Yesung, exhausted from a long day of apologizing and coaching, went home later that evening, ready to collapse on the couch. When he stepped through the door, however, he saw how impossible his wish really was. A certain young man was curled up on the white couch under a blanket, scraps of paper littering the floor around him, deep in sleep. A little curious, Yesung dropped his bag in an armchair and picked up on of the scraps. There was maybe twenty-four measures of music written there in obviously-shaky handwriting; he hummed the notes softly before grabbing another sheet. They were all beginnings of songs, shaky, rough beginnings. There was nothing overly-special about any of them, but they made Jongwoon smile. He was glad Ryeowook was trying. He glanced over at the boy in question, neatly placing the papers on the coffee table. Without a word, he picked him up, carrying him to the guest room. After placing him gently on the bed and pulling the comforter almost up to his chin, he sat on the edge of the mattress, yawning and closing his eyes for just a second. He was completely asleep by the time he fell over onto the pillows.

~~~

He was warm. It was the middle of winter but he felt marvelously warm. And safe. For some reason, he felt undeniably safe, like nothing bad could ever happen. It was nice.

Ryeowook slowly opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling. He was still in Kim Jongwoon’s house; he must have fallen asleep on the couch the previous night. But then…how did he get back up to the bedroom? Sleep walking, perhaps? Then the weight across his chest finally registered in his brain.

He turned his head, his breath halting when he saw his hyung’s face so close to his. Yesung was lying on his side next to Ryeowook, his arm draped over the younger man’s chest. He looked so utterly peaceful and Ryeowook was suddenly afraid to move, not wanting to wake his hyung. His mind flashed back to his notebook and what he’d written there yesterday; he flushed a deep red.

When Jongwoon started to move and open his eyes a few minutes later, Ryeowook froze, keeping perfectly still. The older man looked at him for a second then closed his eyes again and moved a little closer to his dongsaeng. He shot straight up when he finally realized exactly what position he was in.

“I’m so sorry, Ryeowook! I didn’t—I just—I guess I feel asleep last night after I bought you up here—I swear, I—”

“I-it’s okay, hyung…” Ryeowook mumbled, staring at the blanket as he sat up in an attempt to hide his red face.

An uncomfortable, awkward silence stretched between the pair, each searching desperately for something to say.

“Um…I saw some of your songs last night on the floor…” Yesung started. Ryeowook flinched slightly.

“I’m sorry; they were horrible.”

“No! Some of them have the potential to be really nice songs if you work with them a little bit! Don’t give up. I’m so proud of you for giving it a shot; don’t give up now.”

“But hyung, I’m still scared. My hand still shakes every time I try to write a note. I don’t think I can do this.”

“You can,” Jongwoon protested, standing and grabbing Ryeowook’s hand. He pulled on it gently. “Come with me.”

Ryeowook obediently stood up, following Jongwoon. The older man led him through the hall and toward the kitchen, lacing his fingers with Ryeowook’s as he did so and noting unconsciously how perfectly their hands fit together. He grabbed the notebook as he passed the living room, finally coming to a stop at the kitchen table, pointing at a chair.

“Sit.”

Ryeowook sat.

Yesung placed the notebook in front of him after flipping to a clean page. He grabbed a pen from the counter and put it in Ryeowook’s hand before leaning over behind him.

“Okay,” he murmured, gently placing his fingers over Ryeowook’s and guiding it as he wrote, “And…there. Look, a perfect quarter note.”

The barista didn’t say anything, just stared at the paper. Jongwoon murmured softly to him as he guided his friend’s hand, helping him write down various notes on the page. After a few minutes, he stepped back.

“Look. That wasn’t so hard, was it? With a little bit of practice, you won’t be afraid anymore.”

“Thank you, hyung.” Ryeowook kept his eyes on the page, his heart beating abnormally fast. “I…” really appreciate everything you do for me. I lo—

“No problem, Wookie! You’re my friend; I’ll always be here for you. Never forget that.”

Ryeowook’s heart fell. Right. Friends. Just friends. Suppress the feelings, Wook, suppress them.

“You should come with me to Kyu’s vocal lesson this afternoon. I need someone to play the piano for us and you could look at the composition of some songs I want him to sing. Do you want to?”

“Um…I guess so…”

“You know where the shop is, right? I’ll have to meet you there because I have to work with some trainees before that and I can’t take you to those sessions. Company rules and all that stuff. I’ve got to head out again in a few minutes, so I’ll see you there, okay?”

“Okay.”

Ryeowook waited until Yesung had disappeared back upstairs to change before he slumped over, hitting his forehead on the table and groaning. “I can’t love hyung. I can’t.”

~~~

Yesung had vanished again and headed off to work after reaffirming Ryeowook’s promise to join him for Kyuhyun’s vocal lesson later that afternoon. Ryeowook was left to wait around in the far-too-large house, confused and lonely. Yesterday, he’d put these feelings into words, something he’d been trying not to do, but now they were confusing and upsetting him. How could he love Kim Jongwoon? Besides, his hyung didn’t seem to feel the same way, and that made it worse. He desperately needed to talk to someone. Plopping down on the couch, he pulled out his phone, dialing a number he hadn’t in over a week.

“Hello?”

“Hi, hyung!”

“Ryeowookieeee! Little bear, you haven’t called me in a long time and I’m disappointed in you!” In Paris, Zhou Mi’s face lit up. He missed his dongsaeng terribly and was glad that he finally got a chance to talk to him, especially after the phone call he’d received from Leeteuk the day before.

“I’m sorry, hyung…” Ryeowook smiled apologetically even though it wouldn’t be seen. “I really want to talk to you though. I have a question.”

“Okay, shoot. I’m on break right now, so we can talk as long as you want.”

“What…okay, what should you do if, hypothetically, you like someone but you’re not sure if they like you back in the same way?”

Zhou Mi literally squealed. “Ohhh, Wookieeee! You liiiiike someone!”

“What?” Ryeowook panicked. For some reason, he really didn’t want anyone else to know about this. “I do not! This is purely hypothetical! I was trying to…help a friend of mine—it has nothing to do with me!”

The model ignored him. “I’ve been gone less than three weeks and you go and start changing on me! You get a crush and you tell everyone else what happened to you at University and—”

“How did you know about that?”

“Teukie hyung. He called me yesterday.”

“Ugh!” Ryeowook frowned. He knew that Leeteuk was just trying to help him, and he sincerely appreciated that, but really? Not everyone needed to know what happened. Not right now, anyway. He still wasn’t okay with it himself. Shaking his head, he sighed. “Hyungggg, when are you coming back?” he asked, changing the subject.

“I’m not sure. The shoots are going faster than expected so I might be able to get back before Christmas, but I’m not sure. I’ll keep you updated, okay?”

“Okay, hyung. I want you to come back soon, though. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, little bear. I’ll be home before you know it! You spend some time with your little crush while I’m not around~!”

“I don’t have a crush on anyone, Zhou Mi hyung! It was just hypothetical! Purely hypothetical! I swear! I don’t—”

On the other end of the line, Zhou Mi giggled. “Your violent protests only prove my point!” he chirped before the line went dead, leaving Ryeowook to stand, agape, in the middle of Yesung’s living room.

~~~

When the door opened to his little shop, Hangeng immediately looked up, only to see a small, frightened figure standing in the doorway, a figure he recognized.

“Hi! You’re Ryeowook, right?”

The figure nodded.

“It’s nice to see you again! How can I help you? Looking for anything in particular?”

Ryeowook shook his head a little bit. “Jongwoon hyung wanted me to come to Kyuhyun’s vocal lesson…”

“Oh! Well, Yesung’s not here yet, but Kyu’s already in the back room. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask!” Hangeng went back to flipping through some sheet music as the younger man slipped through the racks and headed to the backroom. “He is pretty adorable, Jongwoon. I can understand why you want him around,” he murmured to the deserted shop, smiling.

~~~

“Why didn’t you tell us? Especially me and Kibum hyung. We were right there! We could have been there for you!”

Ryeowook had barely gotten through the door before he was hit with a verbal attack from Kyuhyun, who was standing in the middle of the room like he was waiting for him. He wasn’t surprised at all by Kyu’s knowledge of the events; he’d pretty much resigned himself to the fact that everyone knew now because Leeteuk couldn’t keep it quiet. “I didn’t…I don’t know, Kyu. It was my burden, my pain. I didn’t want to disturb anyone with my problems. It was hard to talk about. It still is. I don’t know.” He froze when he felt arms around him.

“Stupid hyung. You made it worse by not letting us help you.”

“I’m sorry. I just…couldn’t. They scared me.”

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. “That’s exactly when you should ask for help,” he muttered, grabbing a piece of sheet music from the nearby table and handing it to his hyung. “I want to work on this song but I haven’t been able to because it’s for a trio. Hangeng hyung won’t sing it with me and Yesung hyung said he wouldn’t let me work on it unless I found someone to sing the other part. You’re here. Sing it.”

Ryeowook looked at the piece in his hands; My Love, My Kiss, My Heart. “I-I don’t k-know, K-Kyu…”

“You’ll only be singing in front of me and Yesung hyung. Come on; there won’t be anyone here to judge you.”

“B-But they—”

“Are you going to let those stupid boys’ stupid threats control you for the rest of your life? Be stronger than them, hyung. Just sing it for me, if nothing else, because I really want to work on this song.”  

“Ummm…” Ryeowook was silent for a moment, weighing the pros and cons. He was just starting to try writing music again. He’d never been terribly confident about his singing voice to start with and the incident in University certainly hadn’t helped his self-confidence any. But it wasn’t like he’d be singing in front of a large group of people. It would only be Kyu and Jongwoon. That was it. Two other people. His friends. That might be okay, right? “I guess I can…”

Kyuhyun grinned triumphantly. “No going back on your word.”

“Okay…”

“Did you hear that, hyung?! He said he’d sing! Now we have to work on it today!”

Ryeowook whirled around to see who Kyuhyun was talking to; it was Jongwoon. Apparently he’d entered the room sometime during their conversation without a sound. He groaned, now wishing he hadn’t agreed to this.

“Alright, Kyu,” Yesung agreed as he put down his things, pulling out a CD and putting it in the stereo in the corner. “Ryeowook, your part is first. Do you want to just jump right in and get started?”

Ryeowook felt like he was going to faint. “I g-guess so…”

“Perfect. Listen carefully. I can cue you on when to come in if you want.”

“N-no, that’s okay…”

The music began to play and Ryeowook gulped, growing more and more nervous as the song progressed. Suddenly, without thinking, he started to sing.

“A day feels like a year and I’m still sitting here. My heart looks for signs of you; how many days has it been?”

Two lines. That wasn’t so bad.

Yesung picked up from there, singing the next couple of lines. “I try swallowing food, but it feels like sand. Without you, my day stops.”

Ryeowook felt a shiver run down his spine at Jongwoon’s voice. No matter what happened, he wanted that voice to be the one that sang to him forever. He missed his next line – “my love, my kiss, my heart” – as he marveled at Yesung’s voice and was surprised, but pleased, that they didn’t stop and redo it. Kyuhyun was next.

“I will bury it all deep within my heart.” There was that voice of honey and warm melted chocolate.

They continued this way until they’d sung the first two verses and the first chorus before Yesung stopped them and turned off the instrumental.

“Not bad for your first time, you two. Kyu, you’ve mostly got the notes down. You’ve just really got to work on inserting that emotion into your voice. Overall, though, really nice. Ryeowook, you’ve got such a clear, beautiful voice but we can barely hear you. You’ve got to sing louder. Have more confidence in what you’re singing. After that, we can work on the emotional aspect of the song. Let’s try again, from the top.”

Ryeowook nodded, still shy, still nervous, but slightly more willing to give it a shot. Around Jongwoon hyung, he felt safe.

~~~

“Thank you for taking care of me for the past few days while I was really sick,” Ryeowook said as he walked Yesung to his car after the lesson. Kyuhyun had left earlier to meet up with Sungmin and Leeteuk again, leaving the two alone.

“Don’t worry about it. I was glad to help.” Yesung smiled, dumping his bag in the backseat before turning to look at his dongsaeng. “Do you want to spend the night at my house tonight?”

Ryeowook, who was so tempted to say yes, shook his head. “No, that’s okay. I shouldn’t bug you anymore, hyung.”

“Then I can give you a ride back to your house—”

“No, hyung, I’ll take the bus; it’s okay.”

“Last time I left you alone you got sick.”

“I promise I’ll go straight home, eat a bowl of warm soup, and go to bed! I’ll take care of myself this time.”

“Text me when you get back, please.”

“Okay.”

“Are you still going to the Christmas party on Sunday?”

“Yes, hyung. Are you?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Good! I’ll see you later, then, I guess.”

“Don’t forget to keep writing! Call me when you’ve got something that you want to let me look at!”

“Okay! Bye, hyung!”

Yesung watched as Ryeowook pulled his coat tighter around his thin frame and hurried off toward the nearest bus stop, sighing. Sometimes he really wished his little friend would let people help him more.

~~~

Later that night, when Yesung was getting ready to go to bed, he looked around his house, suddenly painfully aware of how empty it felt. When Ryeowook was around, everything seemed brighter. Now his house simply seemed cold and harsh. He missed his little barista. A lot. Sighing, he flopped down on his bed, turning off the lamp beside him and trying desperately to get the visions of a peaceful, sleeping Ryeowook out of his head. Why couldn’t he get that boy off his mind?

Yay, an update~ :D

Okay, just wanted to say that I read and sincerely appreciate each and every one of your comments! <3 You guys are just too nice to me! :) I love you all!! <3

love,

afallingstar

~~~

@Jingyo -- The thought has crossed my mind several times, but I've honestly never been confident enough to think about it seriously. ^-^'