(A/N): Italics=Flashback

-----------------------------------------

"Will it grow?" I asked. I stood from a distance admiring our tiny cherry blossom tree shrub, placed in the center of some of its long lost relatives, the green, green grass. My right arm rested upon a shovel stabbed into the soil. Sehun got up from his squatting position, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a handkerchief. 

"It will, as long as nourish it with our love." Sehun said leaning down to blot the small beads of sweat off my nose. "Aigoo, why does my princess look so cute today?" he tapped my nose causing my smile to spread.

"I look cute everyday" I replied playfully walking towards our little baby tree. Sehun quickly caught up, wrapping his arms tightly around me. "Whatever you say princess."  I smiled again as he lean down, leaving a peck on my cheek.

***

The warm breeze tickled the skin below my t-shirt as I reminisced our young selves, chasing each other in grass fields, something that could only be traced back in our memories. I held my arms and looked at the same tree we had planted that day, now matured and fully grown but something was missing. There were no flowers, there were no buds, and there were no leaves. There was nothing. 

I sighed as the breeze continued to blow and I kept staring at the bare tree.  I missed his eyes, his touch, his voice, which haven't seen, felt or heard for over a year now. But that was still the naive me that believed in happily ever after. The past was a time where nothing had mattered much to me, all except him. That was our young selves that feared to face this world without each other. I'm still here though, without him. He's probably still well without me.

I stepped closer, running my hands over our engraved initials in the bark of the tree.

S ♥ E

"It's spring, the blooming time for the plants." Someone said from a distance. The voice bought me out of the trance. I squinted my eyes while using my hand, blocking the bright setting sun away from sight, watching the gardener approach me. "Annyeonghaseyo." I bowed.

He smiled, "Agashi, what brings you here today?" I didn't answer but he knew, he pointed at our tree. "This tree might not survive." I turned my attention back to the tree with its dead branches that made my heart ache. 

"It was the most beautiful and healthiest tree growing in this garden", he continued, "I don't know what happened." His words left me in deep thought. What happened? 

"I don't know either." I whispered.

What happened to the annual buds? Are all the catastrophes we went through worth nothing? Most importantly, what happened to our love?

"It's unfortunate." The gardener said as I stared lifelessly ahead at the bark. "I'm afraid if it doesn't bloom, we are going to have to cut it down." My heart sank further down. As much as I wanted to, I didn't disagree with the gardener. "It's going to take up all the nutrients." He continued. I nodded. Cut it down, I told myself. Cut it down. It will give me a reason to forget, a reason to give up.

***

"Don't be mad." Sehun tried his ageyo but it didn't work.

"You promised me." I crossed my arms and moved from the living room to the dining table. Sehun followed closely behind. 

"The princess is not mad at me is she?"  I didn't answer him. He had silently left the room. Noise came from the room behind me but I didn’t pay attention to him until he returned with a new tactic. "Do you know which monster is the prettiest?" Sehun asked trying some ageyo again. 

"All monsters are ugly." I answered still refusing to look at him straight in the eye. 

"Eak! Wrong! Cherry Blossom Tree monsters are the prettiest!"  He exclaimed. A pot containing a tiny shrub was placed before me. 

The little buds growing on the small branches mesmerized me. "It's a Cherry Blossom tree!"  

***

It's been over a year, over a year since I had last seen him. The room still hung with his peculiar earthly cologne. My thoughts were still occupied with our memories, pictures of us. My ears still heard his deep yet faint voice. And everywhere I went, there were traces of us. I took a seat in the far corner of the eatery we visited regularly, when he was still with me. The vintage interior only further reminded me of the past, with us were written all over the walls.

I took the menu that was handed to me by the waitress, whispering a ‘thank you.’ I skimmed the print, looking up every now and then at the entrance as young adults entered filling up most of the tables. The young love, hand in hand, the way we used to be. My heart cringed as I placed my order, trying to keep that forced smile on my face.  I stared down at my phone as I waited, the screensaver that I had failed to change in this past year. A picture of us, our smiling faces, our blooming love.

“I’m sorry Sir.” I eavesdropped as the waitress spoke. I tried not to put my ear in the conversations of others but what can I do when nothing but silence surrounds me. “If you don’t mind, you can share a seat with that young lady.” My ears perked at her words. I knew the waitress was talking about me for I was the only one that sat alone in the vast tables for two. I looked up, trying to protest her suggestion but not a peep escaped my lips. My eyes met a familiar gaze in the next second, a gaze I yearned to have a glimpse of for a year. He dressed in his formal attire that fit his form perfectly and his hair was dyed and pulled back showcasing his forehead. He is well, I told myself. He is doing better than I am.

“Do you mind sharing a table Miss?” she asked as she walked in my direction. My breath quickened as I turned away from him to the waitress.

“I-I” I stuttered. I didn’t know what to do for this moment that I hadn’t anticipated. I wished for someone to say something to break from the awkward aura but no one did, reinforcing my motto: You can count on no one but yourself. “I- think—umm- I’ll go.” I said as I tried to grab all of my belongings. I took a step only to have him grip to my arm, pulling me back.

“Can you stay?” He asked. Our eyes met again. I tried to hold back my tears as I saw the glaze in his eyes. I didn’t reply and I didn’t know why I stayed. I just took a seat back in my chair as he sat in the one across from me.

The silence remained. Although he sat so close, closer than he had been in my dreams, I felt alone. I had never imagined for us to meet again at least not under these circumstances. I had wished for it to happen like it did in the movies, and then I would have known what to do. Our orders came but it didn’t change anything about the silence. It just continued this way until the end.

Sehun paid the bill. He kept insisting even after my refusal. That the only talk we got out of the meal. We walked together as we were escorted out.

I felt like running away the moment we stepped out. I wanted to bump into an old friend on the street. I wanted to say, “thanks for the meal” without the ‘I’m still not over you’ tone. But none of the above happened.

“Do you want to go for a stroll in the park?” Sehun proposed. I nodded wishing I hadn’t, still trying to force that smile. “How have you been?” He asked as we approached the playground. The voices of children as they ran around amplified, creating something more than the silence that lingered around the both of us.

“I’ve been well.” I said but it was only a lie. I hadn’t been well. I’ve been living a year of misery and despair. It’s because a life without you means nothing to me. “How have you been?”

“I’ve also been well.” He replied before the awkwardness appeared again. He put his hands in this trouser pockets as I sauntered next to him feeling out of place in my jeans and cardigan. “Are you still working at the office?” He tried to break the tranquility again, still tying to rehash our year without each other. But his attempt failed with my simple nodding. “Still the same.” I tried to say a bit more but I couldn’t.

“Oppa!” A young lady’s voice shouted in our direction. She came running at us and right into Sehun’s arms. A smile was put onto his face at that moment, a sincere smile, more than I got out of him in this hour. He enclosed her tightly in his arms, unwillingly letting go. I could feel the shatter in my heart as I still tried to keep that smile. “Oppa, I thought you said you were waiting for me at the travel agency.” The girl’s sweet voice said.

“I forgot.” Sehun said with ageyo but something popped into his mind: I was still standing there watching their fluff. “Eun Ae,” he said directing his words towards me. “This is Soojung.”

“It’s nice meeting you.” I held out my hand for her. She shook it, beaming, repeating my line. “Are you two going anywhere?” I asked trying to be the conversation starter this time.

“We are going to Japan.” Sehun said. Japan, I repeated it in my mind. You promised you’d take me there but we never got around to it before we broke up.

“That sounds nice!” I tried exclaiming, trying hard not to reveal a tint of unhappiness.

“Oppa!” Soojung checked her watch. “We should get going. The agency is closing soon.”

“I’m sorry Eun Ae, we have to-“ I cut him off.

“I understand.” I said smiling but he didn’t smile back at me. “The agency in closing soon.” I pleaded.

“Goodbye.” We said to each other as I watched the both of them walk in the direction we came. She held his arm the way I used to all the time. I rubbed my left wrist, over the scar that was left, just feeling the pain that stabbed right through my heart. I tried hard not to let a tear drop but it was ineffable. It was over. We were over.

And our cherry blossom tree, it will be gone as well. We will never be able to nourish it with our love again. Without the love between us, the tree is nothing. And this year, it won’t ever bloom again.