"Chanyeol, I'm sorry." Baekhyun mumbled as he pressed his forehead on the door of their shared room.

Not a sound was heard on the other side of the door which broke Baekhyun's heart. Being with Chanyeol for years, he knows what goes on in the other's head.

"Yeollie, please don't do this. Whatever you're doing, stop it." Baekhyun whispered, tears were streaming down his face as he spoke.

Again, silence replied to him.

"Yeol, please!" The older banged his fist on the door. "Open the door and let me see you!"

"No!"

Baekhyun felt relieved for a while after hearing Chanyeol's voice, but he was once again overcame with fear.

"Chanyeol, please open the door. I beg you." Baekhyun couldn't help the overwhelming feelings within him. "Let me see you."

"No, Baekhyun," Chanyeol replied softly. "I don't want you to see me right now."

"Why?" Baekhyun asked, his voice obviously shaking. 

"I'm ugly and dirty right now." The younger replied, so soft that Baekhyun had to strain his ears to hear him clearly. 

"N-No. Let me see you, Yeollie," Baekhyun begged. "You're not ugly nor dirty. You're perfect for me, Yeol."

Baekhyun heard a soft chuckle, but then it was followed by continuous coughs. 

"But Taeyeon is prettier, and she's clean. She shines," Baekhyun was sure that Chanyeol was crying, he bit his lips to the point that it bled. "She's perfect for you, Baek. Unlike me."

"Yeollie. Chanyeol. Please open the door. Let me hug you. Let me kiss away the pain."

"You can't do that Baek. You'll be cheating on Taeyeon." Chanyeol coughed again.

"But Yeol, I'm the one who cheated on you. I have the right to comfort my first lover." He heard a bitter laugh at his statement. 

Baekhyun then bit his lips. He knew what Chanyeol was doing. He had to convince the male to open the door or he'll lose Chanyeol forever.

"I'm sorry, Baek." Chanyeol mumbled, his voice getting softer. "Whatever happens, don't open the door, okay?"

"No. Park Chanyeol. I need you to open this door right now. Please. I'm sorry. I love you."

Baekhyun was now sobbing. He doesn't care if his face is a mess right now. He had to see Chanyeol. 

"I love you too, Baek. I'd want to open the door, but I can't move. Call Junmyeon-hyung. Stay away from this room until everything's clean, alright?" Chanyeol made sure to say these details to Baekhyun.

"But why? Why do I have to call Junmyeon-hyung? Why can't I enter this room until it's clean?" Baekhyun's breathing was now uneven. He has never heard Chanyeol say these things. In addition to that, this is the first time he heard Chanyeol's voice like that. As if he was giving up on everything, on life. 

As if he was dying.

"You hate seeing blood right?"

Baekhyun paled. He gathered his strength to stand up and call Junmyeon, telling him to go home as soon as possible and open Chanyeol's locked door. 

Junmyeon and the rest arrived a few minutes later, and of course, they began bombarding Baekhyun with questions.

"Just open the door!" Baekhyun shouted. The need to hurry was rushing through him because every second was important. 

Junmyeon had trouble looking for the key and Baekhyun was pressuring him to open it faster. 

"I love you, Baek. Always remember that." Chanyeol managed to say before Junmyeon opened the door. 

As soon as the door unlocked, Baekhyun grabbed the door and flew it open. 

The next thing he saw were hands covering his eyes.

"N-No..." His lips quivered, the image on his mind will be forever etched in his brain.

He felt Yifan hug him from behind, followed by Kyungsoo and Sehun, their hands still covering Baekhyun's eyes.

"We're sorry, hyung." Sehun mumbled. 

Leaning onto Yifan, Baekhyun screamed, his tears flowing non-stop from his eyes. He wasn't just crying, he was weeping. Sobbing out loud. 

It was his fault. He knew how emotionally weak Chanyeol was. He knew how sensitive the younger was, but like the members, he forgot these important things and thought that Chanyeol was a happy kid. 

If only he hadn't forgotten, he would still be with Baekhyun. If only he wasn't blinded by his admiration for Taeyeon, he wouldn't have cheated. If only he took care of Chanyeol more, he would still be here holding him, whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

A shot of pain stabbed him in the chest as he remembered Chanyeol's last words.

He pushed himself off of the three who held him and walked into the room. He kneeled in front of Chanyeol's body. The younger's head was rested on the bed while his body sat on the floor. There was a bittersweet smile on his face, yet his eyes were closed. Baekhyun winced at the sight of those cuts on his wrists. The blood on the floor and on his skin were slowly drying up, the metallic scent filled the room.

He placed his shaking hands on both of Chanyeol's cheeks.

"Chanyeol, wake up. Don't sleep." Baekhyung said, his lips visibly shaking. "Yeol. Wake up. Wake up, goddammit!"

Baekhyun felt his arms drop to his sides, before feeling arms around him once more.

"Hyung, it's okay. We're sorry." Zitao mumbled, placing soft kisses on the older's neck.

"I'm sorry, Chanyeol. It's my fault. I love you. Please forgive me." Baekhyun whispered, his eyes unfocused.

"Baek!" Minseok intervened. "It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. Please."

Baekhyun shook his head. He knows it's his fault.

He will be forever burdened by this memory. He wasn't even able to apologize properly to Chanyeol and the younger has already left. Left to somewhere he cannot reach.

He won't be able to see Chanyeol again.

Ever.

This pain is something he will being to his next life, and hopefully by then, he can apologize to Chanyeol once they met again.