Chapter 8 | 111014
Being AfflictedHyun Ji knew it was coming but she hadn't expected it to be that heavy. Muttering curses under her breath, she mentally scolded herself for not bringing an umbrella. Hyun Ji stood underneath the small shelter and contemplated on how she was going to school.
To run or not to run. That is the question. Hyun Ji thought to herself. Then again, either ways, she'd still be drenched. The weather that day was dreadfully cold and the rain showed no signs of stopping just yet. Hyun Ji prepared herself to face the rain as she took in a deep breath and exhaled. Jumping out of the shelter and exposing herself to the rain, Hyun Ji ran with all her might even though she was uncertain of whether she was even going the right way. She could barely see where she was going.
Just then, Hyun Ji's shoes decided to backfire on her. As she was running, she slipped on the wet and slippery pavement. Falling backwards, she waited for the moment in which she would land onto the pavement with more of a wounded ego rather than pain. Just as she was about to come into contact with the ground, a hand held a tight grip on her left upper arm. As the stranger pulled her up, she stabilized herself. Hyun Ji no longer felt the rain though she could still hear the heavy downpour. Taking a look at the stranger, Hyun Ji tensed up.
It's him. It's Jin.
Quickly shrugging his hand away, Hyun Ji attempted to run again but before she could do so, he grabbed hold of her arm once more. Turning to face him, Hyun Ji was about to lash out but before she could say anything, Jin handed his umbrella to her without a single utter. Taken aback by that gesture of his, Hyun Ji held the umbrella in her hand with a loose grip as they stared at each other for a moment. His forehead was creased and his brows were furrowed.
"You need it more than I do," he said before turning away and heading towards school. With every step he took, his pace only increased until eventually, he began to run. Hyun Ji waited to see if he'd have the slightest regret for handing her the umbrella. She waited to see if he'd come running back and snatch the umbrella away from her. She waited and waited but after a while, he was gone without so much of a glance back.
Hyun Ji knew she should have ran after him. She knew she should've at least tried to share the umbrella with him. She knew she was being unreasonably cold to the guy who sincerely cared for her no matter how little he knew of her. Even though she was aching to go after him, even though she was aching to try and open up, she couldn't. It just wasn't that easy.
People were better off not knowing about her or her family. Hyun Ji moved to Jeonju to start anew and forget her life back in Busan. So why was her past coming back to haunt her?
Hyun Ji had searched everywhere only to find no traces of him anywhere. With the umbrella in her hand, Hyun Ji stood in front of the one and only place she had yet to search - the canteen. Hyun Ji knew he was in there. She knew he was at his usual table. She knew she had to return that umbrella. Therefore, she held out her hand and was about to push the door open when something dawned on her.
If she were to walk in and pass him the umbrella, she was aware of the kind of unwanted attention she'd be attracting from other students. She was aware that she'd no longer be invisible. She was aware that the effort she had put into making people ignore her would be a waste.
Hyun Ji withdrew her hand and took a step back. She didn't want to risk it. She had done so much just so she could be where she was then and she wasn't willing to throw all of that away. Turning around, she was about to walk away and pretend as though that didn't happen when a figure stood in front of her. Her eyes fell upon a pair of sneakers that struck her as a familiar sighting. Slowly looking up, her eyes met another pair.
They stood there staring at each other until his attention was drawn away by the umbrella in her hand. He tilted his head in recognition. There was only one person who would own an umbrella with the logo of 'Miami Heat' on it.
"Doesn't that umbrella belong to Jin hyung?" Namjoon asked as he pointed at it. Hyun Ji nodded slowly as she contemplated her next move. Eventually, she came to a decision.
"Sunbae, can you help me pass it to him?" Hyun Ji asked. Her voice was really soft but it was audible enough for Namjoon to hear what she was saying. Namjoon remained silent for a while as he stared at Hyun Ji with unreadable eyes. Hyun Ji was growing slightly uncomfortable with the lingering silence between the two and the fact that he was staring at her with an expressionless face.
Just as Hyun Ji was about to take back her request, he nodded and held out his hand. Hyun Ji hadn't expected that kind of reaction from him but she handed him the umbrella anyway. Thanking him, she walked past him and was about to head to class when she was stopped.
"Hyun Ji-ah," Turning around to look at him, Hyun Ji tried to read his face but once again, she failed.
"Why?" Namjoon paused and just as she was about to say something, he asked, "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
Hyun Ji stood there staring at him and he did the same. Once again, a moment of silence fell upon the two as Hyun Ji replayed his question in her mind in an attempt to find an answer. Tearing away from his eyes, she looked down and gave her answer a thought before looking up to meet his eyes again.
Looking at him with glazed eyes, Hyun Ji said, "Some things are better off unknown." Turning around, she walked off.
"You're not a thing though." Those words made her stop in her tracks. They were simple words but the impact they had on her was big. Hyun Ji tried to find the words to counter his comment but ended up walking away instead.
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Jin's laughter was interrupted by a tap to his shoulder. Turning around, Jin saw Namjoon holding out his hand and in it was Jin's umbrella.
"She told me to pass it to you," Namjoon said casually. Jin stared at the umbrella for a moment as thoughts ran across his mind. He felt a tinge of annoyance as he took the umbrella from Namjoon's hand and headed towards the doors of the canteen. Meanwhile, the rest of his friends stared as the doors closed behind him.
Exchanging glances with one another, Jungkook turned to Namjoon and asked, "Should we check on him?"
Namjoon shook his head and said, "He wouldn't like that."
"How would you know?" Taehyung asked, without any intention of sounding rude.
Namjoon shrugs. "I just do."
Jin went from one class to another in search of Hyun Ji but he found no traces of her. Just then, a thought flashed in his mind. He knew exactly where she'd be. Heading towards that one particular classroom, he peered into the window. His instincts were right because Hyun Ji was at her seat, looking through that sketchbook of hers.
Jin was prepared to confront her.
Why couldn't she just pass it to me on her own? Why did she have to ask Namjoon to do it? Why is it that she can talk to Namjoon but avoids me? Why is she acting this way?
Jin was about to head for the door of the art room when a particular memory replayed in his mind.
Silence filled the air for a second or two before Jin finally spoke, his tone calmer, "You want me to act as though you're non-existent?"
Looking up, he met her eyes. His eyes were glazed, unreadable but at the same time, so fearful.
"Answer me, Hyun Ji." he said, his tone carefully controlled. Something about his tone was different and Hyun Ji could tell.
"Yes," she said. The silence dragged on before Hyun Ji spoke once more, "It'll make both our lives easier."
For once, I should do as she says. Jin thought to himself. Turning away, he headed towards the basketball court instead, feeling rather bitter.
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Jin furrowed his brows. Throughout basketball practice, Jimin had seemed out of place. He was often caught daydreaming and Jin had to remind him to be alert. That was unusual because Jimin had always been alert and focused during practices. If Taehyung had attended practice, Taehyung too would've noticed Jimin's peculiar behavior.
Whenever the ball was passed to Jimin, it would take him a while to decide his next move and by the time that happened, the ball had already been taken away from his possession. Jimin's mind was always lurking elsewhere and Jin knew it just by the look on the younger's face.
Once practice had ended, Jin approached Jimin and beckoned the younger to follow him. Sitting down on one of the benches at the side of the basketball court, Jin patted the spot next to him, gesturing for the younger to sit down.
"So what's up?" Jin asked, turning to look at the younger.
"What do you mean?" the younger asked in return.
"Throughout practice, you were in your own world. You reacted slowly and you seemed out of place. It's unusual because you've never acted in such a manner during practices. What's been bothering you?" the older asked. He could tell how hesitant Jimin was to answer his question. Jimin had his head hung low and he was playing with his fingers.
"Nothing's been bothering me. I guess I was just tired. I didn't have enough sleep last night," the younger said though the first half of his words were merely lies. Seeing that the older wasn't buying it, Jimin met Jin's eyes and plastered a fake smile on his face.
"I'm fine, really," the younger had said, wishing those words would come true. Jin was still not buying Jimin's words but as worried as he was, Jin didn't want to pester Jimin into telling him something Jimin didn't want to talk about. Jin knew how that felt like. Heaving a sigh, Jin nodded.
"Alright then. Even though I know that you're lying, I won't pester you. Just know that if you ever need someone to talk to, you can come to me. I'll give you some space, alright?" the elder said as he stood up, turned to look at the younger one last time, and left the basketball court. Jimin watched as Jin's figure disappeared from his sight. Heaving a sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair.
I'm sorry, Hyung. I really am. Jimin thought to himself as he curled into a ball. I just miss her, a lot. I want her back.
Jimin stood up and picked up a basketball which happened to be lying on the floor. Going to one end of the basketball court, Jimin dribbled towards the other end and as he neared the net, he jumped and threw the ball towards towards the net. As he watched the ball bounced off the rim of the net, Jimin collapsed to the floor at the same moment the ball had landed on the floor.
He stared blankly at nothing in particular, unsure of what to do.
Jimin needed to talk but he didn't know what to say. He needed to cry but he didn't know how to let the tears flow. He wanted to live but he didn't know if he had the courage to face another day.
Jimin was in pain but nobody knew.
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Hyun Ji heaved a sigh as she went for her usual night walk. Her mind was filled with tangled thoughts revolving around Jin and Namjoon. Her conversation with Namjoon was like a broken record in her head. Then there was the incident between her and Jin earlier on in the morning. Hyun Ji was more than grateful for his kind gesture but she was also angry at herself for not having the guts to return him his umbrella on her own or to even thank him.
Hyun Ji knew Jin was outside the art room earlier on during recess. She had seen his figure peeking into the window, from the corner of her eyes. She knew he wanted to confront her and she fairly well what it was about. But when Jin walked away instead of barging into the classroom, Hyun Ji was taken aback. She figured that the only reason he hadn't questioned her was because she told him to pretend as though she was non-existent. Hyun Ji should've been relieved that he hadn't confronted her. She should've been glad he listened to her words. So why did she feel regretful instead? Why did she have every urge to take back her words?
Why do I keep pushing people away?
Hyun Ji stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jacket as she heaved another sigh. Looking straight, her train of thoughts was cut off the moment she spotted a figure that resembled Howon sitting on the bench.
That's weird. He's early today. Hyun Ji thought as she made her way towards the bench. Just as she reached the bench, Howon turned to meet her eyes.
A smile soon made its way across his face as he said, "Hey."
Hyun Ji didn't reply but gave him a mere nod as she sat down next to him. She wanted to ask him the reason behind his early appearance but decided not to and remained silent as she stared at the sky. Howon was used to her silence. He was used to her lack of responses but he was glad she hadn't stopped coming to the park bench despite his constant appearances. Howon knew she'd let her walls down soon enough. He just had to be patient.
Looking at the sky, he smiled.
"From young, I've been interested in astronomy. I'd often spend my nights looking at the stars to see if I could spot any constellations. I didn't have a telescope though, and I still don't have one but that's okay since I don't actually need one to be able to spot some constellations," Howon said, gaining Hyun Ji's attention.
"Have you ever gone stargazing before?" he asked, turning to look at her. Hyun Ji simply shook her head, earning a smile from Howon. Not long after, he pointed towards a particular area in the sky.
"That, right there, is called an Andromeda." Hyun Ji followed the direction he was pointing at only to see a few stars scattered about and not the constellation. Realizing that Hyun Ji wasn't able to spot it, Howon chuckled and with his finger, he outlined the constellation. Right then, Hyun Ji was able to see it.
"It's named after the daughter of Cassiopeia. Andromeda had been chained to a rock to be eaten by a sea monster by the name of Cetus." Upon hearing the last part, her eyes widened as she stared at Howon.
"Of course, that's just a myth," he said as he let out a chuckle, amused by Hyun Ji's reaction. Hyun Ji couldn't help but to laugh along because that boy was one heck of a contagious person. The laughter soon died down as both continued to stare at each other, their smiles never fading. That was until Howon spoke.
"I've never noticed that your eyes were emerald green. That's rare. Did you get it from your mother or your father?" Just like that, the smile on Hyun Ji's face faded and so did the sparkle in her eyes as she directed her gaze elsewhere. Howon noticed her sudden change in demeanor and knew he had made a mistake.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean to point it out," he said as he rubbed the back of his head. Seeing that she wasn't responding, Howon felt guilty. Not wanting to annoy her further, he looked away and directed his gaze towards the sky. Silence filled the air for quite a while but it was soon broken by Hyun Ji.
"My father." Startled by her voice, Howon woke up from his reverie and turned to her.
"Huh?"
"I got my eye color from my father," Hyun Ji said as she raised her head and met his gaze. Within seconds, the smiles on both faces returned as both spent the night stargazing. Right then, Howon knew that it was the start of their friendship.
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