as luhan settles down next to him, lying on his back. "you're so dumb." sehun grumbles. he feels an arm sling around his waist, and then warm breath by his ear as luhan's lips hover above his temple, shifting yet again on the narrow bunk bed.

for a moment, sehun thinks luhan might kiss him, but he doesn't. just a whisper of "feel better soon, sehun-ah," and then luhan's climbing back down the ladder, putting on his slippers, and padding out the door.

sehun sighs dejectedly.

almost-kiss number two happens a minute after exo's debut is announced. joonmyeon rushes into the practice room, waving a sheet of paper around, cheeks flushed and smile wide. "debuting!" he shouted. "we're debuting! class a, stream one, that's us! we're debuting!!"

a brief of moment of stunned silence passes, and then class a, stream one, the twelve of them now known as exo, explodes.

"did you hear that? WE'RE DEBUTNG!!"
"HELL YEAH I HEARD!"
"AASDFDFSDJFLSKD!!"
"18^&(*%(*^%@q$!!"

luhan turns around and grabs sehun, eyes wide. a wide grin finds its way across his face as he pulls sehun close, having to stand on his toes to be able to reach around sehun's neck. sehun turns his head to look at the other boy the same time luhan does, and his heart skips a beat and thinks this must be it, but it isn't.

luhan does manage to squeeze the air out of him in a metal-grip hug, though, and as sehun is beaming brilliantly at the news of their debut, he lets it be enough.

almost-kiss number three happens an hour after their debuting showcase as makeup is removed, hair gel is rinsed out, and costumes are swapped for casual street clothes.
sehun is having trouble with a certain stubborn smudge of eyeliner that has relocated itself from his eyelid to his cheekbone, and it wouldn't come off. the makeup artists are busy with other things, sehun notices sadly as he surveys the room for possible aid.

luhan, already in a hoodie, jeans, sneakers and a snapback sits down in the empty chair next to him, a smile spread across his endearingly flushed face that would probably stay there for another few hours. "what's wrong?" luhan asks.

sehun sticks his lower lip out in a pout and frowns, turning towards the elder. "this eyeliner smudge just won't come off!" luhan laughs easily and scoots his chair over closer to sehun's, reaching inside his mcm messenger bag and pulling out a bottle of lotion.

he gets a little bit of the faintly strawberry-smelling cream onto the tip of his index finger and slips the bottle back into the bag. luhan uses his now-free right hand to cup sehun's chin and brings his face closer, so close that sehun wants to shut his eyes and wait for luhan's lips to press against his, but has has learned his lesson already.

luhan smears the gallop of lotion onto the un-budging eyeliner print before reaching for a box of tissues. he wipes the cream away, the black smudge coming off with it. "all done!" luhan exclaims, satisfied. sehun smiles back.

almost-kiss number five happens a day before the promotion activites for exo's growl album begin.

"xiao lu," sehun whispers about forty minutes after the entire exo dorm falls into a serene quiet that only sleep can bring. "i can't sleep."

luhan forces his tired eyes open to look at the maknae kneeling by his beside. "why no?" he asks, propping himself on an elbow, yawning and rubbing his eyes. "are you okay, sehun-ah?"

sehun nods uncertainly, and in the dim moonlight shining in from the gaps between the curtains, he finally looks again like the boy luhan first met and decided to dote on. a part of luhan's heart melts away as he shifts over on his bunk and pats the empty space next to him. "come here."

sehun climbs into luhan's bed and pulls the covers up over himself. to luhan, he looks like a kid again, and he secretly wishes he could always be. sehun buries his face in the space between luhan's neck and shoulder, letting the elder's arms wrap around him protectively.

"i hope i don't mess up."
"you're a great dancer, sehun-ah, you won't mess up."
"i hope the fans like our new album."
"the fans love us basically for existing, and we worked hard on this. i really think they'll like it."
"i hope-"
"shh, it'll be okay."
"everything?"
"everything."
even us? sehun wants to ask, but he doesn't. luhan's lips pause for a moment close to his forehead before he moves to rest his chin on sehun's shoulder. sehun closes his eyes and crafts a mental tally chart of luhan's almost-kisses.

almost-kisses numbers six, seven, eight, nine, and ten are scattered and so out of the blue that sehun can't keep track of how exactly they happened.

but he remembers how they feel. his heartbeat quickens and loses normality, a blush starts to heat his face, and he has trouble finding air; then hardly a second later, his heart drops and something heavy settles onto his chest, still suppressing his breath. sehun doesn't like this feeling.
almost-kiss number eleven happens at their overdose stage in shanghai.

luhan leans forward to say something to sehun, but to sehun, it feels like he's leaning in for a kiss. and luhan is so close, lips brushing the wire of his ear mic; but sehun can't hear his heartbeat, and so he deems him too far.

there isn't an almost-kiss number twelve.

after kris' lawsuit, after baekhyun's rumour, after sasaeng fans piss luhan off so much he makes a harsher weibo post about it than anyone would expect, after the nearly 40% drop in exo's fancafe, after countless hours of loneliness and countless days of emptiness and countless nights of no sleep - sehun finally snaps.

he cries and cries and cries into luhan's shoulder, tears slipping down his face and soaking into the soft cotton of luhan's t-shirt. luhan has his arm around sehun, patting his back in a steady, soothing rhythm, whispering comforting words into the curve of his ear.

"shh, it'll be okay, we'll all be just fine, don't cry, please don't cry, sehun-ah..."
sehun's ragged sobs calm into sniffles as luhan tips his chin up. his lips near sehun's, and sehun gets ready to make a twelfth mark on his tally chart, the marks have have turned from wishing stars to wavering candles and finally to stars.

but when luhan's lips finally press against sehun;s, warm and real and steady and really there, sehun is willing to erase all of their almost-kisses to be replaced by this.

luhan draws away and whispers, "am i too late, sehun-ah?"

sehun smiles, crescent-moon eyes and tear stain cheeks and all. "eleven would have never been enough anyway. twelve makes it real."