There were voices.

There were hushed voices resonating throughout the hall. It’s nothing new. She’s used to the voices. They’re still out to bug her, to throw her cusses, to call her names—just for her to notice them.

They started as murmurs; low, breathy, sounds which constantly exasperate her out of her wits. Their voices started becoming clear a little later, throwing her words after words; sometimes opting her to join them, to entertain them.

The first time she’s heard their invitation, she felt a different chill down her spine. It was unnerving, extreme fear took over her body and she started trembling.

 She would admit, it was tempting. She has never forgotten the dulcet voice that tried to coax her into paying attention to them. However, with all the courage she has mustered, she vehemently resisted herself from listening to them. 

She wasn’t sure when it started but she’s certain it’s been going on for quite some time. They follow her like a shadow, stringing along to her in every place that she goes to. And more often than not, they plague her, just to get a reaction from her. She has set herself to deadpan them most the time, immunizing herself from their pleas.       

+

The hall was full; people gathered together for a recital, brought together by their love for classical music. In the center of the stage lies a grand piano, basking in the light of the single spotlight focused onto it.

A woman introduces the next performer, a girl in her twenties, to perform one of Beethoven’s popular pieces.

Behind the curtain, Krystal took a deep breath, calming herself first before striding towards the center of the stage. She bows before the crowd and shortly after, applause erupted. She confidently took the seat in front of the piano.

Unbeknownst to everyone, the voices surprisingly grew louder the moment she went up the stage. They were at it again. The familiar voices that pester her. She dismisses them though, as per usual. Now’s not the time to give them their most wanted attention.  

Slowly, she closes her eyelids. Her fingers started gracing the ivory keys, slender fingers skillfully moving from one key to another. Beethoven’s Midnight Sonata echoed throughout the hall, gracing the ears of the audience with its melancholic tune.

Near the middle of the piece, Krystal, who was so engrossed in the piece, suddenly hears it. At first, she thought it was probably a trick her brain did, but it won’t stop. It’s as if it the voice amplifies every second. What pulls the last straw of concentration that she has was a hearty laugh that caused her fingers to slip away from the keys. She halts, fingers left hanging mid-air.  She glances at the crowd, searching for that particular person. Instead, she’s welcomed with surprised faces, followed by murmurs, spreading like wide fire.

Their judging faces hit her hard, it seems to her that they would come get her for what she did. They looked scary.

Her breathing hitches, heartbeat even races. Suddenly, she cannot think properly, all she wanted to do was to leave the hall and flee. It felt like the most perfect thing to do—to escape. So she does, she runs.

+

Loud knocks disturbed her out of her reverie. She was sitting on the floor, with her back on the door. Her face was buried on her knees.

She cannot tell exactly how long she’s sat there. Her legs were numb. And more importantly, her mind’s filled with unwanted thoughts. What happened during the recital plays into her head over and over again, the same vivid scenes, like a song put on loop.

It doesn’t help that the voices don’t stop even a bit. They call for her name, Krystal, but it comes out like the hissing of the snake, exasperating and virulent.

“Krystal?” Her mother calls out, voice laced with worry. “Krystal, you need to eat. You’ve been holed up in your room for two days. Come on, honey,”

“I’m not hungry,” She replies sternly.

Her mother knocks again. “Honey, will you open the door?” Her mother asks. She doesn’t offer her any response.

“Krystal, just—“ She sighs, frustration evident in her voice. “Please let me help you, sweetie. It’s been two days since the recital. While it’s true that you cannot undo what happened, but at least, tell us what’s wrong,”

“It was nothing,” She dismisses.  

“It wasn’t nothing. Krystal, I’m your mother. I’m willing to help you. Please let me..” Her mother offers desperately.

“You won’t understand anyway. Please just leave me alone,” Tears were streaming down her face and she’s thankful that her mother cannot see her.

After a while, she hears footsteps. Her mother must’ve given up and left.

She never told them about what she heard.  

+

Back in the days, when she first heard the insistent voices, she told her mother about it. Her mother told her father about her condition and they brought her to a doctor. She’s ill, the doctor said. While mother cried profusely, she’s stuck, paralyzed and unable to react.

The doctor gave her some medicines. And thankfully enough, the voices disappeared for a while.

But they came back after, twice as many and scarier.

Of course she doesn’t tell her mother about Kai.

It has been so long since she’s seen Kai. Kai was her pillar; her source of strength. But just one day, he stopped appearing. She would lie if she says that she was not saddened by his disappearance. He had been with her in almost every moment and it hurt her to wake up and not see him.

It didn’t take long for him to come back, though.

One time, when she opened her eyes, she spots a lanky man with a mop of brown hair standing near the door. She blinks, rubs her eyes, to see if what she’s seeing was real.

“Kai?” She mutters. “Kai, is that you?” The chiseled jaw and bronze colored skin confirmed it.

“Where have you been?” Her voice cracked. He walks closer until he’s standing near her bed now. She instinctively wraps her arms around him, burying her face on his chest. It felt like home.

 “I’m sorry, I’ll never leave you from now on,” He utters in his deep, baritone voice that she had missed.

“I seriously thought you wouldn’t come back,” She cries, hugging the latter, even tighter.

“How can I leave you?” He responds. It felt like a promise, a promise that she would hold on to— that Kai would not be leaving anytime soon; that he would always be with her.

In that moment, Krystal felt an inner peace that has been missing for a long time.

She sleeps for the first time in two days. With Kai beside her, with his arms wrapped around her protectively, she’s never felt this certain calmness before. She’s glad he returned to her.

+

In the course of the next days, she actually found herself looking forward to meeting with people. There’s a new found courage in her chest; a courage she’s certain she’s gotten from Kai. That’s why, she leaves the room and tries her luck. She sat in one of the seats on the dinner table.

Her mother, who was preparing food, spotted her. Surprise was painted on her face before she runs to her and quickly envelopes her into a tight hug.

She started responding to her friends too.

 “I’m so glad you could make it,” Jay says, when she took the seat in front of her.

“Likewise,” She can feel her bestfriend boring holes into her face, as she stares at her intently, face suddenly changing into that of a gentle expression.

There’s a long pause before she continues. “I.. Krys.. How have you been..I—just—Do you ever sleep?”

“Of course, I do,” Lies. She finds it hard to sleep in the night, sleep has been so elusive. But she thinks it’s fine, Kai keeps her company anyway.

“Have you applied again? In the College of Music, I mean,” She changes the topic.

“Oh. I haven’t thought of it. I’m sure, the dean would not accept me after the little show that I’ve done during the recital,” She laughs sardonically.

“Maybe. But, I’m sure they would give you a chance. You’re a great pianist. The professors love you. You could’ve seen the dean’s face. I thought she would cry,” She stops, face turning serious.

“But seriously, Krys, what happened?”

She hesitates for a while. She supposes that she can probably trust her with this so she continues, “I— I heard someone laughing. The last time I checked what I’m doing isn’t some funny thing to be laughed at. When I looked at the crowd, everyone was whispering to each other, probably talking about me. And it was too much. Everything… All at once. The next thing I know, I was gone from the stage. I couldn’t handle it.”

“But, Krys. I was there. When you are performing, everyone was all ears.”

“But, Jay. I heard it. Loud and clear.”

“Wait,” She fumbled inside her bag. She took her iphone and searches. “Here, I had your performance captured.” She fastforwarded it to the part where she started playing.

“Listen carefully,” She inches closer, making her put her earphones and watch the video.

When she’s near the part where she heard the voice, she prepared herself to prove her friend wrong. But..there’s nothing. 

“Krys, believe me, no one laughed.”  

She still doesn’t believe her.

+

It was already quarter to twelve when Krystal arrives home. Her room was pitch black but her eyes gradually adjusts to the darkness.

She was about to change her clothes when she felt arms encircling her waist. It didn’t take her a minute to discover who that was.

“Where have you been?” Kai’s breath ghosts over her ears.

“I was just out with Jay. Do you remember her? She’s my  bestfriend,”

“I waited for you all day. Do you even realize how grueling that was?” Kai tightened his hug on her.

That was weird.. Why would he—

“I.. Kai.. I can’t breathe..”

“Promise me that you won’t do it again. Promise me that you won’t go out without my permission.”

“I.. I’m sorry.. I- I won’t do it again,” She manages to say. Slowly, Kai releases her. He puts his hands on her shoulder and makes her face him.

“Keep your promise, okay?” He kisses her on the cheek. “Come on, let’s get to bed. It’s pretty late,”

Later, when they were in bed, random thoughts invade her.

As much as she wanted Kai to never leave her, he scares her. It was the first time that he’s been that scary and it doesn’t stop her from thinking of the things that he will be able to do in the future. She dismisses the thought though, Kai wouldn’t do that to her. He loves her, he couldn’t hurt her.

+

That doesn’t stop her from meeting with people. She started going out again, establishing her social life again. The people seemed happy to see her but the worried looks on their faces never escape her eyes. Of course, she doesn’t notice the dark lines under her eyes and her face, which is all sharp and thin.

Contrary to what she believed in, there has been a change in Kai’s behavior. Day by day, he has seemed to become more touchy— violent and irritable. He would often bring up how she always ditches him and threats her into leaving her. She would cry and ask him not to—he was her strength and she would fall apart if he leaves her. But he doesn’t say anything.

Kai was changing and it frightens her, a lot.

She looks in front of the mirror for the first time and she sees it— her body was covered with splotches of purple, body looking like a map with those bruises.

She was cut off from her thoughts when the door flies open, revealing Kai.

“What are those?” He asks, eyes focusing on the bruises. He touches the said bruises. And she flinches, startled by his touch.

“Those were nothing..” She manages to say. His touches are starting to hurt her. The bruises are still fresh.

Kai doesn’t stop touching the bruises, as if he’s having fun in seeing her flinch. There’s a smile on his face as he continues what he’s doing. Terrified, she looks in mirror and watch Kai touch her left arm with his right hand.

For a second, she blinks, his hand looks strangely like hers.