If goodbye is the answer, who gave the question?

 

 

Just like the rain that day, she did not know when to stop crying.

After returning home around half past three last night, she forced herself to sleep until the sound of the rain shook her from her sleep. Lying languidly on her bed, still fully dressed in the clothes from last night, she reached over to her phone, 9:30. She let out a long sigh as she curled into her blanket. It was cold and damp. The smell of wet soil and the rhythmic ticking of raindrops dropping upon her roof have always given her comfort. She took a lungful of the cool air along with its earthy scent and like magic, a curve appeared on her once-pursed lips. She didn’t want to think about anything else besides this perfect weather, but of course, her mind always seems to trail off to the direction she tries to avoid.

“Kim.” She unconsciously muttered under her breath. “Jong,” she continued, eyebrows knitted. “In,” She could feel the tingling sensation starting from the top of her nose traveling up. She let out a tiny whimper as tears flooded out her fluttered eyelids.

She grabbed tightly onto her blanket and hugged her knees. She felt suffocated like a ton of bricks was on top of her heart, pressing tightly against her lungs, making it hard to breathe.

She didn’t think about much, or rather, she forced herself not to. Letting her bed sheet soak all her tears, she lied paralyzed and numb. The soft whimpers and the occasion sobs blended together with the humming of the falling rain made a heart-wrenching melody.

“Miyeon-ah, come out and have some breakfast.” Her mom’s voice rang from downstairs. She didn’t reply. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to reply without letting her mother knows that she was crying.

“Miyeon.” The sound of footsteps on the wooden stairs battered against the soothing ticking of the rain. “Miyeon. It’s 10 already. Get up now. I made breakfast.” Her mom knocked on the door. Still no reply. “Miyeon!” Her mom said impatiently.

“Mom. Go away! I will be down in a second.” She could hear her voice breaking as she shouted.

“Honey?” Sensing something different about her daughter’s voice, her mom slowly opened the door and peeked inside. The room was dark with the curtains blocking what little lights there was outside. Her mom tried to look through the darkness and spotted her curled up on her bed. “Oh. Honey, what’s wrong?” She the light and rushed to her daughter’s bedside.

Upon her mom’s gentle touch, she began to cry aloud. Surprised, her mom leaned over and hugged her, “Oh, honey. What’s wrong?” She the girl’s hair and said softly.

Miyeon didn’t reply; she just kept on crying. Her mom didn’t want to press on the topic and just silently the girl’s hair. “It’s ok. It’s ok.” She repeated.

The air was thick and suffocating for both of them. Her mom was desperate; she had never seen Miyeon cried so hard since the day her dad left. She felt uneasy because the source of her daughter’s tears was yet unknown to her but she couldn’t bring herself to ask.

“I…I think it’s over, mom.” The girl finally managed to say softly, face still buried in between her blankets.

“Oh, baby.” Her mom let out an agonizing sigh and hugged her even tighter.

The girl got up and wrapped her arms around her mom. “I…I don’t know what to do mom. How did it end up this way? How can we...” She said in between sobs, confused and lost. “I didn’t mean for it to turn out like this, mommy.” She tightened her grip let out heartbreaking wails.

“My poor baby. Hush now, it’s ok. It’s ok.” Her mom patted her head, soothing away bits of the pain. She let her daughter cry on her shoulders until she didn’t have the energy to cry anymore.

“Let’s go down and get something to eat, yeah?” Her mom pushed her away to get a good look of her face and smiled. “I will heat up the soup.” She smiled and quickly fixed the girl’s fringe. The girl nodded and smiled.

“Go wash your face. You look like you have been stung by a bee.” Her mom clicked her tongue and shook her head.

“Okay.” The girl laughed and got off her bed.

 

 

“Do you want to go to the market with me?” Her mom offered.

“I want to stay home, mom.” Miyeon set the dirty dishes down on the sink and picked up the sponge.

“Are you sure? Walking around might help you feel better. Getting your mind off things and such.” Her mom insisted. She didn’t want to leave the girl alone. It’s not that she was afraid that the girl might do something out of her mind but she just know how painfully lonely it is in this house sometimes.

“It’s ok. I want to be alone for a while. Don’t worry about me and enjoy your trip, okay?” She turned around and smiled to ensure her mom.

“Okay then, honey. Take care, okay? I should be back very soon.” She grabbed her umbrella and headed for the door.

“Take you time.” Miyeon called out and continued with the dishes.

When the click of the lock was heard, Miyeon let out a long sigh. Starring at the plate covered with soap she held in her hand, she stood still. The house was completely still and quiet as well. There were only the sound of the running water, the humming of the refrigerator, and the muffled ticking of the rain to filled up the empty spaces of the cold and empty house. Tears unconsciously flowed down her cheeks, which she quickly wiped away with her arm.

 

“Miyeon!” Jongin’s voice rang as soon as he entered the kitchen. As soon as he saw the girl leaning against the sink, doing the dishes, he immediately ran to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Hey.” The girl turned around and gave him a peck, which he received with pride. “Have you eaten?” The girl asked, finishing the few last plates.

“No.” He laughed, “Feed me.”

“Do you only come here for food?” Miyeon mocked and the boy only laughed as a response.

“Jongin-ah, I just made some seafood pajeon (onion pancake), want some?” Her mom offered as soon as she saw Jongin.

“Yes, omoni! I’m so very hungry.” The boy whined and left Miyeon’s side to hug her mom.

“Mom! I asked you earlier and you said it was for later.” Miyeon protested as she dried her hands.

“This girl, does it hurt to share a little? It’s not like he’s some stranger. He’s your boyfriend.” Her mom clicked her tongue and scolded.

“Right, omoni?” The boy agreed wholeheartedly. “See, baby? Even mom thinks that you should share.” He stuck his tongue out and poked fun at his girlfriend before turning to her mom to receive another piece of delicious pajeon.

“No fair!” She whined, dazed at the perfect teamwork. “You guys always team up against me!” She squeezed in and took a seat between them. They all laughed and continued eating.

 

“Stop crying, stupid Miyeon.” She scolded herself and quietly finished the dishes.

 

 

The walk up the stairs seemed awfully long and laborious today. She dragged her feet and slowly made her way up. The creaking of the wood bounced off every corners of the vast space of the house. She stood for a while, realizing how cold and lonely the house suddenly felt.

“I guess everything seems cold and dark when you’re in a bad mood.” She sighed and took a look around before continued heading to her room. It was half past one; sad hours seem long.

Plopping down onto her bed, she reached over to her phone. No missed calls, nor text messages, nothing. She sighed and reached over for her headphones. Music is always an effective escape route. She put on her headphones and drowned herself from the busy yet lonely world. Closing her eyes, she let all her worries drift away. The world reset and went back to basic. How nice it was to be able to be in your own little world. She slowly drifted back into dreamland with the soothing music in the background.

 

날 안내해줘 YEAH 그대가 살고 있는 곳에 나도 함께 데려가줘                                                                      Lead me. Yeah, to the place you live, take me with you.

 

The ringtone shook her from her sleep.

“Yeah, mom?” She picked up, still half asleep.

“I texted you. Why didn’t reply?” Her mom sounded alert.

“Sorry. I was sleeping.” She could hear her mom letting out a relief sigh from the other side. “Why? What’s up?”

“I met some friends on the way home. I think I might stay out quiet late today.” The rain hummed in the background.

“That’s great, mom. You haven’t been out with your friends in a while.” She smiled; it truly had been a while.

“Will you be fine by yourself?” Her mom’s worry was obvious even through the phone.

“I will be fine, mom. Don’t worry. Have fun with your friends.” Miyeon ensured her. She wanted to have some alone time anyways.

“Are you sure? I can just go home right now.” Her mom quickly offered.

“No, mom. It’s okay. I will be fine. Just go have fun with your friends.” She convinced her mom.

“Alright. I think we still have some rice and some dishes in the fridge. Don’t forget to eat okay?” Her mom reminded.

“Okay.” She chuckled. Her mom has always been so worried about her. “Bye mom.” She hung up and dropped her arm by her side.

She lied facing the ceiling. It was dark outside. The rain still refused to stop. How long has it been? She thought, starring at the ceiling. Finally completely awake, she sat up and checked her phone. 6:30. Aside from a few of her mom’s text messages, there were no phone calls or texts from the one she looked forward to.

“I guess that’s it then.” She sighed and dropped her phone on the bed. She buried her face in her hands and cried. No matter how many times they argued before, he always gave in after a few hours. With her back on the cold bed, she tossed and turned. She wailed and sobbed. She screamed and threw pillows. She went on with her tantrum for more than an hour before finally calming down to soft whimpers.

Exhausted and worn out, she lifelessly sat up and the light. The room flooded with light as the girl sunk back, blinking to adjust to the brightness. She sat on the edge of her bed and scanned her room until her gaze fell upon a carton box under her desk. The box had a typical brown color and the outside scripted with quotes from the couple’s favorite books. There was a thin layer of dust on