[Tae Bi's POV]

                To see my boyfriend’s battered emotions and feelings was unbearable. I ran outside before wailing, begging for the world to help me instead of punishing me for what I’ve done wrong. Nobody was roaming around the street because it’s about to get dark. Telling him that we have to separate ways was worse than what I’ve spit out to Peter and Charmaine. It affects me deep inside, and I know he is too.

                I just let my feet take me anywhere, both my mind and heart didn’t mind. I was so scared and frightened to say those words to Suga, that’s why I was running away from him. He might think that I betrayed him. But, no. He’s wrong.

                “Tae Bi,” someone grabbed my wrist and I know he’s Suga because of the texture of his hand. He turned me around and pulled my waist to him until our bodies closed the gap between us. I wasn’t brave enough to look him in the eye so I buried my face on his chest and cried. I feel so bad for myself. I feel sorry for him. How can I stop the time and remain like this?

                “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but I really have to go,” I cried, but his heartbeat stayed calm as if he’s not hurt by my words. He’s transferring some kind of energy and hope to me.

                “You shouldn’t have run away from me like that,” he whispered in my ears, and his voice was also calm like the stars providing delight to people. My tears suddenly stopped from falling. “How am I going to give my kiss goodbye if you disappeared so fast?”

                I was in great shock that I moved away from him and looked at his eyes. I didn’t know that he’s also crying, but his words and heartbeat didn’t tell me so. I couldn’t help but touch his cheeks with my warm hands.

                “Suga,” and my tears began to fall once again.

                “I know. Me too, I’m hurt,” he paused for a second to wipe his tears, but it didn’t stop me to cry. He cried because he’s hurt, he didn’t hide it, and I felt like my whole body crumbled down. He touched my cheeks, too. His fingers were shaking. “But please never say those words to me again. Never. You’re not leaving me.” He cried more and I shook my head, though we both know I’m leaving. I couldn’t say no to my parents because I love them. I couldn’t leave Suga because I love him. I’m not fighting myself anymore, it is my heart that fights with itself.

I touched the back of his neck and pulled him for a tighter embrace.

                “I love you,” I told him, and that’s the sincerest words in my vocabulary. The sleeve of my shirt got wet due to his tears. Those tears and his tight hold onto my body shouted out his affection towards me.

We didn’t care of the people around us; the weather, the time, the world. Only our heartbeats and our endless love for each other.

                The next morning, I woke up earlier than before to prepare coffee for the boys. I slept in the sofa instead of Jin’s room because I found out that I could sleep comfortably without them, or perhaps without Jimin’s snore. Nonetheless, I would always miss the opportunity I had to live under the same roof with Bangtan. They became the band-aid to my wounded self. Suga had no idea I spent the night outside the sleeping room because I didn’t want him to worry and I want him to have a sound sleep.

                No one knows that this is my last day in Seoul but Suga. He now knows everything I’ve discussed with dad, including my decision to obey his orders. He’s aware of my current feelings, my hesitations, and the outcome of my decisions. Neither of us knows when I would return in Seoul, because once I landed in Maryland, I would face a lot of works and explain many things. Besides, I’m dying to see mom. I’m worried about her. But what scared me most is my parents’ adamant decision of not letting me go back here in Seoul. I couldn’t imagine the pain I would feel if that happens.

                I washed away the thoughts from my head, and arranged the coffee cups on the table. I was surprised to hear the front door opened. I wondered who woke up earlier than 4AM. The low screech of the door made me nervous because it seemed like the person who’s getting inside is trying his best not to make loud noise. An image of burglar suddenly came to mind. I thought of a way to wake the boys up once this mysterious person showed up. Thankfully, I didn’t turn on the lights here in the kitchen so that he won’t notice me. I slowly made my way beside the refrigerator and sat down to hide. My heart beating fast.

                Then, the door closed. A lot of acts of defense were showing up in my head, all at once. I heard his light footsteps coming to where I am, and I saw his shadow. I took a glimpse of the frying pan closest to me. It’s in the sink. I could jump to grab it and bash it on his face before he could get me. My eyes were nervously waiting for both our attacks. I don’t want to end my life with this. This will be pathetic. I am going to face the challenges made for Suga and me, but not this. This is not part of my lifetime’s story, I believe.

                I took a deep breath.

                Three…Two…One…

                I was as quick as lightning at grabbing the pan, and I almost dropped it on the floor. Then, I swayed it to the person who was trying to do something suspicious and scary in the house of Bangtan. The force I made was too strong that it could break his head. A heavy bag fell on the floor, causing a loud thump. I didn’t mind of what that bag is because I was surprised to see that his right hand had protected his face from the impact. He was able to grasp the pan holder despite the great speed. What shocked me more was seeing Rap Monster’s face under the cap he’s wearing.

                “Nam Joon!” I exclaimed, but not loud enough to wake the people up.

                “Tae Bi,” he, just like me, was shocked as well. He stared at the pan we’re both holding, then he looked back at me. He was so quick at understanding the situation because he let out a short laugh. “Sorry to scare you. Well, this is unfair because I didn’t chase you with a pan yesterday.”

                “I’m sorry,” I put down the pan and checked his hand. Thankfully, there’s only mark of the holder, and not a wound or a bruise. “I thought you’re a burglar.”

                “I thought you’re sleep-walking,” he joked, and that made me calm. He’s not mad of what I did to him. Nam Joon is really a good guy.

                He the lights and I saw the bag that fell on the floor. It’s a Converse shopping bag. I picked it up and handed it over him.

                “No. It’s for you, actually,” he pushed back the bag to me, and I was so embarrassed of what’s happening.

                “You’ve got to be kidding,” I shook my head, and just stared at the bag. What’s the occasion for him to give me an expensive gift? So this is what made him wake up early? I’m a loser. “Nam Joon, maybe you’re the one who’s sleep-walking here.”

                He laughed at my joke like it was really hilarious, “Your banter is improving. But, what I said was a fact. Those are yours now.”

                “But why?” I was stuttering.

                Then, I saw Suga approaching from his bedroom. Nam Joon turned around to greet him, and I did too. Seeing him brought me back to reality. Then, I just realized that Nam Joon’s arrival distracted me from worrying about my reality.

                “Hey guys,” Suga nodded to us while scratching his sleepy eye. “You guys preparing breakfast? You should have called Jin. He’d be wide awake if you mentioned cooking.” He walked next to me and kissed the top of my head as a good morning greet. I felt the weight of the pan and the bag so I put it above the table. Suga noticed the gift. “Come on guys. Don’t tell me you went out again without inviting me.” He spoke as if both our hearts were not wounded by my decision to leave Seoul the next day.

                I gave him a plain answer, “Nam Joon bought this. I just woke up and prepared coffee.”

                The serious look on Suga’s face focused on Nam Joon, “You bought this for her? You know that she’s leaving?”

                “Leaving?” Nam Joon seemed confused. He looked from Suga to me.

                “Suga,” I gave him a what-are-you-doing glare because Nam Joon had no idea of my departure tomorrow. I didn’t plan to disclose that secret plan to anybody except Suga, because I didn’t want to disturb them or make them feel affected of my leave.

                Suga got surprised of his careless act as well. He just scratched the back of his head instead of saying sorry.

                “You’re leaving, Tae Bi?” Nam Joon asked, the humor in his aura has been gone. “When?”

                There’s no turning back. I bit my lip and was about to explain when the whole gang joined us in the kitchen, all with their morning faces. The first thing Jin did after patting my shoulder was taking the pan behind me and started his chef work in front of the stove. The other boys took their seats and started their day with the coffee I made.

                “Tae Bi is going to leave tomorrow,” Suga stole my lines, and he dodged my second glare. Everybody stopped what they’re doing and looked at us. “She’ll return to her family who’s in the States. How about a mini farewell party for the new member of the group?”

                Everyone agreed right away. Now, this was not I was expecting. Suga winked at me and I shook my head. How could he still manage a smile despite that news?

J-Hope cried my name like a baby and pulled me for a bear hug. “Tae Bi! I’m gonna miss you!” I just gave five pats on his back and smiled. I couldn’t think of right words to say. They had no idea how much I’m going to miss them.

                Meanwhile, when J-Hope went back to his seat next to V, Nam Joon spoke to me, his face was a bit sad. “Well, this is actually a welcome gift for you. But it turned out to be a farewell gift.”

                I quickly shook my head to that, “No. This will be a treasured gift from you. Thank you, Nam Joon. Thank you so much.” For being a distraction to my anxiety even for a while. I wanted to say that but I didn’t want him to get sadder of the uncertainty of my return to this place. Next to Suga, he’s the man who I will miss the most when I leave.

                I looked at the guys again and spoke, “I’m sorry guys I wasn’t able to prepare gifts for you.”

                “Nah, don’t mind about it,” Jin told me, he’s waving the black ladle. “Your presence here is enough because we’re happy to have you here.”

                 Jimin pouted his lips to show his disappointment, “This is still unfair. I wasn’t able to buy gift for Tae Bi! I should have gone with you hyung. Why didn’t you tell me that you’re going to buy her a gift?” he pointed at Nam Joon and the older guy just shrugged.

                “Yeah, me too! You didn’t tell me!” V butted in, so was J-Hope. And they started altercation early in the morning with the scent of Jin’s dish.

                While they’re busy pretending to argue, I grabbed Suga and took him inside his room. I also brought the gift from Rap Monster in case their small talk grew to serious one.

                I locked the door behind me and the lights. I saw how messed up the room was. No wonder girls are more neat, and sensitive, than boys. All three beds were undone and I even saw undergarments below the bed and on the floor. I couldn’t distinguish clean clothes from dirty ones. This room shows the complete opposite of the boys.

                Then, Suga noticed my awful reaction, so he blocked my vision by standing three inches close to me.

                “Bringing me here is a very bad idea, Tae Bi,” he told me, and poked the tip of my nose.

                I tried to forget what I just saw and walked to the nearest table to put down the Converse bag. There are more things worse than this scenario.

                “Why Converse? He should have bought you Jordans. That dude doesn’t have a taste on shoes.” He smirked and shook his head.

I didn’t mind his silent insult to Nam Joon and I faced him with my arms crossed.

                “May I ask you a question?”

                He nodded, and this smile on his face made me more curious. “Go ahead.”

                “Why do you look so happy? You’re happy that I’m leaving? Isn’t it obvious that I’m not okay with this? That’s why I can’t show a true smile since yesterday. But you and your smile-”

                His smile disappeared and he rushed to kiss me. He carried me up on the table and I was too surprised to move. All the worries, sadness, irritation, and even anger were flushed out from my mind and soul. My arms hugged him tighter and I quickly forgot what I was going to say. Is this the reason why he’s happy?

                Absolutely not.

                I felt my cheek wet, and I was sure this was not mine. I opened my eyes to see him crying while we’re still kissing. So, I pushed him for a bit.

                “You’re crying,” I said, or kind of reminded him.

                He was aware of it because he lowered his face. I wiped his tears and touched his cheeks. I was about to ask him why he was crying, but his fingers touched my lips. It urged me to kiss him again but if I did that, he won’t explain to me.

                And then he spoke, “Aren’t we supposed to be happy because we believe in ourselves? No matter how far we are from each other, we won’t leave each other’s company?” He cried again, but he’s too quiet when he cries that it deafens my ears. He leaned his head on my shoulder and sobbed. I wanted to cry with him but no tears were coming out. “I want you to feel the same, because I want to believe that you, too, are happy for having me no matter what happens. Even if this is our last kiss, our last embrace, you will never forget me. All those memories we had together. I have no intention to look away from your love no matter where you are. Because I love you.”

                And I cried.

                “Oh Yoon Gi,” I embraced him as tight as I could, and he did the same. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’re doing this for me. All of this. I am so sorry.”

                He showed his face to me again. His eyes stopped from crying but I could see that he has no intention either to smile like before.  “I am so sad that you’re leaving this place. When you said that, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where I will look, what directions to take, who I will lean on at times like this. But then I realized that every image of yours saved in my head are my hope. Wherever you are in this world, you will remain by my side.”

                I nodded because he’s absolutely right. In my case, he will never leave my side wherever I go because of the memories I had with him. He will never be erased from my lifetime story. He’s my love.

                “Don’t you remember that ‘goodbye’ doesn’t exist in our world? We prefer saying ‘see you soon’.” He continued.

                I smiled because that’s my best response for him. Those times I spent with mascot Brown flashbacked in my mind and I couldn’t help but smile. I showed the necklace I was wearing and he showed his, too. We tried to connect it to each other, and it fit perfectly just like our compatibility to each other. I smiled, so was he.

                Tomorrow, I will leave this place, but my love will stay in Suga’s hands forever.