Prologue

And here we are, at our secret haven.

After I hand in your favorite hot vanilla flavored coffee with skimmed milk and a pinch of cinnamon, you said thank you. Just thank you.

I remembered vividly whenever I bought you your favorite coffee you would respond with “No one knows me best like you do baby!”

Without fail and you would end it with a kiss on my cheek. You never reacted with a thank you.

Baby I’m worried.

As I sit across of you my eyes never leave your face.

Both of us sat there in silence not a word spoken.

You didn’t even take a sip of the coffee I bought you.

Baby, you didn’t even look at me once. I beg of you, look at me sweetheart. Lift your head up and look at me. I miss that beautiful face of yours.

I reached my hand across the table to grasp upon yours.

You flinched at the sudden touch and I know you wanted to pull away but you allow me to hold on to it.

Your hands were warm and you didn’t respond to my touch.

I know you wanted to cry. Your eyes are watery my dear.

And that’s when I realize that something is missing from your finger.

Your promise ring, our promise ring.

Where could it be, did you misplaced it, is it missing, why are you not wearing it?

I leaned forward getting myself nearer to you. The only thing that’s in our way right now is this small little coffee table.

Your hands are safely wrapped inside mine. I looked at you as your head still hang low.

“Baby?” my voice quiver

I lift your head up gently so that it could meet mine.

Finally you looked at me; I crave for it so much.

But your eyes seem empty. They look gloomy and lost. I can’t seem to discover them, it’s like you won’t allow mine to devour into yours.

“Jongin, you know this was going to happen sooner or later. “

I know, I know this was going to happen. I just didn’t want to accept it. I didn’t want to lose the girl I love so much. The girl who makes me feels as if I’m on cloud nine whenever she’s around. The girl who turns my dark cloudy day into a bright sunny day.

I only have you to keep me sane.

“I- I don’t ever want to lose you. You mean the world to me” I grip your hand firmer

You look at me in the eye and all I see is sadness.

“It’s too much for me to handle Jongin. The pain is unbearable and if I stay any longer it’s going to destroy me”

I can’t lose you, not now not ever. I need you in my life.

“Please baby, give me one more chance, I’ll show it to you. I’ll prove it, I won’t make the same stupid mistake again, I promise”

I’ll do anything in the world to stay with you. I’ll beg throughout the night if I have to, I don’t care about my pride I just want you to stay.

“Promise, chance?” you repeated my word

Your words, it hurts me so much to know that you don’t trust me anymore. The hurt I’m feeling feels like thousands of daggers has been thrown at my heart and its bleeding your name.

“I love you, I love you so much. I-I... I need you in my life Hyejin. I don’t think I can ever be myself if I don’t have you by my side. You know you mean the world to me. No one else matter but you. Please, you’re the light of my life. If you leave you’re going to leave me in the darkness. Your love keeps me sane. Baby you’re the reason I am what I am today. I love how you care for me; how you tell me I’m the one for you. Sweetheart I love how you love me. Please I beg you, stay. Stay with me and we’ll make this work one more time. I promise.” I beg and beg. Please.

I don’t know what else to do I can’t lose you my dear. You’re my everything.

You shake your head and you intertwine your fingers with mine. You take a deep breath and wet your lips.

You look into my eyes and I can tell that you still love me. I know that you still love me; I know you love me as much as I do. No, I love you more than you do but that doesn’t matter because our love is so strong that nothing can break it.

You reached for my face as you caress it with your soft hands. I close my eyes shut as I let your hand wander my face.

“I love you Jongin, I love you so much and it’s evident that I’d swim through the fire for you. But one can only take so much.”

Your hand left my face; I look at you as you close your eyes and a tear drop falls.

“What you did to me Jongin was unforgivable. But because I love you too much I let it slide off and forgive you. Not once, not twice but numerous times. Sometimes I think you’re taking me for granted.”

You wipe your tears away.

I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for making the love of my life cry. I feel like beating myself at the sight of you crying. And now I realize all those nights, I left you all alone in the dark. You must have cried yourself to sleep thinking about me. I’ve hurt you my dear I know I’m wrong but please just stay.

“Hyejin- I”

“Jongin, what we had was wonderful, amazing and beautiful. I never thought I’d ever love someone like how I love you and I don’t think I will ever love again. But you’re a selfish bastard and I don’t know why I still love you when you only treat me like an object.”

“That’s not true” I fight back

“I never treated you like how I treated those other girls. You are a goddess Hyejin. You’re my angel and you’re my queen. I get chills when I touch you and my heart still beats like a drum whenever I see you. And I can’t seem to get my breathing right when I see you wear your favorite red dress, especially that red dress. I lose my breath every time I see you. Just the thought of you gone is already killing me.”

I’ve been taking you for granted. All this time I thought you were just saying those words and you never meant it because you never left. But now, you really mean it. You’re going to leave me, this time for real and I can’t let that happen.

You’re crying, sobbing. Your hands are covering your face. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry, baby don’t cry.

“I’ve been holding on for so long. I can’t hold on any longer, I’ve lost all of my strengths to do so. Jongin its exhausting waiting for you, the pain I feel is excruciating. I waited every night for you to comeback home hoping that you’ll change. Has it ever occurred to you that I can’t wait forever?”

You search for something inside your leather beg and took a ring box out.

You hold on to the small blue box for a while.

You take a deep breath before putting the box on the table and push the box towards my direction. I know what contains inside the small box. Is our promise ring, the ring that I wished you lost instead of it not being worn intentionally.

“Everyone has their limit Jongin. Mine is now, I’m sorry.”

I was still trying to catch my breath when you grab your beg and left the café.

As soon as I realize you left I run as fast as I could to catch up on you.

There you are walking slowly to nowhere.

“Hyejin!” I scream as loud as I could

You stop but you didn’t turn around to look at me instead you started to walk again ignoring me.

“HYEJIN, PLEASE!”I scream again

You ignored me and just continued walking.

I run towards you and turns you around as soon as I get a hold of you

“Please- don’t do this to me. Think about this-one more time-just one more-time” I said breathless from the run

“Jongin you blew all your chances away, I’m out of chance to give”

My hand made its way behind your head and pulled you closer to me.

Our forehead meeting each other’s.

“But baby we’re inseparable” I whisper and breathe in your sweet smell my hands at both side of your head your hair.

“And you’re the only one for me” I whisper again this time I said it as I kiss your forehead and the kiss making its way slowly down to your cheek and I stop as it nears your lips.

“Baby I’m sorry, I love you” and I kiss your lips slowly.

You didn’t refuse the kiss and I take that as a sign to kiss you even deeper.

One of my hands falling down to your back taking a grip of your waist pulling you even closer to me. I can feel you kissing me back, both of your hands at the side of my arm holding onto me.

Your lips are so soft.

I found myself lost whenever I taste the sweetness of your lips. And here I am kissing you and all my worries are gone as you hold me tight. My body started to heat up and I am about to lose my breath when you pull away.

Your face is flush from the lack of oxygen.

You take a step back. You look shock.

“That’s enough. Jongin I had enough. Please, just let me go. If you love me, set me free”

“How can you say that? How can I let you go when all you give me is happiness. You give me the reason to breathe the reason to stand up when I’m down on the ground. I love you and that’s not a reason for me to let you go.”

“It’s over Jongin, there’s nothing you can say to change my mind. I’m done feeling worthless.”

My chest feels heavy. My breathing coming out shorter and becoming shallower and I feel the hot tears building up in my eye waiting to wet my cheeks.

I was trying to say something but my words got choked up by the lump in my throat. My heart is beating fast, it feels heavy and that’s when you reach out your hand to touch mine.

“Take good care of yourself, I’m going to miss you so much. Goodbye Jongin”

With that you let go of my hand and turn away from me.

I watch you as you walk away. My view becoming blurred.

That’s when I feel the hot tears coming down my face. My throat close so tight I couldn’t breathe in the air. I feel hopeless and empty. My heart beating so fast it beats the sound of the traffic surrounding me. I feel like my heart and soul was ripped out of my chest.

Your figure is starting to disappear out of my view. My knees wobble as my sobs started to sound louder.

I can’t take this heartbreak. It hurts so much. I just want you here by my side Hyejin ah.

You’re gone.

I couldn’t see you anymore.

Hyejin, comeback please.