One

Seoul, 2054 6th of June

Dear Byun Baekhyun,

I was sitting alone watching the clouds that looked a lot like you when I decided to write you this letter.

Don’t laugh, but I always think of you when I’m looking up at the sky, even when those times when we did it together.

I’d look at the sky and remember your smile, it would bring a smile to my face too, moreover when my mind start to play those scene when you were laughing either it was because of my silly jokes or just me.

You probably didn’t know this, but I really like your laughter.

Yeah, I like that rectangle smile that Kyungsoo used to make fun about. You always tried to restrain yourself to laugh since then; you even tried to hold back that beautiful laughter of yours when we watched our favorite comedy show.

Remember when I barged into the bathroom and red-handed you smiling like an idiot to your own reflection in the mirror? (That was not the first time I saw you practicing your laugh.) You looked flustered and threw your favorite face wash to me. It didn’t feel as hurt as when I heard you crying silently under your bedcover at night, blaming your stupid laughther that was probably the reason why you had always been single for all your life.

You probably didn’t know this, but I cried along with you on my own bed that night.

Ah, I remember those days when you were insecure with yourself. The things that I still don’t understand, why would you, who usually was the brightest amongst all of us, feel insecure about your charming self?

You’d been locking up yourself in the room that you shared with Kyungsoo and Jongin. That time we were no longer roommates since the new arrangement had been made. (Poor Jongin and Kyungsoo, who had no choice but sleep in the manager hyung’s room.) I wish I could tell you a secret; of how lovely you're in my eyes.

You probably didn’t know this, but I stayed up till late on the couch pretending I was sleeping when you silently got out of the room to get some food from the refrigerator, just to make sure you were okay. Your face looked swollen from crying too much, but I still found it endearing and wanted to hold you in the safest place in the world: in my arms. But I didn’t.

The fearless Baekhyun, who everyone loves, was finally back after the long break our company gave to you, so you could visit your grandma’s house (I remember how much Yixing begged to go along with you). The smile you wore when you were back that evening, I still remember it. Because I think you’d never looked that glowing before, I'm glad you finally back to yourself again even I’m forever wondering what makes you have that mental breakdown in the first place. But it’s okay, as long as you’re happy, I’m happy too.

In our long times we’ve been together there are so many silly thing that I didn’t admit to you, but I am now.

Remember when they gave you the nickname, calling you Light? I think it suits you the best. Even all of members made a fuss about it and I even made a joke about that leaking video of you playing with the lamps, I think you deserve to be called Light the most in this world.

Why? Simply because your own presence already like a light in the darkness and when you smile, I forget how bright the sunlight is because your smile is that blinding. You probably didn't catch me whispering after that solo performance at our first concert on the backstage; you're brighter than any stars I've ever seen. Because right after that you broke our hug and asked me if I said something in the middle of the crowds, I said nothing and convinced you with an awkward smile and a little gift which is I'd been holding onto for the entire week, waiting the right moment to give it you.

It was just a voucher.

I never told you too that I was the one who bought you that voucher to eat galbi in your favorite restaurant. I said it was from our fans and I asked you to go there for theirs sake. You probably didn’t know this, but I think of it as our first date.

 I didn’t care of how much you make me eat the garlic instead of the galbi itself, but the happy face you gave to me when you ate all of that galbi deliciously by yourself, was worth it. (And you, who held onto my sleeves cutely in our way back home, was just a bonus, I guess?)

Even we got spotted by our fans who chased after us and we had no choice but signed a lot of papers in the middle of the street in a chilly December; it was still my favorite day with you amongst of all.

You hit me because you said you could’t feel your hands after that small signing event ended, I could take any beat from you if that was mean I could spend the rest of the day holding your hands in mine like that day.

On that day,