I fell asleep on the highway. Actually I slept through most of the journey. I managed to find Do Kyungsoo when I got into the dorm premises. Through him, we found Kim Jongin. He was very hesitant about revealing Baekhyun’s most likely position, and I also found out it was his cousin Baekhyun was engaged to, but I begged him to tell me and Kyungsoo gave him a nod, urging him to tell us.

                “Can I come with you?” Kyungsoo asked me as I got into the car but Jongin shook his head.

                “No, don’t. I don’t think Baekhyun would like that.”

                “Don’t worry, I’m just going to visit him, I won’t hurt him or anything.” I smiled. “I will let you know how he is doing, then you can have some material for your website.”

                “It’s alright but thank you anyways.” He smiled politely and waved us off. Chanyeol was from a small town approximately 2 and a half hour outside of Seoul. Joonmyun said he would drive all night and book us into a hotel, then the next morning we could start looking for Chanyeol’s house. Jongin told us that since Baekhyun was an orphan, he was most likely residing in Chanyeol’s home.

                “I had no idea Baekhyun was an orphan.” I told Joonmyun when we got onto the expressway. It made me wonder what else about him I did not know about. There must be plenty more.

                “It would make sense, he never seemed to talk about family during interviews, and he did come to Seoul alone.” Joonmyun said. “He must be even more lost now, he had no family to turn back to.”

                “I have a feeling he is used to being lost.” I muttered. “I can understand why he was so dependent on his high school love. High school is a tough time, if Chanyeol pulled through for him during high school, then he must have felt some sort of obligation towards him.”

                “You mean he ran away because of some sort of obligation towards Chanyeol?”

                “I don’t know.” I sighed. “I won’t know until I find him.”

                I tried to call Tao about my leaving town but his phone was off. I sent a message to him, hoping it would later get through. Tao is going to have a fit when he finds out but I have to do what I have to do or I will never get any peace.

                We checked into a small country hotel (separate beds, Joonmyun was too much of a gentleman to sleep with me in the same bed) and slept the rest of the night. When morning came through, we went to find Chanyeol’s house. It wasn’t too hard since the locals were really friendly and were totally willing to show us the Park house.

                “This is it. Park Chanyeol’s house.” Joonmyun pulled up in front of a big house with white picket fences and a pink door. There was a cat sitting on the windowsill with a bell around her neck and birds in a birdhouse on a tree a few feet away. They have an old iron swing in their front lawn and rows of daisies lining the path towards the house. It’s a normal country home, hiding a big star.

                “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

                “What are you talking about? We drove all the way here. You wanted to look for him!”

                “I know but,” I breathed. “It’s still surreal now that I’m actually in here. This…this is…what if…I…”

                “Shh shh,” Joonmyun shushed me and gave me a hug. I could smell the sandalwood shampoo in his hair. “It’ll be fine. You made it all the way here. We don’t need to go in if you’re not ready.”

                “Okay.” I nodded. I sat back in my seat and shut my eyes, trying to calm my erratic heartbeat. I was startled when a middle aged lady knocked our glass window. I almost knocked my head against the dashboard when I turned left and saw a face peering at me.

                “Hello? How may I help you?” she asked.

                “We’re looking for Byun Baekhyun. We hear he lives here with his fiancé?” Joonmyun answered, rolling down the windows. The lady’s eyes narrowed into a small slit and she furrowed her brows.

                “Who are you?”

                “We’re friends of Baekhyun from Seoul. Kim Jongin sent us.” Joonmyun explained. Jongin told us beforehand to relay that message so that the family would let us in. The lady’s eyebrows relaxed and she stepped back.

                “If that’s the case then please do come in.”

                “Ready or not, we have to go.” Joonyun unbuckled his seat belt and left. I sighed deeply and followed suit. By the time my feet stepped on the pavement I could feel them turning into jelly.

                “I am Mrs Park, Chanyeol’s mother. I am so sorry for the way I treated you, I was just protecting my son and my future son-in-law. There have been so many nasty people on our doorstep lately and we had to get the police to chase them away.” The lady introduced herself and lead us through the door.

                I took of my shoes and I could hear the wind chimes ring as the door knocks against it. The inside was homely and comfortable. There was an old throw rug as a welcome mat, rows and rows of family pictures lining the walls, flower beds just outside the window on the lawn outside and a pot of tea on the table. It was so…normal. Normal and comforting. It felt like a home.

                “Chanyeol has left for town. He’s getting his visa.”

                “Is he travelling overseas?” I asked and Mrs Park simply nodded.

                “Have you all had breakfast? Shall I whip something up for you?”

                “Oh no it’s quite alright…” I smiled, even though my tummy clearly protested my mouth.

                “Nonsense, you are our guests and you must be comfortable. Baekhyun is out in the backyard so why don’t you go and join him while I get some breakfast ready?”

                “Thank you Mrs. Park.” I nodded and bowed gratefully. She showed me the way out and I opened it with shaking fingers. Joonmyun tapped me on the shoulder and whispered to me “I will wait for you here.”

                I opened the door and stepped outside. There was a boy outside, bending down and pouring Kibble into a dog bowl. The big Husky his hand and nuzzled into it before digging into his food. The boy’s hair was still the shade of brown he had when he left, but the roots were black and they seemed to be extending downwards.

                “B…Baekhyun?”

                He turned towards me and I felt my heart lurch. It was him. And he looked exactly the same. It was him. Byun Baekhyun.

                “Yixing.” His jaw dropped when he saw me. We stared at each other for a good 30 seconds (it felt longer, honestly) before he choked out a broken sob and ran towards me. We wrapped our arms around each other and when I heard his cries and felt his warmth, I couldn’t help but cry myself.

                “Yixing…”

                “Baekhyun…oh god…” I was a wet, sobbing mess and so was he.

                I found him.

                He’s okay.

                It’s okay.

                                                                                **********************

                “I can’t believe you found me.”

                “I can’t believe it took me a month. If I had known how powerful my connections were I would have come to look for you sooner.” I chuckled softly, holding onto the cup of tea Mrs. Park made. We were now sitting on the same old rusty swing set on the lawn. The squeaking of the set is obnoxiously loud so we don’t dare swing it too hard.

                “How is everybody?” he asked.

                “Okay.”

                “Just okay?”

                “It hasn’t exactly been peachy. We have had better days.”

                “Where’s Kris? Isn’t he here?”

                “No. I came on my own, with er…Joonmyun.”

                “Right.” Baekhyun nodded. An awkward moment of silence passed between us.

                “Why?” I finally broke out.

                “Why?”

                “Yes, why?”

                He turned his head, refusing to look at me. “You wouldn’t understand. You’ll just think I’m a coward like everyone else.”

                “You’re probably right,” I sighed. “But that’s because you assume I am like everyone else. But I’m not like everyone else. Did everyone else try to find you?”

                He shook his head.

                “Then please, give me a chance to understand you. I won’t judge you.” I told him, holding his arm. He slowly turned towards me.

                “I’m getting married.”

                “When?”

                “In a month’s time. I’m going back to Seoul for the mediation as promised this weekend. After the wedding, Chanyeol and I are moving to the U.S.”

                “What do you plan to do there?”

                “Chanyeol has a job with Berklee’s College of Music and I have an offer to work at a recording studio there, as a songwriter.” He said.

                “You ran away to get married?”

                “Yes.”

                “I don’t believe you,” I shook my head. “There is something else going on. What is it? Tell me.”

                On the night Baekhyun had finished talking to Minseok and Jongdae, Baekhyun was walking back to Chanyeol’s place. He was too busy processing what Minseok and Jongdae were talking to him about when he suddenly felt a camera flash in his eye. He winced in pain and fell flat on the ground. When he looked up, he saw feet surrounding him and a camera right up in his face. The flash went off again and he fell back again.

                “It’s Byun Baekhyun!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!”

                The screams filled his ears like water filling a tank. He was suddenly surrounded by a stampede of girls.He scrambled to his feet and tried to break through the crowd. He ran down the street and made a sharp turn, but the girls were hot on his trail. One of them grabbed his jacket and tore a piece straight from it. Another fan sent her long nails into his skin and dragged a sharp line across it. He winced in pain and continued running.

                He ran behind a building and climbed up the building’s fire escape. He climbed up the first flight and pulled the ladder u, locking it in place so that the fans could not come after him. He was on top of a building in the middle of the night, surrounded by crazy fans at the bottom, screaming his name and snapping photos.

                “BYUN BAEKHYUN!!!”

                “BAEKHYUN OPPA!!”

                “OPPA COME DOWN!!”

                “OPPA!!!”

                Baekhyun could have gone crazy hearing these screams. He sat on the roof, hoping the fans would leave after a couple of minutes, the same way dogs lose interest in a prey after a while. To his horror, the fans didn’t leave. Instead, they sat on some crates and even on the floor below the building, waiting for him to come down.

                Nobody realizes it, but there’s nothing more terrifying than being treated like a zoo animal in a cage. So immensely popular, yet so vulnerable to attacks once the doors are open. Baekhyun sat on the roof, cold and hungry, watching the people below him gather in crowds, all looking up and pointing upwards.

                Pointing, pointing, talking, taking pictures…

                Not one of them actually helping him.

                “If I were to jump down right now, can I save myself?” Baekhyun whispered aloud, looking down the 5 storey apartment building.The people below seemed to blanket around him. Maybe he would bounce off them like a giant trampoline.

                Or more likely, hit the curb and die.

                He was so close to the edge, he could have taken one step more and fallen over, and for a minute there, that was what he wanted to do. He thought about Chanyeol, and he started to shake. He shook so violently he got back from the edge and fell to the ground.

                Chanyeol can never, ever be exposed to this. If they were ready to eat Baekhyun up, what about Chanyeol? They would devour and digest him, torture then kill and just give the man absolute hell. He could never marry him in this state, and a family? He could never start a family. How could he ever subject a child to this environment? He wasn’t ready and he wasn’t capable of that.

                He can’t marry Chanyeol. Baekhyun broke out a sob and started crying. The man he loved more than anything. He couldn’t marry the man he loved.

                This was so terribly unfair. He was angry and disappointed, and all fifty shades of mad. He looked into the apartment window in the building next to him and he saw a family of four watching TV. They had a son and a daughter not older than 12 collectively and they were watching cartoons. The father was imitating the sounds and the son was laughing at his father. The mother was sewing something, whilst checking on her children and the daughter was sitting next to her mother.

                That is so…normal.

                Normal.

                Normalcy.

                Baekhyun was no longer normal, and he never will be. Normalcy was no longer a given right, but a ing product that is now put on sale. He could have had that. A normal life. But no, he was stuck on a roof with people watching him from below.

                He cried. He cried the same way the little boy in the next apartment did. His father came and picked him up.

                No one came to pick him up.

                Baekhyun looked at the edge. He moved his fingers closer and closer.

                What would it be like to fall?

                “Needless to say, I didn’t jump.” Baekhyun said, moving in his seat. “Before I could consider further, the police arrived and chased the girls away. They rescued me from the roof. I begged them not to take me to the police station because if they did it would attract even more attention. They let me off and I left.”

                “When I got to Chanyeol’s place, he was asleep on the couch, waiting for me. Did you know that he would stay up every night, waiting for me to come home? He would have some sort of food in the microwave for me. He hates going to bed without me. He calls to make sure I have eaten and he tries to make sure I sleep as much as I can.”

                “He sounds lovely.”

                “He is,” Baekhyun smiled. “When I told him, many years ago, I wanted to become a famous singer, he was the first one to say ‘go for it! Go audition!’. Everyone else was like ‘no way’ or ‘that’s nice’ or ‘you’ll never make it’. I told him I would have to leave him if I got into Starling and he was willing to put up with the distance between us and work it out. He could have dumped me you know; there are plenty of other people out there for him.”

                “But he didn’t.” I said.

                “Exactly.”

                “He sounds like he would do anything for you.”

                “He was going to turn down his dream job for my dream, which I had already achieved. I am a singer, or I was a singer.” Baekhyun sniffed, and I could tell that the emotions are haunting him. “He has already done so much for me, but what can I do? I’ll put him in danger no matter what I do.”

                “You were suicidal at that moment on the rooftop weren’t you?”

                “I’ll be honest, it wasn’t the first time I’ve thought of it, but at that moment, it felt real. I really could have jumped. I was so jealous of a little boy. It’s pathetic, isn’t it?”

                I wanted to say that he wasn’t lonely, he had Chanyeol and Luhan, and he had me. But then again, what do I know? Loneliness is a state of mind and hardly physical. Could it be possible that Baekhyun felt lonely despite the people around him?

                “Did you see a doctor?” I asked him.

                “I did. I’m attending therapy sessions once a week now.”

                “How has it been then?”

                “Great, I can feel the improvement.” He stretched and I got a good look on his face. His complexion was clearer and his cheeks a little fuller. His hands are still slim and beautiful but they don’t look so weathered. Even the ends of his hair have joined back.

                “I told Chanyeol I thought of dying. Not once, or twice, or 5 times, but many times before. I broke down and begged him to take me away. So we ran. I called you, grabbed my things and ran away.”

                “You don’t have a family do you?” I asked.

                “Of my own? No, I don’t. I grew up in the orphanage until I left for Seoul.”

                “Were you teased a lot in school?”

                “Yeah.”

                “Chanyeol must have saved you.”

                “You have no idea.” A drop of tear fell on my hand and when I looked up; I saw that Baekhyun wasn’t crying. It was me.

                “Mr and Mrs Park are like my real parents. They were the ones who helped me get therapy and hire a lawyer. Apparently they have saved an amount to bail me out of my contract whenever needed. I couldn’t have asked for better in-laws.”

                “Are you on medication?”

                “No, just therapy and music. I’ve been going back to teaching music and making my own now.”

                “Are you happy then?”

                Baekhyun looked up at me. I then realized I was asking a depressed person if he was happy.

                “Yes.”

                                                                                *******************

                When we went back in, Joonmyun and Chanyeol were sitting on the couch, chatting away. He immediately stood up and bowed. He was tall and lanky, with a big smile and elf ears. Not necessarily my kind, but I can see why Baekhyun fell in love with him. He just seems like the nicest person on the planet.

                “Please, come join us for breakfast.” Chanyeol urged. My stomach still felt a little empty and Joonmyun was already chewing on a piece of toast so I figured why not? It’s free food.

                Baekhyun went straight to Chanyeol, who kissed him on the forehead and nuzzled him. “Cool it, I would like to have my meal please.” Joonyun joked and I poked him in the rib.

                Breakfast was pleasant, and then Chanyeol insisted on taking us to farm where they were going to get married. Mrs. Park would walk Baekhyun down the aisle and their uncle would be officiating.

                The farm was a couple of miles outside of the main town, which is fairly tiny compared to Seoul and with over 10 acres of flat land. We got off and Baekhyun held my hand, describing everything that he had in mind.

                “We’re going to have a very simple, wood arch decorated with flower garlands over there, and the seats would be here with strewn rose petals. The reception would be over there and we’re going to have 20 to 30 tables. I’m making my own glass jar candles holders and putting them here and we’re going to have a band playing. And Chanyeol’s dad is singing.”

              “My dad would probably break down halfway so if he does, one of us is supposed to jump up and continue singing.” Chanyeol laughed.

                “What is he singing then?” Joonmyun asked.

                “I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston. He’s sung that a million times and cried a million times.”

                “That’s interesting. I would love to watch that.”

                “Well you guys are definitely invited to the wedding.”

                “We are?” I widened my eyes.

                “Are you kidding me? Of course you are!” Baekhyun smiled. “You came all the way and saw our wedding destination, of course you are invited!”

                I looked at Joonmyun and he nodded. We walked a little more on the land, which was just absolutely beautiful. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were walking hand in hand, and Joonmyun reached out for mine.

                “Wha…”

                “I’m sorry, can I hold your hand?” he asked me.

                “Oh yeah, of course.” I stammered, completely embarrassed by either my stupidity and inability to form coherent words or by the close proximity of our bodies.

                That afternoon, we decided to go back. Before I left Baekhyun’s house, he pulled me aside and handed something to me.

                “Can you please give this for me?” he handed the red envelopes over. “I would love for them to come to my wedding.”

                “Who is your best man?”

                “I promised Luhan, but I wasn’t allowed to contact him. I know he’s mad, but is it possible that he would still do it?”

                “I’ll try to talk to him about it.”

                “Does he talk about me?”

                “Erm…” I chewed on my bottom lip. “I don’t know. I know he’s hurt, but I don’t know honestly. He’s been drowning himself in work to numb out his feelings.”

                “Can you tell him I’m sorry?” Baekhyun said. “And tell Kris and Jodi too. And to everyone you meet.”

                I wanted to say that saying sorry wasn’t going to be of much use. It has been a month, and it’s too late for apologies. I kept quiet. I’m really good at that.

                “Oh and can you…”

                “Yeah?”

                “Tell Luhan I miss him.” Baekhyun stopped. He held my hand and I could see his eyes water. “Tell him he is my best friend and I love him so much. Tell him I am so proud that he is pulling through this. Tell him I support him always and tell him that he has finally achieved his dream. He is a superstar.”

                “Wouldn’t you feel better telling him yourself?”

                “I don’t think I can. He might not want to listen.”

                “Okay.” I gave him a hug. I played with the ends of his hair and wiped his tears away. “I’ll come see you soon.”

                “Thank you. Thank you for coming.”

                “I needed to see you, and I was right. I did need this.” I turned back and waved again. I kept waving until I got in the car, waved until we started off and waved until the house was no longer in view. I turned back and looked at the envelopes in my hand. I could feel my chest lurch and my heart tighten. I clamped one hand over my mouth and cried.

                I couldn’t decide if they were tears of anger of frustration. Was I angry at Baekhyun for leaving? Was I angry for not knowing what he went through? Was I angry at how happy he was when he was supposed to be miserable? Was I frustrated because he is not the person I thought he was? Was I disappointed?

                I couldn’t tell then, but I can tell now.

                I cried for the litte boy that was stuck on the roof. I cried for the love that stood the test of time I cried for the lover that would sacrifice his soul for his loved one. I cried for the pain, the loneliness, the guilt and for all the times he felt wronged.

                I cried for the boy Baekhyun could have been.

                I cried for the Baekhyun that died on the roof.

A/N: This week's update comes early, but that's because there are a few things I have in mind. Firstly is that the story is nearing completion, so I can afford to quicken the updates for you guys, I hope that's not an issue! XD And secondly is another issue that has been going on for the past few days and we all know what it is.

I don't know about you guys, but I find it sad that I don't even feel shocked or 'slapped in the face' that Luhan decided to leave. I'm supposed to feel pain and anger, but is it possible that I have been numbed by all the feelings that Kris's lawsuit has given me? Don't get me wrong, Luhan is one of my biases and I love him to pieces but I would be lying if I said I wasn't expecting this.

Or maybe since writing this story, I know that everything will be okay? I certainly hope so.

All I know is that I am pissed at SM. They ed up big time this year and I'm also a little pissed at some of the fans sparring wars online as well, comparing Luhan's condition to Kris, calling Luhan selfish and Kris a betrayer and Lay a backstabber and what not. In my opinion, it doesn't matter how they leave or when they leave. The underlying statement is that they already have left, and EXO will never be the same. They were never the same when Kris left, now they will be something different now. And I'm scared of what SM is going to do to these boys. It terrifies me guys.

I love Kris and I love Luhan. I also love EXO, and I will continue building the barn I promised them.

I'm just sad that the Luhan we used to know (or thought we knew) died on the final stage of the TLP concert.

I'll learn to love the new Luhan, I'm sure.

Hopefully you guys will too.

As usual, comments and subbies are well loved. If you have any words about the current situation, leave a message as well.

And to Luhan fans, it will be okay. I promise. ^^