“He’s regrettably out of my league. I’m merely a tinted soul.”

Sehun sat beneath the gentle dapples of light from the rusty lamppost standing in the darkness of the winter night. He placed his hands over his mouth and breathed heavily, his shoulders moving slowly, seemingly carrying a silent burden. Once again he was waiting for midnight, and waiting for him to come. Within the melodic interludes of verses he had grown familiar with, he fell into light slumber amongst the soft caress of wind and a velvety dark sky with the thoughts of reliance and solace replaying in his fumbled mind. He recalled the promises they once shared, some of which perhaps worthless. With time the Kris he had known on the first day had begun to fade away, his bubbly personality sinking into the endless pits of frustration, his emotions drowned away within the heavy bass of the songs he loved to choreograph to, his promises losing luster. Yet Sehun believed he was not to blame, since he was never a clean slate, never a worthy significant other.

Beneath amber tinted heavens, amidst the quietest of fields, amongst the silence of gentle breezes was exactly the way he wish they had met, the circumstances which left no boundaries for they would be free, as free as the pair of canaries they used to keep. The same pair of birds which for a short span of time acted as their source of happiness and their strongest bond; similar to the friendship, or perhaps more, which they used to take care of, the emotions they promised to treasure.

“Hun-ah, these birds are really pretty aren’t they? Such details and colours.” Kris bent towards the two innocent birds flapping about in the tiny pink cage. They had been out for an evening where they had no schedules and were granted a rare little breather.

“Yeah. That one on the right reminds me of you; energetic and forever flapping about with some sort of charisma.” Sehun remembered chuckling, the first time he saw Kris dancing came back to him. Though a little awkward, it was adorable. The little mention of his trainee days brought a smile to Kris’ face as he chuckled a little.

“Can we buy them? They’ll be like our pact; like us.” Kris squinted expectantly at Sehun, the distance between the two slightly stifling, though serving to reassure him that perhaps their friendship meant something to this soul.

“Sure.” Sehun smiled a little, perhaps truly happy for once. With the accompaniment of light pitches of gracious compositions, they made their way back to the dorm along the long, lonely street, which had been stripped of humanity at that hour. He remembered Kris speaking, his words flowing onto the boulevard teeming with murmurs of his breath, his satisfaction and his wishes; his memories and his happiness to be sharing a moment together with the members. Perhaps it had been the courage and confidence that Kris had which eventually pulled Sehun in, the little aspects that didn’t seem spectacular, yet formed a patched up quilt of emotions, which wrapped them both together on a winter night.

“Sehun, do you ever believe in parallel universes?” The pair trudged along the same pathway they had trodden upon a month ago, the gravel now covered by a sheet of pure white. Between the two of them was a little connection of the same cage, its hues fading slightly which they both held in their trembling hands, they fingertips bare inches apart.

“I haven’t thought about such things before honestly, they’re pretty surreal and abstract so I never really…” Sehun muttered as he peered at Kris with slight worry over the sudden solemn tone that hovered over every word he muttered. He noticed the slight frown across Kris’ forehead, watching as his thoughts seemed to tread wearily, breaching his own regulations as they waded through murky grey waters, giving him nothing but empty imaginations of freedom and supple beauty. Kris had always worked hard, a perfect example of a workaholic who would give up his meager few hours of slumber just for the sake of perfecting a 10 second choreography. He was the kind of man who would have never put a halt to his actions before he fell to his knees; he was dedicated, focused and respectable. Sehun honestly respected the way he kept his worries shut behind his dark eyes instead of lashing it out on the people he had close to him. He smiled a little at the thought, ah Kris was indeed amazing.

“You know, I always felt that if there were such things as parallel universes or different dimensions then I’d be able to be me.” Kris muttered, his footsteps coming to a halt as they approached an old rusty lamppost.

“Why suddenly…are you alright, hyung?” Sehun placed his free hand on Kris’s shoulder.

“Of course I am…I guess.” Kris left himself to fall limp onto the cold bench, his arms losing the usual energy he had, “Come sit.” Sehun moved over to sit on his right, his legs folding into his usual comfortable position. He turned to look at Kris, his chin propped up by his hands. The birdcage sat quietly next to Sehun, the birds flapping about in the cold.

“I used to lack courage, lack power and lack everything I have now. Honestly when I was younger the courage to get onto a stage had found me in my dreams; it was the only way to achieve things I couldn’t ever do in real life. Even though it was just dancing I don’t know, I used to be fearful.” Kris leant backwards, his shoulders slumped; “For some reason it had been a fantasy to be able to be strong, to have the ability to show who I really was in front of people…and I started becoming a whole different person altogether.”

Sehun shuffled a little. He had been caught off guard. Before him was another side of Kris, the helpless, childlike side of him; and that was the moment when it dawned on him that despite the strong fronts he had pulled, eventually Kris was still a human, and he had times when he needed support. He lifted his hand quietly and reached towards Kris’s head before he paused for a moment and shrunk back.

“Its alright, I’m fine I think. Its just that being around you makes things easier for me to speak up, like there’s no pressure and I just feel like spilling everything I’ve endured out.” Kris laughed bitterly, rubbing his eyes a little. He turned to meet Sehun’s gaze before nodding a little, “Ah have I said too much.”

“Then…if you don’t mind I can be your support. If there’s anything you’re enduring you can tell me its okay.” Sehun choked a little as he spoke, uncertain that he might utter something wrong.

“There is one more thing honestly.” Kris ruffled his own hair a little before placing his beanie back into its original position.

“What?” Sehun sat up quickly, moving closer to pay attention to Kris.

“I think I might be craving your attention more than I thought I would.”

-

Sehun still recalled the brown hue of Kris’s eyes which hid under the comfort of his black hair, the minute drops of tears welling up above his eyebags, and the sincerity of his words though clouded by a smog of uncertainty. He sat up for a moment before slouching back as though something struck him – perhaps he had been too delusional, or maybe he had been too attached, he wasn’t sure; and he wasn’t ready to accept any form of confirmation. It had been weeks but he was willing to wait.

“It’s been weeks hyung.”

He watched as a couple walked by, a neatly wrapped canvas in the man’s hands. The remembrance of the tall man who used to walk into an art room with charisma while stating that he was the next Picasso brought a rarely seen hint of a smile to Sehun’s face. The sunlight was streaming through the full-length windows of the corridor as he walked past the several rooms while holding his birdcage tightly in his left hand. He swiped his phone out and stared at a message thread for a few moments before stopping in front of one of the doors. Softly, he dragged the door open slightly to reveal Kris sitting behind one of the stations, his head propped up by his hands as he stared out of the window.

“Someone looking professional again I see,” Sehun chuckled as he walked over.

“Concentration!! Now don’t bother me while I gather my inspiration. I swear this piece will probably blow you away. Really.” Kris muttered quietly as he stared out of the window, his eyes a perfect complement to the amber hues.

“Sure.” He watched silently at the traces of perspiration on Kris’ forehead, followed by his eyes; sighing a little, he settled down at the table behind the canvas and laid his head on his crossed arms.

“Hey hey wake up you lazy boy; come see my masterpiece. I drew the members~” Sehun awoke to Kris leaning over the table and staring into his eyes with his hands on his shoulders shaking him slightly.

“Huh wha-” For a second Sehun got surprised by the bijou distance between the two of them as he jolted backwards and rubbed his eyes before getting up, “Ah let’s see your drawing.”

Sehun found himself staring at a drawing of twelve stick figures with their own outstanding characteristics, which helped him tell the members apart; six year old art perhaps? He couldn’t contain his laughter as he held onto Kris’ shoulders and slapped his biceps slightly while laughing; “Hyung this is too, I cannot-”

“What!! Isn’t it good?” Kris laughed back and stared at Sehun being his hysterical self.

“Totally omg.” Sehun nodded and smiled again.

In the quiet art room Kris silently pulled Sehun in for a tight embrace as they stood towering over their two matching birdcages, the canaries chirping melodically.

--

Sehun clutched his cardigan in frustration and shut his eyes for a moment. The cold was rather excruciating due to the fact that he had rushed out from the dorm because their schedule had ended later than before; He had promised himself to wait for the dork he missed; even in a single layer he would keep his composure and return to his daily perch for hours. The members did not quite agree with his actions, the entire group having an assortment of reactions; some of which came as a shock to his younger mind – they were one. They were still one, in his mind; in his weary mind which longed for his hyung’s impossible return.

“Come back and tell us you’re everything. Tell them you’re the rapper, the lead dancer, the lead vocal; tell them you’re the best duizhang who can draw, who can fly, who is the tallest and most handsome,” Sehun sighed, “Tell me you’re still the same Yifan that I loved.”

He remembered the few nights before – the night he peered at Kris kicking the snow aimlessly while wearing a single layer. He was undoubtedly trembling, his usual smirk distorted into nothing but discomfort. He was treading further from Sehun, his thoughts leading him towards the darkness as Sehun stayed on track, his feet leaving clear imprints on the ice as he strolled down the road. Being out with Kris gave him a sense of security for queer reasons as he began to move towards his partner. He followed behind Kris quietly before they reached the lamppost and took their seats.

“So what’s going on, hyung?” Sehun ran his fingers through his hair as he sank into the seat, his sneakers digging deeper into the snow.

“I told you before. I believe in parallel universes where in this case there are two exact carbon copies of each and every one of us; just that under different circumstances we are moulded into differing people. I believe in that, and I can be honest with you and say that I dislike my current self. I disliked how I lacked courage, how I lacked every aspect which I had sought after,” Kris leant against the lamppost and placed his palm over his head, “So I thought it was time for me to find myself, find my other self.”

“But where could you go to do so? You know that is surreal…you probably wouldn’t find anything.” Sehun raised his voice a little at the softer side of Kris. To be utterly honest, he disliked his hyung being like this. He wanted his hyung to be happy, to be free, and to be who he really was despite the presence of flaws. If it had been less cliché he would’ve said it – even his flaws were beauty in their own finesse. He was more than perfect, but he wasn’t aware of it. Sehun paused for a moment – his thoughts were leading him on towards the expectations that dripped from Kris’s eyes as tears. He recalled the other day and he stopped himself. No further would he venture, unless it had been inevitable. Yet hadn’t he trespassed his own protected region? The mere thought of himself being a permanent support for his hyung, the thought of how his hyung had been more than perfect, the thought that he wished to be there to protect his hyung when it was feasible had perhaps propelled him across the fine line between responsibility and love; he had fallen into a little trap he had planned for himself, and whether it was pathetic or not depended on Kris’s decision.

“I’ll go anywhere I can. As long as I find the person I wish to be.” Kris murmured, before chuckling at the plain idiocy present in his sentence, “I must be out of my mind, believing such tales.”

“I’ll go with you then.” Sehun reached out and placed his hands over Kris’s quivering hands, “A genuine camaraderie.”

--

“I would’ve gone with you. If you let me,” Sehun chuckled to himself, “Perhaps you were indeed, worth more. What does someone like me have to offer.” He picked his bird cage up, the snow they once laid on imprinted with intricate patterns – he opened the door and set his pact free. Sighing a little he left the cage opened next to the lamppost and turned back to the dorm, his tall figure quivering slightly.

“Perhaps I should’ve figured it out the day your half was set free.”