I arrived home from my part-time job one evening, only to catch Sang Moon being chased by Suzy in the living room. Our youngest had a piece of paper in hand, and I didn’t have to think twice about the havoc the siblings were causing.

“Give it back, you runt!” Suzy cried.

“No way—” Sang Moon’s radar caught me. In a flash, he sprinted towards my direction and fired, “Noona received a love letter!”

I was able to take the paper from him with ease, and Suzy was frozen in the background; her face expressed utmost dejection. Her eyes began to get moist. Soon, the waterworks would begin. With a sigh, I approached her, and handed the letter to her, much to Sang Moon’s regret.

“You shouldn’t be snooping like this, Sang Moon-ah,” I began, but my eyes were fixed on Suzy. Somehow, my heart became lighter, upon seeing her relieved expression. “This is your older sister’s stuff. Learn to respect her privacy. The both of you are growing up, after all.”

“I was just teasing her!” Sang Moon reasoned out.

“You made me mad, though,” Suzy shot back.

“Well—”

“If you have the energy to fight, you might as well pour that into helping me with cooking supper,” I cut in. “It’s only the three of us tonight, after all.”

“Oh!” Sang Moon’s face brightened up. “Then can we make okonomiyaki? Apparently it’s easy—I watched videos of it earlier.”

“I want squid soup, then!” Suzy chimed in. “And pork belly.”

“Good thinking, noona! Hyung, we want those! Let’s cook already; let’s cook already!”

I couldn’t help but raise my hands in surrender. “All right, just let me change first. You can start by rinsing the vegetables we need in the fridge. Defrost some meat, too.”

“Got it!” they chorused.

I dashed upstairs and changed into a plain, white shirt and a pair of black jogging pants. I picked my phone up, and dialed Sunye’s number. It didn’t take her long to pick up.

“Sunye, it’s me,” I began. “About tonight…”

“You won’t be able to make it?” she finished off for me.

“Yeah,” I clasped the back of my neck. “I’m sorry. I have to look after Suzy and Sang Moon.”

“Don’t apologize for that one!” she cried, her tone of voice upbeat. “I’m actually thankful you give them that kind of attention, Kim Sunggyu.”

“I’ll make it up to you next time.”

“You better,” she teased. “I’m helping my mother with supper now, so I should go.”

“We’re about to cook, as well. Take care, Sunye.”

“You, too. Good night.”

“Good night.”

Beep.

At that time, I became painfully aware of my surroundings. The familiar scent of my room, and the texture of my house slippers against the soles of my feet; the rhythmic ticking of my alarm clock, along with the distant sound of the vehicles roaring past the main road. Downstairs, I could hear the water running, and the usual bickering of the siblings. They were having a dispute about vegetables.

Sunye and I waded into a relationship and yet, we never exchanged those three, significant words: I love you. Perhaps it was us being awkward, or it was her, being considerate enough. She knew, after all, that if I ever said that, I wouldn’t mean it like the way she would.

“Hyung!” Sang Moon cried from downstairs. “What’s taking you so long?”

“I’m coming!”

<:>

Sang Moon, right after eating, proceeded to get his bag upstairs only to study in the living room. The television was on, even if he wasn’t watching. He changed the channel to a foreign station. At one point, he mentioned something about background noise helping him concentrate all the more—most especially if it was something unintelligible.

“Suzy-yah, why don’t you study, too?” I suggested, as we cleared the table.

She shrugged. “I’ve read some things earlier—but Sang Moon just had to see that letter peeping out from my bag. I’m okay for now. You’re tired, too, aren’t you? I’ll help.”

“Aren’t we being responsible today,” I playfully remarked.

She shot me a playful glower, to which I dismissed with a scoff.  Suzy was usually known to be a very laid-back person, with a world of her own. Because of this, people who barely knew her would think she was too self-absorbed and lazy. That was not the case at all, though. Suzy, naturally sweet and thoughtful, would easily catch people off guard.

We stood beside each other in front of the sink, with her rinsing the plates, and I, soaping them. It was a system we were all too familiar with. Truth be told, I missed the days when she would tug at my shirt, because she needed help with carrying the stool near the sink. She was tall enough now, though.

We grew up too fast.

“You’re not going on a date with Sunye unnie?” Suzy initiated.

“Not tonight.”

“Why?”

“I’m babysitting.”

“It’s not like we can’t look after ourselves,” she reasoned out.

“I also promised our parents I’d be here,” I said.

Liar. Kim Sunggyu, you liar.

“Hey.”

I glanced at her. I couldn’t get a good view of her face. “What is it?”

“About what you said earlier…to Sang Moon…”

“Hm?” I pushed.

She paused, and with a shrug, said, “Never mind.”

Is it about the notebook? I found myself thinking. Although, what I ended up asking her was, “Who’s the guy that gave you the love letter?”

She wiped her forehead with her arm to keep the loose strands of hair away from her face. I was surprised to not get a reaction from her. “It has no name attached. It may as well be a prank. I just don’t think too much about it.”

“Why would you think of it as a prank?” I pushed.

She smirked. “Who would give me a love letter?”

“I would,” I blurted out. “Even if I find it corny.”

A brief silence, followed by her lax words: “Quit patronizing me.”

“As you wish,” I replied, when in truth, I somehow meant what I said. I found myself being freaked out. And scared.

<:>

Somebody else’s footfalls woke me up. I sat up straight, rubbed my eyes and focused until I could see the time displayed on my alarm clock. It was five in the morning. I was only able to sleep for three hours. I yawned and stretched simultaneously (the action was called ‘pandiculation’, according to Suzy), before getting out of bed. Scratching my chest, I headed downstairs, only to spot the kitchen lights switched on. I went there, only to see Sang Moon, his sheets and boxers on the laundry basket.

“Sang Moon,” I called out, causing him to slightly jump up. He was, all in all, rattled.

“Hyung, you’re here.”

“I heard you,” I said, before opening the fridge nearby. I took out a bottle of water. I glanced at his sheets, and noticed a wet, sticky patch staining it. I wasn’t surprised. Sang Moon was at that age, after all.

“Something freaky happened,” he began.

“Hm?”

“I woke up, feeling all weird and tingly, as if I have to pee. But then…” he swallowed, and nodded at the basket. “I woke up with this. It’s embarrassing, really.”

“Just shows you’re a normal teenager,” I said. “That also happened to me. I told father, though. It would feel weird, if I discuss it with mother.”

He looked at me, wide-eyed. “He didn’t get mad at you?”

“It’s not something you can control,” I pointed out, while opening the chilled bottle I was holding. I took a generous swig. “It’s a natural bodily reaction, for you to be relieved and all. It’s not like you look at or anything related to that, right?”

“Hyung, I can’t believe you’re asking me that with a straight face. But yeah, you’re right.”

I chuckled, and tousled his hair. “See? So wipe that worried look off your face.”

Sang Moon still had flushed cheeks as he quickly shoved his soiled sheets into the washing machine. He set it up, and we watched it spin for a bit, before heading upstairs. We were all growing up, at a very fast pace. I wanted time to slow down. I wanted to return to those days, when everything seemed languid and simple. But of course, that was just me, griping and reminiscing about my comfort zone in the most childish way possible.  But I had to bear in mind, that nothing ever thrives there.

Suzy was the one who spotted Sang Moon’s already fresh sheets first, and from my bedroom window, I saw her hanging them up. I slid it open, and cried, “Good morning, Sunshine!”

She looked back at me, that carefree smile gracing her lips. “Good morning, Summer!”

<:>

It was my day off, when I decided to drive around town with Sunye to watch a movie. Summer had thoroughly left, leaving autumn to do its wonders: turning leaves to crimson, and the sky a beautiful shade of blue. The sunlight was golden.

“Where do you want to eat?” I asked, after we emerged from the movie house. Her eyes were swollen, all because we watched a rather dramatic film.

“Something warm would be nice,” she said. “I want kimchi soup. There’s a restaurant nearby that sells just that. Kim Sunggyu, did you not cry?”

“No.”

“Tough guy,” she remarked.

I chuckled, and offered her my hand, to which she naturally took. Our fingers intertwined. “Maybe.”

She briefly rested her head against my arm, before saying, “You know, Sunggyu, I really want to tell ‘I love you’ right now.”

What she said rendered me speechless. I had nothing to throw back at her. Not even a simple ‘me, too’ or ‘okay’.

“Scratch that,” she said. “I’ve always wanted to say it. Ever since I confessed. But I’m afraid. Not because you wouldn’t be able to reply, but because I know you’ll try too hard, to receive it as best as you could.”

Lee Sunye, I thought. You know me too well.

This certain silence lingered around us. Finally, I said, “You don’t have to hold yourself back. Though I have to apologize, because you’re right. Still, we know it, don’t we? My reaction. It’s something we can get around to; it’s too petty of a matter to brood over so deeply like this.”

“In other words, you wouldn’t say ‘I love you, too’, right?”

I hesitated, but ended up nodding, anyway.

“You know what, Sunggyu, I’m actually relieved you said that,” I looked at her, and she grinned. Facing me, she carried on, “That means you don’t do charity affections.”

Quit patronizing me, Suzy’s voice echoed at the back of my mind.

<:>

“Suzy’s birthday is coming soon, right?” Sunye and I were going through the shops, buying miscellaneous things she would only give away. “What does she usually like?”

“She’s fond of collecting notebooks and stationery sets,” I said. “It has to be pastel-themed, though. She likes those. Strawberry merchandises, too—from plush toys to perfumes. Or books. Right now, she’s into novels with the same genre as Please Look After Mother. It would change soon, though. She could never nail herself down on one thing, and that worries me sometimes.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” Sunye began. “But you become talkative, whenever your sister is concerned.”

I didn’t reply. We looked through the shelves in silence, with her examining items from time to time, and I carrying the shopping basket. That must have been the first time, that I ever saw Sunye get jealous. Even then, her façade stayed calm. She still had that composed smile on her lips. But the flicker in her eyes betrayed her visage.

“Hey, Kim Sunggyu,” she called out. I snapped out of my reverie, and stared at what Sunye was holding. A brown bear, placed inside a strawberry-shaped plush container. “How about this? I also remembered a book she may like.”

“She’ll be pleased,” I said, meaning it.

“Will you buy her something?”

I looked at Sunye, and shook my head. “Not yet.”

"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies."
- Philippians 4:8-9