♦ Letter 2

 

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Slowly, one by one, the tears began to gracefully roll down.

He missed their second year anniversary and her birthday? Disgusting. He clearly remembered what he was doing that night-- Partying.

 

Celebrating an event that wasn’t half as important as his lover’s day of birth.

Revolting. Hypocritical. Undeserving.

He didn’t deserve her.

 

Wiping away the salty water with the cuffs of his white dress shirt, the man carefully folded the paper aside and picked up another one.

This time the inked was smeared. As if a blotch of water had tainted the words- protecting it from being revealed.

 

Why had she left it simply like this, you may ask?

Simple, the first time is always the one that contains the most feeling. She didn’t bear to re-write the words that had been written.

 

Caressing the blurred words with his calloused thumb, the man began his reminiscence.

 

May 5th, 2008

“I smile each day, without a fail, even when the darkest of hours return to haunt me. I smile each day, struggling to find the light, even when they say it was impossible. I smile each day, simply because I know who my heart belonged to.”

 

Love, do you know who told me these words?

Who wrote this quote with such passion, I knew, the moment he ended the text with a flourish of his name, that it would be engraved into my heart for eternity.

 

I bet you know who wrote it.

You.

 

This was minutes away from our first kiss.

Our first kiss both as a couple, as friends, and as a memory for being one another’s first love.

What time was it? Definitely past curfew.

 

Remember the annual Summer Solstice Firework Festival?

We never failed to not attend it. Even though the same fireworks would play each year, it never seemed to bore us.

 

Especially with the variety of snacks, the pictures,... and one another.

I remember how we would always celebrate Baekhyun Oppa’s birthday the next day.

 

Oppa… it’s been a while since I’ve said that out loud. Haha.

Love, I miss your voice. I miss you laughters. Your smiles. Your hugs.

Your kisses.

I miss you.

 

I’m trying to not be selfish, but can you return? Just for a while.

I want to feel your tender lips on mine. I want to be reminded of the way they mold perfectly against one another.

 

How you would gently cup my cheeks, as if I was a priceless vase.

How I would entangle my fingers with your wavy, chestnut- brown and black hair. You dyed them haven’t you? I saw a picture recently.

It looks nice.

But I prefer your natural color.

 

The man paused, as his hand unconsciously flew to touch the strands of his hair that fell upon his forehead.

It wasn’t a mixture of brown and black. It was a dull, lifeless tuft of darkness.

 

‘I miss your kisses, too.’

He had wanted to say. But who was there for him to say it to?

 

Don’t worry. I’ll still love you either ways.

My dear, Jinah told me something today. My neighbor’s baby turned out to be a girl!

They named her Sejin. Cute huh? It kind of reminds me of us.

 

I imagined what it would be like if we got married. Well, we are engaged- and I’m not rushing anything.

But imagine for a second, my love. To have a family of our own, a house filled with joy and laughters.

That would be a life I’d do anything for.

 

Maybe one day it’ll come true. Well, home is anywhere you are.

 

Hmmm……

Jinah also told me something else…

My d-

 

His eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

“Your what? Sekyung… you can’t leave me hanging!” his voice rose with each second.

 

It pained him. It pained him to not know the events that had been happening in her life, while he was busy elsewhere.

 

What was the point of a relationship if all you did was be selfish? Not caring an ounce for the other.

He wished he could go back in time. To actually read, to know what had been written.

He wished that liquid hadn’t ruined the flawless handwriting.

 

Yet it did.

 

He wondered, at first, how the blue ink had gotten smeared. But the lines that began to reform after the end of the splotch made it clear to him.

 

I need you with me. Won’t you return?

I’m afraid of being alone.

 

That blotch, was caused because her tears.

A single drop of tear, brought out a whole pool to roll out of his eyes.

 

She was alone.

She needed him.

She was afraid.

 

Yet…. he wasn’t there.

 

And now he was filled with remorse and regret.

 

Love, I’m sorry. I meant to lighten up the mood with our memories of the fireworks.

But after receiving that shocking news I just couldn’t take it. How am I suppose to be happy knowing that I will break our promise?

I apologie, love. I don’t deserve you.

 

Forever yours,

Sekyung xx

 

If the letter hadn’t been written by her, he would’ve long ripped it into pieces.

So many questions lingered inside of his mind.

 

“What news!? What promise?! Why do you have to be so fu-king frustrating Han Sekyung?!”

 

The man’s breath was uneven- he was panting haggardly. His eyes were red, and puffy, proving how much tears he had withheld and released.

 

“Come back, Han Sekyung…”

 

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