Title: [3/5]

It was normal and there was nothing too outstanding. A little cliché but I like it since it suits the story that you’re writing. 

Description/Foreword: [7/10]

I like it. A lot! It’s simple and sweet. You made the whole point of your story clear here and I really got interested after reading your description and foreword.
The only thing that you can work on is the way your grammar for it wasn’t consistent and the phrasing was kind of incorrect.

I never figured that he would talk to me again, none the less ask me something as crazy as this.
I hate him with a deep passion, I used to love him with all my heart.
Now he wants me to be his "girlfriend"?
What am I supposed to say?

Like I said, there wasn’t a consistent use of one particular tense. You jumped form past to present and vice versa.
Correct: I never figured that he would talk to me again, nonetheless, asking me something as crazy as this.
I hated him with a deep passion and the funny thing was, I used to love him with all my heart.
Now, he wanted me to be his “girlfriend”?
What was I supposed to say?

Before I let myself fall for his silly flirting.

There’s suppose to be a comma before the ‘Before’.
Correct: Before, I let myself fall for his silly flirting.

Plot: [6/10]

I’m going to be honest. I found this story rather…. Typical at first because there’s tons of other stories that have the same concept. However, as time passes, the plots that you had come up with were quite interesting.
I hate Bomi, though. I hope she will die in the future chapter. Maybe get hit by a bus or maybe die choking on fish balls.

Flow: [4/5]

Good job with the flow of everything! It wasn’t too slow and neither was it too fast. I thought everything came out smoothly. The only problem I had was at the start. I thought the part where Hyemi accepted to be Min Ho’s fake girlfriend was rushed. I was hoping that maybe you could add a scene where Min Ho begs or something. Well, he did bribe her by offering to pay her tuition fees for University but still I found the scene passing rather quickly. It was like she was cheap because she accepted it so easily despite her hating Min Ho with a passion. I hope you get what I mean XD

Writing style: [3/5]

There was decent paragraphing and I’m glad that the whole thing wasn’t chunked up together. It was okay to read. However, it would be nice if you could start a dialogue in a new paragraph and then after you end that dialogue, you start the next sentence in a new paragraph.

Eg,

"Yeah, that's all good for you, but why would I want to help you? What's in it for me?" He stood there tongue tied for a second, when another gleaming smile reached his face. "I'll pay for your university tuition at the end of the year! I'm pretty sure you can't afford it, but I can. And besides we would only have to do this for the whole senior year, after that it will be over. I'll go off to university with my girlfriend and my parents won't be able to keep track over me. Besides, if you do it I will also give you free tickets to one of my concerts and backstage passes! Come on how can you drop that?"

Correct: “Yeah, that’s all good for you, but why would I want to help you? What’s in it for me?”

He stood there, tongue tied for a second before another gleaming smile reached his face.

“I’ll pay for your university tuition at the end of the year! I’m pretty sure you can’t afford it but I can and besides, we would only have to do this for the whole senior year. After that, it will be over. I’ll go off to university with my girlfriend and my parents won’t be able to keep track over me. Plus, if you do it, I will also give you free tickets to one of my concerts and backstage passes! Come on! How can you drop that?”

That should be how you put everything. At least, that was how my English taught me.
Oh and what happened after Chapter 2? I was really enjoying the format that you had until everything from Chapter 3 onwards was centralized and I hate centralized text because it’s so hard for me to find the next word of the next sentence if it started on a new line! Haha!

Originality: [6/10]

Like I said before, it was typical but you did a great job adding in your own creativity to spice the story up a little. It is a little different from other stories and that was what attracted me to this story.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: [23/30]

There wasn’t any major mistake but you do seemed like you have a problem with the use of commas. You use commas but the way you use them were generally wrong. There were some grammar mistakes but there weren’t much. In terms of spelling and vocabulary, it was almost flawless.

(Chapter 1)

I heard soft chuckles emanating from a part in the room, then his annoyed voice came from behind the curtains.

The comma use was wrong. It’s either you separate the two sentence or just replace the comma with an ‘and’.
Correct: I heard soft chuckles emanating from a part in the room. Then, his annoyed voice came from behind the curtains.

Or

I heard soft chuckles emanating from a part in the room and then, his annoyed voice came from behind the curtains.

I could not afford it, universities are very pricey these days, and besides I still had to take care of my little sister Eunkyung.

Once more, it was the commas. You can replace the comma before the ‘universities’ with ‘because’ or ‘for’ because you’re trying to explain that Hyemi couldn’t afford going to a university because it was pricey. Oh and there was a grammar mistake.
‘Are’ should be ‘were’ since you were mostly using past tense in the story.
You shouldn’t put a comma before ‘and’ since ‘and’ is a connector. The comma, instead, should be after ‘besides’.

One more thing, when you want to give a name to someone like your father or sister, there should a comma. Hm, how do I explain this…
For example, “This is my father, John.” Or “Hello! I’m Sya and that is my friend, Hee.”
Get it?

Correct: I could not afford it because universities were very pricey these days and besides, I still had to take care of my little sister, Eunkyung.

(Chapter 3)

His arm was securely wrapped around my waist as he held tightly on to my arm. Causing me to pretty much be pressed against his chest.

Correct: His arm was securely wrapped around my waist as he held tightly onto my arm, causing me to be pretty much pressed against his cheat.

I practically yelled at him poking him in the chest, with every one of my words.

It should be poke him on the chest. I don’t think you can poke people in the chest. That would just cause a lot of chaos because there would be blood since your finger went in the chest. Haha!
Correct: I practically yelled at him, poking him on the chest with every one of my words.

I stepped into the empty hallway, at first I was walking at a normal pace. But then I began to walk faster and faster until soon I broke out into a sprint bursting through the school double doors.

Phrasing of the first sentence could be better and your ‘but’ shouldn’t be a starting a word for a sentence because it’s meant to be sort of a connector for two sentences. You just don’t use ‘but’ at the start of any sentence and again, you have problems with the commas.
Correct: I stepped into the empty hallway, walking at a normal pace at first, but then, I began to walk faster and faster until soon, I broke out into a sprint, bursting through the school doors.

All I have to say is that you’re doing well in terms of your grammar and all that. The only problem that you have is you’re not sure of how to use commas in your sentences properly.

What I can suggest is to read the sentence out loud because it definitely sounds different from what you hear in your head when you read it mentally. When you do read the sentence out loud, you could actually pin point the exact places where you need to put commas.

For example, if you have a sentence like “I have a dog a cat a fish and a bunny”, when you read it out loud, it will sound like a chu-chu train because there are no pauses. Hence, you can actually pin point that it is wrong. It goes with other sentences.

Just read everything out loud it should reduce this particular mistake that you constantly make. Don’t worry about people thinking that you’re insane. I read out loud all the time when I’m writing my story :)

Characterization/Details: [20/25]

It was not bad. Though, I did wished that you could do so much more for Hyemi. I mean, I do understand her hatred for Min Ho and at the same time, she was confused and worried that she would fall for that idiot once more but I was actually hoping that you could make her more confused and more disoriented. Min Ho on the other hand, was a big fat jerk and I thought you did a good job making him like that.
However, I thought you did a great job painting the roles that each character has and I understood their roles perfectly.

Total score: 72/100

General comments: I actually enjoyed the story and I’m really waiting to see what would happen between Hyemi and Min Ho. I know that they’re going to fall in love but I’m just really curious to know how you’re going to make them come together as a couple. Hwaiting!