Just Today...

Description

     A story of two friends, turned lovers. Will the relationship work out? Or will they just stick to being friends?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Foreword

Hey~ I joined this contest; 

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/736617/haengbog-s-oneshot-contest-open-challenge-contest-oneshot-writingcontest-writingchallenge-oneshotcontest-hboneshot

   This is my 1st one-shot btw.:D

   I amazingly came up with this story when my playlist was on shuffle and then B1A4's Yesterday came on and boom. The birth of this fic.

   I know it may seem typical, but no it's not. Well not that typical.

oh~ and the posters by me too~

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Comments

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1430eveline #1
Chapter 1: Gongchan so sweet, my eyes almost teary. Good job!
Haengbog #2
Chapter 1: Title and Foreword Page (5/5)
No complaints. Your poster is cute and everything is easy to real.
 
Plot (30/50)
The story started out with a basic enough premise, and I liked it. My issue is that, even though it's a oneshot, it felt incomplete.
 
Flow and Execution (5/20)
The beginning was fine. I like that you jumped from date to date like that to explain the time line. I was confused about why you added his pov. I would have preferred that it jump straight to the club date. I knew what was coming, and I would have preferred that I be as surprised as her. Does that make sense?

The real reason why you lost points was the last section, when you switched to the narrator pov and added in all the song lyrics. It felt very disjointed and it was hard to read. You were switching back and forth between their reactions so quickly that I wouldn't feel anything.
 
Spelling and Grammar (18/20)
Just a few, minor grammatical things here and there. It depends on the writer, how inner thoughts are written, but they should look different.
 
Appearance (3/5)
In the last section, some of the paragraphs were indented, some were not. And I can understand why you made the lyrics a different color, but I didn't care for it.

Total: 61
parkhyojin169 #3
Very good well done
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