Since a kid, Lay was a number one fan of the purple color. His room’s walls were purple, his bed sheets had purple polka dots, his backpack had purple stripes, his headphones were purple and almost everything in his life was purple. He loved purple flowers too. Except being a fan of the purple color, he was also a fan of heliotropium, a flower which of course was purple too. Lay loved flowers just as his grandmother. Both of them shared same interests and they looked like two dots of water.

Lay’s grandmother has a dimple on her right cheek, just as Lay does. She’s kind and caring just like Lay is. And she loves purple and heliotropium, maybe more than Lay will ever love it. His grandmother was the most important human being in Lay’s life. She was his idol, his hope and his second mother. When Lay was a kid, they would go at the park together and play around, catch fireflies at night and search for some beautiful purple flowers.

One day, for Lay’s 15^th birthday, he got the most beautiful present of his life. A big bouquet of heliotropium flowers and a letter that wrote:

‘There’s another letter inside the flowers which I want you to open when your dream comes true, my Lay. There’s something really important that you have to know, so please, do well on your auditions, ok? Make your old grandma proud. I love you baby. I love you more than the whole world.’

Lay read the letter carefully as he smiled happily, a cute dimple showing on his right cheek. He was confused but he tried to hold his curious self and wait until the right time to open the letter.

 

Lay’s dream was to become a great singer and dancer in the kpop world, even though he was Chinese. A week after his 15^th birthday, he went to audition for his favorite kpop entertainment and fortunately he got accepted. Being so happy and celebrating with his family, he forgot about the letter his grandma told him to read. Something he regretted as soon as he found out.

A year after training hard, he finally noticed the bouquet in his room. He had taken it to Korea with him and took care of it almost every single day, but never did it cross his mind that he had forgotten something really important.

One Friday night, when he came back from SM Building, he opened the door only to be greeted by that special something. His eyes widened when he remembered and he quickly searched inside the flowers to see if there was any letter. Of course the forgetting heritage was also from his grandma. They were like twins. He was the male version of his grandma while she was the female version of Lay.

Finally, after he found the letter, he realized it wasn’t purple. Actually, it was gray. His grandma hated gray. Why would she send him a gray letter when she hated that color because it always brings

sadness to her? Questions invaded Lay’s mind, but he was too eager to see what’s inside the letter, so he stopped staring and started reading.

 

 

‘Hello my heliotrope flower!

I’m sure you forgot to read the letter, didn’t you? Well that’s ok. I don’t want you to be sad on your acceptance day. My baby, you did go this far! Look at you! My 15 years old XingXing has already grown up, ready to chase after his dreams. I’m really proud of you. I’ll be proud forever, even until my bones won’t be on this ground anymore. How’s Korea? How’s training? Are they harsh on you? Please be careful and don’t overwork yourself. I know how much you love this and I know you’re working really hard to find the light in the end of this dark tunnel, but if you don’t take care of yourself first, then how will you make it? My Lay, the happiness you give me is indescribable. I hope you won’t be too sad after you read the next sentences. Promise grandma you’ll be careful, ok?

Grandma is sick and the doctor told me I don’t have more than one year of life. I know you must be thinking that I’m pulling a prank on you like I always did. But I’m not laughing. Neither is life laughing. Reality hurts and we have to go through it if we want to vanish happily in the end. Lay… Take care of these flowers as much as you can, ok? Some of them are more than ten years old. I know you can’t believe it. How can a flower last this long? If you fulfill its wishes, of course it will. If you take care of her, she’ll live as long as she can. That’s my mission for you. Take care of them like you took care of me. Only one flower is going to last longer than the others, and I want you to give it to your lover.

This letter is pretty long. I don’t want your eyes to hurt while reading it. You’re tired enough…

My Lay, please fulfill my last wish. I know you can do it… For you, for me, for the both of us.

Remember I’ll always love you,

Grandma.

 

 

 

Tears started falling from his eyes, making their way onto his soft cheeks. He was hoping, praying, wishing that this was only a dream. A nightmare, something that wouldn’t turn into reality. But he knew that only reality hurt this much. Also science has proved that most of the popularity can’t read in dreams, so Lay took his phone with him and ran outside his room, trying not to wake up his roommate. This was life, and Lay didn’t fear to say he hated it.

With tears still on his eyes, he ran all the way from the dorms to SM’s building to meet his manager. Once inside, he didn’t bother to get permission or ask the receptionist where manager Lee was. He took the stairs up to the 3^rd floor and banged on the door as hard as he could. Luckily, manager Lee was in his office so he ran towards the door and opened it slowly.

“Woah, woah, woah! Calm down there!” He said before ending up with wide eyes and curiosity. What’s his favorite trainee doing in the middle of the night crying and banging on the door of his office? “Lay! Come in! What’s going on?”

“Manager hyung, give me permission to go home. Two days. Only two days.” Lay begged as he talked between his sobs.

“Lay, what’s going on? You know I can’t let you go like tha-” Lay fell on his knees as he begged his manager with all the power he had left from that tiresome day.

“I swear to God manager Lee, if you don’t give me at least two days to go home I’ll kill myself right in front of the building and I don’t care if people think I’m crazy.” Lay sobbed as he talked in a non-gentle way, something he never had done before. Scared and worried, manager Lee

decided that he would send Lay back home without informing the CEO Lee Soo Man since he knew he wouldn’t let him until the actual vacations came. Knowing that Lay was capable of doing what he had just said, and feeling the pain that Lay was showing, manager Lee gave him a whole week of vacation.

Lay thanked him more than enough before taking a taxi in the middle of the night. He arrived as fast as possible at the airport with the help of the driver and lucky enough for him, he booked a flight to China for the upcoming hour. He unlocked his phone and tried calling his mom. He knew there was a high chance that he couldn’t contact her so he stopped calling her. But some minutes later, his mom called and he answered the call as fast as possible.

“Lay baby?” It was grandma’s voice. Hearing his grandma talk to him was a great relief but once the thought of losing her crossed his mind, he started sobbing, making the woman on the other line worried. “Lay, honey, what’s wrong? Please talk to grandma.”

“Tell me it’s not true.” He managed to talk in between his loud sobs. “Tell me it’s not real.”

The person on the other line stopped talking for a moment. Of course she knew what he was talking about, but she just didn’t want to admit it. Hearing her Lay cry in pain and regret, she felt like she should’ve never sent that letter. Never.

“Lay, please calm down. You have to go sleep. I’m ok… I’ll be fi-” She tried to make him feel good but Lay stopped her with a word.

“Liar.” It was the first time he called his grandma a liar. Of course he didn’t mean it. But he was hurt, mad and of course he couldn’t say anything else except the first thing that crossed his mind. “Grandma I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it… I haven’t been myself today. Forgive me, please.”

“My Lay, it’s ok. I understand how you’re feeling. Just please-- Lay? What’s that?” The stewardess informed him and the other people in the airport that it was time to get their stuff and go at their given seats.

“Grandma, I’m coming to China. Please, tell mom that I’ll be there in some hours. I have to go now. Please, don’t be mad at me. Wait for me… ok?” With that, Lay turned his phone in Airplane Mode before running at the other part of the airport.

 

He didn’t sleep throughout the whole ride. His mind was playing scenarios at a time he didn’t need them, and the small of his back thought it would be a great time to strike him right before leaving the airport.

“Ah!!!” He fell on the floor, holding his back as he screamed at the top of his lungs, thanking God that no one could hear him.

The airport was empty. And there was no one to help him. No one.

“You’re in Hunan, Yixing. Go meet your grandma. Go see her before it’s too late.” He whispered to himself and quickly got up. The physical hurt was nothing compared to the emotional pain he was feeling.

“I hate you, Yixing. Careless, selfish, idiot who forgets everything.” He kept repeating until he arrived at the front of his house.

How he missed this neighborhood. How he missed the great times he used to spend with his family, his loved ones. How he missed his own house. Why didn’t he read the letter before? Why did he forget? How could he forget what his grandma said?

 

But,

 

What did she mean… with that letter?

 

 

 

The smell of baked cookies filled his nostrils. It was morning when he arrived, and as a tradition, Yixing’s mother always baked cookies in the morning for her son.

Zhang Yixing, now 16 years old, is fighting to make his dreams reality because the same as his motto says “I speak dreams into reality.” he’ll fight to make them true. Yixing was an angel for everyone, and because they always saw him eating the famous Lay’s chips, they started calling him Lay. But his grandmother would call him XingXing when she wanted to make him happy, because Xing (星) in Chinese meant Star. And that’s when he heard her voice after a whole year had passed.

“XingXing!! You’re home!” Yixing turned his attention at the woman calling his favorite nickname. With an emotionless face and eyes that were about to shut down, he dragged his feet to the entrance door and stopped in front of his short grandmother.

“I missed you so much.” He whispered as tears started to fall from his now closed eyes. He buried his face at her neck and inhaled her perfume that never failed to bring him happiness. He hugged her tight and kissed her on the cheeks more than a million times already.

“I missed you too, XingXing.”

 

 

“So you’re telling me you didn’t want me to leave training.” Lay said, losing his patience. It has been a year of new experiences for Lay. Everything has changed. “Do you know how much this destroyed my life?!” he shouted at his parents. Again this was a first for him. “Don’t you know that I love her so much I’d leave anything to help her live? If you had told me before I could have found a way to make her live! I would give up on everything because they can get back but a life will never return! Do you know that?!” He covered his face with his hands and fell down on the couch.

“Zhang Yixing! Respect your parents!” His father raised his voice, trying to control his temper. “If you cared that much about your grandmother, then why did you forget to read her letter? Who’s at fault now? Us? Or you?”

He knew it. He knew he was at fault. He despised, he hated himself for that. But hearing the same answer from his parents made his heart break to pieces. And the least thing he wanted was his back pain.

He ran outside at the garden, sat himself on one of the chairs and cried his heart out. Both from the emotional and physical pain. He shouted with his head hanging low, asking the air why was this happening. He could bear anything but not the loss of his grandmother. Not her.

 

 

It was the day he had to turn back to Korea. He didn’t talk to his parents about it, but of course he told his grandma.

“Grandma I’m glad I spent these days with you. I hope these won’t be the last ones. I heard our CEO talking about vacations so I might turn back soon. Please… Don’t-” Tears started to fall again for the nth time that day but he quickly wiped them away.

His grandma could only smile at him and hug him. She had no words to say, because if she spoke, she would only spill lies.

“How are the flowers, XingXing?” Her tired voice came out of her sore throat. Even she didn’t know how she was able to speak. Love can do anything, can’t it?

“They’re dying one by one, mom.” He looked at his grandmother’s eyes that widened.

“No, Lay. I’m your grandma, not your mom. You know very well who your-”

“Please, let’s not talk about this.” He took a deep breath as he looked down at the wooden floor. “You said only one flower will last longer. Why do I have to give it to my lover? What if I don’t find her?” He asked his grandma as she laughed lightly. He smiled. Finally… She laughed.

“Because it’s something magical, Lay. A flower that lasts as long as someone’s life is barely real. And no one believes it! No one unless there’s someone who has found it and raised. That flower is connected to the soul you’re going to give it to. So you’ll find her, because it’s connected to your feelings too.”

“I see… Thank you, mom. I love you.” He kissed her cheek and hugged her tightly.

“I love you too, Yixing.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Lay… I… I found out about your grandmother. I’m extremely sorry. If there’s any wa-” Lay couldn’t stop himself from raising the volume of the song to 100% and drain himself to the music, giving his body to the beat, and stopping his annoying manager from talking. The last thing he wanted to talk about was the way he felt and the help people thought he needed.

 

He needed nothing.

 

 

Just music.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was Lay’s 20^th birthday. And after October he had two months vacations, including the first week of January. Lee Soo Man gave him more time than the others because he wanted to help Lay, but the latter dismissed the elder’s offer and decided he would keep training alone at the SM Building.

 

 

By that time there was a lot of competition between the trainees. Rumors that a new group with twelve members was going to form in 2011 and then debut with a powerful song filled every corner of SM and that made the trainees go wild. They fought with each other and sent daggers and yada yada, but for Lay that meant nothing. Completely nothing.

Because if he really was good enough, then the company would give him a job without him using all the kinds of dirty games to win the title as ‘The New Member’.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was January and Lay was walking through the empty hallways of the SM building. No one was there, even the CEO went for vacations at Hawaii and gave the key to Lay so he could enter the building. While he was walking inside the elevator, he heard the main door open and Mr. Lee together with the CEO walked inside the building.

“Hey, Lay! Glad to see you again.” They greeted and started chatting about the new group.

“So I was thinking about the name EXO! As for EXO Planet, the planets outside the solar system. I’m still not sure about the way we should divi-”

Lay overheard they conversation accidentally but he didn’t regret it. At least he knew something about the group that was true and not only the rumors made by some 13 years old teenagers seeking for attention. Just the thought of it made him feel like throwing up.

Why when the scientists were calling this ‘evolution’ and creating robots, machines and the newest kinds of computers, teenagers seemed to grow more stupid?

“Well… They don’t put their brain at work.” He whispered to himself as he shrugged his shoulders and pressed the button which wrote 15 on the elevator to take him to the last floor. And as the doors were closing, he saw a boy walk past the elevator, and he quickly caught Lay’s attention.

 

 

 

 

That day Lay felt lazy for the first time in his life. He was always hyper active when it was time to do the things he loved the most, but this time it was different. Lay’s brain couldn’t stop repeating and repeating the moment when he saw that flawless guy walking towards Mr. Lee’s office. He had never seen that guy before so Lay thought he might be the new trainee Mr. Lee wouldn’t stop talking about.

Lately, Mr. Lee would keep talking about a new trainee who was exactly the one SM was looking for. He would praise his talent for singing and also his looks, which made Lay curious to see who this Kim Jongdae was. And now he’s asking himself if that was Kim Jongdae or not.

Because truly, his beauty was indescribable.

 

 

 

 

 

“Lay, come here for a moment.” Manager Lee called Lay after the dance practice ended.

“Yes, Mr. Lee?” Lay walked towards him, a towel around the back of his neck.

“Your roommate just asked for the termination of his contract, so we’re going to give you a new roommate.”

“Can’t I stay alone? I’d like that more.”

“No, Lay. Soo Man and I want you to meet Jongdae. You’re great at dancing and he’s great at singing. You would make a perfect match together.”

“Kim… Jongdae?” Lay’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know he was coming this soo-”

Someone knocked on the door and both of them turned their attention at the person knocking at the already opened door.

“May I come inside?”

“Oh, hello there Jongdae! I was talking with your roommate about you.”

 

 

So I was right. He’s Jongdae.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Welcome at SM’s dorm, Jongdae. I hope you feel at home in our room.” Lay said as he opened the door of their room.

“Don’t be so formal. Talk to me like you did with your last roommate.” Jongdae laughed, and Lay froze.

He didn’t want to tell Jongdae about the “friendship” he had with his roommate… If that was called “friendship”. It’s like they were born to never value each other’s existence. They never talked to each other and they almost didn’t know how the other looked like. So Lay whispered,

“I would never want to be like that with you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m going at VivaPolo to eat dinner. Do you want to come with me?” Jongdae asked right after they walked inside the room.

“No, I don’t feel like eating. But thank you Jongdae.” Lay bowed even though his waist was hurting like hell for the nth time that day.

“Please don’t bow, Lay! And call me Chen.” He eye smiled and left the room. Lay sighed and left the dorms for a long walk towards the Han River.

 

 

 

 

When he turned back he saw Chen sleeping like a happy baby on his bed. Lay chuckled but Chen suddenly woke up.

“Oh my God! Lay you’re alive! I was waiting for you all this time! What are you doing here so late?” Chen stood up and looked at his wristwatch. It was 1 AM.

“You waited for me?” Lay blinked as he looked at Chen with surprise. Chen nodded and smiled at his friend.

“Friends wait for each other.”

Those words scribbled themselves on Lay’s heart and mind and remained there all the time, never forgetting what his new friend stated.

He saw Chen laying himself on Lay’s bed again until he realized Lay looking at him. “Is this your bed?” He asked and was about to get up but Lay stopped him.

“It is but I never sleep there so you can take it if you feel comfortable.” Lay smiled. He smiled… After three years of emotionless words and an expressionless face, he managed to pull a smile from the depth of his heart.

 

 

 

 

And the flowers were slowly dying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hahaha Chen, stop it!!” Lay started laughing while Chen kept tickling him.

“If you agree to go at Kamong together then I’ll stop.” Chen grinned as Lay kept laughing under his arms.

“Ok, fine! Let’s go.” Lay took a deep breath after Chen’s hands left him.

 

And for the first time after all these years, Lay left the dancing practice earlier than anyone else.

 

 

Months had passed since their first meeting. Now they were best friends and also brothers. People would say they “loved” each other, and of course they did… But in a brotherly way. It was just bromance. Nothing more and nothing less.

 

 

 

 

The problem was…

 

Only two flowers were left now.

 

And Lay’s soul mate was nowhere to be found.

 

 

 

 

 

“Zhang Yixing, Kim Jongdae, go at Lee Soo Man’s office please.” Mr. Lee stopped the dance practice to inform them about their meeting with Lee Soo Man which they never knew about. The other trainees were looking at each other with wide eyes. No one went at Soo Man’s office unless they wanted to do something with their contract or he wanted them to be the next members of his new boy band. And people were praying it was the first reason.

 

“Haters.” Jongdae whispered and threw an arm around Lay’s shoulders. “You ready, bro?”

“W-why did he c-call us?” For the first time in his life, Lay stuttered. And Chen found that the cutest thing ever.

“To help us pass the dark tunnel and reach the shining light in the end of it.”

 

What Chen said reminded Lay of what his grandma wrote on the grey letter she sent him. And that’s when Lay realized that Kim Jongdae was similar to his grandmother. But as many similarities they had, as many differences would appear.

He smiled and wrapped his arm around Chen’s waist.

“We’ll see…”

 

 

Lay always wanted to have someone who cared about him. Someone who would help him even when he didn’t need help. Someone who would give him painkillers when his back hurt and take care of him when he was sick.

And when Lay saw Chen running towards the 24/7 open pharmacy at the middle of the night because Lay collapsed in the middle of the floor and started shaking, he realized that Chen was the one he needed to have by his side all this time.

 

 

“It is but I never sleep there so you can take it if you feel comfortable.” Lay smiled.

“Where do you sleep, Lay?” Chen asked as he blinked cutely.

“At the floor… Of the dancing room.” Lay added and looked down as Chen’s eyes widened.

“From now on you’re going to sleep at your bed. That’s where human beings are meant to rest.”

“But, I can’t sleep there.”

“Then sleep with me.”

 

Since then Lay’s pain started fading bit by bit and it was replaced by two arms holding him and not willing to let go. Since then his physical pain was the last thing that would hurt him, together with the emotional pain that had faded away since the first day he landed his eyes on Chen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And now, together with ten other brothers, he started living the life he was always dreaming of.

 

 

 

 

“And then I decided to sleep on Xiumin’s bed, but when I rested my head on his pillow it smelled weird, and I realized it was saliva.” The MC started laughing at Lay’s cuteness. His dimples showed as he laughed along with the other members and a red Xiumin full of embarrassment.

 

 

 

“That was fun.” Everyone said in unison after they arrived at their dorm. Bidding each other goodnight, they entered their rooms and  immediately fell asleep.

 

“Chen?” Lay whispered.

“Yes, Lay?” Chen turned around to see Lay holding a heliotrope flower. Chen had read Grandma’s letter and he knew what the flowers on Lay’s bed meant. “Lay?” He looked at Lay with wide eyes as he tried to stop himself from grinning widely.

“I love you brother. You’re my heliotrope flower.”

 

 

 

“I’ll love you for eternity, XingXing. As your brother.”