“In these eyes, more than words more than anything that I’ve spoken,”

I glanced sideways at the person beside me. He looked fine as always. I felt a blush crept on both of my cheeks and heat rising up to my face. He looked my way and caught my eyes. A sheepish grin spread through his lips and left me breathless. Luhan, things you do to me.

“What are you looking at rong rong?” he quirked a brow at me and his eyes gave of a playful spark. As much as I want to tell him that I was admiring him, a force immediately stopped me from doing such stupid thing. He’ll never acknowledge my feelings, my feelings will always be hidden.

“Y-you’re such a waste Luhan, ugly and annoying and such,” I like you. Behind every words were a different meaning. It has always been that. No matter what my mouth utters I know that when he’ll look in my eyes he’ll see right through me. I looked away and heard a laugh.

“Why thank you rong rong, you’re a waste as well,”

“As the skies, turn to grey my heart’s just about to crack open,”

“Chorong!” my heart started beating furiously against my chest. I was restraining myself from turning around. He already likes someone else, he won’t like me, he’ll only hurt me, and I’ll only hurt myself.

He got hold of my shoulder and turned me around to face him. He was smiling. He’s happy. Am I happy? I faked a back a smile and said, “So what happened?”

“She accepted me! Rong this is the best day ever! Who knew graduation wasn’t just about endings. Rong, I’ll make a beginning with her starting today. I’ll be the best boyfriend in the whole world!”

I wanted to shout and yell. But my voice was trapped. I’m here you idiot! Look at me for once. I’m here willing to love you to the fullest! I’m here, why can’t you just look at me and see.

“Congratulations!” I felt disgusted at myself. I’m so fake about my feelings.

The sky started rumbling and I felt my knees getting weaker. My eyes stung because of the tears biting my eyes. I feel so broken. I feel nausea. I feel like breaking down.

“Oh, I think it’s about to rain,” he grabbed hold of my hand and dragged me, “We should get to the celebration before it rains,” but just as the rain fell, my tears made its way down both of my cheeks as well.

He laughed and stopped in his tracks.

“Well how ironic this is?” he joked. Definitely ironic, I thought. Staring at his smiling face, I whispered lowly to myself.

“You’re so unfair Luhan, how can you be so happy?” another rumbling sound drifted by, at the same time, same moment, my heart shared a second to break into a million pieces.

“so the story goes, there’s something you should know, before I walk away and I blow the ending,”

I anxiously fixed my pencil skirt and sat down on my seat. Why am I so anxious today? My palms are starting to sweat and my mind was running around in different places. I closed my eyes calming myself until my office phone rang. I placed it on speaker and regretted it once the other line spoke. It was his voice.

Why? Why are you on the other line?

Four years, after four years I hear your voice again. All the feelings that I kept imprisoned flew out of its captive cages. I’m giving again. After all these years, it’s still you.

 My mouth felt dry and I couldn’t speak a word.

“Rong, are you there? Yoohoo?” I shook my head and cleared my throat.

“Y-yeah, why did you call? Long time no talk!” I heard him chuckle before speaking, “I’m getting married rong,”

I felt the whole world stop. Everything just stopped. The revolution of planets, the rotation of the earth, everything. All I can see was an empty space and my heart was the only thing left in motion.

I absentmindedly hung up and erupted into tears.

I can’t take this anymore, I need to stop these feelings.

“I never wanna be without you,

Oh no here I go now you know,

Wanna I feel about you, there’s no running,

I must have been wrong to doubt you,

Oh no there I go no control...”

I looked elegant on a lavender gown flowing effortlessly down my short legs. My skin looking silky smooth along the length of the gown. They said I was the most beautiful, even more beautiful than the bride. But truth be told, I wasn’t beautiful enough for him.

I approached the groom’s dressing room and quietly went in. Today, on this day, I’ll finally end my feelings.

“Hey,” he called. He looked flawless in his tux. He was smiling so much and I can’t help but smile back, “You look dashing,”

“Wow, unusual for you to compliment me but thanks. You look gorgeous as always Chorong,” I bit back a smile and prevented a blush. Today, I’ll end this. Today once and for all, I’m gonna be free. Today he needs to know, then I’ll let him go.

My reflexes did the rest, I cupped his cheeks and kissed him pouring all of my emotions, all of my feelings, everything I’ve been hiding for years. It hurts to know he wasn’t responding back but quite relieving that he wasn’t pushing me away.

Unconsciously tears fell down on my eyes and that was my signal to break the kiss, “I love you, very much,”

“And I’m falling so now you know,”

He stared at me in shock which made me break more inside. After placing a chaste kiss on his lips, I quickly ran out, out from his room, out from the church, out from his life.

Now that you know, I’m finally free.