The weeks after that night blurred into each other. It was the same routine over and over; going to school, training and then sleeping. I felt like a robot, like my life wasn't really mine anymore. Every second of my day was controlled and organised, I felt trapped.

Was this the reality of trainee life? What happens when all the boys debut and I'm left doing the same old thing? Do I really want this life, will it even be worth it?

'What's going on with you Bobby? A few weeks ago you would have nailed this routine within 10 minutes, now you can't even seem to grasp the basics!?'

A scolding from one of my least favourite instructors, Youngmin, had become a daily occurrence. I was confused about whether to carry on and push for my dream or just have a normal life, and it was beginning to show to everyone around me.

'I'll try harder....'

'Well you better and soon, this business isn't for weak individuals and or those who have no self-belief!' His voice could be heard all the way down the hall. 'No one owes you anything kid! You want to be successful, it's you who has to put in the work! Don't think cause you have no family to go running back too we can't kick you out...'

Before he could finish his rant, I shot up in pure rage and disbelief. How dare he bring up something so personal and hurtful, I couldn't contain myself. Before I knew it, I had thrown a punch that had knocked him to the ground. But I couldn't control myself, I saw red. I kept swinging, he protected his face with his hands and tried to hold my fists back.

Hearing, the commotion, a couple staff members and some trainees rushed in the room. It took 4 people to drag me off him, but I was still red hot with anger. I stormed out the room and proceeded out the building.

I started walking, nowhere in particular, just anywhere but that building. I started off fast but my pace got gradually slower as I calmed down and began to realise the seriousness of what I just did.

'Well, at least now I don't have make the decision to leave, they're going to kick me out for sure.'

The SM building was full of trainees and staff, therefore news of my actions seemingly spread fast. I was getting texts and call like mad. I turned off my phone and sat down on a nearby bench.

I sat for a moment but the silence was short lived.

'Bobo, is that you? Aren't you suppose to be training right now?'

It was a familiar voice, it was one of my friends from high school, Kyungsoo.

'Hey, errr...' I didn't feel like talking.

'Omo, your skipping class aren't you! Damn, you little rebel!'

I forced a laugh, luckily Kyungsoo was not one for rules himself.

'What are you doing now? Let's go to a club! I bet you've never been a Korean night club before, it will be fun!'

I hesitated at first, but anywhere that would take me away from the troubles at the company sounded like a good idea. We halted a taxi and headed into the town.

Drinking, bad choices and more drinking followed. We went from club to club, dancing and making small talk with anyone that would listen. I hadn't a clue what the time was, all I knew was that I felt sick, really sick. I needed air.

I left Kyungsoo happily chatting with some girls at the bar, and proceeded to throw up down a back alley outside. I could hardly stand, I was swaying side to side, occasionally throwing up on the path. I started making my way down the street, somehow believing I could walk home. Most of it was a blur and after that I remember nothing.

The next thing I remember was waking up with what felt like a boulder on my head, but this was in fact just the hangover the night before had left me with. But wait, how did I get all the way home, I can't remember a thing.

I froze as I suddenly realised this couch I was on wasn't like the one we had in the dorm and more so in fact I wasn't in our dorm. I was in someone's apartment.

'Sore head? I'm not surprised. The state you were in last night.'

I turned behind me to see Taeyeon standing, staring at me with an annoyed look. I stayed frozen for a minute, trying to comprehend the situation I was in.

'This is a dream....yeah, I'm dreaming.' That was the most reasonable answer I could come up with. 'Taeyeon is not really there and I'm not really lying on her couch.' I was in disbelief, this is something that only happens in fanfics.

She chuckled lightly, still with a slight annoyance.

'Wrong kiddo. There I was minding my own business, driving home from my schedule when who do I see swaying and falling all over the street! You Bobby! What the hell were you thinking?! Getting out of your mind drunk, barely being able to stand and trying to walk home all by yourself! Anything could have happened to you, it was lucky I lived so close I could take you back to mine before you complete passed out!'

I sat up straight, rubbing my head. She sat down next to me and handed me some tablets.

'I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.' Is all I managed to say. I then realised I hadn't got a shirt on, so instinctively checked for my pants as well. They where still there.

Taeyeon must have noticed.

'Thought I had got you out your pants you ert.' She said jokingly.

'Your shirt was a mess, here. I've got a spare one' She handed me a small white shirt, which I promptly put on. We looked at each other and chuckled at the tight fitting shirt that looked like if I moved too fast it would rip open.

Her tone became more serious.

'Bobby... I heard what happened at the company....'

I got defensive. ' I don't want to talk about it.'

'But Bobby, I...' I stood up and interrupted her.

'I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you, thank you for everything, I won't forget it.'

I collected my things, and went towards the door.

'Wait, I'll give you a lift to your dorm...'

'You've already done so much, I couldn't ask you...' She pushed passed me jokingly.

'Ladies first.' She smirked and I followed her down to her car.

We made friendly small talk in the car, not mentioning anything about the day or night before. I realised this was the first time I had really talked to her that night at the bar. I had passed her in hallways and said formal greetings numerous times, but I always wanted to see her again and get to know her better, but it seemed impossible. She was easy to talk too, I felt so comfortable with her, like I had known her for years. She made me nervous and at ease all at the same time.