WARNING: Unbetaed too lazy to check everything since I just got home and I'm still high from the heat

I gripped on to my duvet and wrapped it tighter around me as I unconsciously rubbed my body deeper into my bed. I knew I should have adjusted my room’s heater to a higher temperature before I fell asleep last night. My thin sweater and sweatpants didn’t help me with the freezing temperature plus my thin body that was all bones and no enough layer of fat to give me warmth.

I sighed.

I peeked through my thick blanket, my left eye still closed while my right eye was struggling on opening, slightly stinging because of my lack of sleep and because of the cold air. I noticed how it was still dark outside despite the curtain that was draped over my window and balcony door, preventing any sunlight from entering my room.

I then turned to my bedside table and stretched my hand towards it blindly searching for my glasses. Once I took hold of it, I slowly wore it and blinked a few times adjusting my vision. My gaze was diverted to the clock hanging on my wall. It read 5:30am; still early to get up but late enough to go back to sleep.

I stretched my arms as my toes curled letting go of that small amount of drowsiness still swirling in my system. It’s a brand new day once again. A new day to face new challenges, new chances to meet people and experience brand new things. For other people, that is.

For me?

I could only smile bitterly.

I have everything a man could ask for; money, looks, name, great reputation, and fame. I was the type of kid born with a golden spoon as the elders often refer rich kids to. Having a lifestyle like mine is very convenient and I’m sure a lot of people my age will die to take my place.

But in all honesty, I will willingly give them my life if I could have that one thing I never had as far as I can remember: freedom.

Yes, I have no freedom. I may be rich, living in a mansion full of people paid to do everything I’ll ask them to, eat anything I want, do everything without the need to go out since my parents put almost everything inside our mansion.  Heck if I requested a shopping mall inside our house I’m sure they’ll build one for me, no questions asked. I’m an only son so they treasure me very much.

But I wanted more. I know it was quite bratty of me to ask for more but I just can’t help it. I was born with a heart defect, preventing me from doing anything strenuous hence the decision of practically locking me inside our mansion.

I never go to school. The professors were the ones who will come here to teach me. Yeah, I was home-schooled. And being home-schooled meant no friends. I was shy and somewhat cold that even the workers around my age feared to even go near me making me lonelier than I already am. I can’t blame them though or force them to like me. I am not likeable anyway. I rarely talk plus I can’t do fun things so hanging out with me was just plain boring and I don’t want to drag other people into my lifeless life.

The only companion I have is our garden that you can clearly see if you’ll stand by my room’s balcony. My parents discovered my green thumb plus my love for plants deciding on placing it near my room. Every time I’m lonely, I’ll just go there and tend to my babies or when I’m already exhausted, all I will do is to sit by my balcony and watch over my garden with a small smile on my face.

I got off my bed then went to the glass door and moved the curtain to the side. I slid it open and went out, my arms automatically wrapping around my body because of the coldness of the air that welcomed me. My eyes went to the sky, still dark yet you can now see a little light telling you that the sun will soon rise. I then moved my gaze to the garden and saw how the flowers were gracefully dancing with the wind, their petals in full bloom, healthy and vibrant.

Amongst my plants, I consider my red roses to be the most beautiful. The petals are all dark red or more like bloody red but are so full of life. I planted them all over the garden occupying the largest portion of the place. I also planted some white and yellow roses plus other lovely flowers but like what I’ve said before, red roses are my favorite.

I walked forward until I reached the metal railings. I propped my elbows and rested my chin on my hands. I’m already 22 years old and yet, I’m still here, stuck like a bird in a cage, a bird that is full of determination and will but lacks the strength to do what he really wanted to do.

I heaved a heavy sigh. I was about to go back inside when I heard a soft bell ringing. My eyes then went to the road, thankful that my balcony’s high enough to be able to see the road despite the high gate and walls surrounding our house.  There I saw a boy maybe around my age riding a bicycle, with long brown curly hair that reached his shoulders, his fringe brushed to the side. Even from afar, I could clearly see how handsome he is. He has sharp pointed nose and thin lips. His eyes are sparkling against the now rising sun, and his lips curved in a breathtaking smile.

He cheerfully greeted the guard stationed by our gate who greeted him back with a smile, a gesture I rarely see him do. He then opened the gate and let the guy enter with a medium-sized bottle with white liquid on his hand as if it’s a normal thing to do. I squinted my eyes and realized that that’s a bottle of fresh milk. I never drink those since I only prefer strawberry milk. I wonder why he still continued on delivering that here though. Maybe for my parents? Or for our workers here? I just don’t care anymore.

Still with a smile, he crouched in front of our door and carefully placed the bottle there. He stood up and I let out a gasp when he suddenly lifted his head and stared at me. I’m not sure if I’m only imagining it but I think he just smiled at me, only a brief one though.

I felt my cheeks blushing that I hurriedly turned my head sideways, embarrassed that he caught me gawking at him. I returned my gaze on him only to realize that he was not there anymore and his bicycle was nowhere in sight.

The rest of the day went by with me still being bored to death. After that small incident with the milk boy, I decided to just fix myself and spend the whole morning tending to my flowers after eating my breakfast. Lunch time came and I found myself eating without any companion. My parents were away for two months due to a business trip to a country somewhere in Europe. Don’t worry I’m already used to this. I understand why they kept on working hard so I was never the one to question them or to rebel against them because they never gave me the attention a child will want his parents to give him. Because I got nothing interesting left to do, I fixed myself for bed earlier than usual, my mind deciding on waking up early the next day so I could have a glimpse of the handsome guy once again.

 It finally became a habit of mine to always wake up earlier than usual and stare at the handsome boy dropping by everyday with a bottle of fresh milk. He knew about me and much to my glee, he will always look up to me and give me a sweet smile, sometimes even waving at me. His gestures will always leave me feeling giddy all over, a feeling so foreign to me and yet makes me feel so good I was left craving for more.

It was after two weeks that I finally got the courage to meet him face to face. Still clad in my pajamas, I looked at the clock and smiled when I still have a few minutes left when he will usually come. I dashed to my bathroom and fixed my messy hair though I think it has a mind of its own since it won’t budge no matter how I flatten them. With a small pout on my lips, I huffed and decided not to care anymore about my hair. I just washed my face instead, making sure to remove my eye booger and the saliva that dried up at the side of my lips. I checked my breath and remembered that I brushed my teeth last night before I went to bed so I just used mouthwash instead. Wearing my perfect smile, I skipped my way towards the main door of our mansion ignoring the surprised faces of our workers who were already starting their chores for the day.

I pulled the big door made from hard wood carved with different abstract designs perfect for our house’s antique style, my hands gripping the handle a little too excitedly. The second the sunlight from outside hit my eyes, I smiled widely seeing the milk boy’s handsome face right in front of me, only surprise evident on him.

I stepped out, my eyes never leaving his. This is the first time I saw his eyes up close and the way I described them before did no justice at all. His eyes were brown, deep emotions swirling within them making them even more beautiful. His skin was a bit tan making him masculine. His face was not free from flaws but it was what made him human since you’ll really mistake him from a male fairy. His hair was tied halfway; the lower half was flowing down freely.

I lowered my head in embarrassment when it finally hit me on how ridiculous I acted right now. I abruptly stopped on my steps as I rubbed my nape bashfully.

Silence filled us and I was getting more and more nervous every second that passed. I slightly lifted my head, my eyes looking at him behind my blond fringe. He was still staring at me scanning me, his mouth will open and close immediately, no words coming out and I bit my inner cheek to prevent myself from chuckling at his cuteness.

“Uh.. H-Hi.” I started, my voice lacing with overflowing awkwardness. This was the first time I initiated a talk and I bravely gave myself a credit knowing my current appearance.

My greeting seemed to snap him out as he directed his eyes on me.

I swore I saw him blush.

“H-Hi.” He replied, his hand gripping on the neck of the bottle tighter than normal.

Another pregnant silence followed, the atmosphere getting more awkward than before.

I cleared my throat and slowly raised my hand which was slightly shaking from I don’t know, excitement maybe? Or nervousness? If I succeeded in making him my friend then he’ll be my first and only friend.

I could live with that.

“H-Hyukjae.”

“Huh?”

“My name’s Hyukjae.” I repeated, my voice now warm as I directed a smile towards him.

He gaped at me then looked at my offered hand, uncertain on what he should do. I was about to retract my hand when he suddenly took it, his hand gripping mine tightly. We both let out a gasp, me because of the electricity that shook my whole body because of our contact. Maybe he also felt the same?

Our eyes immediately met and within a split second, his hand left mine. I kept my face blank, trying to control the frown that was about to let out. His hand was really warm despite the cold air of the morning. It’s the type that you will always yearn for because of the comfort and security it brings.

“D-Donghae.” He then introduced himself, a faint blush adorning his cheeks.

We stayed like that, though the atmosphere’s a bit awkward, I felt quite happy that I was able to finally see him this close and got to know formally know each other.

“Uh.. I better go now. I still have deliveries to do.” He broke the silence and despite the disappointment I felt, I gave him a smile and nodded.

“Sure. See you around Donghae and..” I paused and bit my lip. He looked expectantly at me waiting for my next words. “T-Take care.” I finished and I swore my cheeks went beet red that I could only look at the ground.

I heard him chuckle making me stare back at him. My heartbeat went faster once again after hearing his angelic laugh plus the toothy grin on his face. How he can be handsome then will turn into a childishly cute one in a split second was beyond my imagination.

  “Thanks. So I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye Hyukjae.” With a small wave, he once again smiled at me and walked away, leaving me all giddy and truly happy inside.

During the following days, our routine from smiling at each other with me at the balcony changed to me sitting in front of the door while waiting for him, earphones stuck on my ears. Even though we will only see each other for a few minutes, given that he will spare some time from his deliveries to sit and chat with me, those were enough for us to know things about each other.

“Hyuk I think you should not wait for me around this hour anymore.” He said one day and I couldn’t help but to stare at him with horror. Is he tired of me already? Doesn’t he want me as a friend anymore? I could feel my eyes starting to get hot as tears threatened to fall.

As if reading my mind, or maybe because of my expressions, his eyes widened as he shook his head frantically. “No t-that’s not what I m-meant.” He explained in panic.

“T-Then what?” I asked, now softly sobbing. My body stiffened when I felt him sat closer then he encircled his right arm around me, side-hugging me.

“Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant was I will meet you a bit later starting tomorrow.” He elaborated, a small smile of amusement and tease seen on his face that I automatically pouted at him.

“Why?”

“I will change my route starting tomorrow, making your house the last delivery so I could spend more time with you.”

My sobs automatically stopped as I stared at him wide-eyed, my cheeks blushing madly because of his words. My eyes became wider though when I noticed that our faces were mere centimeters away, his face mirroring my expression. Feeling conscious, I accidentally let out a hiccup. I threw my hand on my mouth, covering it while I endlessly cussed on my mind for ruining such moment.

His surprised expression dissolved as he laughed out loud. He was laughing so hard that he held his stomach, probably now starting to ache.

"Goodness Hyuk you’re so cute.” He said between his laughs as he reached out a hand and pinched my cheek.

I was too weakened by his laugh that I wasn’t able to pry his hand away.

“Sooo…” He stood up and offered me a hand to which I slowly took. He pulled me to my feet and once again I felt his hand on my face, now wiping the small tears that fell from my eyes. “Stop crying now and I’ll see you tomorrow hmm?”

“What time?” I asked in a small voice.

He smiled gently at me. “I still don’t know but I’ll just ring you okay?” He replied then I was surprised when he pulled me towards him and felt his arms around my body giving me a warm hug.

“Bye Hyuk.” He whispered and much to my disappointment, he finally let go of me.

I watched him turn his back on me and walked away.

“Take care, Hae.” I whispered softly the way I intentionally did so he won’t hear my own nickname for him.

It was already morning and despite Donghae’s reminder, I still waited for him although I was still on bed, rolling with my blanket wrapped all over my body. I sighed and stared at the clock and read 7:45am. It’s already this late and he’s not here yet. I didn’t fix myself yet since I was still too lazy to do it. I kept on rolling on my bed until I heard a knock on my door that I was so surprised I wasn’t able to stop and rolled myself out of bed, landing on my carpeted floor with a loud thud.

“Ouch!” I hissed in pain and shot the door my death glare.

I stood up, my body still enveloped with duvet and jumped my way to the door. I harshly opened the door and took a deep breath, getting ready to scold whoever knocked at my door at this time of the day only to have my words stuck at my throat when I saw a grinning Donghae in front of me.

“H-Hae?”

His face seemed to light up when I accidentally mumbled my secret nickname for him and excitedly waved at me.

“I just arrived and brought breakfast. Eat with me please?” He asked as he lifted his hand that was holding a small basket.

I roamed my eyes all over him and noticed how he was already fresh with his clean yet comfortable clothes and he obviously took a bath already while I was still so haggard-looking complete with my bed hair and unwashed face. I realized my state and blushed furiously. Holding onto my duvet tighter, I cleared my throat and moved to my side, silently telling him to get inside my room.

“I-I’ll just fix myself uhm..” I murmured as I frantically searched for the remote while he slowly walked in and sat at the edge of the bed. I passed it to him and smiled nervously. “W-Watch first so you won’t get bored.”

“Can I just look around?” He asked instead but nonetheless accepted the remote only to place it carefully beside him. I was dumbfounded with his words but still nodded. It’s not that my room has interesting things. My life itself is boring so what more with my things right?

I hurriedly went inside my walk-in closet, picked up my clothes and finally locked myself in the bathroom. I took a deep breath as I placed my hand over my fast-beating heart. Donghae visited me with a basket for breakfast and now he’s inside my room looking over my things. I took a deep breath trying to calm my heart. This tachycardia I’m experiencing was never a good thing for my heart but I couldn’t help but feel this every time I’m with Donghae or even just thinking about him.

What is this feeling anyways?

I decided to take a cold shower disregarding the fact that I may catch a cold because of this, taking note of doing everything faster as to not let my only friend wait longer than necessary.

I went out of the bathroom finally feeling fresh and saw Donghae sitting comfortably on my bed, his legs crossed with a small book on hand. I frowned and adjusted my glasses as I tried to remember its title.

“Earth’s Forbidden Secrets.” I whispered, finally remembering the book. He looked at me and smiled guiltily.

“Sorry.” He said with a sheepish smile that I could only shake my head.

“Don’t be. I don’t mind.” I said as I took a seat beside him. “So you also love this kind of book?”

He nodded. “Yeah, it may be childish but I do believe in aliens.” His eyes shone as he said those words that I found myself mesmerized at the view in front of me. He looked like a child excitedly telling his friends his most amazing and unforgettable experience.

I chuckled. “Really? Well I love to read this kind of book aside from attending to my flowers.”

“Flowers?”

I nodded. “I have a small garden.”

“Can we go there then? We can eat our breakfast there.” He suggested as he bounced excitedly on my bed, the book long forgotten. I nodded and stood up from the bed, Donghae also doing the same. He picked up his basket with his left hand and held my own hand with the other. He acted so natural that I already knew he is fond of skinship unlike me. I don’t mind doing it if it’s with him though.

We reached the garden with Donghae standing at the entrance gawking at everything he saw. I chuckled at his reaction as I got the basket from his hand and placed it at the small table in the middle of my garden. I opened it and started arranging the food.

“You planted all of these?” He asked in awe and I just nodded in response, still immersed in the foods in front of me.

“Come on Hae the food’s done.” I called him and like an obedient child, he followed me and sat in front of me. The breakfast he brought was simple and just enough for the two of us. As we were eating, he filled his glass with the milk he always bring here and offered me one. I politely declined and I could see the questioning look on him.

“I only drink strawberry milk.” I informed him and on cue came one of the maids and served me my cold drink. He curiously looked at the pink liquid in my glass and I could only chuckle at his cuteness.

“You want some?” I offered him as I passed him my glass. He slowly held it and took a sip. A small smile appeared on his face and continued drinking my strawberry milk completely forgetting his own glass.

“I won’t wonder why you want this. This is so delicious!” He exclaimed and I smiled proudly at him.

“I have good taste right?”

“Yeah but then, if you don’t drink the milk I bring, then who does?”

I paused for a while then shrugged. “Maybe the workers. I’m not really sure about my parents since they’re barely here.” I answered and continued eating.

Silence filled the air as we resumed eating. I know he’s very curious about my personal life but didn’t ask further and I’m thankful for that. Family is not a sensitive topic for me but I’d rather not talk about a boring subject like that.

We finished our breakfast and I let him wander around while I fix the table. As soon as I was done, I once again sat and observed him. He had that small adorable smile on his lips, his eyes shining as it roamed around the garden, looking through the every detail of the flowers. The sun was already up but the wind was still cold. His skin glowed even more when the sunlight hit him making him look like a true male fairy having fun with the nature.

I stood up and walked towards him, stopping when I was already right behind him. Donghae looked back at me and smiled widely. “You love red roses huh?” He asked as he casually draped an arm on my shoulder.

I immediately felt my heart beating faster that I have to subtly take deep breaths, careful not to be noticed by him. I nodded stiffly and cracked a smile.

“Am I t-that obvious?”

He let out a hearty laugh and I don’t know why but it calmed me down which was quite ironic since he’s the main reason why my heart’s acting like this.

“There are red roses everywhere. I think that was enough reason hmm?” He explained with a gentle smile.

I looked away since I’m sure I’m blushing deeply.

“W-What about you?”

“Me?”

I nodded. “What’s your favorite flower?”

He smiled as he tightened his arm around me. “I love lavender roses. I always see my dad giving my mom the lavender ones during their anniversary.” Donghae explained.

His words almost passed through my ears since I was so mesmerized by the way he was smiling while talking, his eyes now directed to mine.

“Why lavender roses though?” I asked in a small whisper, our eyes still fixed at each other.

“Lavender roses symbolize love at first sight and enchantment. My dad said he fell in love with my mom when he first saw her.”

He finally let go of me then leaned closer to carefully caress the roses’ petals. “Someday I’m gonna find that someone whom I will give my lavender roses to.” He continued and I don’t know why but I felt a pinch in my heart with his words. I kept my eyes on his face observing his gentle smile, his orbs shining against the light of the sun. I have to look away though when I noticed my eyes getting blurry and felt a stinging pain around my eyes. I immediately tilted my head up and placed my palms against my eyes.

“Hyukkie?”

I subtly wiped the tears that managed to come out and as I turned my back on him for a second. Finally turning around to face him, I gave him a small smile and walked back to the table to pick up his basket.

“I’m feeling tired already. Let’s go back inside, our gardener will just water the plants later for me.” Without waiting for his response I began to walk faster towards our house directly to my room, opting to stay at the bathroom for a while.

Once I arrived, I closed and locked the bathroom door then went to the sink. I held onto it as my one hand went to my chest. It hurts. Those words of him shot my heart directly. I’m not really sure why but based on the books I read, this thing I felt for him.. is it love?

I closed my eyes and took few deep breaths.

No it can’t be love. I’m not jealous and definitely not in love.

But why does it hurt?

I opened my eyes and stared at myself through the mirror and noticed my tear-streaked face. I messily wiped them away and sniffed.

No I couldn’t feel this way. Please, no.

“Hyukkie?”

I jumped in surprise when I heard Donghae’s knocks.

“H-Hae?”

“Hyuk what happened? Are you okay? Want me to call somebody?” He asked, concern clearly heard in his voice. I opened the faucet and washed my face, clearing it from any trace of tears.

“Hyuk?”

“I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” I called out as I reached for my towel and used it to dry my face.

After taking a deep breath, I opened the door and found him looking worriedly at me. I was about to say something when he suddenly pulled me and hugged me tight making me immobile.

“H-Hae?”

“I thought something bad happened to you. Don’t ever do that again to me okay?” He said, his voice muffled as he buried his face on my hair, his hands gripping me hard.

I just nodded, not knowing what to say or how to even react. This was the first time someone had been worried about me and the feeling was really overwhelming. So this is how it feels to have a friend?

A smile slowly crept on my face as I carefully lifted my hands and wrapped them around Donghae hugging him back just as tight.

He continued on visiting me but I insisted that he should stop bringing me breakfast reasoning that there were enough foods here in our house and after a series of tantrums and pouts from him, he finally agreed. He continued on delivering milk but much to my surprise, he also started to bring me strawberry milk.

“Does the store you’re working for make strawberry milk?” I asked one day while sipping the tasty drink he gave me and saw him shook his head.

“No I just buy them at the convenience store I pass by on my way here. I suddenly thought of you when I saw it there.” He replied and I had to once again look away to hide my smile and my blushing cheeks.

Another day and here we were at the dining room having our breakfast. I insisted to have them by the garden but Donghae strongly disagreed saying that I might get tired and something bad might happen to me again. We were having a small conversation when a familiar voice interrupted us.

“Hyukjae!”

I looked up and saw my parents standing at the end of the dining table, small warm smiles on their faces. I smiled back as I slowly stood up with Donghae in tow and went towards them to give each of them a hug.

“Welcome home.” I greeted them as I stood beside Donghae.

My mother looked at him with a curious gaze. “And may I ask who this handsome boy is?” She asked with a warm comforting voice and because our shoulders were somewhat touching, I felt Donghae relax a little bit.

“Lee Donghae Ma’am. I’m a friend of Hyukjae. Pleased to meet you Sir, Ma’am.” He introduced himself formally to my parents as he gave them a slight bow. They looked pleased with his actions because of the look of approval they sent me.

They decided to eat with us and surprisingly both Donghae and I were comfortable around them. I kind of expected an awkward atmosphere but everything was the opposite. My parents were very welcoming towards my friend and for the first time I could finally say that I had a great morning with them, all because of Hae.

“I’m happy you have Donghae as your friend. That kid always brings the best milk.”

I looked up from my rose, eyes staring at her in surprise. She chuckled as she gently held my elbow and helped me to rise.

“You..”

“Hmm?”

“You’re not angry?” I whispered.

She shook his head. “Why would I? When I finally saw my son smiling brightly, far from the timid and quiet baby of mine.” She said teasingly, lips grinning playfully at me. I widened my eyes and looked away because I’m sure my face was in a violent shade of red now.

I heard her chuckled as she wrapped her one arm around me, side-hugging me. “Your happiness is important to me and your father. If you can find it in him, then who are we to interfere?”

With her words, I suddenly jumped on her catching her off-guard and hugged her tightly. “Thanks mom.” I said, words muffled as I buried my face on her neck. She patted my head lovingly in reply while we stayed like that for a few minutes.

When I finally let go, she grabbed my hand and led me to the small table, the same furniture where me and Hae had our first breakfast together.

“How long are you gonna stay here?” I asked, used already to the responses of just a week or only for two days since we need to manage our branches overseas.

Mom looked at me and smiled brightly. “Your dad and I decided to stay here for a few months. We thought we need to take a break and have some quality time together as a family with our baby.”

“Mom I’m not a baby anymore.” I complained, a pout on my lips as I crossed my arms on my chest.

“Maybe not our baby anymore but Donghae’s perhaps?” I swear I had never wanted the ground to open up and swallow me this very instant because of her endless teasing.

“Mom!!”

She was about to tease me again when Dad suddenly popped out of nowhere and handled her his phone, face mixed with surprise, relief and uncertainty, if those could all be seen at the same time that is.

After the call they didn’t say anything. Mom excused herself with Dad but not before ensuring that Donghae will drop by tomorrow morning, leaving me all bewildered at the obvious sudden change in atmosphere.