The winter air blew gently across the cheeks of a young male. His blonde bangs brushed against his forehead as he stuffed his hands deeper into his coat pockets. Cold.. So cold..

It was probably too cold to be out but Sehun couldn't stand staying at his apartment doing nothing. There was no dance practice, he had already cleaned the apartment- twice, he tried sleeping but it didn't work out, and all his friends were doing something with their significant others. Sehun slowly came to a stop as he approached a crosswalk. There were a couple more seconds flashing on the screen but he decided to wait it out. 

Sehun thought about how his friends were going to spend the holidays with their significant others, he scowled at the idea and kicked a nearby rock.

A year, it's been about a year. This would be the first time in a while he's going to be to be spreading his holidays alone. 

Sehun used to wake up warm, even on the coldest mornings, with an armful of another male. The other male's face would be pressed against the crook of Sehun's neck, letting out soft snores as Sehun drew patterns against the other's back. 

The movement of the people around him brought him back to reality. The crosswalk signaled for the pedestrians to walk. Sehun drew out a shaky breath as he dragged his feet against the painted white lines.

He wasn't sure where he was headed, he just needed to stay away from the silence of his apartment. The sweet aroma of peanut butter cookies caught his attention. He turned to his left to find a very familiar pastry shop. 

Sehun stared through the glass to find the baker putting out fresh peanut butter cookies. The corners of his mouth tugged upward.

"Sehun-ah! Sehun-ah!"

While the sound of his memories tugged at his heart. 

"Sehun-ah! Let's go buy some." An older, yet shorter male pleaded as he tugged on his boyfriend's arm. "Luhan, don't you think you had enough sweets?" Sehun stood his ground. "Nope! The coffee cake Kyungsoo baked wasn't enough." The older one said smiling. Sehun sighed. Who was the younger one again?

"Please Sehun-ah~?" Luhan tried once more. He flashed Sehun an angelic smile while he snuggled up his boyfriend's chest. How could Sehun say no to that smile. He opened the glass door and gestured his boyfriend to walk in. 

As Luhan walked in with a huge smile on his face, Sehun followed in after him. "Is there anything else you want beside the cookies?" Sehun asked as he slung his arm around Luhan's shoulders. "Hm… Those vanilla cupcakes look good too." Luhan shyly replied as he leaned into the taller male. 

The baker came back out and seen the couple browsing the pastries. "Hello, are you two done or would you like more time?" The baker greeted with a welcoming smile. "Hello, we're done." Luhan said happily. "Alright, what can I box up for you two?" The baker asked as he walked over to the pastry display. "We'll have four peanut butter cookies and two vanilla cupcakes." Sehun said as he pointed to each pastry. The baker boxed up the desserts and walked over to the cash register. He punched in numbers into the register to retrieve the total amount. 

Sehun glanced over at his boyfriend who was still browsing through the display. The baker's assistant came out and gave Luhan samples of the banana bread and other sweets. A gentle smile swept across Sehun's face as he watched Luhan. 

Every little detail about Luhan made Sehun's heart work overtime. His brown hair that fell lazily over his eyebrows. The way his eyes disappear when he laughs until his stomach hurts. The slender fingers that fit perfectly between his own. It felt almost too real. What did he do to deserve someone like Luhan? Heck, whatever it was, he was glad he did what he did. 

"You love him, am I right?" The baker interrupted Sehun's thoughts with those words. A tint of pink grew on Sehun's cheeks as he nodded. "Don't need to be embarrassed. It's heart warming seeing couples so in love." He laughed. Sehun chuckled along with him and pulled out his wallet, "I'm sorry but what was the total?" The baker glanced at Sehun and then at Luhan. He handed the plastic bag that held the box of sweets to Sehun and said, "it's on me. Stay happy you hear?" He smiled. Sehun was a bit confused but he took the bag and stuffed his wallet back into his pocket. "Thank you." 

Sehun spun on his heel and his eyes met Luhan's. "Sehun-ah! Next time let's get the strawberry scones, they're delicious." Luhan gleamed holding out a sample to give to his boyfriend. Sehun raised his eyebrows and laughed at how addicted Luhan became over the different pastries. Sehun nodded and looked back at the baker, "Oh, and we will." He said with a smile as the couple waved goodbye and left the little shop.

"Thank you, Sehun-ah!" Luhan sang, opening the box. The couple found a shady spot underneath a tree at a nearby park. They also bought two bottles of strawberry lemonade on their way to there. "No problem." Sehun responded. 

The moment was perfect. Sehun wrapped an arm around Luhan's waist, as Luhan fed him a piece of the cookie. Luhan leaned against Sehun and placed a small kiss on his neck. "I love you," He whispered. 

Sehun's heart beat skipped at the sound of those three words. He adored the way Luhan said "I love you." There was this sincere and genuine tone of voice he used that made Sehun fall for him all over again. 

After placing a kiss against his temple, Sehun whispered back, "I love you too."

It felt like hours passed by as Sehun realized that he was just standing in one place. He looked into the small pastry shop once more and walked away with a pain in his chest. His feet picked up the pace as he began to walk quicker down the sidewalk. 

After walking for another two blocks, Sehun found himself walking into a small coffee shop and taking a seat at a table near the window. He sat there staring blankly at the people and cars passing by outside. It was a bit warmer in the coffee shop but it was still cold enough to keep his coat on. 

There was a boy sitting at one of the coffee shop tables that were set up on the side of the shop. He was wear a large black coat and a light pink scarf was wrapped loosely around his neck. The boy's light brown hair blew along with the wind, revealing his forehead and eyebrows. Sehun could feel the knot in his chest grow more painful as his glances bounced back and forth between his table and the boy. 

Luhan…

Sehun wanted to fully look away but he couldn't stop himself from staring at the boy playing games on his phone who was once his world. He watched as those same fingers that once rested between his own, tap against the phone screen. He felt his heart stop as Luhan tore his gaze from his phone too look up. Afraid Luhan caught him staring, Sehun looked down into his lap. 

A year, it's been about a year. Sehun hasn't spoken to or even seen Luhan within the year. The only way he saw his "used-to-be" was through old pictures that he kept in a box underneath his bed. Nothing had changed about his appearance. Luhan still had the same flawless face and silky light brown hair that Sehun adored so much. The only thing that changed about him was a silver necklace that rested comfortably around his neck and against his chest. Dangling from the chain was a silver oval. 

Slowly, Sehun raised his eyes and he felt like his heart had dropped into his stomach. He watched painfully as another male brought over two cups of coffee to the same table Luhan was sitting down at. This male had brown hair and that was styled upward. He had milky skin and a squishy like face that reminded Sehun of a steamed bun. He also wore a similar silver necklace with a oval hanging from the chain. Sehun looked away and snapped his eyes shut. He refused to believe what his mind was telling him. Again, slowly, he lifted his eyes to look back at the two males. 

Luhan had his head rested against his partner's shoulder while the other male rested his around Luhan's shoulders. Sehun's lips parted but nothing came out. His throat went dry and the pain in his chest felt like it became worse as each second went by. How was he able to sit there and watch the same boy who leaned into his chest, rested his head against someone else's shoulder. The pain didn't stop there as he watched what came next. 

The male sitting beside Luhan tilted his head downward and inched in closer and closer until his lips met with Luhan's. Sehun sat in agony as Luhan closed his eyes and kissed back the other male. And that did it for Sehun. He scooted out of his seat and swiftly left the shop, passing by the couple who soon broke the kiss. In the corner of his eye, he swore he seen Luhan look back but it was blurred out by tears that Sehun quickly blinked away. 

Sehun's footsteps felt heavy as he made his way back to the place he wished to escape. His hand shook as he tried to slip the key into the key hole, but because of how vigorously his hands were trembling, he dropped his key. "Damn it.." Sehun muttered outloud. Sehun finally unlocked his door and disappeared inside. 

There it was, the silence he wished to avoid. Sehun clutched the shirt that was hiding underneath his coat and made his way into his bedroom. There was a weak feeling in his knees that brought him down to the floor beside his bed. With a heavy heart, Sehun pulled out the already opened box that held a billion memories that brought him nothing but tears and pain. He picked one of the many polaroids of Sehun and Luhan, smiling and happily in love. He traced a finger against the smiling face of the boy who he gave everything too. A tear slipped from his eye and onto the polaroid. "Stupid.." He hissed. "Stop crying, this is all your fault anyways." Sehun tried to stop the tears from running down his face but they just kept on coming. "Stop.." He choked out. "Stop.." 

"Stop!"

"Just stop, Sehun!" Luhan fumed as he pushed Sehun's hands away. "Luhan, please.." Sehun tried again. The shorter male backed away from Sehun's touch. "Don't.." Luhan said in a broke whisper. Sehun dropped his hands back to his sides and opened his mouth to speak. "I-" He began but was cut off by the saddened tone of Luhan's voice. "Don't apologize, Sehun.. Please.. I'm tired of hearing your halfass apologies!" He snarled. Luhan's voice was getting louder and more depressing as he spoke. The sight of Luhan being completely distraught broke Sehun's heart into pieces.

Sehun could feel it. He could feel the distance being created between the two lovers and he tried so desperately to close the space. "But Luhan, I sincerely apologize. I'll change my attitude, I'll be different-" Sehun pleaded and pleaded but he knew Luhan wasn't listening. "Sehun.. I'm sick and tired of hearing you say this over and over again. But no matter how many times you say it, you always act like you don't care about me or about this relationship!" Luhan snapped and the words just spilled out. "I don't know what has gotten into you but I miss my old Sehun. The one who always cuddled with me while we watched t.v., my old Sehun who always did his best to cheer me up when I had a bad day. Where is that Sehun huh?" Tears ran down Luhan's cheeks, he buried his face in his palms. 

The room fell silent but broken sobs filled the room instantly. Sehun cautiously stepped closer to the crying boy and each step felt heavy and it felt as if Luhan was five thousand miles away from him. As he stood infront of Luhan, Sehun took his boyfriend's hands into his own and kissed his palms. "Luhan.. I'm right here.. I'm still the same Sehun." Sehun choked. Luhan didn't pull his hands back, instead he stood there, with tears rolling down his already damp cheeks. "No," Luhan managed to say. "Sehun.. I'm just.. I'm so tired of this. I don't think I can-" Sehun knew what was coming, and at the moment he let go of his hands and sunk to his knees. He wrapped his arms tightly around Luhan's waist and buried his face into Luhan's middle. "No, no, please, Luhan.. Don't do this to us." It was Sehun's turn to cry now. Sehun clutched the fabric in his hands until his knuckles turned white. "I can't lose you." 

Suddenly, Luhan ran his hand through Sehun's hair. The sudden movement caused Sehun to lift up his head and his eyes met with Luhan's tear filled ones. "I love you, Luhan. Don't do this." Sehun begged as he stared back up at him. "I love you." He said again. "I love you.." Luhan covered his eyes with the back of his hand. "I'm sorry, Sehun-ah.." 

Sehun felt Luhan's trembling hands against his own, slowly, Luhan released himself from his boyfriend's hold. "N-No, Luhan! I'm sorry, I'll change! Don't do this, we can go back to the way we used to be. Don't leave.." Sehun cried. He tried everything, he did everything he could with whatever strength he had left in him. He wasn't going to lose the one he truly loves, not like this. "I loved you too, Sehun. But I just can't do this anymore.." Luhan finally breathed out. Sehun let out a harsh sob and grabbed desperately onto Luhan's hand.

This was it, he was losing him. The distance between them, grew rapidly. Sehun loved him too much to just let him go, but no matter how hard he tried, he could feel Luhan withering away. 

Slowly and painfully, Sehun felt Luhan's hand sliding out of his own. He shamelessly let out loud cries, pleading for Luhan to stay with him. "I'm sorry, Sehun.." Sehun could barely hear Luhan's voice over the broken sound of his own. Finally, Luhan's hand disappeared from his own. Luhan's hand brushed against Sehun's shoulder as he began to walk past him. Even with the loud cries escaping from his lips, he heard the familiar sound of his front door closing. 

There were tiny puddles of tears that were formed on his wooden floor. "Luhan.." He whispered. "Luhan!" He cried louder. The silence in the apartment mocked him, reminding him that it was just him, alone. Luhan, the boy whom he loved dearly, the one he woke up to as their legs tangled together, the only one to love him back unconditionally no matter what argument they went through, his lover, his best friend, his everything; not only did he walk out of the apartment, but he walked out of Sehun's life too. 

"Come back," Sehun cried. "I'm sorry.." He buried his face into his palms and the sound of muffled crying filled the room. 

That was it. 

Luhan left.

Sehun found himself laying on the floor with the polaroid held closly against his heart. His cheeks were damp and his chest felt heavy. "I'm so stupid." He hissed. "How could I just push him away like that?! WHY?!" This time he was yelling into the sleeves of his coat. He didn't care if his voice was cracking because of the tears that were being shed. He didn't care if he was yelling at nothing. He had so many feelings caged up inside of his heart, that the sight of Luhan being happy with someone else, caused him to snap. He sat up and leaned against his bed. While letting out a familiar long shaky breath, Sehun ran a hand through his tousled hair. 

Frustrated, depressed, and lonliness were pumping through his veins. The image of his ex-boyfriend kissing someone new burned a hold through his broken heart. And again, the tears came out one by one. All he wanted was for Luhan to be happy, happy with him not with anyone else. He wanted Luhan back. He wanted to hold his hand while they walk through crowded the crowded streets. He yearned for the way Luhan tangled his fingers into Sehun's hair as they kissed. He wanted to be the only one he said "I love you" to. But no, you messed up. How stupid can you be! 

He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees. For a year, Sehun forced himself to believe that Luhan would come back through the apartment door and kiss him endlessly. He wanted to believe that Luhan didn't mean any of the things he said and that he still had feelings for him. But reality couldn't have hit him any harder than it did at the the coffee shop. 

Illusions; that was what Sehun set up for himself. Sehun clouded up his mind and heart into thinking that Luhan missed Sehun just as much as Sehun missed him. But it wasn't going to happen, he knew it very well. Luhan looked at his new partner with the same love and affection he gave to Sehun. And as much as Sehun wanted to deny it, it was true, Luhan did not love him anymore. 

The realization hit him like a thousand bullets pierced through his chest. Sehun lowered his head into his forearms and created large tear stains on his coat sleeves. There was nothing he could do, nothing he could say that could turn back the hands of time and undo all the stupid mistakes he did to slowly push the love of his life away. He cried and he cried until he felt like throwing up. "Luhan.." Sehun said between sobs. Repeating the boy's name over and over again, Sehun's cries became louder. Is this what dying feels like?

I love you, Sehun-ah.

"Luhan.."

I love you too.

"Come back please, I'm sorry.."

The polaroid Sehun held between his fingers slipped and landed beside him. It was a photo of them hugging; while Luhan smiled at the camera, Sehun had his lips pressed against Luhan's cheek. Below the photo was a caption written in black sharpie: I love you, Oh Sehun. Forever. (Taken on 1/9/13) 

Maybe forever just doesn't last as long as it used to. 

A/N: UGH I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN THE ENDING. I HATE IT SO MUCH. But it's a personal reference because I've said those words to someone before, so it hurts. Anyways~ this took a while for me and I apologize! (Not only for the delay but for the ending 3) I wrote this fic because I was inspired by 2AM's "Regret." I hope you all enjoyed this one shot, and continue to support "After All This Time" I'll be putting up chapter two as soon as I can, thank you so many :D Saranghae v( ^__^ )v <3