The sound of the front door opening reached my ears that a big smile automatically lit up on my face as I hurriedly yet carefully went down to welcome him. My feet halted at the end of the stairs and saw him already looking at me with an equally big smile, a bottle of fresh milk on one hand and a small box of strawberry milk on the other. He really insisted for me to stop buying my own and that he’ll just do it himself and well, my face during that time resembled to a strawberry’s.

“Hae!”

He laughed heartily as he gave the milks to one of our maids and gave a small thanks. Donghae then opened his arms wide and not even waiting for his next words I flung myself towards him, encircling my own around his torso. I could still feel him chuckle as I rubbed my face on his chest, my hold on him not loosening.

“Hmm as far as I know we saw each other yesterday. You missed me this much?” From the tone of his voice he’s obviously teasing me but I don’t really care about that. Ever since I started hanging out with him, his fondness of skinship was rubbed on me so he’s the only one to blame for this.

“Once your little reunion is finished I suggest we all head now to the dining room since the food’s ready.” The two of us froze and immediately let go of each other when we heard the teasing voice of my mother, my face burning from embarrassment. I sent Donghae a stare and saw his face was nowhere better than mine. I smiled tenderly at him as I reached for his hand and laced our fingers together.

“Let’s go. Mom and Dad really won’t start eating without us there.”

The food was good as always, though now a lot better that I’m eating it together with the whole family plus Hae. There are times where I’ll be embarrassed though when he’ll momentarily forget that we’re not the only ones eating. Out of his habit, he’ll prepare my food for me like placing some strawberry jam on my toast or pouring strawberry milk on my glass, beating my mom into it. Then sometimes when I’ll eat rather messily, he’ll chuckle as he will reach out for me, a table napkin on his hand that he will use to wipe the crumbs off my lips. He had been doing those so naturally that my parents could only stare at us fondly.

Drinking the last drop of strawberry milk on my glass, my dad cleared his throat catching our attention. “Son your uncle from the U.S called yesterday.” He began and with the weight on his voice, I felt something dreading will come.

I looked at Mom with worried eyes and she just smiled reassuringly at me.

“He said he finally found a heart donor fit for you. He had done several tests there until he can really say that it will be a successful one.”

Donghae shot me a curious gaze and I could only stare back at him questioningly. I seriously don’t have any idea with what’s going on.

Mom must have noticed the sudden change of atmosphere that she heaved a heavy sigh. “Hyukjae here has a heart defect ever since he was a kid that’s why he always stays here at home. We have been going overseas for business plus that small hope of finding solution for his condition. And now, the long wait is finally over.” She explained.

“..Meaning..?” I trailed off.

“You need to go to the U.S and have your treatment there until you will fully recover.” Dad continued, his voice low and weak.

I know I should be happy with this news but somehow I couldn’t find it in me. I turned to Donghae and saw him staring blankly at my Dad. I immediately felt a tug on my heart. Treating this condition of mine definitely won’t work for just a few weeks. It will surely take months, or even years. And all those while, I won’t be able to be with Hae.

Silence filled the dining room, no one dared to speak. I noticed my parents exchanging worried glances while Donghae remained frozen on his seat. Taking everything into consideration, my Mom silently signaled me to take Hae to my room and I immediately obliged. With one small smile from my friend directed to my parents, we walked out of the dining area heading straight to my room.

“Hae..”

“How long are you gonna be there?” He asked as he kept his eyes stuck on the ceiling, not even bothering to look at me. We were lying on my bed with him on his back and me on my side facing him.

“I really don’t know but..” I paused as I sighed. “I’m sure it will take quite some time.”

Much to my surprise, he suddenly turned to face me, his eyes red from unshed tears. He then moved closer and placed his arm on my waist holding me tightly.

“Go.”

I was frozen on my place. Even though his voice was somewhat muffled and controlled, I was able to clearly hear the trembling in it.

“Hae…”

“Just take care of yourself. No matter how long you will be there, please always remember..” He pulled away from me and the next thing he did left me breathless.

He suddenly placed his lips onto mine giving me a few-seconds kiss that was so soft and tender that I found myself disappointed when he finally pulled away from me.

“I love you Lee Hyukjae and I’ll always be here, willing to wait for you.”

I wasn’t able to confess my feelings for him that day. He said that he’d rather hear my answer when I’m finally back from my treatment. The following days went well. We kept our usual routines but his actions became sweeter and more affectionate that even my parents noticed it. I told them what happened and although they were happy for me, they still couldn’t brush the remorse off knowing the pain it will give me once I’ll be separated from Donghae.

It was already noon and yet Donghae was still in my room helping me pack my things. We will be leaving the next day and even though I insisted that I could do it myself, he said nothing and just continued on folding my clothes.

“I just want to spend as much time as I can with you.” He reasoned out and it was enough for me to let him do what he wanted.

As the driver put the remaining bags in the trunk, I turned to my side and saw Donghae smiling gently at me. I smiled back though I know it doesn’t even reached my eyes. He grabbed my hand and held it tightly as if he’s afraid of letting me go.

“Promise to always contact me. Hmm?” He said and I nodded.

He sighed as he pulled me towards him and hugged me, his one hand burying my face at the crook of his neck while the other rubbed small circles on my back as he placed his chin on top of my head.

“I’ll miss you.” He whispered.

Slowly, I brought my hands up and wrapped them around his torso. “I’ll miss you too.”

Donghae pulled away and stared at me with loving eyes. In instinct, I closed my eyes and felt his thin lips placing a sweet kiss on my forehead, on the tip of my nose and finally on my lips, his own lingering there longer than the previous ones.

I sighed in contentment but still, the feeling of being separated kept on eating me that I never felt myself tearing up until I felt Hae hushing me while wiping my tears away with his thumb.

We soon separated yet my hands kept on gripping his shirt. His hands travelled to mine and slowly disentangled my fingers, a small smile on his face and yet the pain in his eyes was unbearable to look at. I cried harder and even whined when Mom suddenly came behind me and gently pulled me away from Donghae.

“Haee!!”

I kept on calling, screaming his name but he never approached me. He faced my parents and bowed formally at them.

The trip took hours and all I did was sleep, exhaustion from too much crying got the best of me. Once we landed, my parents decided to let me rest first from the jet lag and the time adjustment. I may be asleep the whole trip but it didn’t stop me from falling deep into my slumber once we reached our house there. Not only was my body tired physically but my mind and heart were tired as well. All I ever wanted to do was to be with Hae and have him hold me in his arms. But we’re miles away from each other. There is nothing I could do but to do well in my treatment and go home to him as soon as I can.

My treatment took me a year. The heart transplant went well and my recovery all depended on how I will perform throughout the recovery period plus my very will to live. If everything came to me before I met Donghae, I’m sure I won’t even bother to try it knowing that I don’t even have a reason to live anymore but, since he came to my life, everything changed.

We kept contacting each other through emails and video calls. During the first few weeks I kept on crying hard while talking to him. Seeing his face on my computer screen and hearing his voice through my earphones were never enough for me. I still and will always yearn for his very presence in front of me showering me with his love. Despite my drama, all Hae would do was to laugh heartily while making goofy faces resembling a fish even more. Sometimes he’ll mock me for being a crybaby then will coo me afterwards. I always feel sorry for him because he’s always the one adjusting between us. The sun was up on my place while it was at least nearly dawn back home. Then he still has to wake up early for his work.

I kept on complaining, telling him that we should take turns in staying up late just so we could catch up with each other but he’ll insist that I should always get enough rest for my body to recover faster.

The guilt got the best of me though when I started to notice dark circles appearing under his eyes, him yawning every now and then during our conversations, and sometimes he’ll space out making me look like I’m talking to nobody.

I began to get extremely worried about him that I had to scold him every time I will see him online waiting for me. There will also come some instances where I won’t go online or reply to his messages just so he could stop and take some rest.

Even though it pained me to the core, I let go of him. It’s selfish and foolish of me since I never told him anything but this is for his sake. I just can’t sit here getting my strength back while I watch him from the other side of the world getting sick and thinner than what he already was.

Not being able to talk to him like how I used to affected not only me but also my parents. Out of my intentions, they will see him crouching to one corner crying my heart out while my laptop was open with Hae typing and typing on why I never pick his calls or even reply to his messages even with just one word.

Eventually, he too stopped contacting me and even though it was supposed to make me feel relieved, it only doubled the pain inside me. Due to the extreme loneliness, my health once again started to deteriorate.

It took me great effort to be able to stand on my own again. My parents tried their hardest to make me realize everything. The love I have for Hae never faded, it only became stronger and I made that my purpose to recover.

It was spring once again. I went out of the car and inhaled the cool air of home, a faint smile on my lips. Everybody in the mansion welcomed us with genuine smiled on their faces. My body has fully recovered and all of them were happy for me. Why I never paid attention to them before was a big mistake for me and now that I’m physically okay, I’m gonna make it up to them. They all unloaded our bags from the car as my mom went beside me.

“Let’s go inside and rest. I bet you’re tired from the long flight.” She offered me but I shook my head slowly.

“I’m fine. I’m just gonna go and visit my garden. It’s been a while and I’m dying to know how my babies are.” I replied.

She nodded and smiled at me. “Don’t worry. I heard someone took good care of them for you.” With one final pat on my shoulder, she shot me another smile and entered the house with my dad.

Some took care of them huh? Maybe our gardener did. I know he knew how much I value my plants. Loosening my scarf a bit, I took small steps towards my garden.

Once my eyes caught the sight of it, my smile became wider. I walked faster, excitement building inside of me. I gave out a contented sigh as I stopped on my tracks once I reached the central part of my garden. Everything was practically the same. My beautiful red roses were still there, standing proudly amongst the rest of the flowers in full bloom and the table and the chairs were still placed at the same area. My heart ached a bit when I remembered our memories there like everything happened yesterday. I strode forward taking a closer look to the flowers when something caught my eyes.

Behind the tall red roses lies a group of lavender roses. Their petals are opened wide, the color shining vibrantly against the rays of the sun. There were drops of water on them meaning they were watered not long ago. Their stems were a bit shorter than the red ones and the other flowers that’s why I didn’t notice them before.

With a gentle smile, I bent a little and reached out to carefully caress the petals. This was the first time I saw a lavender rose. They’re really beautiful. They look so elegant yet so fragile at the same time unlike my red roses. It seemed like in instinct, you’ll hand them carefully in fear of breaking them. They gave off a feeling of delicateness with their slightly pale color.

My smile fell though when one person suddenly entered my mind. He mentioned before how much he loves lavender roses. But that’s impossible. We lost contact. I cut my contact with him. There’s no way he’ll still go here much more plant and take care of these plants.

I stood up and took a deep breath. Really, there’s no way he will stick around here after everything that happened between us.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard faint footsteps behind me. Thinking it might be the gardener, I ignored it but noticed how it stopped just right behind my back. Frowning, I slowly turned around and widened my eyes when a bouquet of lavender roses was presented before me.

“I told you that someday I will have that someone who I will give my own bouquet of lavender roses to right? I knew who that person is beforehand and I kind of regret it that I will only give this to him now after a year had passed.”

The roses were lowered and my eyes met the smiling face of Donghae. My sight immediately became blurry as I jumped into his arms. I started crying hard, not really caring if I messed his shirt with my tears. I felt his arms tightened around mine and I could only hold him harder back.

“Shh don’t cry Hyukkie.”

“I-I’m sorry H-Hae. I d-don’t deserve a-any of t-these. P-Please forgive m-me.” I cried, burying my face at the crook of his neck.

I felt him placed a kiss on top of my head, his hand now rubbing circles on my back.

“Stop crying my love. I know why you did it. I may have lost contact with you but not with your parents so I understand everything.”

My sobs were caught on my throat as my mind digested his words. I looked up to him, my eyes meeting his beautiful brown orbs. “W-What do you m-mean?”

He tightened his hug on me. “Let’s just say I always get an update on how you’re doing because of them. Yeah eventually I stopped talking to you but I never did with your parents.” He paused as he gently wept my tears. “I know everything and even though it tore my heart into pieces, I cannot do anything. All I did was to pray for you and to hold on to their words of comfort plus the faith and hope inside my heart that you will eventually come home and we’ll be together again.”

“Hae..”

He placed a kiss on my lips, his own lingering longer against mine, the two of us pouring the love we have for each other. My tears once again began to pour when I felt everything including the longing and forgiveness. We finally pulled away panting, our breaths mixing because of our faces’ close proximity. He smiled lovingly at me and once again pecked my lips.

“I love you Lee Hyukjae and now that you’re back, I wanna hear your answer.”

“I love you too Lee Donghae, I really do.” I whispered against his lips and claimed it with mine for a breathtaking kiss.

A/N: sorry took me long enough to update. a lot happened here in our house and I'm stressed as heck.. so.. comment to make me feel better? Pretty please? :3