DAY 45

My phone beeped as I lift up a spoon of mushroom soup inside my mouth. It's Joonmyeon.

"Soojung, are you free today?"

I read up the message all over again. It's early in the morning! Where's the MORNING WISH? For a second, I dont believe if the message comes from him. I replied,

"Not sure. Why?"

Im sooo free today and plan nothing but his first text this morning made me kinda pissed off. Usually he'll greet me with a long and warm-hearted morning wish as he wants to make sure he made my every morning. But this morning... What's wrong with him anyway? He directly ask me if i do free today without any sweet greet first? How can he do that? The phone beeped again. I hope this time he realize what he has forgotten.

"There's a blood campaign in this hospital. I might be busy today. And if you can join the campaign today?"

WHERE THE HELL IS THE MORNING WISH? How can he forgot about that? He never missed wishing me even a morning. Sighed; try to ignore his message and there's a little voice in my heart hope that he will call me. I continue my breakfast while angrily stares at the phone screen. I munch my meal with unhold feeling inside me to reply the message that appear on the screen. I think of some reason that I can give him to not join that campaign. As I feed myself and munch my meal, I suddenly feel something uneasy with my body. I feel like there's something stuck in my throat. Its feel something like hair....? I push myself cough as I try to get it out my throat. I run quickly to the sink as I feel like I want to throwing up. I feel like my throat cant accept the taste of my meal and my stomach cant processing my meal. Im throwing up all the food that I ate just now inside the sink. Im gargling some water to wash my mouth. Oh My God, my breathe smells awful. I dig in some candy inside the fridge and chew some. Oh My God, what kind of feeling are this? Why everything is not alright to me today? The phone ringing. I reach up my phone on the dining table. It's Joonmyeon. He calls!

"Hello?"

"Hello. Why arent you reply my text?"

"Oh, I was in the bathroom just now. Sorry."

"Nah, its fine. So, you wanna come?"

"Sure. See you there."

"Alright. Dont forget to bring your blood donation's card. Maybe you wanna join the donation here?"

"Sure."

"Alright. Take care on your way."

I end the conversation up. I take a sit on the chair and put a meaningless stares at the table. My mind replay my bad dream about 2 days ago. Am I pregnant...?

"Soojung ah," a familiar voice called my name. I look at the voice owner.

"Are you okay?" Junhee asked. I nodded my head as I stand up and walk to my room slowly. Each step I take towards my room, my mind rewind all the things that had happened since my mom dead. Its not a logic thing to have some symptoms now. Isnt it too early to have all the symptoms now? I cut off all my thinkings and take off of my clothes as I come inside the bathroom to take a bath. As Im done with bathing, I wipe my wet body with a towel and wrap it around my cold body. I step out from the bathroom and walk to my big mirror as I touch my stomach. I look at my own miserable face. Are you really,.. there...? 

I drive my car to the hospital and try to stop my mind from keep on thinking about pregnancy. Maybe I just feeling unwell or the food has expired. But I still thinking of it. What if Im getting pregnant? How Joonmyeon will react? And..., what about the curse? I never forget that Im dying slowly! What about the baby then? At this moment, even though my pregnancy news will make everyone happy, I still hoping that Im not pregnant.

As I arrived, I walk to the campaign booths. A nurse greet me and asked if she can help me with something. 

"Where's Joonmyeon?" I asked. 

A weird and shock expression appear on the nurse face.

"Oh, you mean Dr.Joonmyeon?"  she asked.

DOCTOR?!? SINCE WHEN?!? This time, its shocked me but I never fail to hide all my feeling. I always got that mask, you know?

"Yes, can you get him for me?" I said and she asked me to wait.

How can Joonmyeon got that title anyway? He's still on his practical period, right? How the hell he deserve for that title anyway? "Soojung," he called me as I smiled away. "Did you just arrived?" he asked and I nodded my head. "What's the campaign for actually?" I asked and he laughed. "its blood campaign. What it could be if its not for healthy, my dearest?"  he answered. "Well, for my reason to meet you." I said and he leans a kiss on my forehead. "I miss you so much."  he said and I just spread a smile on my face. "Then would you cry if I said I cant come today?" I asked. "Why should I cry? I would climb to your castle in the middle of night and be your favourite warm pillow where you can sluggish your body on mine."  he said as he eyed me with double-meaning look. "What the heck are you thinking right now, Dr.Joonmyeon?" I said and pinch his stomach as he moaned in pain. "Im joking!" he said and laughed. "Lets come inside." he said and walk in while holding my hand.

He walks me to a blood donation booth. "I have to go for a while. You should join this blood donation because Im handling this booth." he said and I just nodded as he promised that he'll come back. I walk inside and a friendly nurse greet me. "Complete this form, can you, miss?" she said as I nodded and take the form from her hand. After write my name, ID number, age, address and blood type, I give the form back to that nurse. "So miss, have you ever had before?" she suddenly asked and I look at her with a WTF look. "Im sorry but this is for personal form. I mean, REALLY personal." she explained. "Well, yeah. About last week." I said, awkwardly. "What about your period? When it suppose to come?" she asked. "This week , maybe." I said and she open up a drawer in front of her. "Due to the rules and for your own healthy and ours, do you mind to take a test?" she asked while hand me a pregnancy test. "Well sure. Thank you." I said and take the pregnancy test to the toilet. Im not sure what am I doing right now but I, myself are curious too so why not?

I read the instructions on the pack. It says after I pee on the test, the result will come out about 5 to 10 seconds. After pee on it, I put the pregnancy test inside the pack given. I wash my hand and smile to my own reflection on the mirror as I want to always look brighter and confidence. I walk out from the toilet and I see Joonmyeon with the nurse just now. "Well you done? How fast?" Joonmyeon asked me. "Oh, well doctor, this patient need to take a test first." the nurse said. "What test?" he asked. "Pregnancy test." I said as I hand the nurse the pregnancy test pack. "Well, are you..?" Joonmyeon asked and I just lift my shoulders sign of I dont know. "Congratulations, miss Jung! You're pregnant." the nurse said as I feel like myself sinking deep in the ocean. Joonmyeon look at me and we both speechless.

Joonmyeon takes me to a small room that provide everything for doctor. "Lay down." he said as he pointed out at the check up bed. I put myself down on the bed as Joonmyeon comes out with a stethoscope. I could see an anxious face on his face. He latchs my shirt up. I hold his hand as he look at me in the eyes. "Slowly.. I know what you feel right now. Relax, can you?" I said and he didnt respond. He puts the stethoscope on my stomach and put all his focus to hear anything inside my stomach. "Joonmyeon, you still cant hear it. It still small.“ I said. "Shut up." he said, coldly. He takes out a scanner machine and the monitor and a bottle of lube. He wipes the lube on my stomach and put the scanner on my stomach. The scanner monitor shows that it scans a small heart beat sound. Joonmyeon take a look what in my stomach on the scanner monitor screen. Its a small black glob. I hold his hand and said, "There it is. Our baby." 

He looks at me with watering eyes and a smile spread on his face. I make myself sitting down and hug him. He starts to cry up, just like me. "Im so sorry. Im so happy but I feel sorry for you." He said. "Its fine. Its still our baby, right?" I said as I released the hug. "I promise you that I'll take care of you and our baby. Im sorry for making you pregnant before we get married. Im so sorry." He said. "Joonmyeon, thank you. Thank you for giving me this great feeling. You gonna be a father. You shouldn't be sad. This should be our happiest moment. Knowing that you will be a father of my baby, makes me happier when I think about how lucky this baby are for having a great father like you. You'll be a really great father, Joonmyeon. Thank you." I said as he lean a kiss on my forehead and hug me tight. "I dont know what to do without you. Im so grateful for having you as my family. I love you so much, Soojung." He said as I could feel his tear on my shirt.

As the baby grown up day by day inside me, my death are getting near. What's next? What will happen to my baby? How to escape from my death?