To my readers, if I still have any left,

I don't know whether this story is still being read and I honestly don't blame you guys for forgetting about it but I feel that leaving ya'll hanging was something I shouldn't have done. Your love and support, the constant encouragement and the fact that despite my inconsistent updates, all of you were still patiently waiting, was enough for me to think, "They deserve better."

Therefore, here I am to tell you the reason I disappeared and what has made me want to come back. Also, to any of you who are facing a downfall in your life and are on the verge of making the biggest mistake of your life, please stay and read on. I might just change your mind.

Originally, I took a break from writing because of my end year examinations. It was hard to write with the constant worry of how I would do constantly being on the back of my mind. I didn't want to end up creating a poorly planned plot so I decided it was best to continue once my examinations ended. Then things got worse.

The day I got my results was the day the turmoil in my life began. I had done poorly. No, poorly is an understatement. My grades weren't good enough to get me to the school I wanted. Heck, they weren't even enough to bring me anywhere. I pretended to be fine, celebrating my friends' achievements. Everyone did so well. That affected me more than it should have but as usual, I made no acknowledgement of how ty I was feeling. Home wasn't the ideal place to be at either. My family was disappointed and for one, hopeless. They had given up on me and felt there was nothing left of my life. Even I felt there was nothing left of my life. That night, I locked myself in my room with music playing in the background. For a solid 3 hours, I was standing by my window, contemplating my decision to simply end it there. I had a scissors in my hand. I was prepared. 

My family called me out of my room and the situation only worsened. I knew I could appeal to the school I wanted, I knew I still had that tiny hope. But that hope was crushed because everyone was against it. Everyone thought the course I wanted would get me nowhere. I fought for it though, because I knew it was the only chance I had left. That was enough to lead me to a fallout with my father. For a solid 2 months, we stopped talking to each other. Eventually I did try to appeal to that school and a month passed and I was called for the interview. Obviously, I was happy to the point of tears that I was given the opportunity. My happiness didn't last long for the school then told me, a week later, that the course I wanted - the only course I opted for in my application - had no more vacancy. At that point, I had already given up. I was tired - so very tired. 

My parents wanted me to retake my examinations in a school and I had utter resentment towards that idea, not because I was embarrassed but because I knew things would only get worse. I have anxiety and I've been having it for at least 4 years. I fear interaction and am horrible at making friends. With those results in hand, I was certain I would coward away from others, fearing the fact that they were so much better than me. I tried to explain why I didn't want to go back to school but the response I got was enough to make me wish I never said anything in the first place.

I then let my siblings decide the route of my life and I am now in a private school. When I first got enrolled there, my sister told me I had to pay half the fees and she meant her words. I worked three jobs and let me tell you, those days were draining the life out of me. I got mad at myself and started belittling myself for being stupid. I told myself that everyone else was living the life while there I was suffering. I told myself I didn't deserve to live and that I wasn't good enough. I told myself I was a burden to the family and a mess. 

I nearly took my life again.

But one day, something happened. I became happy. 

Somehow, when I woke up one day, there was a shift in my attitude. That very day was the first day of school for me. I told myself I was going to change. I told myself I needed a change in the way I viewed life. Being a generally negative person, it was hard for me to have a positive mindset and nevertheless, my anxiety still kicked in. But it was different. I could control it, I could control myself. And as the days went by, it became easier to smile. I became a brighter and more positive person. Sure, at times I would be exhausted from constantly trying to stay positive. But my positivity was enough to pull others in. People were genuinely happy to be around me. They genuinely accepted me as a part of their company. People wanted to be as happy as I was. That's when I thought to myself, "I want to be the reason people smile. I want others to know that being positive takes you far."

So here I am to tell you something.

I'm continuing to write this story, not only because I love writing and have missed being away from it. I'm continuing to write this story, not because I want words of kindness. I'm continuing to write this story because I want to show you that everything will be fine. Things will get better. Storms don't last forever. I want to be here for you, because you have been here for me. I will stay on this site, for as long as I can, because I want to give you a reason to live, a reason to be happy. I know this story has a dark vibe and more often than not, it can trigger negativity but it's my way of facing my own demons. I don't know what this story means to you but to me, it's a reminder that no matter how distrought a person can be, things will always get better. 

I'm here for you, maybe not always, but I will be here for you. Talk to me if you want. Let out to me if you want. Praises are nice, support is loved but more importantly, I want to know that you're happy. I want to know that you still have reasons to live. I want to know that no matter what, you will not give up the way I nearly did. 

It will take time for me to get right back on track for Being Afflicted but believe me when I say, I will not give up on this story. Among many I have written, this is the one closest to my heart.

I'll end off here.

Take care, be safe and most importantly, smile. Smile for as long as possible. Just smile.

And if you feel that no one cares about you, know that I do. If you feel that you're not good enough, know that you. And if you feel like giving up, know that you're stronger than that.

Yours Truly,

Me