Seungri isn’t very sure of a lot of things.  Despite the bravado he usually puts up, when the doors close and it’s just him left standing there, all the overzealous confidence and arrogance melts off of him, leaving him feeling and unsure of himself.  When that happens, there’s nothing left to stop his dark thoughts from consuming his mind.  

When YG had assigned Seungri the title of leader within their group, the teen had felt honored and self-worthy, and he had beamed.  He had felt so good about himself, accomplished for the first time, and it was as if he now had a purpose in his life, a goal to achieve, a group to lead.  Seungri had swaggered out of the room with a little bounce in his step and a brighter outlook on life, grinning from ear to ear, eyes lit up in excitement, chest puffed up just the slightest bit.  He felt like was on top the of the world.  

The great mood lasted for a good few weeks; it was as if someone had switched on the lights in his previously dark life.  Practice was exciting- dancing and singing had always been his passion, but it had begun to grow monotonous over the years and years of continuous training.  Sure, his skills had improved tenfold, but anyone would get a little bit sick of spending hours and hours sweating his off in a little room, with only a huge mirror placed conveniently in front of him, as if it were there to criticize him.  ‘Do it again,’ Seungri would repeatedly chant to himself, having been disappointed by his previous run-through.  ‘Do it again and again and again until it’s perfect.’  But no time would ever be perfect- an arm would move too slowly, a gesture too small, his body just wasn’t fluid enough- there was always something wrong.

It didn’t apply only to dancing too.  His voice couldn’t go high enough, it needed more emotion, it needed more power, it was too soft- endless weaknesses he needed to improve on, which only required more and more training.  However, suddenly, after being promoted, Seungri began to see everything in a positive light, see the bright side of everything, and life was good.  In fact, good isn’t even a strong enough word- life was great at that time.  

And so, when YG had called him to his office again, Seungri had feared for the worst.  YG had granted him, quite possibly, the best thing that had ever happened in the teen’s short life, but he could take it away just as easily.  And take it away he did.  YG had sat the panicking teenager down and calmly told him that he wasn’t the leader anymore, that a random newbie, someone with absolute zero experience, was going to take his place.  He had relayed the information with a straight face and no explanation, seemingly unaffected as Seungri had felt his dreams shatter, the shards embedding themselves everywhere, anywhere, painful inside him.

Stammering out a choked, “alright”, Seungri had darted out of the room feeling sick and lost again.  Nothing made sense anymore; the only thing he had known was that he needed to get out of the damn suffocating room.  Head dizzy, he forced himself to act normal for the rest of the day, though internally, he was anxious to see who had taken his place, to meet the person who had completely flipped his life around again.

Needless to say, he had been a bit underwhelmed.

Jiyong was just a boy, and that would’ve been fine really (even though it was so painfully clear that he was younger than any of them, and the maknae should never be the leader, but Seungri could live with it) if it was just that.  It wasn’t though.  Jiyong stuttered every sentence, Jiyong was clumsy and awkward; Jiyong just wasn’t a leader.  

At least now, Seungri knows that Jiyong’s a great dancer, no matter how reluctant the teen is to admit it.  He would never have guessed the boy could move so confidently and gracefully when he couldn’t even speak comfortably with any of the members and had, apparently, been seconds away from a concussion when Daesung had caught him, a sign of clumsiness.

The teen twiddles his thumbs, a nervous habit he had picked up, though he doesn’t know where.  He doesn’t how to treat Jiyong.  On one hand, he knows he’s been a bit mean to the boy, and he feels bad about it.  Innocent and, admittedly, adorable, Jiyong had never done anything wrong to him; in fact, Seungri can’t even imagine Jiyong doing anything wrong to anyone.  However, on the other hand, the teen is bitter by the fact that his position had been taken by someone so obviously incompetent.  Technically, it isn’t Jiyong’s fault, who had no choice in the matter whatsoever, but still, he is also technically the reason of the negativity that Seungri has been struggling with over the past few weeks.  

It also doesn’t help when Jiyong is completely scared witless of him.

Hey, he’s not that scary, is he?  ‘Can’t blame him though,’ he muses.  ‘I was pretty rude the first day we met…’

Stretching, Seungri stands up, shaking off the remnants of last night’s troubled sleep.  Youngbae’s already in the kitchen, he knows that for a fact.  Jiyong’s probably holed up in his room, scribbling god-knows-what into that little notebook he seems to love and carries around everywhere. Seungri can’t comprehend how the two manage to get up so early every morning (waking up at 8 is already too early for him), but he supposes everyone has their own idiosyncrasies.

He makes his way to where Youngbae is cutting a few vegetables, planning to give the older a little surprise.  Briefly, he debates with himself whether or not he should carry through with the plan, seeing how Youngbae is currently wielding a rather-large-and-dangerous-looking knife in his hand expertly (and could potentially not only cut himself but could also quite possibly murder Seungri), but dismisses his doubt.   ‘It’ll be fine,’ he reassures himself.  ‘Youngbae doesn’t react much anyways…It’s like he can predict the future.’  Sneakily, Seungri creeps up to his life-long best friend, leaning in close, which really isn’t all that difficult considering the fact that Youngbae is actually (and the latter would kill him if he heard him say it) pretty short.  That is not to say, however, that Youngbae is by any means weaker; in fact, he’s actually stronger, and that’s rather embarrassing for Seungri even if he knows that the older works out often and has enviable muscles made of what must be steel.  Seungri just doesn’t have that kind of motivation to torture himself by going to the gym even more that he currently does, which is more than Seunghyun and Daesung in the least.  That doesn’t say much about the teen.

Anyways, back to his current task.  “Boo,” Seungri whispers breathily in Youngbae’s ear, bre.  Watching intently, Seungri notices it twitch slightly and sees the other’s eyes shift back to look at him as his hand movements still.  

“It’s not that American holiday, Halloween, yet, Seungri,” Youngbae says in some sort of dry, amused tone.  “Please refrain from using Halloween-esque terms, even though I know you’re very excited at the prospect of dressing up and getting free candy, despite the fact that Halloween is a purely-American thing and isn’t celebrated here.  But, hey, you know, you can dream.”  As he keeps on talking (or mocking him in Seungri’s dark opinions), Seungri grows more and more frustrated, feeling as if the other is belittling him.

“Boo isn’t just used for Halloween you know, Youngbae,” he remarks petulantly.  Youngbae rolls his eyes, doesn’t respond, and returns to cutting the vegetables.  Grinning, Seungri takes this as a victory for him (he has to live up to his name after all) and a loss for the older.  With this accomplishment, he goes to take a seat at the dining table, watching his friend cook; to be honest, Seungri hopes that staring at Youngbae cook would somehow encourage the other to finish cooking breakfast earlier, so that the younger could eat- he loves Youngbae’s cooking (it’s much better than his anyways) and he loves eating as well (I mean, who doesn’t?).  Of course, it never works, as Youngbae remains calm in almost every situation- Seungri should know, after being friends with the guy for years and years.

Finally, the mother-esque man turns off the stove and Seungri jumps up to help bring the dishes over, mouth watering at the enticing aroma.  “Jiyong!” Youngbae hollers (he knows the others will come for their coffee, but Jiyong, who’s awake but in his room, wouldn’t know to come here otherwise, and the latter is the one who most needs breakfast), and Seungri suddenly remembers that it’s not just him and Youngbae.  It’s still easy to forget that he’s in a band with other people, considering the fact the pair have been together for ages.  Right when he sets down the last plate, he notices Jiyong appear quietly in the doorway, almost as silent, and as pale, as a ghost.

Jiyong takes a seat as the others drag themselves in, clearly exhausted, and they all begin eating.  Seungri studies the boy secretly.  He’s isn’t exactly an attractive sight, and the teen wonders how the boy was able to move like that when he looks so painfully gaunt and malnourished.  It’s scary to think that yesterday, Jiyong, this almost skeletal, jumpy boy, barely seemed affected when they came back after the hours and hours of intensive, full-on dancing, as if it didn’t him tire in the least, as if it was nothing.  Everyone else, in comparison, had come back soaked in sweat and ready to get some much-needed rest.  Even Seungri, who had been dancing since a little kid, had felt completely out of energy and weighed down, as if his bones were suddenly made out of  lead.  

Seungri averts his eyes when the boy looks up, flushing when he notices the former staring at him.  Seunghyun lifts an eyebrow questioningly, and little Seunghyun shrugs.  

There’s nothing to say really.

It’s been a couple of months and Jiyong is still as painfully awkward as when he first came.  The boy, in the middle of messing with the beats of a song, pouts when he realizes this observation.  ‘When can I be as cool as all the others?’ he wonders, twirling around in his chair.  ‘Will I ever be able to?’  He thinks deep and hard for a minute, but when he can’t imagine himself with sunglasses and hair tousled by the wind (like the spies in that strange movie that was popular a few years back- all the T.V.’s had been playing it, and Jiyong had been captivated), the boy resigns himself to his fate.  

Sighing disappointedly, Jiyong clicks the play button and lets his music cheer him up.  The studio is big and lonely.  These few weeks, it’s only been Jiyong working on his own, seated in the black, plush chair, spinning around with the high-tech computers and expensive recording equipment surrounding him.  Usually, Dongwook would drop by sometime during the day, an occasion that Jiyong always looked forward too (since the man’s funny jokes and friendly smile could put anyone in a good mood), but the boy hasn’t seen him in a long while.  He hears that the man is making a comeback very soon and is working extremely hard to prepare for it, so that might be the reason, but Jiyong can’t push away the unsettling in his stomach that maybe the reason Dongwook hasn’t been coming is because he’s sick of him.  That he’s only been visiting Jiyong in the first place because he feels bad for the pitiful boy, not because he likes him.

Dejected, the boy moves a few beats here and adds a little chord there, then gives it another listen.  It echoes in the empty room, but it sounds nice at least.  If only anyone else were here to hear it too.  ‘Stop being depressing,’ Jiyong scolds himself.  ‘There’s work.  YG said that we’re going to debut really soon!  Stop letting these little things distract you!’  

That’s right.  As Dongwook is preparing for his comeback, Big Bang has been getting ready as well.  YG has been promoting them quite a bit (that’s what he heard at least), and most of the songs are done.  A few, like the one Jiyong’s tinkering with right now, are good, but not quite there, not as nice as how the song plays out in Jiyong’s head.  The choreographies are being worked out (and subsequently practiced by the members) for all of them, the whole process directed by none other than Seungri himself, with some help from Youngbae.  

Speaking of Seungri, he doesn’t seem to look at Jiyong with quite the condescending look anymore, especially after hearing Jiyong’s rap in the songs, although the boy has caught the teen staring at him contemplatively before.  

Nervously biting his lip as a habit, he saves today’s work , satisfied with what he accomplished, and proceeds to languidly stretch, much resembling a lazy cat.  Then, he spins the chair, finding childish amusement in the way that the world blurs when he does so.  As he watches the colors meld into one another and the clarity of the objects all blend together into one big mesh, a spark of inspiration hits Jiyong.  He allows the chair to slow down and lose momentum as he develops and expands on the little idea that had struck him.  

When the world is finally still, he scribbles it down in his notebook, jotting down any word that comes to mind.  Leaning back, he smiles proudly and, in a cheerful mood, hums as he walks out the door to the dance studio.  He’s the only one there, though the air isn’t nearly as stifling as it is in the studio- it’s kinda comforting actually.  Upbeat, Jiyong finishes his exercises quickly and begins to dance free-style to some random song he found.

The song’s pretty.  Jiyong likes it.

The beat is a bit different than what the boy normally hears, and though it’s slightly disconcerting at first (especially when he’s trying to dance to it), the leader finds it interesting, making a mental note to try experimenting with different meters (Dongwook had given him a crash course on music theory for “future intelligent discussion on music”) next time.

So caught up is Jiyong in dancing that he doesn’t register the door open and close.  He doesn’t even realize that another person is in the room, and that that person is Daesung, who is sneaking up to the focused leader.  In fact, he doesn’t notice anything, which is absolutely strange, considering that the entire wall in front of Jiyong is a mirror, and it should be pretty obvious to spot a man standing right next to you.  But he doesn’t, and that simple fact actually worries Daesung a little.  Thinking hard about what could possibly be the cause of this, the angel can’t help but linger a bit longer on one particular thought.

‘Drugs.  There’s no other explanation.  It’s gotta be drugs, or he’s gone blind.’

Now, this is when Daesung panicked, not wanting to believe his conclusion; to the extent of his knowledge, Jiyong is a totally pure, innocent kid who would never even consider of doing such a thing.  ‘W-was it all an act?  Was he lying?  I don’t know anything about him!  He might actually be a druggie putting up an adorable, puppy act!  Why did I never think about this?!’

As time passes and Daesung beginning to break down further as the teen held an internal debate about the possibility of his leader sniffing white powder, Jiyong gradually begins to register the world again.  It’s a habit (maybe even a talent) for him to entirely ignore everything occurring around him when dancing, and it’s probably the most useful habit he could’ve ever picked up.  Looking around, Jiyong jumps when he sees a nervous-looking Daesung standing right behind him.  

The boy yelps.

“W-when did y-you g-get there, D-Daesung-ssi?” he stammers in a high-pitched voice, which fails him and cracks in the middle of his sentence.  Jiyong doesn’t care though, caught up in more pressing matters, such as exactly when the older came.

Daesung, on the other hand, nearly clutches his heart in relief.  ‘He doesn’t do drugs at least... I think so anyways.  I seriously hope so.’  Clearing his throat, he glances at the clock and replies, “15 minutes now, I do believe.”

“W-why didn’t y-you say a-anything?” Jiyong squeaks, even more embarrassed if that’s possible, bright red (like a tomato!) at this point.  ‘You idiot!’ he berates himself.  ‘Daesung was standing there 15 minutes and you just kept- kept dancing!  Think about how hurt he must be!’

“Didn’t think of it.”  Daesung shrugs nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t just panicking over whether or not Jiyong did anything illegal.  Nearly getting another heart attack, the flustered leader struggles to respond, mouth opening and closing like a guppy.  It is at this time that the others decided to come in, chatting rather animatedly, timing as impeccable as ever.  At this point though, they, thankfully or not (it’s up to you to decide), have grown used to the strange events involving Jiyong and continue talking amongst each other, as if Jiyong with his mouth hanging open is a daily occurrence.

Then, Seungri turns serious and calls for all the chatter to stop.  “Alright, guys,” he announces in a tone that means all business.  “YG told me that we’re going to be debuting really soon.  And when I say really soon, I mean really soon, like a couple of weeks or something.”  When the room begins to break out in excitement (and panicking courtesy of Jiyong), the panda clears his throat loudly to get everyone to be quiet.  “Guys!  Pay attention!”

“Paying attention, sir Seungri,” Youngbae says sarcastically, unable to help himself from making an annoying comment.  The aforementioned teen shoots him a stink eye before continuing.

“Thanks for the, ahem, lovely input, Youngbae,” he says venomously, before shifting gears again.  “Anyways, YG says that the songs are almost there- whoever’s been producing them is editing the final product (Jiyong’s face turns red and he ducks his head, though no one notices) and that means that we have got to get these choreographies down soon.  All of them.  Onstage rehearsals will be starting next week, and no one wants to be yelled at, am I right?”  There is a general consensus of murmurs among Big Bang.  Jiyong shivers at the thought- the CEO is scary enough when he’s the slightest bit annoyed.  He really doesn’t want to imagine the man when he’s extremely angry.  ‘There’d probably be flames coming up behind him, like what Seungri said.’  

Unintentionally, Jiyong lets out the tiniest of whimpers, flushing when he realizes the sound he just made.  Sneakily shifting his eyes around, he breathes a sigh of relief when no one else seems to have noticed; he needs to preserve whatever sense of manliness he has.

Seungri finishes talking (more like rambling) and everyone does their warm-ups, including Jiyong since he doesn’t want to stand there awkwardly watching.  The practice seems particularly intense, and energetic, today after Seungri’s little speech.  Daesung helps Seunghyun, whose two left feet are actually getting the hang of the song, and Seungri couldn’t be happier.  

After several productive hours, Youngbae calls for a stop (Seungri wants to keep on going despite the exhaustion settling into his, and almost everyone else’s, bones, Jiyong being the sole exception).  “We’ll be practicing with the back-up dancers tomorrow!” Seungri reminds everyone as they start to leave.  Jiyong is jittery at the thought of meeting new people since he’ll definitely manage to embarrass himself majorly, like he always does.  ‘Be positive,’ the boy tries to encourage himself as he steps into the cold, night air.  ‘You’ll be really cool tomorrow and the dancers will think you’re really cool, even though you’re not.  Plus, they’ll probably just talk with the others, so you can’t do something stupid in front of them.’  

When they almost get home, Jiyong spots a silver car somewhere in the distance and immediately thinks of Dongwook.  Slightly saddened at the thought of him, seeing how it’s been weeks since they’ve last seen each other, Jiyong puffs a little, longing breath, unconsciously pouting adorably.  

Dinner is filled with talking with everyone hyped up for their debut, which most of them have been training for for years.  Jiyong slips off to his room in the middle of Seungri’s little story of a moment from his and Youngbae’s days as a trainee.  He climbs onto his bed and just lays there or a minute, face completely buried in his pillow as he relaxes.  Flipping over, Jiyong stares at the ceiling and ponders over the day.

‘We’re going to debut soon,’ he thinks.  ‘Just a few weeks, and we’re going to debut, and everyone’s so happy.’  Jiyong smiles.  ‘I wish everyone were always this happy.’  In the kitchen, the rambunctious laughter echoes through the walls, making the cramped apartment seem livelier that it ever has.

So, um, I updated.  As late as usual.  D:  

Er...yeah I like time skips.  I'm not all that good at this stuff. 

...

So, uh, putting that aside, there's a little bit of Seungri's P.O.V.- I will be interjecting his thoughts every now and then.  See, he's not a bad guy, just misunderstood I guess.  :)  Anyways, thanks for reading and everything!  Your comments have been super duper nice :D and you guys are super duper nice and awesomeeee yayy!!!  ⊂(´･◡･⊂ )∘˚˳°