[Kim Tae Bi’s POV]

                My eyes open and I wake up at exactly 3:30AM. I feel a cloth on my forehead so I take it and see my favorite white towel where my name is stitched on it. My head doesn’t feel heavy anymore and my whole body gets a little bit better because my tummy’s still empty. Everything’s weird. It seems like both reality and dream visited me in my sleep. I can’t remember what happened before I went to a deep slumber but I heard voices earlier. Familiar ones. I’m not sure if those voices were from my dream or someone really came here. It seems like a dream because I heard Jin’s and Suga’s voices and even the other BTS members’. Maybe I’m just too obsessed to that band because even if I’m terribly sick, I’m still thinking of them. Haha. However, it also seems real because who would put this towel on my head? I don’t remember using my towel yesterday and preparing a food for myself.

                It’s impossible. BTS will never ever come here to do that. That’s very far from reality.

                When I get up, I notice the soup, omurice, spoon, chopsticks, and a glass of water on a tray placed above the lamp-table. That’s one of the proofs that someone really came and took care of me. I assume it is Peter or So Ah because I called them last night for a hundred times. They might think that I urgently needed them that’s why they hurried here and helped me feel well. But where are they now? I mean, they should have waited for me to wake up before leaving, right?

                I eat first before calling them because I am famished and the smell of the food makes me drool even if it’s just an omurice. As I savor my breakfast on my bed, I suddenly think that neither Peter nor So Ah can cook food as delicious as this. The meal doesn’t look like it was delivered, either. Now, I am wondering and everything’s getting weirder.

                Then, my eyes see a folded white paper under the food tray. A white plastic bag is sitting beside it, too. The same type of plastic bag that Sugar always sends to me.

                Sugar! She was here!

                I quickly grab the paper to read the message. My insides feel very excited and I could feel tears of joy forming in my eyes. Why did she do this?

                When I read each word, I am right that this came from her because of her terrible handwriting. She’s the one who came here. I never thought that she would do that because when I called her to ask for help, she just hung up the phone and didn’t let me finish my sentence. I got mad, of course, because I thought I was betrayed. But, after seeing this letter from her, I quickly feel guilty for hating her yesterday. I have to call her after reading her message:

“Stef,

                Please call me right after you read this message because I have to make sure that you’re feeling better. I prepared the soup and omurice for you because I found out that you’re not yet eating. I also bought biscuits before I left just in case that you’re still hungry. It’s in the plastic bag. Medicines are also there. I cleaned your room and filled up your bathtub with lukewarm water so that you won’t tire yourself. I’m sorry for leaving you alone again. Something urgent came up. I promise to come back to you. See you soon.

Suga”

                Seriousy Sugar? I find it both funny and weird everytime I see her incomplete name at the end of her letters for me. She’s doing that on purpose. She’s trying to make me smile before I finish reading each of her mails for me. And she never fails on that because I’m already smiling. At least, I know she came here and took care of me. Our friendship is still strong and alive.

                However, the beam on my morning face quickly vanishes because I begin wondering why Peter and So Ah don’t call me back as I check my phone. No messages from them, too. What happened? Where’s my boyfriend and my bestfriend?

                I try calling them again after eating the delicious breakfast Sugar prepared. But just like last night, none of them answers the call so I give up. It’s impossible that they’re working at this hour. Or maybe they’re still sleeping because it’s just 4:00 in the morning. I’ve decided to call them again later especially Peter. I’m so worried about him. We’re not talking to each other that much since yesterday. I want to know why he’s not answering my calls. I hope he’s not in danger or whatever. I want to hear his voice. Even a simple ‘hi’ is enough. I just want to assure to myself that he’s doing fine.

                Actually, I was expecting to see him when I opened my eyes and see his smile that could make me feel better. But, I woke up alone. No Peter.

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                After taking a bath and changing my clothes, I walk back to my room to call Peter first before Sugar. I am waiting for him to answer because at 5AM I know he’s already awake and preparing for work.

                Surprisingly, he isn’t still answering my twentieth call. It just keeps on ringing. My heart starts to race because negative thoughts are bombarding me like car accidents, hostage-taking, or stolen phone. I’m so afraid that he’s harmed.

                I pick up my beige coat to go to Peter’s house, and if he’s not there I will track him with the help of Police. I’m not yet fully recovered from my fever but if Peter’s not in safety, I don’t care even if I’m dying. I’ll do everything to find him.

                My hands are shaking as I lock the door due to worry. I should stop thinking of such instances and think clearly, instead. What if Peter is just sleeping and I’m just overreacting here?

                I breathe deeply and steady my hands. Then, I look to my left and see So Ah’s door that is ajar. Did she forget to lock her door last night? But I could see that it’s still dark inside her unit. What if someone barge into her house and…

                No way.

                I ready my phone to call the police’s number before I carefully walk towards So Ah’s place. Just in case that a burglar or a stranger is inside, I’m prepared. I could feel my heart, body and bones shaking as I enter So Ah’s room with silent footsteps. Her crane-like brolly is leaning near the door. I take it to serve as my weapon and I proceed to her bedroom. While I am tip-toeing in her dark room, I see the undisturbed kitchen and parlor like nothing bad happened. Everything’s organized and neat. But still, I do not take off my armor and continue to So Ah’s bedroom.

                I pause in front of the door and take a deep breath. I am trembling. Whatever happens, I have to be ready. I should not let my guard fall down. If the culprit’s inside, I have to be defensive and call the police right away and look for So Ah, of course.

                I finally touch the doorknob and my forehead gets sweaty, as well as my palms. I prepare the umbrella I’m holding and my ears aren’t functioning well because of the loud beating of my heart. Is this the end for me? What if the criminal has a gun and he’s taking my friend as his hostage? What if he killed So Ah already? Oh no. I should call the police right now. But my feet keep on moving forward.

                I’m not listening to myself. I slowly open the door. I am willing to sacrifice myself just to save my friend.

                Lights are off but the morning beam creeps in from the floor-to-ceiling window of So Ah’s bedroom. That light illuminated an unbelievable and horrible scene I’ve ever seen in my life. My soul leaves my body and my hands drop the umbrella, causing a loud noise in the whole room. I’m dead yet I’m still awake. Tears cascade down my cheeks and I feel like my nose and head bleeding because of agony. My heart is the most devastated for it meets its own demise inside my body. What I’m feeling right now is worse than receiving bullets.

                Right when the brolly hit the tiled-floor, the two people I’m now considering strangers quickly get up from the bed and look at me with surprised look. I can’t see their faces clearly because of the tears in my eyes, but I am sure of who they are.

                So Ah covers her body with the blanket and her face is so red. The guy who was just lying beside her sits up, too. Just like Charmaine, he isn’t wearing any clothes. Both of them look at me as if I’m a ghost.

                “Tell me this is just a nightmare,” I speak but my voice cracks because at the same time, I am crying.

                “Stef-”

                I turn my back to them when Peter speaks. His voice I longed to hear since yesterday tells me that everything’s real, but he is not the guy I know anymore. I start outside the room without looking back because I don’t have the strength to look at them. I am hurt. And disgust.

                Then, I hear footsteps running to me so I quickly grab the doorknob, but Peter’s faster and he grab my wrist immediately.

                He forces me to look at him when I turn around, but what I did is punch his face. His cheek gets red and I know it will turn into a bruise later. I feel sorry for hurting him but I also think that he actually deserves more than that. His lower lip starts to bleed too. My knuckle is in pain but it’s no match to what my heart is feeling.

                “Stef!” Peter’s voice is angry. It’s the first time he raised his voice to me because he’s always placid and sweet whenever we’re together. But now, it’s the exact opposite of everything. I start to boil as well.

                “Shut up, Peter Woods!” I slap the other side of his face and push his bare chest. His whole face is now red because of anger and soreness. “You’re a monster! You’re horrible. You’re bad. You’re the worst! Both of you! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!” I madly point myself and never stop wailing. My head starts to ache and I feel dizzy. “I was so worried about you because you’re not answering my calls since last night. I thought you were in danger but in fact, you’re just here. Here with Charmaine! Clothes off!”

                “Stef-”

                “Don’t Peter,” I raise a hand to stop him from talking to me, and he steps backward. The pain is excruciating. Why am I not yet dead? “Just continue your dirty business with that…. And never show your face to me again. Ever.”

                Charmaine steps out of her sinful bedroom with her see-through night gown and gives me an apologetic expression. She makes everything worse. All those years we were together, having fun like real sisters, all of it is wasted. Very horrible. I can’t take any of this anymore. I considered her my better half, but why? Why did she do this to me? What have I done wrong to her that made her betray me like this? Peter, the love of my life, shares his heart with another girl. They’re the only family I have here in Seoul but it turns out that both of them are my enemy now. It’s disturbing. I am extremely broken inside out.

                “I don’t belong here anymore. You two don’t belong to my life anymore,” I cry and run outside. I take the stairs and sprinted outside Hansol Oak Valley. I never halt from running. I hope running forever will help me forget those people named Peter Woods and Charmaine Lee. I hope running will help me revive my own heart. I hope running endlessly will kill me.

                I call Sugar, the only family I have here, and tell her that I love her because I have decided to end my life. Today. I don’t want to be selfish to her because she’s a good friend of mine. I hope she won’t get mad at me.

                The sun hides itself and the sky bears with me. It starts to rain. The mad rain causes me to flounder down on the rough ground. My whole body gets drenched and the whole world seems like it’s laughing at me.

                I scream, “WHY?!”

                Lots of people are looking but none approaches me. I look pitiful.

                I remain seated on the street gutter and let my tears go down with the tears of the sky. Both my hands are on my chest and gravity gets heavier. It’s cold but my head’s boiling. I want to get sick again and die later on.

               “Mom,” I pleaded in the air to see her face one last time. I’m lost. Where should I go? My family’s distant from me. I have nowhere to go and I am so tired. I am crying for hours now and having trouble breathing. My eyes feel tired but I can’t stop from sobbing.

                Meanwhile, I see a huge truck coming. I don’t think twice and stand up. Just in time, I’m about to run in the middle of the street. Witness my own death. Forget Peter and So Ah. Forget the pain.

                I am close but someone grabs me in the waist and we both fall down hard to the side of the street. My left elbow gets bruised.

                I slowly get up and look at the person who saved my life, but didn’t save my heart from pain. I start to feel more aware and conscious. The guy is wearing a black suit and tie. The beauty and luxury of his clothing get wasted because of the rain. He has a nice physique except that he’s wearing the big head costume of Brown. He also gets up and we’re now both sitting across from each other. I could see how fast his breathing is.

                The white plastic bag he’s holding looks very familiar. It’s the same bag Sugar always brings for me, except that it is wet. He puts the plastic bag on my lap. It contains biscuits and bottles of water when I take a glimpse from it.

                “Who are you?” my voice is still shaking both from cold and vulnerability.

                He doesn’t speak; instead he reveals the only thing that’s precious to my friendship with Sugar- the puzzle piece necklace. It’s hanging on his neck and my hand finds the necklace I am wearing. We’re wearing the same kind of pendant.

                I thought love doesn’t exist in this world anymore, but this guy’s providing me a part of love. A part of hope. Why do I suddenly feel like comforted with his presence? I barely know him. He’s not Sugar even if he’s wearing Brown’s head and that necklace. Sugar is a female.

                “Sugar,” I still utter and I don’t know why. Saying her name makes me calm, a proof that she is really part of my life.

                He takes a white towel from his pants-pocket and uses it to wipe my face gently, although it’s useless because the heavy rain continues to drench it and my face.

                His towel.

                I quickly grab the white cloth and see the name ‘Suga’ embroidered on it. It’s exactly the same towel I gave to Suga. It’s one of a kind because no store sells that kind of towel with that design. Only I produced this towel. This is valuable for me.

                “Where did you get this?” my voice is now steady but my heart is still trembling. This is impossible.

                He caresses my cheek with his soft and cold hand. I feel like an electric shock attacks me. That hand is familiar.

                I stop from crying and his touch urges me to hold the mascot’s head. Slowly, I lift it up to reveal his face.

                I drop the head to the side and I run out of breath to what I see right in front of me.

                His face and smile are part of fantasy, but his hands on my shoulders are all part of reality. I find my soul standing in between. The sky continues to cry and people around us are gone. I could only hear my heart elevating.

                “Tell me this is just a dream,” I tell him.

                He shakes his head and smiles, “Everything’s real and perfect now I’m with you.”

                His voice makes me weak and I lose my balance, but he keeps me steady. Where’s the pain? Who’s Peter and So Ah? Did I overcome all of it in just a second? Or is this guy the only remedy? Too much surprises, complications, feels, questions, and words occupy my mind. I can’t handle all of it, so I pull him and lean my forehead on his chest.   

                We’re both cold, but his hands on my back provide warmth and energy. His heartbeat makes me alive and strong.

                “Suga,” I say, taking a deep breath and close my eyes. “Let’s stay like this.”

                “Forever,” he says and embraces me tighter in the rain. I'm not sure if I'm still alive.