when we were
Phobias ㅡ chenbaeksoo
from across the street, I see you
Philophobia: fear of love
Philophobia: fear of love
I see you, standing in the middle of the group of huddled people all waiting for the lights to turn green. I see you, for the first time in months since Jongin’s birthday. You hair is longer, in fact, too long and it’s a reminder of how long I haven’t seen you, much more, talked to you. You’ve grown taller, maybe an inch or two but I couldn’t quite tell from where I was standing. But I still know you’ve gained some numbers in the height department.
There were still things that were the same about you, though; that made me believe you haven’t changed that much these past months. You still carry around the umbrella your sister had given to you, the peach one. You still wear your ugly sweaters and your favorite blue skinny jeans that you’ve already outgrown. You still bite on your lower lip, while you wait.
From across the street, I see you.
I glance up at the traffic lights and see there are less than fifteen seconds more till the lights would change. My eyes are back on your figure, as you stand there at the front, in the middle of the group of people. Just like me, I was standing at the front, in the middle. Directly facing you.
Yet, you still don’t notice me. Maybe it was because, like you, I’ve changed. But a lot more. My hair’s longer too, and I haven’t shaved at all these past two weeks. I’ve grown taller, more masculine and my jaw is more defined than last time. But even with these changes, I’m sure you’d recognize me.
And in fact, I was right. Our eyes met. The lights turned red.
“Hey, stop blocking the way, buddy.” A voice from behind scolds me. Someone pushes me forward, another bumps me by the shoulder.
But despite these, my eyes are still on you. You look away, I don’t. You walk forward, slowly, avoiding my gaze by looking down at the ground.
I eventually start walking too.
You kept your gaze down, while I kept looking at you only. I wondered to myself, I asked myself, about how you were doing ever since that night. It was a pretty bad way of breaking up. We fought. We shouted. We cried. You left. And I wondered if you’ve ever recovered from it.
Because I have, although, bit by bit. But I’m getting there, and I just hope you were too.
“Kyungsoo says she’s doing fine, Jongdae.” Baekhyun had told me, after a month since that night. “Jongin’s taking good care of her actually, just like you’ve asked. She’s really okay.”
I didn’t want to believe his words at that time, because then, you were still the only girl for me. But now, I’m not so sure. Bit by bit, I’m getting there.
We were approaching each other now, and that was when you turned your head my way.
You finally looked at me, and somehow, I cracked a smile at that. My eyes met your’s, I was smiling for real. And I think, maybe because it was the fact that you finally acknowledged me and stopped ignoring me after all these months, was the reason I smiled at you. Right at you.
We were a feet away from each other. “Soojung,” I blurted.
You smiled. My heart skipped a beat.
“Jongdae,” funny how, after all these months, I still loved the way you smiled at me.
inspired by the sm ballad's 'when i was, when u were' sung by chen and krystal; chenstal. ^^
inspired by the sm ballad's 'when i was, when u were' sung by chen and krystal; chenstal. ^^
Comments