It had been three days since Yesung had told Ryeowook that he was leaving. No one else knew about this situation; Ryeowook barely spoke and Yesung certainly wasn’t in any mood to talk about it. He forced himself to go to Coco Bean every day just like normal, only to find that his favorite barista would suddenly leave the room when he walked through the door.

Sungmin couldn’t help but notice how Ryeowook avoided seeing and talking about Yesung in every way he could. When he wasn’t running from Jongwoon, he was leaning on the counter, not trying very hard to mask the obvious pain that he felt.

On this particular day, he seemed worse. He was in his customary spot leaning on the counter, staring at the floor and looking like he was going to burst into tears at any second. Sungmin had tried his best to not pry for the past couple of days but now he just couldn’t help it.

“Wookie? Wookie, something’s bothering you; I can tell. What is it?”

Ryeowook was silent for a moment; then, the tears starting streaming down his face and he threw his arms around his hyung, burying his face in his shoulder.

“He’s l-leaving, hyung. He’s going away on Monday and he’s probably not going to be back for eight months and I love him so much and he doesn’t even know it and he doesn’t feel the same way and he’s just going to leave and it just hurts,” he choked out.

Sungmin wrapped his arms around his dongsaeng carefully, letting what he’d been told wash over him. Who was leaving? Obviously, it had to be Yesung, but why hadn’t he told anyone else and only Ryeowook? And—wait, did Ryeowook just verbally admit that he was in love with Jongwoon?

“Wookie, why don’t you tell him? Why don’t you let him know how you feel? You never know; what if he loves you too?”

“W-why would he l-love someone l-like me? I’m just a stupid barista with delusions of being a composer. He’s one of Korea’s b-best vocal coaches. He wouldn’t love me,” Ryeowook mumbled out, squeezing Sungmin tighter like he was a giant teddy bear.

“Why wouldn’t he love someone like you, Ryeowook? Your occupation has nothing to do with whether someone loves you or not. Besides, you’ll never know unless you ask. Just take a chance, before he leaves.”

Ryeowook hiccupped slightly, the tears still flowing down his face, but slower now. He didn’t answer; he didn’t want to tell Sungmin that he was too afraid. But afraid of what? Revealing his own feelings? Or that Jongwoon wouldn’t feel the same way? Or that he did love him but would leave anyway?

~~~

It was Sunday, January fifteenth, the forty ninth day since Ryeowook had met Yesung. The elder man sat at his kitchen table, playing with his car keys and staring off into space. What was he going to do today? It was his last day in Korea, after all; he should do something special, something more than just moping around his house. But what?

He wanted to see Ryeowook. That’s what he truly wanted to do, but he was fairly certain that Ryeowook didn’t want to see him. So he ended up doing the only other thing he could think of; going and visiting all of those places that held good memories of the two of them.

Well, his house was one of those places, he reflected as he walked up the stairs to get his coat. He briefly paused in the guest bedroom, staring at the bed where, one night, he’d slept next to Ryeowook and where he’d nursed his young friend back to health. He sighed as he made his way back down the stairs after grabbing his coat from his own room; his house felt so empty when Ryeowook wasn’t around.

Then he headed to Namsan Park. He stood in their favorite meeting spot, staring at the lake and ignoring the cold as images from their various meetings here flashed through his mind: backhugs and singing and shyly presenting written songs and discussions of snow. Namsan Park would probably be one of the places he’d miss the most, he thought as he headed to his car nearly thirty minutes later. It was a magical sort of place, a place that he had grown to cherish.

A car ride later and he was at Eternity, the restaurant where he and Ryeowook had first gone to dinner together. He entered, ordering a small lunch and sitting at a table near the windows as he ate, remembering how Ryeowook had jumped up and run to the windows as soon as he’d noticed it was snowing that night. He smiled softly at the memory as he finished his meal. As he waited patiently for the elevator, his friend’s words rung in his ears: “Did you know that if you hold your breath throughout the entire elevator ride and make a wish as you do, your wish will come true?” He took a deep breath before he got in the elevator and then held his breath, wishing that Ryeowook would agree to see him one last time.

Next was the mall, where they’d spent hours just wandering around and laughing at displays or at frantic shoppers. He stopped in front of one specific toy store, staring at it for a few minutes before going in. He searched the racks until he found what he was looking for; a small purple teddy bear identical to the one he’d bought Ryeowook, the last one in stock. Something, he rationalized, to remind him of Ryeowook while he was gone. He paid for it, forcing a smile at the cashier’s remark that his daughter was sure to love it and not bothering to correct her. He gripped the bag tightly as he headed to his car.

Of course, he had to visit Hangeng’s music shop. It was special to him for numerous reasons and he’d miss it those months he was gone. Hangeng was in the back when he stepped in, which he was perfectly happy with; he hadn’t told the older man that he was leaving and he didn’t particularly want to deal with that at the moment. He had enough on his mind.

He walked straight over to the shelf holding One Fine Spring Day and he ran his fingers over the piece of music. He wanted to hear Ryeowook sing that song before he left, but there was little chance that that would happen. Sighing for what seemed like the millionth time that day, Jongwoon turned and left.

There was one more place he wanted to go. He wouldn’t be able to go in (it was always closed on Sundays) but he just wanted to see it one last time.

He made his way down the sidewalk toward Coco Bean.

~~~

Usually Ryeowook loved having Sundays off. Today, however, he hated it. Not working meant that he had more time to sit and think about the fact that Jongwoon was leaving and he really didn’t want to think about it. So, since he had an extra set of keys, he’d ridden the bus down to Coco Bean and was currently standing in the front, facing away from the windows as he cleaned the counter slowly and methodically.  Jongwoon would be leaving on Monday morning. He would be officially gone. In less than a day, he would be disappearing from Ryeowook’s life almost entirely.

Outside, the sidewalk was nearly empty; it was snowing slightly and far too cold for most people to warrant walking around outside. One lone figure made his way up the walk, heading toward that coffee shop that he would severely miss, still clutching the bag in his hand that housed the bear he’d bought for himself.

Jongwoon stopped at the window, peeking in, surprised to see lights on in the café. There he was, the one person that he wanted to desperately to see.

Ryeowook was there, his back to the window, cleaning like he always was when he had nothing else to do. Jongwoon stared at his figure, his mind whirling. What if he knocked on the window? Would Ryeowook turn around? Would he go over and open the door, letting Yesung inside so they could talk? Or would he turn right back around and disappear from sight like he’d done for the past few days? Jongwoon raised his hand, about to knock on the glass, but paused when he saw the younger man pick up a tea cup and fling it down to the ground where it shattered into a million pieces. He heard the loud “damn it!” that went with the action and shrunk away from the window. Ryeowook was angry. He was upset. He wouldn’t want to see him now. He must have been more than upset. He must have hated Yesung at that moment. That was the only explanation. That was the only reason that he would act like that.

Jongwoon turned, his heart aching, and walked away from the shop, biting the inside of his cheek and trying not to swear or cry.

At least he had his memories, he told himself. If nothing else, he had his memories.

Inside, Ryeowook spun around, swearing again under his breath, realizing that his sudden spurt of anger at his own cowardice had cost the shop one of its tea cups. He was about to bend down to begin to clean up the mess when he froze, seeing a familiar figure walking away outside.

It was Jongwoon.

A million thoughts ran through his head at once.

Why didn’t he come in? Does he not want to see me anymore? Does he hate me? He doesn’t want to see me. He doesn’t want to say goodbye. He’s not going to say goodbye. He’s going to leave on Monday morning and that will be that. He won’t miss me. Not like I’ll miss him. He won’t be torn up inside like this. He doesn’t give a damn.

But maybe it’s better this way, his rational side spoke up. Maybe it’s better if you don’t see him and you don’t talk to him. Then you can get over him. This was just a silly little Christmas fling anyway. You never really loved him.

His heart, however, didn’t seem to agree with his brain and tears blurred his vision as he watched Jongwoon’s back until it disappeared from his sight.

~~~

It was late that night, after dinner. Yesung sat on his couch at home with his purple teddy bear next to him, staring at his cell phone on the coffee table. He’d packed everything he would need (though how he could pack for several months he had no idea; he’d ended up just making sure he had the necessities and enough money that he could buy more clothes when he got to Taiwan if he needed them) and was left to sit and wait out the night until he could catch his flight in the morning.

No matter how hard he tried to think about other things, his mind kept drifting back to Ryeowook, to his smile and his laughter and the way his eyes sparkled. He thought about the songs his friend had composed, the songs he’d given to a publisher a couple days before, the ones he was hoping more than anything would get published. He thought about the pain and abandonment he’d seen in Ryeowook’s eyes when he’d announced he was leaving.

He couldn’t leave like this. He couldn’t leave without, at the very least, clearing the air between them. He needed to see Ryeowook one last time, to explain to him, to beg him for forgiveness, to tell him that he loved him more than anything in the world.

Without a second thought, he grabbed his phone and dialed the familiar number.

The phone rang three times before he heard a slightly groggy “hello?” on the other end of the line.

“Ryeowook, I know you probably don’t want to see me, but I really need to see you before I leave. Please.”

A short pause, then, “Okay, hyung.”

“Meet me at Namsan Park.”

“Okay.”

“Wait for me.”

The line went dead before Jongwoon heard Ryeowook whisper, “I’ll always wait for you, hyung.”

~~~

They were at Namsan Park, in their favorite spot, looking out at the lake like they always did, each one wrapped up in their own thoughts. Ryeowook silently cursed himself for coming. He shouldn’t have. This would only make it that much harder to forget about these feelings and move on with his life. But at the same time, he was glad he came. He was glad that he got to see the man he was in love with one last time.

Yesung had come to the park with one specific thought in mind, but now that he was here, he wasn’t sure he wanted to act on said thought. It was scary and nerve-wracking and he wasn’t sure he could, but he really couldn’t keep his feelings hidden anymore. It hurt too much.

He took a deep breath, and then just started talking, his voice soft but steady.

“How long does it take to fall in love?” He stared ahead at the trees across the lake; he was afraid to look at Ryeowook, to see his reaction, but there was no going back now. “How many “chance encounters” do you have to experience before you realize that it’s just fate?” Against his better judgment, he stole a glance at the younger man; he was staring straight ahead, his face blank. But that mask was beginning to crack, revealing a bit of fear, confusion, and something else he couldn’t quite name. “How many times do you have to see me before you get butterflies in your stomach the way I do?” Even as he said it, the butterflies started acting up again and made him wish he hadn’t eaten so much dinner. “How many times…” he paused, unsure if he wanted to say it, but knowing that he really couldn’t stop now. “How many times do I have to say “I love you” before you’ll believe me and love me back?”

Tears welled up in Ryeowook’s eyes and one trickled down his cheek. His hyung – one of Korea’s best vocal coaches, the man who was far too special to be friends with someone as common and ordinary as himself – was in love with him? That didn’t make since. Zhou Mi had hinted at it, had told him it was true, but he hadn’t believed the model. Why would he? But now…but now that…

Jongwoon didn’t take the tear as a good sign. He closed his eyes briefly, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut. He was leaving in the morning. It was stupid to bring this up now.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, turning and heading back to the entrance without another word, feeling his heart break. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He heard something, a soft voice calling out what sounded like his name. He hoped for a moment that it was Ryeowook but then common sense and rationality snuffed out that hope. It wasn’t Ryeowook. It was somebody else, anybody else, living in their own perfect world and not experiencing this almost unbearable pain in his chest.

Suddenly, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his torso, dragging him to a stop. Ryeowook buried his face in his hyung’s back, his tears flowing freely.

“Forty nine days, Jongwoon hyung,” he whispered, his words muffled slightly, “That’s how long it takes.”

I'm so sorry this took me so long to write, lovely cupcakes, but I've just been so darn busy! 

I love all of you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for embarking on this crazy journey with me and loving this story the way you have. It was literally just something that popped into my head one day and I never ever thought it would be so well received. So, thank you. <3

Until next time,

afallingstar

PS: Be on the look out next week for my Christmas present to all of you wonderful people!