love [luhv]

noun

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend
3. ual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a move, love?

That is how dictionary.com defines love. And yes, I agree with all of the above. Love isn’t just anything that people can throw around—that would be a ball I play fetch with if I had a dog. Love is not just a word. Love is magical, love is pure, and love is—

“Skye, are you even listening to me?”

I turned to look at the person who interrupted my train of thought.

“No, Luhan, I am not. Can’t you see that I am busy thinking right now?” I rolled my eyes at him. Sure, he’s my friend, but there are times when I find him a little annoying.

“Honestly, I don’t even know why I put up with you. You do this all the time; you come running to me every single time your boyfriend bullies you, and yet you don’t even listen to me when you ask for my advice.” Then he had the audacity to roll his eyes. I’m the victim here, not him! I turned my body so I was fully facing him.

“You don’t understand. My boyfriend opted to watch soccer with his buddies instead of The Notebook with me. And you know how much I love The Notebook! I think I deserve a little slack here. I mean, really? It’s The Notebook!” I sighed in exasperation.

“Come on, I’ve seen that with you at least a dozen times! Haven’t you seen it enough times?” He rubbed his temple and scrunched up his beautiful face as if he’s the one going through heartbreak.

“Of course not! It’s a classic, I say. And Jay has never watched it with me even though he always promises me he would! It’s not that he chose to watch soccer over me; it’s the fact that he promised me over and over again, and has never once kept it.” I got quiet. Promises are promises, and they are meant to be kept.

Luhan was silent for a minute before he got off the couch and walked away like a model on a high fashion runway. Honestly, if I didn’t have a boyfriend, I would tap that nicely shaped behind of his any time. I’ve never told him that, of course, and I never will; he gets a little arrogant some times, and he’ll never let me hear the end of it.

“Lulu, come back to me!” I screamed as his figure retreated into his bedroom.

“How many times do I have to tell you to never call me Lulu? It emasculates me, and I’m too manly for that!” He retorted back. I snorted very unladylike. I make fun of him all the time because girls flock to him everywhere he goes. Albeit a tiny bit feminine, he has a hidden aura of masculinity that no one can deny. Girls want him, and guys want to be him.

Seconds later, he came back with paper, a pen, and a glass jar filled with strips of paper in his hands—my confession jar. “Here, you know what to do.” He blankly said as he handed everything over to me.

I took the pen and paper, and set the jar on the coffee table in front of us. Thinking long and hard about what to write this time, I stared at the jar in front of me and reminisced how it all started.

Flashback

“No! For once, why don’t YOU try to understand me? I’m sick and tired of hearing how much you want me to be like your ex-girlfriend. I’m NOT your ex, and I never will be!”

I ran towards the door before he could even approach me, and slammed it on my way out without even sparing Jay a second glance. I was hurt, and my heart felt like it was breaking. We had arguments before, but none of them as big as this one. I didn’t even know why I exploded the way I did. I guess it must’ve been all the pent up frustrations I’d been holding back for a while now.  

I started running with no direction in mind, not noticing the rain that was pouring like cats and dogs. The raindrops slowly clouded my vision, and soon it became hard to see where I was going. All of a sudden, I crashed into a warm body.

“Hey, miss, are you okay?” The sincere voice asked me. He caught me before I could fall, and just held me in his arms. I wiped the rain away from my face and took a better look at the man before me. He was drop dead gorgeous; warm doe like eyes, long fluttering eyelashes, a high nose, full lips, and a much chiseled jaw. I didn’t even remember how long it was until I realized I was still in his arms. I shook my mind out of the gutter, and gently pushed myself off of him—still close enough to stay under his umbrella—as much as I didn’t want to. There was just something about him.  

“Uh, yeah, I am. Thanks.” I shyly mumbled whilst staring at the ground, too intimidated to look straight at his face.

“Look, let’s get you out of the rain. Is there somewhere I can take you?”

I thought of the fight that occurred just minutes ago. “No.”

He probably didn’t expect that answer, assuming I had a home to go to, so he was undoubtedly stumped as he was silent for a few seconds. “Well, if you’re not afraid of me being a stranger, I’d gladly take you to my house to get you dried before you catch a bad cold. I don’t want any mishaps on my hands.” He jokingly chuckled.

I scrutinized him up and down, not because he was eye candy, but because I needed to make sure he wasn’t some wanted criminal or serial killer. But someone as good looking as him, I doubted it. “If you don’t mind, I don’t mind.” I answered him.

Even his smile was contagious. And before I knew it, I was smiling back.

“I’m Luhan by the way. You are…?”

“Skye. Nice to meet you, Luhan.”

“All my pleasure.”

The walk to his house was silent, yet comfortable. The sound of the cascading rain turned out to be soothing and peaceful. Sooner than I expected, we had already arrived at his house… which coincidentally was the building next to mine. “Ladies first,” he said as he opened the door for me, something Jay never did. I swear my heart melted just then. We took the elevator and arrived at his floor—the 7^th floor, which also happened to be my floor.

“So, this is where I live! Hope you don’t mind the mess. I’ve been busy lately and haven’t been cleaning up as often as I should be.” He nervously disclosed and rubbed the back of his neck.

I stared in shock and no words came to mind. “What a liar! You’re such a neat freak then! Your house is so clean it looks like nobody lives here!” His deep chuckle warmed my body the way a campfire would. It had been a while since I felt that butterfly in my stomach.

“Come on, let’s get you dried first. Then we’ll go from there.”

It didn’t take me long to get cleaned up; he prepared a set of clothing for me, however it was too big, and he even made hot chocolate with marshmallows—my favourite. And before I knew it, I started spilling everything out to him. From the beginning of my relationship and how happy I was, to when the fights started happening, and now, the biggest fight yet. Like I said, there was just something about him that made me want to lean on him and get comforted.

“It seems like you have a lot to say about your relationship with your boyfriend.”

“Well, I’ll admit that. I honestly thought everything was going so well. I’m doing everything I can to be the best girlfriend, yet he doesn’t seem to acknowledge that. I mean, sure I can be sassy some times, but a relationship is a two way street, and it doesn’t work out if I’m the only one trying.”

Luhan was silent for a while. I didn’t expect him to say anything, especially since I was just a stranger verbally dumping my problems all on him, and we hadn’t even known each other for more than a day. I could hear the drying machine stop, indicating my clothes were ready, and seeing that he had nothing to say, I figured it was my cue to leave. “Well, thank you for your kind hospitality. I guess I should go now that my clothes are finished drying. It was nice meeting you, Luhan.” A part of me was sad to leave, but a part of me knew I had to go back and face my own problems.

I stood up to go change into my own clothes when suddenly Luhan’s hand grabbed onto my arm. “Wait,” he said, “I know just the thing for you.”

Confused, I just stood frozen on the spot while he ran towards a room, and came back out with an empty glass jar, a piece of paper, and a pen. Even more confused, I didn’t even feel him pull me back onto the couch.

“This… will be your confession jar,” he explained. “Every time you feel like something is wrong, or Jay is bullying you and you feel all alone, or even your expectations of a boyfriend… write it on a slip of paper, and throw it into the jar. Once you throw it into the jar, make yourself count to ten, and then you can’t be angry anymore.”

I looked at him dubiously. Was he on crack? What kind of joke was this? “Are you serious? Are you just trying to make fun of me because you’re bored and have nothing better to do?” He laughed. Wait, what? Of all things, he laughed? “No, I’m serious! What is this thing you’re trying to make me do? Are you going to embarrass me by posting them all online for the world to see?”    

“I promise you I wouldn’t do anything like that. This was something my mom taught me when I was a kid. You see, I was able to express myself a lot better in words than verbally. So she suggested that whenever I’m angry, or upset, or feel like punching a hole in the wall, I should express my feelings on paper and put it away in a jar and never look at it again. That way, my anger can be taken away peacefully without hurting anyone or anything. And it’s worked for me all these years. So I’m thinking that you should try it too.”

Still staring at him suspiciously, I took a hold of the jar and rolled it around in my hands. It was a standard sized mason jar with nothing in it—no frogs or cockroaches. I cautiously and slowly twisted the lid open in case he exploded a stink bomb in there or something, but I smelled nothing but the scent of a new mason glass jar. So far, so clear. I looked at the jar thoughtfully now and contemplated trying it out. There was no harm in it, and I wouldn’t lose anything even if I did try it.

“Okay, fine, I’ll try it. Just this once though.” I pointed my index finger at him. “No tricky business like sneaking a peek at it.”

He laughed. “I said I promise, alright? I’m a man of my words.” If only Jay was like that.

Without further ado, I took the pen and the slip of paper and started writing out my feelings. I wrote about how Jay always ignored me when I wanted his company the most, and how he would ask me to be more like his ex-girlfriend. Before I knew it, I ran out of paper.

As if he knew this was going to happen, Luhan handed me another slip and smiled at me victoriously. Pft, I growled at him. Then I continued, and continued, and continued, until there was nothing else I could think of to write. I looked up at Luhan and saw that he was staring softly at me with a gentle smile playing on his lips. “Do you feel better now, Skye?” He asked softly.

Miraculously, I did. Better than I had ever felt after a fight. And it was all because of Luhan and his confession jar.

I nodded, no words coming out of my mouth. I felt that that moment didn’t need any words; it was that comfortable between us already. I sat back on the couch and held the now quarter full jar in my hands. Who knew this little jar was going to do wonders. As I sat there staring and thinking, Luhan got up and walked towards the laundry room. He came back with my clothes nice, and dry, with a hint of the citrus detergent he used. I placed the jar down and reached for my clothes, and our hands brushed against one another. I didn’t know if he felt it, but that shock… it sent tingles down my spine. I acted like I didn’t feel anything and excused myself to the washroom to change.  

It seemed like Luhan had a little fun with my jar while I was changing, because when I came out, on the jar read Skye’s Love Confessions, and there was a little baby blue bow tied on the neck of the jar. Whether he knew it or not, baby blue was my favourite colour. My smile was as wide as a banana when I saw it, and in my head I was screaming like a teenage girl at a Shinhwa concert.

“Here you are, all ready for you to take home.” Luhan said as he handed the jar over to me.

But I shook my head. “Jay is a little sneaky. I can’t trust that he won’t go through my stuff, and if he finds it, he’s definitely going to read it. Then that will be the end of my world.” I said in reply.

“Oh, well… should I just throw it away then?” He asked sadly.

I grabbed it from him before he could even move it towards the garbage can. “NO! You can’t do that! I spent so much time on it! If you threw it out, that would ALSO be the end of my world!” I protested loudly. A look of relief washed over him. “How about this. Every time I need the jar, I’ll just come over and bother you. Luckily for us, I live in the building next door!” I smiled brightly at my own suggestion.

Luhan’s face lit up and he replicated my smile. “Are you sure? You trust a stranger enough to leave your precious confessions with him? How do you know I won’t read this once you’re gone?”

“Because I trust you,” I simply put. “And because you promised me. Actually, can you promise me something else, if we’re going to be friends?”

“Go on…”

“Promise me that you’ll always be here when I need you.”

“Wow that is sure asking a lot from a man you just met today. I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Will you at least try?”

At that moment my heart was racing. I had no idea why, but it was. Maybe because of the excitement from the jar, or the excitement from meeting a new friend. But there was just something about him that made me want to see him again.

“I promise.”

And he never broke that promise.

Flashback ends

“Hey, hopeless romantic, what are you going to write this time?”

Just as I was about to write something, I could see Luhan trying to peek over my shoulder out the corner of my eyes. “Yah! No peeking! You know the rule!” I shouted at him and gave him a good elbow to the chest.

“Fine, fine!” He surrendered with his arms up in the air.

It took me five minutes to write something this time, and for some reason, only when I finished I noticed how full the jar has gotten. “Luhan, there’s no more room in the jar. Do you have another one?”

“What. You think I’m made of glass jars? Of course not! This is your third jar already.” He thwacked me on the back of my head lightly.

“Then what am I supposed to do? How did this one get so full?” I asked in confusion. “The last time I came weeks ago, it was only half full!”

Luhan burst into laughter at my absurdity. “You’re kidding me, right? Half full? The last time you came was yesterday night! How could you forget that? Skye, you come almost every day to write something for the jar. If I didn’t know you, I’d think you hate Jay or something. Or perhaps… you just want to come see me.” He wiggled his eyebrows for effect.

“In your dreams!” I shoved him against the couch.

But that shove was all Luhan needed. He held onto my hands and pivoted his body so that he was directly on top of me. I knew instantly my face was flushing red like a tomato. Physically I’ve been close to Luhan before. I mean, I fall asleep on his shoulders during movies, or I lean on him when I’m crying, but never face to face this close. So close that I could feel his heartbeat and his breath on my cheek. He looks even better up close.

“You mean, you don’t want to see this beautiful face every day?” He huskily whispered into my ear, getting awfully close to me. I didn’t know what to say. There was so much intensity built up that even the slightest movement can crush it. I couldn’t breathe, and my mind was blank. All I saw in front of me was Luhan—my Luhan—and how much I wanted him to get as close to me as possible.    

Then it happened. It was so fast I almost couldn’t catch it. But I did. His luscious lips brushed across mine for a fraction of a second. Even if it was so short, the feelings, the shock that rocketed through my body, and the emotions behind it said everything.

“Stop!” I cried out loud as I pushed him off of me, as much as my heart didn’t want to. “Luhan! How could you!” I stood up angrily.

“Don’t you want this as much as I do? I know you do! Just admit it!” He tenderly breathed out, almost as if he’s too scared to say that.  

“Luhan, I love you because you’re my best friend. But I love Jay. Do you get that? I can never have feelings for you!”

“I’ve come to love you more than a best friend, Skye, and I know you feel the same way. I see the way you look at me, and look… just look at these jars!” He said as he sprinted into his room to grab the other two confession jars. “How can you say you still love Jay after all these times he treated you so badly? You come into my apartment weeping, and time after time you say you’re going to break up with him. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to do that? But time after time you break my heart because you decide to stay with that jerk. Can you honestly look into your heart and say you have no feelings for me whatsoever?”

Luhan is starting to breathe heavily and I can tell he’s pulling all the strings he has to convince me. He’s staring at me, and pain… I can see pain flashing in his eyes, and it’s not going away. He looks so hurt, like I just stabbed him in the heart. A man like himself, how can he look like he’s breaking apart?

And as I’m looking at him, tears are threatening to fall down my face. I hate seeing him hurt, especially because of me. It pains me to know that I can’t return his feelings. “I’m sorry, Luhan. I really am.”

His whole body dropped, his energy gone, his liveliness no longer shining him. “Right. I get it. You love Jay. I get it,” he muttered, his face turned away from me. “Let me ask you one question. Do you even know what love is?”

One second, two seconds, three seconds, four seconds… I don’t even know much time passed in that moment.

Do you even know what love is?

“Of course I do!” I defensively yelled out. “It’s—it’s when two people have feelings for each other, and show affections for one another! It’s—it’s a four letter word in the dictionary!” I managed to splutter out after racking my brain to find a good definition of love.

“Right… because that’s exactly what love is. You hit it on the head, Skye. You really did.”

Right now, all I know is that Luhan is in pain, and there’s nothing I can do to help him. It’s all my fault. I don’t care about what the meaning of love is, I just know that he’s hurting because of me. I need to get away from here.

“I, uh, should get going. We’ll talk tomorrow?” I said after a moment of heavy silence.

When he finally lifts his head to look at me, there is redness apparent in his eyes. “Yah, tomorrow,” he monotonously said. “You know the way—walk yourself out.” And that’s precisely what I did, because he didn’t even say goodbye before slamming the door to his room.

When I got home, I couldn’t find Jay anywhere. He didn’t leave a note, a voicemail, or even a text message. That’s how our relationship works. Sometimes he’ll be gone for a night without saying anything, and sometimes he’ll be gone for weeks without saying anything. In the end, he’ll always come back. That’s what really matters, right? My parents always asks me how things are going between the two of us, and truthfully, I never know how to answer them. Good, I always say, because besides that, there really isn’t much.

“I’ve come to love you more than a friend…”

Luhan’s words keep on repeating in my head until it started to hurt. So much is running through my mind right now I don’t even know where to begin to process my thoughts and feelings. And that tingling sensation on my lips isn’t helping; I can still feel Luhan’s lips on me. I try to wipe it away with the back of my hand, but it’s not going away. It’s so forbidden, and I like it… a lot, which confuses me because I’m sure I love Jay. At least I think I do.

By the time I hear Jay walking through the front door, I realize I have been sitting on the bed, unmoved, for three hours since the kiss with Luhan. And even after those three hours, I still don’t know what to think or feel.

“Hey babe,” Jay said as he tossed his jacket onto the bed next to me. I nodded in reply, not really in the mood to talk. “So I’m totally exhausted and hungry. Can you go make me something to eat? Oh, and turn the TV on, will you? And while you’re at it, turn up the AC a little—it’s a little stuffy in here. I honestly can’t stand how you like the rooms so warm. Love you.”

Love you. Is that what love is? Doing chores for Jay? Because if it is, then love truly is just a four letter word in the dictionary.

At that moment, all I can do is stare at him in repulse. Sure, this is the routine that I’m used to, and it’s not the first time he’s asked me to do things for him. In fact, if I’m not folding his clothes, I’m making him food. If I’m not giving him a back massage, I’m paying all our bills. Now, I’m finally starting to see things in a different way… because Luhan has never once asked me to do anything for him. Instead, he’s always the one willing to do things for me, while Jay doesn’t. What Jay doesn’t do, Luhan does it all.

He’ll always turn up the heat in his house if he knows I’m coming over because I get cold really easily, even if his body is naturally like a heater on 24/7.

He’s always the first one to offer a lending ear when I’m complaining, even about the smallest thing like a shopping trip mishap.

He’s always the one to take care of me and make me my favourite chicken noodle soup when I’m down with the flu.

He’s always the one I ask to see a movie with whenever one comes out into theaters. Not only that, but he’s the only one willing to endure 10 hours straight of Disney movies with me during my movie marathons while Jay runs away before I can even say ‘please’.

He’s always the one to comfort me when I’m sad, like the time my dog died and all Jay said was ‘bury it, it’s just a wild animal’.

He’s always the one that brings me my favourite chocolate and candies, and tolerates my attitude when I go through my lady week. And he’s never yelled at me when I hit him for no reason.

He has never once broken a promise to me before, no matter how difficult or simple the promise is to keep.

He’s the one that I can trust to catch me when I’m falling.

Most importantly, I realize through all of this, that he is the one I am in love with.

Not Jay, but Luhan.

I am in love with Luhan.

“Babe! Did you hear me? I said I’m hungry and you need to make me fo—“

Before I could even comprehend anything else, my heart told me to run.

Run to him, run to the one you love.

And that is exactly what I did; as fast as my legs could carry me.

“Miss Skye!” greeted the security guard at Luhan’s building as I ran through the revolving doors. Not wanting to be rude, I waved him a quick hello as I raced past him and towards the elevator. Even though I know that pressing the button ten more times, or ten times faster isn’t going to change the pace of the elevator, I still pressed that button like my life depended on it.

Come on, hurry up! My parents always said that patience is a virtue, but even to this day I have yet to learn that lesson. So instead of waiting for the elevator, I decided to run up seven flights of stairs like anyone chasing love would do. “Luhan, you better appreciate what I’m doing for you,” I breathily growled as I neared the fourth floor. Only three more to go.

My mind continues to swivel with memories of Luhan and me, despite feeling heaviness all over my body. By the time I reach his door, my body is already screaming in multitudes of pain whilst my heart is lighting up a fire of desire.    

What if Luhan was kidding? What if he hates me now? What if that was a prank he decided to pull on me? What if… what if… what if… I push all the ‘what ifs’ out of my head and shakily unlock his door. Honestly, I have no idea what to expect, but all I know is that I need to tell Luhan how I truly feel before I suddenly change my mind and regret it for the rest of my life.

“Luhan?” I hesitantly call out, unsure of what’s to come. When I got no response, I called out again, only a little louder this time. “Luhan?” Still, no reply, and no Luhan. I walk over to his bedroom, thinking he might be in the washroom, but what I find upon walking into his room stops me short in my tracks.

Sitting on his bed is a nicely wrapped box addressed to me in big black letters—like a present on Christmas day. “What is he playing this time? He better not have put some stupid surprise in there.” I mumbled under my breath. And without consideration for his wrapping, knowing fully well a meticulous person like him would holler at me if he saw me do this, I tear that box apart like a beast, half excited, and half scared.

I find five jars, all filled to the brim with slips of paper.

My confession jars.

Luhan said I have three, but there’s five.

Cautiously, I pick one up that doesn’t look like mine, and tried to figure out what it is. And when I get a glimpse of the writing inside, I immediately knew—they’re Luhan’s jars.

Luhan’s POV

Anger, frustration, loss… all the feelings I hate most are rushing at me.

“I love Jay!”

“You’re my best friend.”

Skye’s words keep on echoing in my head, and I wince in pain like I’m being stabbed. The heartache that people always talk about—I never thought in a million years I would experience it firsthand. Yet here I am, a grown man sitting on a swing in the middle of the night, lost, confused, and heartbroken over a girl who is in love with another guy. A part of me is wondering whether it was right for me to have kissed and confessed, but another part of me is hugely relieved that I finally had the guts to do it.

Two years… that’s how long I’ve been in love with Skye; that’s how long I’ve had to endure her love for another man. When I first started to have feelings for this girl, I was able to convince myself that those feelings were juvenile, feelings that I could get rid of if I tried hard enough. And when I finally got rid of those feelings—or thought I got rid of—I was able to convince myself that I saw her only as a sister. In the end, it felt so wrong to see her as a sister, because slowly I knew I was falling in love with her; the way she crookedly smiles, the way she laughs like no one’s around, the way she scrunches her nose when she’s upset, her kindness, her warmth, her humor, her everything.

Day after day I would pray that she’d come over that night, or that she’d ask me to go watch a movie with her. With even bigger hopes, I prayed that she would come running into my arms and tell me that she broke up with Jay. But day after day, she continued her pursuit of happiness in her relationship, and gradually I felt my heart start to wear down. Little did I know, there was no turning back for me, because I had fallen completely and utterly in love with Skye.

“I can never have feelings for you.”

Another stabbing pain in the heart. I look up at the stars and wonder, how long will this pain last? Love is playing such a cruel game on me, a game that’s got me defeated. I never asked to be part of this game, however, fate had another proposal in mind that rainy day I first bumped into Skye. I can still remember the moment I caught her in my arms and stared into her warm chocolate brown eyes like it was just yesterday. Maybe that’s all I’ll ever have—memories of the two of us.  

I don’t even know how long I’ve been sitting on the swing, but as the stars got brighter, my heart got darker like the evening sky above.

“LUHAN!”

Startled, I abruptly glance up from staring at my worn down shoes mindlessly when a shrill voice pierced through the thickened silence, and notice a figure running towards my direction.

Skye.

It’s Skye.

“LUHAN!” She screamed again as she got closer and closer.

I chuckled. Same loudmouth as ever, even after breaking my heart. “You really didn’t have to scream. I can hear you, you know. And look, you woke up the birds.” I pointed at the flock of birds in the night sky.

Taking a seat on the swing next to mine, I could tell that she’s been running for quite some time now. “Well, sorry, Luhan,” she whispered my name winded and panting. “That’s what I usually do to catch people’s attention.” And she’s right, because that’s exactly what she does every time she wants my attention even if I’m sitting right next to her; she yells it. Just another reason why I love this girl—she knows how to command my attention.

It’s silent for a little while as we sit in our own pool of thoughts on the swings under the moonlight. Despite what happened earlier, the atmosphere between us is still light and calm, even though that’s the farthest thing from what I’m feeling on the inside. Sitting next to Skye, knowing she’s so close yet so far, just adds salt to the wound. “What are you thinking of?” I break the silence. She looks a little nervous, and she’s acting a little fidgety. I know she has something to say, and I’m almost scared to hear it… again.  

She just looks at me with those warm chocolate brown eyes that I fell in love with, and already I could feel my heart breaking apart. She’ll never be mine.

“Listen, Luhan…” she started.

But I didn’t let her finish. “Skye, no. I already know what you’re going to say and I really don’t wan—“But I really don’t want to hear it, I finished in my head since she covered my mouth with her hand. Please, Skye. I’m begging you. I tried to plead with my eyes. Until now, I still don’t think she understands the volume of pain she’s been putting me through, especially by being here right at this moment.

“No, Luhan. You have to hear me out. Please.”

Skye’s POV

“No, Luhan. You have to hear me out. Please.”

I have so much to say to him, so much that I feel like my heart is about to burst. Excitement, fear, nervousness… I’m feeling an overwhelming of emotions racing through me right now, and it’s truly now or never I confess my love to Luhan before it’s too late. I know he’s scared, and I know he thinks that I’m going to turn him down again. It’s all my fault, and it breaks my heart every time I see that little flinch he does when he thinks the worst is about to happen—just like now.

“Promise me you won’t interrupt me or run away if I take my hand off you.” I sternly said in a tone that screamed mess-with-me-and-you’ll-regret-living. He nodded, and I am satisfied.

“I—,“ Luhan began.

“Hey, it’s my turn to talk.” I growled at him dangerously.

And I heard him mumble something along the lines of: it’s always your turn to talk.

I couldn’t help but smile at that comment, because it’s true. Just another reason why I love this man—he never gets sick of my hours on end talking.

It’s silent again as I mentally prepare myself for the big revelation. Having been in the same, one and only relationship for over two years, I’ve never had to deal with the whole confession thing, and clearly, I’m not very good at it. I can feel my palms getting clammy, and my insides are doing cartwheels. Is this what love is supposed to feel like? Because I’ve never felt this way before.

“Luhan… I like you. No, I love you.”

The second those words came out, I could feel the whole world lifted off my shoulders. Lightened, and alleviated, I stare at Luhan and wait for his positive response. But I get nothing. He actually just looks at me like a deer caught in headlights. “Luhan? Did you hear what I just said? I said I—“

And before I could finish my sentence, I could feel the warmth of his lips on mine once again. Almost instantly, my heart finally exploded with fireworks, desire, fervour, passion, and everything else under this beautiful, limitless sky. This feeling right now… I didn’t know it, but this feeling is exactly what I’ve been chasing after all these years. This romance is what I’ve been longing, what I’ve been searching for, and what I’ve been craving for.

The moment Luhan pulls away from me, my body urges me to pull him back and never let go. As much as I want to do that, there’s much time for that later. Right now, I just want to enjoy and capture this priceless moment between the two of us. Let me remember his gaze on me; full of intensity, yearning, and yet still braided with gentleness. Let me remember the way he’s holding onto me; strong, comforting, and protective. And ultimately, let me remember his words to me:

“I love you, too. To the sky and back.”

Maybe, just maybe, this is love.

Love isn’t just a four letter word; it’s a million things more than that. It is love that makes me watch romantic comedies in hopes of writing my own happily ever after. It is love that makes me buy every Disney movie out there because I’m longing for my own one true love. It is love that makes me become the hopeless romantic that I am. Finally, it is love, times a million, that I feel for Luhan.

And that, is my final confession.